I woke up around 1:30, 2:00 o'clock in the afternoon; a rarity for me. Even rarer is that Greyson is still sleeping. I get really scared for him at times. This guy can go a week without sleeping, he actually did at one point, and then just flat hibernate for the next three days. Victor told me that his dad once knew someone in the army who could down 3 energy drinks and still go to sleep in 5 minutes. I don't know how serious this is but it's bad.

As I am lying in bed, I start to get hungry. My stomach was growling for some nutrients to enter its system. Nobody was up to get groceries though. If nothing was in the fridge, I would just go something to eat. Everything was about 20 minutes walking distance. 

I go to the kitchen and start searching for any bite of food. I opened and shut each cabinet, finding not even a crumb, but then I hit the holy grail. I opened the fridge and half of Walmart was in there. There were all the essentials to survive for the next 4 days and some extra goodies. There was a cake in the back too. Black Forest, Greyson's favorite.

I looked around for something to eat. There were eggs and bread and fruit that I could've made a fresh, healthy breakfast with, but I opted for a good ol' bowl of cereal. I looked around for milk but couldn't find any. All I found was a small bottle of almond milk. I was about to open it when I realized that it had a sticky note that was labelled as 'Joshua'.  And everything else in that box-container thing was labelled as 'Joshua'.

Dani, my mind thought as I looked at the label. She never misses a chance to put a label on everything. Only thing she can't seem to label is her relationship. 

I found all the stuff with my name labelled on it and grabbed the small whole milk. I also saw a pack of Oreos, some tapioca pudding, candy bars, and a box of Cheez-Its. Definitely going to devour those later. Bless her.

I saw down and slowly ate my breakfast. Usually, I am rushed when I am eating because I have to do something afterwards or I am usually the last one at the table, but I like taking my time when I eat. I would watch an episode of the show I am watching or read a book and enjoy my meal peacefully. There are two times when I don't like being rushed: Right when I have woken up and when I am eating. Do not disturb me in the morning until I have had my 10 minutes in the restroom to gather my thoughts and pray that I won't kill anybody that day.

I finished eating and went back to the room to wake up Greyson. I sit down on the bed next to him and just stared at his sleeping body for a second. He is breathing very deeply, in and out. He face looks relaxed.

I pushed the hair out of his closed, sleeping eyes. He shakes his head for a second then goes back to his peaceful slumber. 

Today he is turning 20 years old. 20 years of feeling something, emotions. He knows, but does not understand, everything from pain to joy. It is weird. It is a pain to experience such a range like that? What does it make you do? Does your emotion effect you to the extent that we believe it does?

"Greyson, wake up," I said as I lightly shake him.

"Hhm."

"Greyson, wake up." 

"What time is it?" 

"Almost four."

He sighed and turned around. I got under the blankets and hugged him, pressing the side of my face into his chest. He took a big deep breathe in and fell into the delicate arms of Morpheus again.  

I could hear his heart thumping calmly and on beat. It was slowed. Usually when he is up it is beating a million miles per second, but right now his heart is taking its break. But it was still working just enough to keep him alive through the night. It was a necessary evil for and against him.

You know, Dad was right when he said being happy all the time sucks. Imagine this. You wake up every morning, smiling so bright. You feel great, amazing. Your morning routine is perfect, the people around is awesome, the whole atmosphere is just like how you want it to be, happy. 

You go to work, you smile. You come home; you smile. You go to sleep, you smile. Every day you are just smiling. That happiness and good feeling will slowly lose its meaning, you don't appreciate how valuable it is until you feel pain and sadness and sorrow. You don't realize why you want to be happier until you feel the gut-wrenching sadness. You realize you don't want to feel that hurt ever again so you strive to be happier.

But I find it weird when people say they want to be happier. They are basically saying they want to lose the beautiful thing about being human. Yeah, feeling this is beautiful. There is no other creature in existence who feel emotions to the extent as humans do. This is our one power, and our one weakness.

As I sit there, fearing oblivion and the unknown and everything else we can't imagine, I start thinking I am lactose intolerant. My stomach starts making grumbling noises. I go to the restroom and do my business (stick your nose out). I stand in front of the mirror. I see this weird creature in the reflection. I stare at it very curiously.

