After what happened at the GuanYin Temple, when the Cultivation world was rocked by terrible revelations, and those who were trusted became scandalous rogues overnight, criminals instead of heroes, and the Yiling Patriarch was no longer a bad guy supposedly, things became far more murky.

Instead of solid lines drawn in the dirt, where something was good and something else was bad, confusion added to rumours and the situation was made worse.

Now, Wei Ying did not mind this.

He was used to people slandering him anyway and he tried not to let it affect him. In that, he was in control of his own mind and for the most part, he ignored those that wanted to outright harm him.

He thought there was a lot of smoke without fire and Wei Ying began to get restless.

He wasn't even sure why he was feeling this way; there wasn't anything definitely to blame. No reason he could attribute to feeling unwanted.

Lan Zhan, in the beginning, told him that it wasn't safe for Wei Ying to wander about, especially if people still regarded him as a threat.

But as the days went by, and Lan Zhan began spending more time away from him, Wei Ying began to feel as if he was a burden.

Maybe this was in part due to how he'd been raised in Lotus Pier; Madam Yu certainly never held back, telling him how grateful he should be not to still be out on the streets.

And Lan Zhan never said anything that amounted to a direct request to stay, and these days because of XiChen retiring to a life of seclusion, he was busier than ever. His days began when Wei Ying was asleep and he sometimes even arrived later back to the Jingshi, so that Wei Ying had fallen asleep.

There were night hunts with the ducklings, and Wei Ying spent time with SiZhui, but the shadows around his Soul became ever darker.

One day, Wei Ying had a run in with an angry Uncle Qiren.

Like a string pulled too tight, Wei Ying stood in front of the older man, listening to him read down a memorised list of everything he deemed was wrong with Wei Ying and he knew the time had come to leave.

The tears…they came anyway.

Wei Ying was used to things being given to him and then just like that, those same things were whisked away, as if the person who gave them to him was living in regret.

And Wei Ying understood that out of all the emotions in the world, that was the one he would not be able to see in Lan Zhan's eyes.

It would kill him.

So he walked quickly to the Jingshi, brushing away too much moisture that had no business gathering in his eyes.

He was looking down and didn't see SiZhui, who was coming towards him.

"Xian-Gege…. What's wrong?" The boy says.

Wei Ying is mortified.

He doesn't want to explain. For him, it is a common occurrence and it would be humiliating to have to tell the kid that he himself isn't wanted around any longer.

So what if Uncle Qiren had been shocked at his hasty exit, it wasn't as if the words once spoken could be erased.

So he plants the biggest smile he can manage on his face and refuses to make eye contact, because that would give the game away.

He pretends he's tired of staying here, in a place that might have welcomed him before, but now he knows without a doubt that it was only a dream. A mirage that existed only in the dessert of his mind.

And so he says to SiZhui, "look after yourself and your father, when I am not here. I've always had a wandering heart, and it wants to leave now."

There is no point in blaming anyone, just to cause bad feelings, and Wei Ying is aware of the close relationship between Uncle Qiren and his nephews. He is not a troublemaker despite his reputation.

"But Xian-Gege…" he doesn't call him Wei QIANBEI, but Wei Ying is too distressed to notice, too busy with his facade.

"Hm?" Wei Ying pauses out of politeness, his heart breaking again and again.

Out of all the people he was going to miss, this little lad was one of them.

It's hard to keep the smile on, to look as if he didn't have a care in the world… but he manages it.

"Won't you tell A-Die?"

Those four words are barbed, cutting into his heart like a hot knife through butter.

"He's busy." Wei Ying says, aiming for nonchalance.

The hand on his arm, the tears that fall from both their eyes, splashing onto their robes, all of that is real.

"But A-Die will worry if you leave without saying anything. He will be upset." SiZhui is trying his best to stop this man from leaving.

He doesn't understand anything except that it hurts, and if it's hurting him this much, then what will happen to his father?

"I shall write him a letter." This decision feels like a lifeline.

"Coward." SiZhui is horrified at himself. "I didn't mean it!" He cries out, straight after that word leaves his lips.

His hands clutch empty air, trying to hold onto Wei Ying, but it is like trying to hold onto water.

The hurt is like a flash of pain, a drop of dye in milk, before it disappears completely, from those clear silver eyes, ones that have always seen too much, too honestly.

