"Hi Mrs. Melissa, I am here for my appointment," I was standing at the opening of the door, not ready to fully commit to the action.

Her face lit up and she gestured for me to come in. "Yes,  yes, come in. Make yourself comfortable."

Mrs. Melissa is an old woman. Not too old though because they are no greys. Maybe. Can't trust a Gemini. She always wears really nice clothes and they look brand new, like she literally ripped off the tag this morning.  And for as old as she is she always wears high heels, except on Fridays. Those days are for sneakers; also looking brand new. Her bright blue eyes can do the work of ten men and her smile can make anyone trust her at first.  But as nice and clean she seems to be, her personality is the total opposite. Think of her like the witch from Hansel and Gretel. On the outside she looks harmless and kind, probably has a huge dinner waiting for you, but in her true nature she will want to eat you instead of the dinner

I sat down on the wooden chairs in front of her desk. setting down my backpack on the side. Mrs. Melissa took out a file with my name on it and set it between us. She folded her hands in front of herself and smiled at me. She just looked into my soul and smiled. I eventually tried to give a weak smile but when I saw the reflection of my face, via a mirror on the shelf, I immediately stopped. After she witnessed my failed attempt, and was satisfied, she finally started to talk.

"So, Daisy, this is a meeting to discuss your future. College, jobs, life on after. This is also a meeting to discuss graduation; like if you are missing any credits to graduate we will work very, very hard to fix them."

"Okay," I said.

"Now, when I pull up your information in the system-" she looked at the computer "-It says that you have almost all your credits to graduate. You are taking Home Ec I believe?" she looked back at me.

I nodded my head yes, not ready to speak without my lawyer.

"Well since it is only a one semester class you will be eligible to graduate by spring. Congrats!" She looked impressed but underneath that it is something else. And I am not making this up. If you sat here right now you could see what I mean.

"Thank you," I said softly.

"We will talk more about the details of graduation in the spring when you receive your credit and it could become more relevant. Now it is time to look at colleges," she looked at me again. "Do you have any idea about where you want to go?"

"No," I replied honestly. "Everything came faster than I expected, so making a decision was a bit tough."

She closed her eyes and nodded. "That is fine. Well, have you chosen a major you would like to do?" she said a bit forcefully.

"No."

"Do you have a career or field you have interest in right now?" a bit more.

"No."

"Do you have any plans right now?" and a bit more than the last.

"No."

She sighed and shut her eyes again. The upset frown disappeared and was replaced with a toad-like smile. She said in a soft voice this time "Don't your friends all have plans for their lives?"

"And?" I asked, a bit annoyed. I hated when people brought this up to me.

"Would you not like to join them?" she said, her smile getting more smiley. "I mean think about it. They have plans for college and for jobs and what they want to achieve in their lives. How would it feel that they are so far ahead and you are still on square one?"

The image was already in my mind. Though it was a bothersome subject it was starting to become a constant fear of mine. I thought of my friends graduating, going to college, having jobs and families. It would be embarrassing for them to be seen with me. It would be embarrassing for me to see them so together and me so behind. It would be awkward if they already graduated but I am still choosing classes. Not to mention going to the 10 year reunion and saying "still figuring out life!" and "Still single!" while everyone there has a stable job and maybe growing a family.

She is right. I will be far behind if I don't start right now.

"Yes," I said blankly as I slid to the back of my chair, my face having no emotion. "Yes I would."

She looked happy. "Well then let's get started." She pulled out a blank sheet of paper and a pen from the depths of her desk. She set it in front of me, ready to use it.

"I would like you to write down any potential careers you would like to have. Then we will look at colleges that best fit what you are looking for."

I nodded and pulled the sheet closer to me. I poised the pen over the paper ready to write but my mind was coming to a blank. I never really thought of myself in the future because I am always stuck in the present. Every time I tried I would eventually get ahead in life the outcome is not so good. But who could I see myself as in ten years? What would make others proud of me? What would make others stop making stereotypes of me? What could I do that would make things a bit better?

My first immediate thought was a radiologist. I could follow Dad's footsteps, it looks easy compared to other medical professions, no awkward patient interactions, and I could help people without them knowing, like a superhero. Radiologist written down. I also thought of other professions that seemed like it leaked respect. I thought of a lawyer so I could fight strangers and make up sob stories. Fashion designer so I could make clothes normal people could actually wear. NASA Engineer to see if that passion could be re-sparked. Educator so I know what it feels like to hold knowledge over others. Many more things were written down with very justified answers.