How did be fall in love with me? I mean, what was so special about me? Every girl in and out of school would fall head over heels for Greyson. His social connections were through the roof because of his family. I don't know how many secret admirer letters he would get every Valentines Days and his birthday would be total chaos. I remember freshman year, when everyone was trying to make a name for themselves, the principal actually had to pull Greyson out of the cafeteria because there was just too much mayhem. Confetti and streamers and cakes upon cakes from each clique. It was complete madness. 

Those girls were all so pretty and beautiful and good-looking, with their perfect hair and their perfect bodies and perfect makeup and clothes. It was like supermodels were attending high school. And not all of them were bad. They were nice and sweet and gentle with him. It looked happy.

But he kept his eyes on me all these years. I don't know why. I don't even know what I did in the first place. I'm nothing. And he was everything. He was everything and so much more.

He came in and saw me standing in front of the mirror. He stood behind me and hugged me, digging his face into my neck. I suddenly felt drops run down my neck and I am pretty sure that he felt it splashing on his arms too.

"We could use some fresh air, right," he asked as he, yet again, laughed away the pain. He kissed the side of my head and dug his nose in my hair. I fell into him, not knowing what to do.

"Yeah, we could."

...

A couple hours later and we were headed back to the cabin. All we did today was go into town and walk around for a bit. I had some suppressed memories coming back to the surface as we entered the candy shop. We found this food stand that sold fresh crepes that were to die for. But as the sun was setting, we decided to hit home base. We didn't want to do anything big today because we just got here and were still a bit jet lagged. I would love for all of us to not die at the Rocky Mountains because we accidentally slipped.

We got to the cabin and headed in. Joshua and Dani plopped on the couch, but Greyson took me by the hand and went to the room. We closed the door and changed into our pajamas. I love jeans but that feeling when you can finally take off your pants is out of this world. He sat down on the bed, looking at me.

"Happy Birthday," I said as I held out a gift bag. He sat up and I saw the excitement in his eyes even though he was trying to hide it. Everybody says they don't like presents but we all secretly do.

This gift was kind of lame, and it was completely my fault. He mentioned a while ago that he loved playing with Legos as a kid but never had the chance to really play with them (business always came first). But he got so thrilled when he saw it. He let out a gasp of excitement and was turning the box around, admiring it from all angles. He finally was able to put the box down and open the rest of his gifts. There was also a coloring book, a pack of colored pencils, and a card. He read the card then looked up at me, his smile somehow bigger.

"Thank you," he said as quietly excited as he could. He slid his hands into mine. It was so warm against my frozen one.  He was trying to keep quiet, but he was fidgeting around a lot.

"You're welcome," I said. I couldn't meet him in the eye for some reason. I just stared at our entwined hands. I felt my stomach feeling queasy, daring to throw back up all the food I managed to eat.

"I love you," he said. He scooted closer making me feel more nauseous. I knew his dark eyes wanted to stare into mine, but I couldn't do it.

"Why, Greyson? I'm nothing special!" I blurt out randomly. I immediately hated that I allowed myself to ask this question; I know guys hate it when girls ask them this but I literally, for the love of God, could keep this to myself. I sounded angry but I wasn't. I pushed the hair out of my face and was looking anywhere but at him. This was on my mind all day. Every time Greyson would do something as simple as look at me this question and thought was etched deeper in my brain. It was slowly poisoning me all day.

He was spooked for a second from my random outburst but then he smiled (he slowly got over my little random outburst and is just now entertained by them) and looked over to the card, as though it held so many memories. I always make him a card for any celebration. I could never find any at the store that was right. This one took me a long time to make, cause all little details that were there. I even needed some assistance from Dani to make it. It was pretty but I know that I can always do better.

"You know we met in the fourth grade," he said. " Mr. Harrison's class. He told me to do a math problem on the board and I got it wrong. Everyone laughed at me besides this one girl. I felt so embarrassed and humiliated over it. You see, I was an acclaimed smart kid. When I went to lunch this girl came and sat next to me. I told her to go away but she stayed, telling me that there was nothing wrong with not understanding things, that her dad said that to her that it was okay to not get things. She came to help me on the problem and told me what I did wrong, and she didn't make fun of me. 

