thirty six
————

that night, draco slept over at the gryffindor dorms again. he'd insisted it was necessary considering harry was still unwell and he would never be able to rest knowing he'd left such an idiotic boy to take care of himself. harry had half the mind to punch him for that, but he'd been far too tired, and had settled for a scowl and a scathing remark that draco easily shrugged off.

the other boys said nothing about it. they seemed to have accepted draco as someone who meant no harm despite their past animosity. harry was happy that his friends had managed to establish some semblance of trust with draco, and that the blond seemed comfortable there.

the night was spent peacefully, and harry suffered no nightmares, just vague dreams with no coherency.

when he woke up the next morning, he was nestled in draco's arms, the both of them unharmed and draco blissfully calm in sleep.

for the most part, he felt fine. fatigue still lingered like an especially clingy lover, resting in his heavy bones and dragging his lids down over his bleary eyes, and he had a headache and a chill, but his symptoms had disappeared and his fever had long since broken. physically, he was perfectly well. or at least well enough to attend classes, which he supposed was a good thing. he'd missed a good chunk of important information being absent only one day, and he couldn't afford to fall back any more.

he was the first one awake. though he was still woozy and his vision a little smeared at the edges, he didn't want to wake draco and ask him for help. he looked too peaceful, and after looking after harry so dutifully, he needed proper rest. the others too had been burdened by his little freak out and needed the sleep. and seamus and dean looked so cute, tangled together beneath the covers of dean's bed, harry couldn't have woken them if he'd wanted to.

he slipped from draco's arms as best as he could without jostling him. he immediately shivered hard, draco's heat having kept him warm and comfortable throughout the night. still, though his body begged to lay down and succumb to a few more hours of sleep, he headed to the bathroom to bathe and dress.

he managed, though it was a struggle, and he knocked over multiple toiletries and shampoo bottles with his clumsiness and shaking legs. he felt vaguely sick by the time he'd finished showering, and as he clothed himself and brushed his teeth, the nape of his neck prickled and his spine rocked with furious shudders. he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched, that some creature was lurking in the shadows of the bathroom, and if he turned his head, he'd catch a glimpse of a bone white face and scarlet red eyes staring back at him.

he forced himself to remember the truth, remember that voldemort was dead. he'd killed him. he'd watched him disintegrate into black ash, watched him scatter on the wind. voldemort was dead and he wasn't coming back. the past remained the past.

all his friends were fine. draco was fine.

he finished brushing his teeth and propped himself against the sink counter, regaining his breath with a few exercises, forcing his heart back to a normal, healthy tempo.

then he heard draco call for him from outside.

stumbling back into the dormitory, he found draco standing beside the bed, disheveled and disoriented from slumber. his face was twisted in distress, pretty mouth all contorted and eyebrows furrowed, but he softened in relief when he saw harry.

"harry," he sighed. he glided across the room, eagerly wrapping his arms around harry's shoulders and tugging him into a firm embrace. harry sunk into it and breathed in his scent. "what are you doing up?"

"i feel better," harry explained simply, and he offered draco a tired smile. "i have a headache and i'm sort of cold, but otherwise, i'm fine. i'll go to class today."

"mm, baby, are you sure?" draco raised an eyebrow, looking a little disbelieving. harry startled a bit, still not used to being the subject of such soft endearment on draco's tongue.

he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck bashfully, but he still remained stubborn. "i'm sure, draco. who knew you were such a mother hen?"

"well sue me for giving a damn," he teased, moving progressively closer as he spoke. "is the great harry potter too good for me? is it demeaning for the precious golden boy to be looked down on by a malfoy? merlin, how foolish of me to dare—"

"okay, drama queen," harry huffed, rolling his eyes and pushing draco away. the blond's teasing smirk pressed against his cheek and his warm breath fanning across his skin was becoming too much, a blush rapidly rising to his cheeks.

"you know that's not what i meant. i am...really grateful. that you took care of me." he cringed a little in guilt, thinking of how inconveniencing it must have been for draco to put his life on hold just to look after harry, who was so messed up he couldn't even handle a little nightmare.

he saved the wizarding world, but he couldn't even save himself from the sick musings of his own tortured mind.

draco, somehow sensing his mounting distress, quickly pressed his lips to harry's head, thumbing at his temple with the pad of his finger.

