Whenever I come to Olive Garden I always make the mistake of eating a bunch of salad and breadsticks. They bring it out way to early that I eat a bunch of it and get extremely full. I don't mind it a lot though, these things are too die for. I don't really like the soup that much. Soup and heat don't end well for me.

We all were sitting down waiting for our food. The lovebirds had one whole side of the table while the rest of us squeezed on the other side. With this lighting and arrangement it felt like we were in an interrogation room and the 4 musketeers were the cops. I wonder who is the bad cops in this situation. I definitely had a bit of a grumpy face on. 

There had been some conversation over the table. Victor was talking to the other 3 a lot ("Your dad talks so much about you I feel like I have known you for years!") I am glad he isn't directing any questions towards me though. I have no clue as to what to talk about. After the excitement kind of wore off I kind of went into shock. It was a lot to digest. I just kind of looked around the place and was inhaling the smell of sweat and cheese.

Speak of the devil food finally got to the table. The waiter was carrying about 9 pounds on his right hand. 7 of the 9 is from the weight of the plates- God knows why those plates are so heavy- and the other 2 is from the actual food. I remember Dad always had trouble keeping up with notes in class because he complained that his wrist hurt. 

"Calories have arrived!" the waiter said as he put down the food on the other table.

"Excellent!" Victor said, rubbing his hands together.

There was the usual hassle of passing the food around. Finally my plate reached me. Cheese pizza and steamed broccoli ordered from the kids menu. Judge me all you want but I cannot, for the life of me, finish an adult entrée. I mean I could take my leftovers home and eat it at a later time but pasta or pizza or this type of food just doesn't taste good reheated. I'd just rather not waste food.

We all took some bites of our food and stole food from our neighbors plates as well. I really love their ravioli but I didn't want to be extremely messy today. I had a tendency to get sauce everywhere and the way we are sitting it will look like we all killed someone. Finally the real portion of dinner started, you know the eating bit. We all ate in silence but the burden of having conversation occurred again. It was just a feeling in the air.

"So like- what happened between you and Mr. Wonderful here?" Joshua asked Victor. Man, sometimes I think I have the dumbest friends in the world. Can they just ask something without sounding like a complete doofus? What did we take English class for? Nothing?

Victor set down his fork and contemplated what he was going to say. "Where should we start?" he said. His smile was kind of ignited with excitement. He smiled a lot. It was like an overgrown toddler. His nose is just a little bit crooked which just completes the whole effect of he has been hit over the head.

"Maybe you could start when you had to cross your legs every time you saw him," Dani voiced.

He looked at her very questioningly. He couldn't tell what she was saying. He caught onto her sarcasm a little slowly. But he finally understood. She has that type of tone where it sounds like she is trying to make fun of you but she isn't; she is trying to make fun of the situation.

"Sure why not?"

He had to think about it for a second. Dad was slowly shoving food in his mouth. Victor has his arm around Dad's chair and has his leg crossed at a 90 degree which stuck out of the table. You know, the way that most guys sit like. I tried to sit like that a bunch of times but my leg ended up falling asleep every time. He was at such ease. But you could Dad was beyond uncomfortable with everything. I wish he would stop acting like this. I really didn't get why he is acting like this today. I actually wish I didn't have to see him today. (We kind of acted like the other person doesn't exist all day)

"Clay and I have been friends for a very long time, ever since I started working at the hospital. He was very shy and I have a fear of starting conversations- but once you get to know me I can never shut my trap. Anyway, one day I saw him sitting down by himself in the lounge during our lunch hour. I decided to get over my fear and just say hi. I had been, kind of, like, staring at him. He was very welcoming and we ended up sharing the sandwich he had bought; I had forgotten to buy lunch that day. Best day to forget. Anyway, we talked a lot and found out we had a lot in common. We ended up having lunch together when we could. 

"I already knew who I was. I realized it when I had just turned 20. I had a girlfriend at the time but ended up cheating on her with some buddy of mine. Not the best time to realize it but everything happens for a reason. Anyway, I started to have this- feeling every time we saw each other. I knew what it was though from the beginning. It has started out with becoming lunch buddies every day which turned into talking at work which turned into texting which turned into 1 A.M calls which turned into something more. When it became too much, I had to say something. Things started to happen very quickly, and the rest is history."

He looked nostalgic and happy. Dad looked irritated. The four of us were in awe and a bit heart warmed. And just a tad bit grossed out. I don't know what "Something more" meant. Doing it medical drama style and kissing in the on call room or simply flirting to the point where it is obvious. 