But if there's one thing Wei Ying is completely sure of, it's his inability to say these words to Lan Zhan. He cannot say, "I am leaving."

He would rather cut off his arm than hurt the man who he is slowly realising means the most to him.

The only problem is, Lan Zhan doesn't feel the same, otherwise he would have said something.

Anything.

Yet again, Wei Ying is surrounded by murky waters and nothing is clear.

Uncle Qiren accused Wei Ying of standing in Lan Zhan's way, preventing him from marriage and providing an heir.

Wei Ying had only just stopped himself from mentioning SiZhui…and now? Now, he just felt tired. He was exhausted.

His solution was to leave and then everyone would be able to get on with their lives.

So the smile becomes even brighter and he even makes himself hug this little boy, who seems to be happier here.

He has structure, a family, a place to call his own, and all of that is more than whatever Wei Ying can provide.

Wei Ying pats his head and now it's SiZhui who can't let him go.

Wei Ying is worried that if this takes any longer, he will have to break the wards after curfew and leave like a thief in the night.

He pats SiZhui's head slowly.

This boy has his own fragrance, a mix of sandalwood and lotus flowers…and it feels like home.

"It's okay, A-Yuan. And you're right. I feel like a coward…anyway…staying will only drag this out." Wei Ying feels like his heart is heavier than a ball and chain around his feet.

He hurries away and reaches the Jingshi.

It's easy to collect his things, it's just talisman paper and some ink, just in case he runs into trouble.

But when he turns around, there is Lan Zhan.

Those golden eyes watch him, shuttered for now and Lan Zhan is hiding his feelings.

"SiZhui told me." He says.

When did they become this formal with each other? Wei Ying doesn't know how to explain it.

This is how they are with one another and neither knows how to change it.

Lan Zhan enters his home and already, it seems to have shrunk. Wei Ying looks around, trying not to let his feelings show.

Lan Zhan comes to stand right next to him. He presses a pouch of silver into Wei Ying's hand, and for some reason, it makes him feel even worse.

He tries to brush it off and give the pouch back, but Lan Zhan isn't done.

His golden eyes are resigned, as if he was just waiting for Wei Ying to leave. As if he dared not say anything contrary to that.

"Promise me." He stops talking and Wei Ying's head shoots up in alarm.

"Anything." Wei Ying says. But even as that word leaves his lips, he knows it's an empty promise. He resolves to stick with a shake or a nod instead. He needs to learn how to protect himself this way now.

Lan Zhan isn't saying anything.

That in itself, is more worrying.

There's a difference between a Lan Zhan who refuses to speak and the one who can't find the words.

"Promise me, you will write to me." He finally says. There is desperation in his tone.

Lan Zhan knows that this is it. He may never meet Wei Ying again and yet his hands are tied.

Wei Ying has always been a free spirit, a traveller on the wind. And Lan Zhan has always felt sadly unable to keep up.

To confine him, to restrain him against his will…it is an unthinkable punishment and Lan Zhan forever walks under the umbrella of the past, when he wanted to bring Wei Ying back to Gusu.

His offers were rejected and no explanation given.

If anything, he must be grateful for the time Wei Ying gave him and not be greedy for more.

But he never knew how hard it was going to be.

His footsteps shadow Wei Ying's, and they walk together towards the ivory pillars of Cloud Recesses.

They have so much history together and all Lan Zhan wants to do is hold him. Hug him, plead with him not to leave…but if Wei Ying wanted to stay, then he wouldn't be leaving now.

Lan Zhan knows that he cannot watch Wei Ying walk away from him. He's not that strong and already his heart is shattering with every step.

So when Wei Ying turns around, there is no one there.

One last goodbye and that too was taken away from him.

Wei Ying strides away as fast as he can, and this time, he doesn't look back.

Rain starts to fall, nothing heavy but it weighs on his mind anyway, and Wei Ying seeks shelter in Caiyi Town just to avoid getting ill.

It feels like an anticlimax, his leaving Cloud Recesses, and it's a relief too, all rolled into one.

The days pass by and Wei Ying's feet take him further and further away.

He has never been able to remain idle though and work is plenty. Initially he had worried about whether his money would run out.

But somehow, there was always food available, and if he was lucky, a hot meal and a bed.