"This girl and I spent the rest of the day together. We sat down next to each other in class and when we got on the bus- I remember being so excited that we were on the same bus- we made a promise to be best friends forever. I told myself that I was never going to break this promise, no matter what. I knew in my heart, as a 9-year-old boy, that 'The Girl Who Didn't Laugh At Me' was a really good person.

"My birthday was a week after we made this promise. We had been hanging out every day thus far and it was so fun. I was so excited at the prospect of having a best friend and I couldn't wait to celebrate my birthday with her. What I didn't expect was for that girl to give me a card on my birthday. It was a crappy, handmade card makes from brown construction paper. All that was written on it was two green stick figure people holding hands with a "Happy Birthday Best Friend" on top. It was so special to me. No one has ever given me a card on my birthday; I always got toys and money and clothes but never a card, never words said to me that were genuine. 

"So, we grew up. The promise was growing and becoming stronger. We met these two wonderful crackheads and soon it was the four of us against the world. It was the best. We would do everything together and it was an incredible feeling. It felt like, for the first time in a long time, that I was having fun. That someone was there for me. 

"Some more time passed. The girl kept on giving me cards on my birthday. It was the best thing ever. I still have them and cherish them to this day. Though I had two other best friends this girl was special. She would go above and beyond for me whenever I needed her and would always make sure that I was okay and was genuinely my best friend. It was the first time I ever felt... loved. 

"We grew up a bit more and I was way too deep into my promise: I had fallen in love with this girl. So many people told me it was a bad idea to date her, because it would ruin our friendship or whatever, but I didn't care. I was so in love with this girl I just had to let her know. I don't think there was a happier guy than me when she said yes to being my girlfriend. And ever since then it has been such a rollercoaster. True, we had our moments of literal hell, but we always figured it out. I knew what I was getting myself into in this relationship; there were times where I wanted out, if I am being honest, but I knew the real Daisy, and she meant so many things to me. 

"I fell in love with you and everything that came with you. I fell in love with the glimmer in your eyes when you told jokes and when you 'embarrassed' somebody, but you made sure that it was never something serious cause you knew how much it could hurt a person. I fell in love with the way you were so caring and compassionate for other people; I dare you to go find a 16-year-old who was willing to go to a canned food drive on a Saturday instead of staying home. I loved the way you were you all the time. So silly and weird and understanding and empathetic and so much fun. You were kind of hard to open up at first, and I totally get it now, but when someone gets to know the real you, not the person who has bipolar disorder or some shy introvert or some brown-haired bimbo, it is the most wonderful thing in the world. Nothing is more intoxicating than that. 

"Daisy, you were the only one who listened and cared and didn't like me for the money or fame or status. In fact, that was the last thing you cared about me. You understand my flaws and my insecurities and my worries, and you see the best in me and the good and all the things no one cares to look at besides you. You understand why I do certain things and you let me do certain things. You are so happy to give me my space and what I need. 

"Every night I was literally thinking about you and everything about you and how wonderful you are and that I would be the luckiest guy in the whole freaking universe if I could just love you. I am still amazed that I am sitting here, holding your hands, while I am performing this stupid soliloquy that has been on my mind for way too long. But I want to shout it to the entire freaking universe: I am in love with this crazy person."

I was crying way before he finished. Typical. Tears were falling down onto the bed. Happy ones though. Very happy ones. Greyson took his hand and was wiping my face. I was laughing again at how very silly I was acting. My trust in Greyson never wavered. I may question, but not anymore, why he loved me, but my trust was set in stone. When you find some who is willing to be there for you through hell and back that is someone you know who is going to be there for you forever.

"I love you," I choked out as I stopped crying.

"Why?" he said jokingly.

"Read that stupid letter from the 7 grade and you will know why," I said. We laughed at that. We were so stupid then. It was so long ago. So long. I don't know how he lasted so long, how we've lasted so long.  

It was quiet now. There was no more laughing or crying or anything else. We were sitting so close to each other. The silence tangible. 

