This is a crack. Imma turn things upside down. But for the demon's wolf dis time. Heuheuheu. Dats about it. That is all. Slight warning: there is be 1 paragraph that doesn't really need to be there but it's just there to confuse people because this is a crack. XD. Anyways, enjoy ! ♡♡

BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK

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Sounds of the wolves... wait... wolves? But that's.. Gabe the dog!!!!! This is the demon's wolf. Not the demon's gabe XD. Go back to your owner little one ♡. I am irithel. The host of this show, Cooking with Leo. Today, we are making...

IRITHEL GET BAK HERE TIS NOT UR SHOW.

"Kay.." she said, packin' her stoof.

Now that that's out of the way, let's get on with the story! This time the narator will beeee.......

Drumroll pleaaaseee!!!

LAYLA!

Layla:Hi! I am the narator. I did not sign up for this. I am forced.

Naaahh you totally sign up for this, everyone wants to be the narator.

Layla: no. Litterally everyone ran away when you--

Ohh.. i see you're defying me. I guess you don't want your gun and your cowboy after all. PREPARE THE TRASH COMPACTOR.

Layla: oh shit. Okay okay. I totally sign up for this.

That's more like it.

Ok leggo. For real dis time.

"Ahh... what a relaxing night. Maybe i might go stargaze. Even though i litterally have nowhere to go and i always stargaze. But for the sake of the author's liquid mind it's going to make sense." The little girl said, while walking into a deep, magical forest that a wide field lies on the end of the forest. "Im not a little girl. I AM AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN." Said the girl angrily at the narator. She continued walking through the forest, admirinh the beautiful view provided by none other than mother nature herself. "What did someone mentioned me?" A woman dressed in a.... flower....? Oh right. Aurora's in her flower freak costume. "Rude." The flower said. "I am a guardian of the land of dawn you ass. Ill freeze you." Says the scary flower lady. But back to the main topic in hand, as Ruby walked through the forest, she heard a howl. "Goddamnit another stupid wolf... ughh". She ran towards the source of the sound and found the wolf.... dead?? "Huh? It's dead... but there's no blood.... no wound either. I wonder what killed it? How did it die?" Ruby wanders poking the dead wolf with her schyte.
Suddenly a man in blue, appeared out of nowhere. "Oh hello ms, what are you doing poking that wolf?" Says the man that looks awfully suspicious. "Oh.. it's nothing, i just happen to walk by and heard a howl. Im a wolf hunter so i thought i'd kill it cuz... why not?" Says the girl. "By the way.. do you happen to know how this wolf died? It can't just lie here unconcious by itself now can it?" Said the girl, curious about the wolf's death. "Uhh. Uhmm sorry. No clue. Bye" said the man again, being ever so suspicious. But weirdly, (is that even a word? Lmao idk XD) he just vanished....

DUN DUN DUN

and what was seen left was a slight sight of what looks like a little black birb? 'What was that? Where did he go?' She thought confused of the bizzare event that just happened.

TIME SKIP ENTERTAINMENT!!

Before we continue, let's play a game! Find: '.' in all these ','.

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There are three dots. Find them all!!

That took a while. My thumb slightly hurts XD but enough of this leggo bak to the story!

Ruby does not really have a home, so all she did was wander around, helping people. Which sounds nice right? What a nice thing to do. But deep down, she was sad. And lonely. She also wanted to have someone to be with. Not all alone wandering around like a stray dog. She wanted friends, or a family. People that can cure her loneliness. Ever since her grandparents died, she became.... broken... almost insane even. Witnessing the death of someone you loved dearly can broke almost everyone. Yet she still wants everyone to have a better story. She wants ro help people so that they can't end up like her. But no one has ever been there for her, which is what breaks her more. But she held it in.

Ever since that day when she met the mysterious man in blue, she always sees corpses. Not humans though. Corpses of animals, but they have no wounds. They looked like.. they died of blood lost. But there was no wound whatsoever. And weirdly enough, almost everyone has a..... discount coupon....???? Those events was confusing her.. what is causing all this? This have never happened before...

One night, when Ruby was walking around the same forest in the 9th paragraph, she heard yet another howl. She immidiately run towards the sound, as she kept getting closer and closer, it was still howling but when she almost got there, the howl changed into a cry. A cry as if the wolf is dying. She immidiately stepped out of the forest to investigate the noise. When she got out, she saw a man. That kinda looks like the man  in blue she saw also here. But this man was in red. His appearance is very....... gothic? Kinda reminds her of a vampire.......

"Oh shit. Sir, are you drinking that wolf's blood? Are you a vampire?" She blurted those out those words without thinking. "Crap. Uhhh you did not see anything. Begone human. Begone!" The man said. Trying to command Ruby to leave XD. "Im not stupid y'know. And that's cool. I rarely see a vampire walkin round these days. Are you the one behind the corpses lying around in the forest?" She asked demandning answers to her questions. "Yeah.  Im also the one who gives discounts." He said. "Wait what?" Ruby asked in confusion. "Allow me to introduce myself.
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I am viscount
I give discounts
Cuz u can't counts
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(Sorry the last one didn't make sense XD i ran out of ideas XD)

"........" silence filled the air. Uhhmmm to cringy?" Said viscount. And suddenly ruby bursts out laughing. "Ahahhahahaha you're funny XD did you really give people discount coupons? Where did you even get a bunch of those? XD" she said giggling at viscount's introduction. "Yeah of course, im a discount vampire. When i feed i get discount coupons. I don't really need them so i just gave them all away. Here, you want one?" He said while giving her a coupon. "Oh and you can call me alucard instead. That's my human name."