A week passed by before he remembered his promise.

So one night, he sits by a small table, watching the dwindling candlelight and thinks about what to write.

This letter is sent and Wei Ying doesn't wait for a reply. It had taken him most of the night to formulate some kind of information and he wasn't proud of the results either.

He finds it easier to send a list.

Not of what he needs, or would like, but of everything that happens to him. It doesn't feel as if he's the one writing it either, but it feels like writer's block and Wei Ying has no desire to explore this particular blockage.

Exactly one month later, he hears a rumour.

There's to be a marriage held in Cloud Recesses.

That's the first night he drinks himself into oblivion.

**********

The letters are by no means on time or equal in the duration it takes to reach him, but Lan Zhan finally has something to look forward to.

He is busier than ever, what with the upcoming celebrations and yet, he will put everything aside for one of those letters.

It's quite by accident that he finds out about Uncle Qiren.

And like a loosely woven sack, once he unwinds the single thread, he slowly understands what might have happened.

And then he talks to SiZhui.

SiZhui, who has been avoiding him ever since Wei Ying left, suddenly can't stop talking and Lan Zhan waits impatiently, while his son cries and through snotty tears, tells his father what happened.

SiZhui is hugged and then Lan Zhan sets out.

One mistake after another, one misunderstanding after another, all piled up upon the head of his Wei Ying, and Lan Zhan has never regretted his silence more than now.

But one thing he knows for sure: he's going to make this right.

*********

Wei Ying learns how therapeutic it is to write…and how much easier his letters are to actually write, when he's completely drunk.

Drinking is an expensive hobby, but Wei Ying decides that he can work harder, and an uncertain truce is born.

He can keep his promises to write and he has no idea where the letters go.

He's optimistic that they are getting lost, and since he hears nothing from Lan Zhan, it's a safe assumption.

The drinking really helps because then he doesn't have to think about Lan Zhan, or how he's missed his chance, even if he was never going to do anything about it.

Uncle Qiren had spelled it out in the end, and Wei Ying wasn't about to forget that lesson in a hurry.

Dear Lan Zhan,

I can write that because the chances of your seeing this letter are oddly in my favour.

Wei Ying likes the fact that when he's drunk, he doesn't have to think about what to write and that makes everything so much more bearable. His words flow from his heart, and in the morning, when he wakes up, it's no longer his problem.

When night falls, he repeats everything he did from the day before and it becomes a cyclic wheel.

Dear Lan Zhan,

I love you so much and I don't want you to worry about me. I can't make it to your wedding because I just can't do it. But if there is anyone in the world who deserves to be happy, then that person is you.

I promised to write, not to send.

I can't send these letters…they're not even worth the parchment they're written on…and one day, I hope you'll understand.

I'm just a drop in your ocean and pretty soon, you won't even remember me.

Wei Ying sees the words swimming in front of his eyes and he thinks, right, time to call it a night.

He passes out on the sack in the corner, completely hammered.

The next thing he knows, he's being shaken awake.

"Master Wei, please, you have to come!! There's a vengeful spirit lurking in the field and we need your help!" The farmer sounds panicky and desperate.

Wei Ying hasn't slept off the alcohol properly yet, but he knows he has to help.

*******

Lan Zhan has found an unlikely, unknown person who is just as desperate to help him find Wei Ying.

He doesn't know the identity of this person yet, but ever since the letters stopped coming, and straight after that, the sudden deluge is leading him to think he has an ally.

The content is becoming more and more honest, a far cry from the ones he received right at the start, but then these are even more heartbreaking.

He knows he has to find Wei Ying and soon, and he cannot believe they were both so silly.

From now on, he's never going to jump to asinine assumptions, if he has doubts, he is going to address them full on, and hopefully, he'll be able to provide Wei Ying with a safe harbour to do the same.

Another thing he's sure of, is that when he finds Wei Ying, he's never going to let him go again.

It's the middle of the light when Lan Zhan reaches the little village out of the way.

He just has a feeling, nothing more, that Wei Ying is close by.

He's too excited to sleep, so he decides to take a walk, even if it's in the middle of the night.

And it's just by luck that he hears that familiar melody playing.

His feet are running towards the sound even before he's aware of what he's doing and then suddenly, he's right in the thick of a fight.