"you're thinking too much. don't hurt yourself babe, you know your brain can only take so much before it overloads." he spoke, his words teasing but worry evident in his tone.

"shut up." harry grumbled, but draco was successful in delaying his fall into despair.

"fine," draco huffed. "i suppose i'll allow you to go to class today—"

"allow me—" harry scoffed, but draco plowed on as though he didn't hear him.

"but you need to be careful. don't overdo yourself. don't be stupid. though i suppose you can hardly help that, but do try to maintain even the slightest bit of common sense before you kill yourself."

harry hummed absentmindedly, and draco shot him a stern look.

"fine, fine." he assuaged. draco nodded firmly, pinching his lips into a thin line.

"go sit down somewhere and wait for me, darling," he said, smirking when harry choked at the name. "i'll get ready and take you to breakfast."

"kay." harry mumbled, biting back the argument on the tip of his tongue. draco patted his cheek with a condescending grin and bounced off to the bathroom.

harry sighed, heading down to the common room to wait for him and amusing himself by flipping through the latest copy of the quibbler.

there was nothing much by way of news in it, but there was one article about a peculiar creature harry was sure he'd seen somewhere in the forbidden forest.

before he could get a closer look, ron and hermione emerged from the stairwell.

upon seeing him, they cried out in relief and surged toward him with outstretched hands. he flinched away from them, and they stopped in their tracks, delight slipping from their expressions.

harry suppressed the pang of guilt in his chest and took a moment to gather himself, to remind himself that these were his friends, and they would never hurt him.

he opened his arms in invitation, and they shed the last bits of hesitance and embraced him with all their might. he softened in their arms and let hermione fret over him.

they stared at him with shiny, adoring eyes stark with worry, clean of blood, warm with life, unharmed. they were fine, perfectly fine. no trace of disdain in their eyes nor a scowl in their relieved grins. he hadn't hurt them. he hadn't—

it wasn't his—

his—

he flinched before he could finish the thought.

eventually, draco skipped down the gryffindor staircase. harry never understood why he felt the need to go all out for a normal day at school, but he always dressed as though he were attending a photoshoot. his robes were crisp, his hair styled immaculately, his pink lips shiny from the slick of strawberry gloss. he looked devastatingly pretty, and he seemed to know it, confidence draped across his narrow shoulders, dropping from his every move.

he stood to meet him and draco slung an arm around his waist, eyed his loose tie and ruffled clothing with an air of disapproval, but thankfully said nothing about it. harry let draco guide him through the halls, listened to him converse with ron and hermione and turned his face into draco's shoulder. people eyed them as they walked past, turned their sharp gazes onto each place of contact between them, and yet harry couldn't bring himself to care. they whispered and gossiped, but fatigue clung to his bones, and the after affects of his anxiety attack had left him oddly numb. he clung to draco's warmth, allowed himself a weak chuckle or two in response to his playful jabs, but the buzz of chatter soon became indistinct noise.

at some point they sat down in the great hall, crowded together at the gryffindor table, but harry couldn't remember what he had for breakfast. he just remembered the heat of draco's palm on his lower back, remembered draco shoving food into his mouth.

they must have said goodbye. he must have walked the path to his first class. but he couldn't...couldn't remember. he floated aimlessly, didn't remember his conversations, didn't remember his friends' concerned glances, the worried questions from his professors. during the classes they shared, draco held his hand beneath the desk, stroked his knuckles and whispered things against his cheek, incoherent jokes, incoherent worries, incoherent questions. harry laughed and nodded, but retained nothing. his touch was grounding, forced him to focus on where they came into contact, but when draco wasn't there, he thought of it all over again. he thought of all the blood, scarlet and warm and endless, of empty eyes and pale lips and draco on the bathroom floor, using his last breath for the words, "i hate you."

he thought of the war, and he hated thinking of the war, but he couldn't help it. he remembered the permanent layer of grit he accumulated on his skin whilst on the run, the glow of low lamplight, the sound of the tinny radio droning on and on about death, and death, and more death. he thought of hermione's screaming and ron's sobbing and the world falling apart, the sky caving in. and he was losing his grip on himself, he was floating away, he could barely breathe.