I hesitated when kissed him. But it was a kiss like never before. Sleeping Beauty's or Snow White's couldn't compare. It felt different, something had changed. We pulled away and I finally met him in the eye. There was something different too. I don't know if I have known him for too long or because I had known him to well that I noticed the difference. I saw the love, passion, desire and so many other things dance across his dark eyes. He crushed his lips back into mine. I never realized how soft they were or how velvety they felt. 

I laid back down on the bed. He was gently guiding me on the way down, his hands on my back and the back of my head. He climbed on top of me, holding me very delicately yet firm. Hold me too tight and I might shatter, hold me to lose and I might fade away. He has never held me this way before. It was new. He was close to me, just inches away. We've been this close before, but it just felt different now. It felt like I was holding a new person, but this is still my Greyson.  

We knew it was most likely going to happen, but it just felt different. We sort of had an idea of how it was going to start but this was way different from what we expected. This felt more natural. I didn't know what to expect.

He took his shirt off first. He tossed it to the side somewhere, not caring where it had landed. I got to see the nervous smile before he kissed me again. I placed my freezing hands on his shoulders and all around his torso goosebumps had erupted. I could feel them as I grazed my hands on his back. I could feel some of the blisters, but I ignored them. They weren't important tonight. Nothing was as important tonight than him.

We took time unbuttoning mine. Our fingers fumbled over each button trying to get it open. Honestly our hands were just playing with each other. We were laughing in between kisses when we couldn't get it done. But finally, we got the last one undone and it was off. I would have been scared out of my mind that it was off, but I didn't mind it right now. I was cold, I got goosebumps too, but was slowly warming up. His hands were running up and down my arms and waist. 

He was touching each one of my marks. I always made sure to cover them up when going out, to ignore them the best I can, pretend they aren't there, and all will be fine. He did it with such ease. When he accidentally poked one too hard, he apologized for it but didn't want to give them much attention. I remember when he first found out, I had rolled up my sleeve and he saw it. He questioned me so much about them and I slowly gave him answers. It was terrifying for me to do it, but it helped so much. But right now, he was focused on me and no one else in the world. 

His hands were slowly sliding down to my waist. He pulled away for a second and just stared at me. His fingers were just tickling my stomach while I was just lost in his eyes. Our breathes were kind of in sync, deep and loud in the silence. I have never felt this comfortable with another person before. I would want to stay in this moment forever because this is what love means to me. Not what we're doing, but what we are feeling. I never felt more attached to another person like this before. 

Suddenly a lot of things were running through my head. All those late-night frozen yogurt runs, all the dances we skipped together, the weird pictures and videos we have of each other, the arcades where we both became competitive as heck, the dinners were tried to have a "normal" date but failed because that's just not us, yet we still managed to have a great time. I remember when Greyson asked me out. It was just us two sitting in the park. The stars were so beautiful in the sky. He was always a bit of a helpless romantic, so he wanted the picture-perfect setup. But this relationship wasn't always picture perfect. We had our fair share of cries and arguments and disagreements, but at the end of the day we always found each other again. No matter how hard it was we always found the solution in the other person. 

Then the door suddenly burst open, and the moment was kind of ruined. I accidentally bumped my forehead with his which made us both shout as quietly as we could.  I grabbed the sheet and covered myself before sitting up. Greyson was in front of me though, making sure I was not in sight. It was Joshua and a half-hidden Dani behind the door. 

"Uhm... we are going to go get pizza, do you guys want to come?" Joshua asked slowly. He was staring back and forth between Greyson and me, in shock and, if I read this correctly, slight amazement.

"Leave," Greyson said. He had his back facing them but turned his head to see them. "Now!" he said louder when he saw they were stationary. They shut the door behind them, and I was finally able to breathe again. They are my best friends but, like... my... I'm... you get it!

Greyson kissed me again and said, "Don't move." He left the room, and I could hear his voice through the crack of the door. It was threatening but I couldn't make words. In the meantime, though I was trying to breathe again. I really, really hoped that wouldn't happen but that doesn't mean it was couldn't.

He came back into the room, this time locking the door behind him, and came back. He looked proud of himself, something I was scared of... for them. I knew this smile well too and it never ended well for the other person.

"What did you say to them?" I asked as he kissed me again.

"That if they don't erase that memory and keep their mouths shut tight, I know a guy who knows a guy would do me a favor for a couple bucks."

...

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