There are two vicious ghosts and it takes both ChenQing and WangJi to take them down and put them to rest.

Wei Ying passes out immediately after that, and luckily, Lan Zhan manages to catch him.

The farmer shows Lan Zhan to Wei Ying's room and while Lan Zhan is appalled, it's also the middle of the night and lodgings will be hard to find.

So he lays his precious man on the rough sacks, promising himself that from now on, Wei Ying will only ever have soft mattresses to sleep on.

But he makes a point of letting Wei Ying rest on Lan Zhan more than the floor and he feels better about that now.

Sleep comes swiftly for him too, without any further disturbance.

**********

When Wei Ying wakes up the next morning, he is surprised to feel warm for a change.

And way more comfortable.

But he stiffens when warm lips rest on his forehead.

Wei Ying isn't sure if he should open his eyes now, because he may be in a compromising position and worse than that, he has no recollection of the previous night's happenings.

"Wei Ying. It is alright."

The best voice in the world…

It's Lan Zhan!

But then, is he really here? Or is this just a terrible dream because his mind has finally decided to let go?

And now, as more of his consciousness returns, Wei Ying can smell gorgeous sandalwood.

He cannot help but take deep breaths of it, and then just as suddenly, his nose comes into contact with smooth, soft skin.

The quiet humming laugh fills his heart with joy.

And then reality crashes into his thoughts.

Lan Zhan is getting married.

Wei Ying should not be anywhere near him.

Quick as a flash, Wei Ying pushes away, muttering apologies left, right and centre, too panicked to understand what was going on and too scared to actually listen.

So Lan Zhan has to take matters into his own hands.

He pushes back with all of his weight until silver eyes are startled, looking up at him, under his own body.

Wei Ying can't move.

"Lan Zhan…you can't be here!" He whispers, a broken sob leaving without permission from those same lips.

"Why not?" Lan Zhan replies, leaning down to place a soft, chaste kiss on his forehead.

"But…you're supposed to get married." The words are out and hanging in between them before Wei Ying can stop himself.

Lan Zhan reaches into his robes and pulls out thirty odd parchment papers, all with the same writing on them.

To his shock, Wei Ying's eyes, those beautiful, shining stars fill with water and he starts to cry.

"Wei Ying. It was never my wedding. It is XiChen. He's getting married. We are free. We can love each other." His hands reach down and clasp Wei Ying's hand, bringing it to his lips.

But Wei Ying's tears don't dry, if anything, his face is even wetter now.

And yet, he refuses to say anything about Uncle Qiren.

Lan Zhan beats him to it.

"I know what SiZhui said to you. I know what Uncle said to you, too. Did you think I wouldn't find out?" As if his lips need to be touching Wei Ying in some way, Lan Zhan gives up and lets them rest on his smooth skin.

"But…but…I don't understand." Wei Ying's voice betrays his confusion.

"Wei Ying…I love you. I have always loved you. And if you don't want to go back to Cloud Recesses, that's alright as well. We can live together. By ourselves. Nothing can stop us." Lan Zhan tells him confidently.

His voice is warm and gentle and full of love.

"How?"

Wei Ying is nothing if not practical.

He's been disappointed far too many times to believe something just because once again, it has been offered.

But this is Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan hasn't really lied to him.

Still, Wei Ying is scared.

"I read your letters and I realised that we are both fools. Me, for thinking you would never want to settle down in one place…. and you for thinking I was letting you go, willingly." Lan Zhan hugs him tightly. "Whatever it takes for you to believe me, I want to show you everything."

"I don't dare to hope." Wei Ying says.

His heart is refusing to lie now, and his lips are in cahoots.

"Then let me do it for both of us. I love you. I don't want anyone else but you." Lan Zhan promises him.

And then, when he gets the chance, he swoops in and captures Wei Ying's lips.

This kiss….it is everything.

It promises Wei Ying stability, it vows to give him a home, and much more importantly than any of those things, it gives him an oath of love.

As Lan Zhan deepens the kiss, he can feel Wei Ying slowly but surely accept his love.

In the days and weeks and months to come, Lan Zhan is going to spend each moment banishing the shadows from Wei Ying's love, so that they can finally be free.

THE END

A/N

Dear lovely readers,

Second offering before I actually get on a plane.

See you soon, my lovelies!

Charlie