once classes ended, he found himself in the courtyard with no memory of walking there. he was standing in several inches of freezing cold ivory snow, shivering beneath his robes as the cold bit into his flesh and the chill ached in his lungs. it made the pain worse, made him remember the heaviness of his fever and the rasp of his cough, but it was grounding. he walked to the greenhouse, even though he knew draco wasn't there, was probably still inside the castle waiting for him.

the cold seeped further in, held him tight in its unyielding grip.

it was nice. painful, but nice. he stood in the middle of a wide clearing, staring up at the grey sky through the parted branches of dark, bare trees. his cheeks were stinging with a cold induced flush. his lips were quivering, his teeth rattling against each other, and his fingers felt numb by his side. he breathed in, and the heaviness settled, dragged him to the ground.

it was so cold, it almost hurt.

but it also felt soft. like a bed on which he could finally rest.

he closed his eyes and drifted.

———

draco tugged irritably at his tie, striding down the long hogwarts corridor. his class had just finished up and he'd gone to charms to pick up harry, but he hadn't been amongst the clusters of students filing into the hallway, and those he asked said harry had walked off several minutes ago, so he deduced that the stubborn arse had disregarded his instructions to wait for him and wandered off on his own to do merlin knew what. he'd been searching the castle for him for ten minutes now, and had yet to spot him in the crowd. he had far better things to be doing on a thursday evening than chasing down the savior of the wizarding world, but here he was. why he put himself through this would forever be a mystery to him.

worry sat uncomfortably in his stomach. dumb as harry was, even he had to know his own limits, right? he had to know that it was unwise to strain himself after recovering from a bad fever, had to know that it would be stupid to try anything reckless in his current state. and yet draco could not trust that was the case. harry was notoriously idiotic, especially when it came to looking after himself. he had no notion of what he needed, and even when he did, he didn't actually listen to his own body. he would send draco to an early grave at this point. he never thought he could worry so much. he felt like his mother.

he ignored the odd looks a few hufflepuff a shot him as he stormed by, zeroed in on weasley and granger intertangled in the shadows of a moving tapestry near the staircase leading to professor trelawney's tower.

they were seemingly in the midst of some romantic exchange judging by hermione's secretive smirk and rosy cheeks, their close proximity, and the flush of ron's ears. they didn't even notice his arrival, continuing to share their lover's secrets until he cleared his throat and made his presence known.

they jumped apart instantly, startled out of their disgusting stupor. granger had the good sense to look bashful, squirming under draco's intense attention and floundering uselessly for some excuse whilst weasley simply glared at him as though he were the source of all his petty little problems.

"so sorry to interrupt whatever is happening here," he drawled. "but have either of you seen harry? he was supposed to wait for me outside flitwick's classroom but he's mysteriously disappeared."

granger straightened her tie with a discreet cough and forced her eyes to his.

"yes, i've seen him," she announced primly. "he told me he was going to the greenhouse. mentioned something about having to speak with professor sprout."

"professor sprout isn't even in the greenhouse around this time of day," draco sighed, barely resisting face palming. "that idiot, what is he thinking? it's freezing outside."

"oh dear," granger murmured, appearing quite concerned now that draco had brought her missing friend to her attention. "i should have realized...he did look distracted when i asked..."

"yeah, he was pretty out of it," weasley remarked, frowning uncomfortably. "but we were...preoccupied so we didn't think much of it."

draco felt a flare of irritation at that, and a familiar exasperation simmered hot beneath his skin, but he did his best to tamp it down and bite it back. though they should have been far more attentive to their best friend, who had just suffered a horrible anxiety attack so severe it left him ill and on bed rest, everyone made mistakes. not something he ever could have told himself before the blasted war. but he supposed they were doing their best and had simply made a mistake this time around. besides, harry would be so cross with him if draco yelled at his irritating best friends, and draco did have a task at hand.

so, though it almost physically pained him to do so, he offered his thanks and continued on his way. he managed to snag blaise before he left the castle and steal his thick woolen coat off him with the promise of returning it by the morning, and then he set foot across the snow buried courtyard to the greenhouse.

the walk was cold and bitter, the winds howling and weary against his stinging cheeks, and even wrapped up, draco felt frozen to the bone, began to quiver from his lips to his toes. the trees creaked and sighed and their branches bent to the chilled breeze's whims, and draco scurried beneath their naked canopies, his worry mounting with each quickened step. he had no idea how long harry had been out there, could only hope the idiot had found common sense for once in his bloody life and done something to protect himself, but he had a horrible inkling. an icky feeling fluttering at the pit of his stomach and he so hoped he was wrong.

he half-walked, half-jogged in the direction of the greenhouse, panting the cold air until his lungs began to ache and taste of pennies. and then, along with the silhouette of the greenhouse, he could make out a fallen figure in the distance. a blotch of striking color amongst pure white snow.

his heart seized.