As Victor was talking more things started to make sense. The day we went to the hospital, the day we did the play, Dad was probably talking to Victor on the phone. The gift Dad was packing on Christmas was probably for Victor. There were also many times, like yesterday morning, when Dad said he only got a couple hours of sleep. Sometimes during breakfast Dad's phone rang so much that you would've thought that it would explode. 

But there was also one more thing.

"Victor? Dad?" I asked.

They both looked at me. Dad was not really looking at me but looking at a spot very close to me. Victor settled his babyish eyes on me. But they were both confused. I was confused myself; it just hit me very weirdly.

"Th-The night at the club- were you two- did- did you-" I couldn't finish the sentence. I couldn't find the right words to phrase it. I mean I could, and I would later on when I regret a lot of things in bed, but I couldn't say them out loud. I couldn't imagine it.

I think they kind of got it. They looked at each other. Well, Victor looked at Dad while Dad was off wondering again. They were silently communicating about what they should say. Dad just kept on shrugging his shoulders and nodding his head. 

Why in the ever-loving heck is he acting like this?

I know what they were trying to decide what to say. No matter what age your kid is, even if they are 30 years old, the parents will always try to sugarcoat things and beat around the bush. 

"We didn't- We didn't do anything serious. It was, like, our unofficial first date but we treated it as if we were hanging out."

"How did you though? I mean wasn't it a bit awkward?" Dani asked.

I was going to say Dad was really out of it but she wasn't awake for it. Now that we brought it up I wonder how that all went down. But I decided not to ask. That was too personal. They could tell us eventually. Maybe when they go back to being friends or when it is their 1 year anniversary. All in all, am I in over my head? Yes.

"It wasn't that hard," Victor said. He glanced over to me and I understood the subtle hint. There was no point in bringing it up again.

Quiet had kind of resumed our table again. A group of three people were sitting a little way from us, telling a tale of their own. To keep myself busy I continued eating. I grabbed a slice and ate away. Everyone looked at me then followed suit.

It took us about 20, 25 minutes to finish eating. They still talked though. I was out of it again. I looked around the place. I am glad that it is mostly empty tonight. I feel like if it would have been a full house everyone would be giving us weird looks. I hate when people look at me in public. It's not like I am anyone that matters, I just feel like I am doing something stupid and/or looking dumb that makes people look at me. But even with the few people here tonight I still want to go curl into a ball and hide.

We finally ate the main course, completely satisfied. There was talk about dessert being ordered even though we all were unbuttoning our pants. I still wasn't in on it though. Neither was Dad. He sat there, his shoulders hunched away from the back of his chair, away from Victor's arm. 

Annoyance was filled to the top of my head again.

I got up and left. I was supposed to say sorry for accidentally hitting Dani in the face but I didn't. I kept on bumping into everyone and everything. I finally got outside and sat down on one of the benches. I wasn't crying but I was close to it. I was actually more angry than sad. I usually don't though. I don't have enough energy most of the time to be mad so I be sad instead. But I don't know why this all of a sudden.

I heard the door open and I saw the last person I wanted to see coming towards me. He looked concerned. I was annoyed that he was. I promised myself, even with my angry self, that I was going to keep my mouth shut tonight no matter what, though that plan is completely out of my head now. I can't help just thinking out loud right now!

"Why, Dad?" I shouted out into the twilight. 

I got up and stood a little away from him. He stood there looking a bit of shocked. I could see the anger there too. And parents get mad at us when we act up, yet we are literally replications of them.

"Daisy, I can't control-"

Dummy. A real dummy.

"No, not that- the secrets!"

He looked taken back. I know he wasn't expecting that but that was the truth. That is what was honestly hurting me the most. The secrets he kept. 

"Daisy, you wouldn't be able to understand," he said softly. His shoulders let go all the tension he was carrying and his face dropped his irked expression. It was like he finally realized why I was mad, which is probably true.

"Then try to! In case you haven't noticed I am not a little kid anymore, Dad. "

He was moving his mouth but no sound came out of it. He stopped trying to complete this simple task and just looked at me. It was that look that parents put on when they look at their child and realize "Wow, you are grown up". But I didn't need that right now. I didn't need him to remember all that from before, I need him to remember all that is front of us. 

I was getting furious. 

"Dad its- you- I- we have never been like this! We never kept secrets from each other. Remember, we made our promise: No lies. You know that you don't have to keep them from me, Dad. I never kept them fro-"

"Daisy." It was forced but said softly, like how you talk to a person on their bedside. This made me shut up. "it is hard to explain."