The last thing that came to mind was a therapist. I am surprised that it came in my mind last considering my history with it. I could help people on a level many do not take seriously. I could also relate more to people who go to therapy than the eye can see.

I wrote down all these professions then set the pen down. As soon as the soldier was laid to rest Mrs. Melissa cleared the battle field. She looked at the relatively short list for a millennia. She kept on making faces and talking to herself and clicking her tongue. She looked at the list and then typed on the computer then looked at the list then typed more on the computer and continued about 5 or 6 more times. She finally typed one last thing on her computer then she finally looked at me.

"Well Daisy, you have an very ambitious list but I believe that with hard work, determination, and focus you will be able to do it." She kind of looked at me with fierce pride.

That made me confused. Yeah, some of those jobs won't be a piece of cake but it is not impossible. I mean I am not climbing Mount Everest, I am going to college.

"Now I assume you will want to stay in state?"

"Probably, yes." Out of state is a little too out of my comfort zone.

"Yes, yes," she said quietly to herself. She clicked some things on her computer and was mumbling some things like "rich" and "daddy" and something else, but I could get the gist of it. She looked satisfied with her results and turned back to me.

"Well, Daisy, I pulled up some community colleges as well as colleges with a high acceptance rate that will work great!"

"Why did-"

She did a roll with her hands to get this information out fast. "Well it will be much easier to cope with the coursework as well as getting accepted. Your current uhh... 'situation' may not work well with number 1's and Ivies."

"What?" I said. I was a bit confused.

She continued on. "Though when you do go to grad school, for example law school or medical school, this will give a taste of what the real course will feel like.

"Why would I not be able to handle the work?" I was a bit hurt. It felt like one good hit could finish me.  

"Because people with disabilities are more likely to be stressed as the course goes along or just drop out entirely," she said a bit strongly.  I opened my mouth to retaliate but she hurried on. "This path will ensure your future, though it may be slow and steady." I was about to open my mouth again but her eyes shut me up. She sat back in her chair and smiled, comfortable with her answer.

I was the complete opposite though. So this is what it was about? My "disability"? She thought that just because my "emotions get in the way" I can't just be a normal person? When was that such a problem? Last time I checked you are almost as sane as I am, woman!

"Daisy! Daisy!"

She was yelling in my face. I looked directly into her beady little eyes. My body was on fire and was about 3 seconds away from strangling her.

"Did you hear what I said?"

When I did not reply she said "That is the end of our meeting."

"Thank you," I said through gritted teeth. I grabbed my bag and swung it around my shoulder. I marched to the door and walked out, intentionally slamming it hard. I am pretty sure that the whole hallway heard it.

Blood was pounding in my ears making them very sensitive. The stillness of the area was mocking me. All I wanted to do was scream and fling my stuff around but the quiet was forcing me to shut up. The anger was bubbling inside of me, like a pot of burning oil. Take off the lid and I was ready to fight back.

Though I was not thinking of my destination I subconsciously walked towards the library, assuming that someone would be there. The cold air and smell of clean laundry did nothing to ease me as I walked in. I walked through the labyrinth of shelves and carts until I found someone. Greyson was sitting in concentration on the computer, making notes and talking to himself.

Realizing that I didn't want to bother him I grabbed a random book off the shelf and walked over to the table. I did not want to worry him too much.

I sat down next to him and opened the book to a random page. We said a brief "hey" and he grabbed my hand. He brought it to his mouth and kissed it, then returned to his thing.

The book was about something that happened 50 years ago or whatever. As I tried to read this non relevant book the words of Mrs. Melissa were printed on the pages instead. The conversation kept on replaying in my mind. I really wish I had said something to her but I knew that it would keep getting uglier and uglier. Her words and thoughts and view of me kept hitting me over the head until my eyesight literally went fuzzy.

My legs started to shake to the point where the table danced along with it. Greyson, who noticed his laptop was shaking, let go of my hand and put it on my leg to stop it. He was putting gentle but firm pressure to stop it. The method  kind of worked. The table stopped shaking but my leg did not.

My hands, which were once holding the book normally, curled into pages 28 and 29. They immediately were so cold it felt like dry ice was pressed into my palm. My breathing was becoming labored and my chest was rising up and down. I was clenching my teeth very hard and my jaw was locked in place. My whole body was feeling like it was shutting down fast.