"i swear to god..." he heaved, but oh, the panic was burning him and he was running, huffing and puffing against the strong winds and terror took hold of him. the closer he got, the more distinguishable the mass became.

"fuck!" he cried, gasping, because oh hell, all hells that was harry.

harry spread out in the snow with nothing to protect his pale body except his unfastened robes, thin slacks, and white button up. harry, with his glasses fogged up from the cold, with his eyes closed behind his lenses. harry, trembling violently while the color fled him, leaving only a ghostly, pasty complexion and lips tinted blue.

his heartbeat thundered so loudly, so ferociously in his ears he could hardly hear himself think for the noise, could hardly remember what to do, what to do—

but merlin forbid he do nothing. he rushed over to harry's side, knelt in the snow and ignored the numb pang which resonated in his bones as he made impact with the ground.

"merlin's beard, harry, you idiot," he hissed, watery and frightened as he frantically runs his hands over harry's immobile body, searching for signs of hypothermia. his skin was too cold and he was shivering down to the bone. this was bad, very, very bad, and yet draco needed to pull himself together. he cursed beneath his breath.

he needed to get harry out of this cold, first and foremost. and quickly.

he curled an arm around harry's lower back, looped the other beneath the undersides of his stiff knees and lifted him into the air, cradled him bridal style. harry was so light in his arms, so delicate. it was frightening, to have the world's golden boy half frozen to death in his arms like this, to have him so fragile in his arms like this.

draco began to run back in the direction of the castle, and adrenaline kept him from giving in to his body's weakness, kept him gasping and racing as quickly as the snow would allow. with all the shuffling, harry stirred, grasped the very edge of consciousness and blinked his lethargic eyes back open. he was blinking far too slowly for draco's liking.

"draco...?" he breathed, voice so small and shivering along with his shaking body. draco hushed him, eyes burning.

"shut up, shut up, shut up, you moron!" he growled, frantic.

harry clung confusedly to his clothing with limp, quivering fingers.

"sorry...for making you sad." harry mumbled against his shoulder, and draco sniffed. god, everything hurt so badly, and harry wasn't making this easier with the way he held onto him, the way he spoke, so weakly, as though he were so tired, so terribly tired.

"just shut your dumb mouth," he gritted out through rough pants. "i'm trying to stop your dumb arse from dying. merlin knows why i bother, bloody hell, i should just kill you myself."

"mm," harry sighed. something in his hold changed, and he nestled into draco's chest. "i would let you."

draco hissed and blinked back the bite of tears.

"shut up!" he yelled.

and he thought to himself with tears in his eyes and harry potter fighting off hypothermia in his embrace, why do i let you make such a mess of my heart?

a/n: aaand we're back to some angst folks!

i know this update is pretty late, but i'm not going to apologize because i expect you all to respect that i have my own personal life and well, shit happens.

now, something i've been meaning to talk about because i've seen a few comments pertaining to this and i just want to clarify. THERE WILL BE NO SMUT IN THIS STORY. none, at all. if that's what you came for, sorry but this isn't the place for it.

if that disappoints you, sorry i guess, feel free to leave if it's a dealbreaker. but i'm not going to write smut even if you guys beg. i know i don't have to explain myself but whatever; i'm asexual and writing smut would make me really uncomfortable. i hadn't even thought about it until i saw some comments.

so, if i'm bad at writing sexual attraction/tension, you know why, and why the top/bottom dynamics might be confusing. it's just not something that matters to me but if it is a big deal to some people i thought i'd just give you a heads up.

anyway, school's out soon and i'll probably write a lot more during summer. drop a follow if you wanna see some of my other works coming soon! (๑ↀᆺↀ๑)✧