"Then try to!" I said again. "Just try to. Please, for my sake, just try."

He sat down and rubbed his eyes, I had too much energy to sit down. He held his face up and was just contemplating the gravel. I saw a tear fall on the ground. This made a bit of the fury I am feeling fade away. I wanted to wipe it but I didn't want him scared that I would punch him in the face. 

"Daisy, this is all new to me. New to me, you, Victor, all of us. Can't you try, just for a few seconds, stepping into my shoes? Can't you see how this whole thing is scaring me to death? Imagine telling your kid that you are dating someone. Add that person being the same sex as you... Daisy, I haven't felt like this in such a long time. I forgot how to like-"

"Love, Dad, love. This is love."

"I forgot how to love another person like that. I have never felt this with anyone else before, not really seriously. I don't know what in the world I should be doing. Half of the time I worry I don't know what I am really doing, and the other half I worry that I am not doing enough. I literally don't want to make him sad but I can't help but love him. It is eating me entirely. I'm just so scared for all of us."

I looked at him, still not understanding it completely.

"Dad, you know I don't care. I mean I do but I won't judge. We have talked about this before, Dad."

He sighed and said "Daisy, you can't kill your ego overnight. I knew you would be fine but I thought that for your own sake I shouldn't tell you."

"Dad?" I choked out. This is the only thought that was all over my mind when I figured out Dad's relationship and why he kept it a secret.

"Yes?"

"Did I do something wrong?" I hated that I asked this question but I had to be truthful since he was.

"No," he said quickly. He got up and hugged me. "It was me. It is me. I'm the one who is messing up."

"No, please don't say that."

"What?"

I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes.

"Please don't say that," I cupped his cheek with my hand. "This is the happiest I have seen you. Please don't say you are the problem. You don't deserve to feel like this."

He looked at me, giving me a face I actually haven't seen in a while: relieved.

"Thank you sweetheart."

"No problem, big guy."

"Clay," a new voice said. It scared both of us. I don't know how long Victor was standing there, but he was crying too. He was leaning against the post with his arms crossed, watching us from afar.

He took Dad's hands and sat with him on the bench. Dad sat normally while Victor sat crisscross and sat really close to Dad. They were still holding hands. Dad was trying to stop crying but Victor was letting it all out. 

"Who said you're not making me happy, you dummy?" Victor said. He was laughing a bit but Dad was starting to get stressed. "You make me the happiest homosexual guy on earth. I wouldn't want to get out of bed if I didn't get to see you everyday. And for the other bit-" he whispered something into Dad's ear which made him blush "But other than that that you are doing enough. Trust me, I wouldn't want to be kissing you if you weren't."

They were touching foreheads, kind of trying to make the situation light. Dad was still sobbing. Victor was still keeping a stream of humorous comments to do one of the many responsibilities of being in a relationship. They wrapped arms around each other and held onto each other for a second. Dad has buried his face into Victor's shoulder. When they finally had some sense knocked into them they got up, both of them standing tall close to each other. 

They looked over to me and gave me the fatherly look. I feel bad for people without fathers. You don't realize how much of an impact they have on our lives until you remember. Maybe you were being bullied and you realized how your dad taught you too stand up for yourself. Maybe your car got a flat tire and when you changed it you remember your dad teaching you how to change one. Or maybe you're like me; maybe you found out your dad is in a relationship with his male coworker and you realized how much your dad has overall shaped your life and taught you to enjoy it while you can. 

"You ever break his heart and I will personally see to it," I said to Victor as he wrapped his arms around me.

"You can't call dibs on my back, legs or kidneys, though, everyone else inside already did."

We laughed at this. We all are on this ride together. We don't know what is going to come up but we all are strapped in, ready for the ride. 

"Come here you idiot. Give your man a hug." I said to Dad. Victor opened his arms even wider. Dad seemed to fit in perfectly.

I felt two lips kissing my hair. It has been a while since I felt two and I never had both of them filled with so much love. I think I understood a bit of what Dad is saying now. I don't know what to make with this. It's new. 

Then I heard something I did not want to witness.

"Get a room!" I said childishly. 

They pulled apart and laughed very loud. I joined in with them. But I knew that that meant to them. I stepped away and actually saw them do it. Dad never looked so happy. Dad fell a little backwards but Victor was holding him up. I was crying again. Victor was whispering something to Dad and finally he joined Victor on the laughing.

 Once we- and by we I mean them- were done we headed inside.

...

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