"Oh. Thanks alu ! I'll be sure to use it sometimes XD and thank you for helping me decrease the population of wolves here XD" Ruby said giving him a beautiful smile that melts his heart completely. (God i envy you rubs...)

Okay... you know what? This is not cracky enough. This sounds like a normal fanfic. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

SUDDENLY A DRAGON APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!!

(XDD. Im sorry XD i had to XD because i ship this. I need tk include this XD😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂)

Layla:okay the script is... oh God... what a turn of events XD

Fk:i kno. Imma genius XD

"Holy cow. What the hell is happening? Are you the one behind this too?" Said the girl. The dragon was huge it wasn't really attacking anyone though. "Uhmmm no. That's not my doing." Alu answered kinda confused. 'Dang that dragon looks kinda hot' he thought as he admired the dragon. Each scales was brautiful. The colours match perfectly, and it was majestic. That dragon reminded him of someone. Someone he used to love. He was mezmerized by it's beauty. But then he messed up. The dragon got tired of flying. So it landed near Ruby and Alu. Alu wanted to come closer. But he did not watch his steps... he stepped on the dragon's tail.

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRR RRRRRREEEEEEOOOOOOOOORRWWWWWWWW

(I did not know how dragons sound so i just put in multiple sounds XD)

The dragon was pissed. It began to attack Ruby. Yes Ruby, not Alucard, but Ruby. "AAAAAHHH ALU HELP!" Ruby screamed as the dragon picked him up, even though he didn't want to hurt the dragon, he had to save Ruby. He quickly took out his sword and pokes the dragon's hand causing it to let go of Ruby, causing Ruby to fall off. Alu quickly catches her before she can fall to her death.

"Ah... t.. thanks...."  she was never saved by someone before. She was never saved by anyone. She felt happy, for once. But the dragon became furious, it started to attack Alucard as well. But Alucard did not want to hurt the dragon, as he felt it was wrong. That dragon really reminded him of someone. Before the dragon can hit Alu, a ship stabs the dragon's heart, causing it to growl in pain as he was slowly dying. "Whoops my bad sorry i did not see the dragon." Bane said. "LE GASP!!!!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the hot vampire screamed until he was crying, he just remembered that the dragon reminded him of his lover. But now he has lost _____ yet again....

BUT SUDDENLY, SPARKLES ARE EVERYWHEEEERREEE!!!

The dragon turned into a human being, a man to be precise. (Don't worry he's not naked.) A man with long brown hair, can be seen lying on the ground. "Z..... Zilong...?" Alu said in disbelief. His lover.... was alive?

Layla: Oh my God i love this XD 😂😂😂😂 if alu were to read this he would flip XD

Fk: Told ya you'd enjoy it XD

Layla: XD can i do this again next time?

Fk: no. Get back to work.

Layla: kay....

Meanwhile, Ruby was confused. "What the hell?" She said while picking herself up after Alu threw her onto the ground when he screamed in agony. "Whoa, the dragon turned into a human? Am i even the spotlight of this ff anymore? XD" She said. Alu blinked his eyes to check if he is really seeing his long lost lover, Zilong. "Z..... Zilong... i... is that really you?" He said, coming closer to the now concious man lying on the ground. "Agh... h.. huh? Wh.. what ha... Alu..?" He said looking at the now crying Alucard. (Oh God i can't stop laughing XD I ship it.. but it's just too hilarious 4 me XD my stomach hurts.. XD)

"Z.. zilong it... it's really you right...?" Alu said. "Yeah of course what're you...   ......!!" He stopped when Alu suddenly hugs him. "WHERE WERE YOU?! I THOUGHT I LOST YOU!" Alu said crying but it was happy tears because he has found his long lost lover again. "I... i believe i was possessed by my corrupt father... (pretend his father is evil) and ... i can't really break free.. thank you for freeing me.. im sorry for worrying you... alu.." He said, as they cuddled for a while.

Meanwhile, Ruby... was touched by the romantic yet sentimental scene that she just witnessed. She now also believed that she too can find happiness. And so can you! So get yourself a dragon to kill for only $99.99!! and meet your true love now!

This story was sponsored by: i am no longer single company.

XD

Idk where i got that idea btw XD. It just popped into my mind XD.

Yeah. So that was the crack! XD it's gonna be a thing in this book, a real fic then followed by a crack version XD. Because imma try be a wee bit different than other authors XD. next up will probably be estesxalice and maaaayyybeee cyley. After that, imma accept requests. That is all. Ty for readin this useless fic XD. I hope this can make you laugh and make your day better. XD if the jokes aren't fumny then you can laugh at the author's failure at being funny XD. again, thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed.

~~~~~~~FLUFFY AWAY!!!~~~~~~~