No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

I had my head facing down, plus my hair was covering my face, but Greyson knew what was going on. He set his stuff aside and turned in his chair to face me. He had managed to open my hands, set the books aside, and curled them around his own. They instantly warmed mine up; it was like a fire was kindling on them. I knew that I was hurting his hands by how tight mine were wrapped around them.

"Daisy," he said softly.

I could not reply.

"Daisy," he said again.

This time I managed to push a sound through my teeth.

"I need you to pick up your head," he said.

I tried to get any strength I had and tried to do as he said. But I couldn't. It was locked and sturdy. I kept trying though. I kept on trying for a bit. I would be able to lift my chin a little but it would go back down.

"Daisy," Greyson said.

"I can't," I said miraculously through my clenched teeth. It was in so much pain. There was also a lump in my throat which was just making everything harder than it needs to be.

"Take your time," he said patiently.

I tried so hard but every time I managed to it felt like an invisible hand would swat it down again. It hurt so many things so much.

"You got it," his voice was so strong, like he knew that I was ready to jump.

As much as I wanted to end it I tried again. My breathing was coming out in short breaths, making my head feel dizzy and making my chest hurt. But I still tried to get my head up. I couldn't.

"It is okay, I am here. Take your time," he was holding his arms sturdy so he could support me.

I kept on trying and trying but failed.  All I wanted to do right now is to give up. Let the fear and anxiety and panic take over me and run through my veins. I was tired of this pain and this feeling of the end. It would be more worth it to let it go. 

Greyson, however, was not ready to give up on me and kept on talking and helping. After a few minutes the lock on my neck opened, allowing me to pick up my head. My eyes felt puffy and I was still clenching my teeth very hard.

"Good job. Now see that banner, over there? What does it say?" He was talking about some banners hanging on the wall in eyes view. I was not in the position to talk so instead I focused on my breathing.

"Come on, say it with me, Book - of - the - month -"

"Book."

I was able to pry open my jaw. It was like opening a pliers after a very long time. It was stiff and hard to open.

"Keep going," he quietly encouraged me. "Book - of - the - month-"

"Book...of...the...month"

"Becoming-"

"Becoming-"

"Michelle Obama," we said together. I was a note behind though.

"Need some water?" I just gave him a look and he already grabbed it. My breathing was still jacked up and my legs were shaking a bit, so it took a while to drink from the straw but I managed in the end.

Everything went back to normal after a while. I finally let go of Greyson's hands. There were my miniscule fingerprints tattooed in magenta. I felt very bad. I knew it was hurting him, but he ignored it like it was nothing. He wrapped his arm around my chair and patiently sat there, waiting for everything to go back to normal. He raked and brushed my hair with his fingertips as silence danced around us.

"What happened?" he asked quietly after I did.

"Greyson, everything is happening too fast." Things started to replay in my head again. "College, school, jobs, life. It is all too soon. I don't even have a plan. I don't know what field I want to go to. I don't know what college I want to go to. I don't know what job I want. You, Dani, and Joshua all have everything planned out. I don't know what to do. I feel so stupid. I don't know what is going on. I feel like you guys are, like, 10 steps ahead. I don't know what to do. Greyson, I am so scared. I don't know what to do. I have-"

I said this all very fast. My breathing was becoming jacked up again, but help came right away. Greyson was shushing me, telling me nonverbally to shut it. He was brushing my hair again, looking into my face. I tried to get myself to be calm again.

"Daisy, it is okay to be lost right now," he said after a long time. "You have time to think and plan out your future. Nobody is forcing you to make your decision right now. And if you fail or mess up or don't like something, start again. Nothing is perfect.

"And for Joshua, Dani, and I? Well we are pretty messed up too. I don't know what college I want to go to, Joshua is having the worst breakdown over his recommendation letter, and Dani doesn't even know if she should continue school. We all are kind of lost.

"Plus do you honestly think we will leave you behind? We all are here for each other. I could never leave you behind. I can't even imagine the thought. It could literally rip my heart in two." He mimicked his chest being torn open which made me laugh weakly. He looked relieved and resumed his hero look. He took his hand and wiped my tears. However, the smile could not be wiped off.

"Thank you. For everything." I grabbed his hand more loosely this time and stared at this small yet grand gesture.

"In a heartbeat."

...

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