I woke up with my body in the worst pain I have felt in a while. My head ached so much that it felt like it was going to crack open. And it did not help matters that my nose was stuffy, and I couldn't breathe out of it. My hair was greasy, even though I showered just last night, and I am a sweating machine. I literally mean that I am sweating on every inch of my body, including areas that are not supposed to be sweating. 

My eyes slowly opened as I adjusted to his pain. I sat up and pulled off my comforters. I looked down and- What a sight.

My pants, bedsheets, and blankets were all stained with a deep, deep red, almost bordering almost black. My legs were feeling warm and sticky. It was a big stain, about the size of a small throw pillow on your couch. The smell was starting to get to me. Great. Just what I really needed. Just perfect.

I stumbled to the bathroom and cleaned myself up. It was surprisingly a lot. Well not that surprisingly. 

Ever since the whole- fiasco- a lot of changes have happened. I flushed the toilet, which looked like it was murdered, and changed my clothes. God, I feel horrible. I literally cannot breathe right now. I am panting like a tired-out dog which is not helping my headache. Why am I always stuck in a loop?

I washed my hands under the freezing water. My hands were frozen solid in one position that it was hard to turn the knob. I dried my hands and got a glimpse at the stranger in the mirror.

I had lost a significant amount of weight. I dropped from 120 to 82 pounds so far. That is what the doctor told me at least, which I have been too almost every week for about the last 3 months. And the therapist too. I just did a session yesterday actually and ended up throwing up in the end. Anyway, the weight loss was accomplished by starving myself for long periods of time. My clothes, which used to fit me fine before, hung so loosely on me. Imagine a twig on the ground walking around and you got the exact image of me. 

My skin looked different. I am either as pale as a ghost or tinged with a greenish-yellow hue. It used to be normal, and I would break out a few times when I was really stressed but now, I break out all the time and am so oily. And I have not been able to find any products to help so that's great. I lost so much fat in my body that my skin looks saggy in some places but clings to my bones in others. My hair didn't help the overall effect. On an impulse I decided to cut my waist length hair to my shoulders. Like a dark-haired Margot Robbie. But not as pretty. Just plain hideous. 

I left the bathroom and went to change the sheets. Lucky the bed didn't stain. Tips for young women who are hitting puberty: Say goodbye to light colored bed sheets, pajamas, and underwear. I was so not looking forward to doing laundry. Washing this out would be a nightmare. I have been procrastinating doing laundry specifically. I have a little over 2 months of clothes to wash.

Fixing the bed tired me out. I laid on the measly fixed bed sheets, laying in the weirdest position that I think helps with the pain. Man, this hurts.

After silent sweating and crying and bleeding and aching for 5 minutes I needed Midol and Aspirin. Midol to help the cramps and bloating and Aspirin to fix this stupid headache.

I got up and headed downstairs, tripping all the way. I tried to be as quiet as I could while walking past the living room into the kitchen. Greyson was sleeping on the couch, very peacefully. I tiptoed over to him, and it looked like he was crying again last night. He kind of had the shine on his cheeks and they were red. His hair looked like he was running it through with his hands again. 

You may be wondering why he is knocked out on the couch. It's a long explanation. When I was leaving the hospital- I was released after a week; the doctor basically said that I was better and the only thing that would help me get back to 100 is the comfort of my own life- I overheard the doctor talk to Dad about the situation. He said that I should have as much normality as I could around me. That meant seeing my friends, Dad leaving for work, going out, having fun, doing regular teen stuff and all that jazz.

Well, it all didn't exactly work.

Things like Dad leaving were fine. I was actually kind of glad we stuck with the same schedule. I couldn't bear him to see me like this. His head would go to places even deeper than mine and he would start to blame himself. Greyson and I graduated about a week and a half after I left the hospital. There was some paperwork to do. But Dani and Joshua still hang out with us all the time. It is a bit awkward though. They were cautious about what they were saying and doing but they were still my best buddies. The four did everything four very normal friends do but they were tedious. Though it was kind of hard at times. One time the four of us tried going to the mall one weekend and everything kind of felt normal until some random guy shoved me and I kind of went haywire.

The thing that was completely abnormal, though my doctor told me after several visits that this was normal after what I went through, was my sleep schedule. And who I slept with. Before, it would usually take me a while for my brain to shut up and go to sleep but now it is a switch in my brain, and I can knock out as soon as I hit a bed. It has been kind of a blessing and a curse.

Then it is who I slept with. I kind of don't have to spell it out for you. The first night after I came back from the hospital was the worst night I had in a while. I was in bed trying to fall asleep. Greyson came into the room, and I sat up so fast because he honestly scared me. I didn't tell him though. He did ask but I kept my mouth shut. He went to the restroom and closet, talking to me and getting ready for bed as well. He spent that entire day apartment shopping, so you knew he was tired. He had changed into his pajamas and turned off the light, ready to get in bed. He had gotten under the comforter and was trying to get close to me. He had put his arm around me. That is when my mouth pried open.

I screamed. Like I screamed out loud and really loud. Loud enough for Dad to come running into my room. Greyson had sat up, throwing the blanket off of him. He was scared that he hurt me. I fell off the bed and relocated to the corner. I was pulling my knees to my chest and was crying, scared of the things running in my mind. All that came to my mind was the teacher's bathroom around the corner from the gym. The bottle with fake water. A guy who drank that water, all of it...

Dad immediately went to Greyson to try to figure out what happened. Dad had grabbed him by the collar and dragged him up but eventually came to his senses and let him go immediately. He knew Greyson did not lay a finger on me in that sense. He talked to a very stressed-out Greyson who left to the living room after calming down. Dad walked over to me and helped me stop crying and held me to sleep. It was hard that night for me to stay asleep because every time Dad tried getting up, I would wake up. Finally at 4 A.M I actually went to sleep. I think that was the first time in forever that I was crying and shaking in my sleep. 

I walked into the kitchen and opened the medicine cabinet. I pulled out the medicine and downed them with some water. I took 1 Midol and 3 Aspirin. And as soon as the Aspirin settled into my bloodstream, I got a nosebleed. It was oozing slowly out of my nose. It would be worth it if it came with some superpowers, but the world is not a wish-granting factory. 

I went to the sink and fixed this entire mess. I promise you that I am going to bleed to death the rate I am going. I opened the freezer and stole the ice pack. I settled at the little table we had in the kitchen, with my box of tissues added to help the mess, silently screaming my life choices.

As the table slowly grew a small population of blood infected tissues the door swung open.

"M-M-Morning," Greyson said as he yawned. He was scratching his eyes and pulling up his pants. I think my suspicions were right. He sounded all choked up. 

"Morning," I said quietly.

The ice pack was starting to get warm on this side. I flipped it around to the colder side and continued to burn my skin.

"What happened?" he asked as he dug through the fridge.

"I'm a girl."

"Oh."

We finished what we were doing silently. There was a kind of heavy tension in the air but we are kind of getting used to it. I hate how everyone had to suddenly adjust their lives because of me. I feel so responsible for the cloud of sadness looming over us. I don't want everyone to feel this way for the rest of their lives. 

As I sat there slowly bleeding to my downfall, and absolutely detesting myself, Greyson perked up.

"Did I accidentally order you flowers?"

"What?"

I looked away from the ceiling and saw what he was pointing to. I am kind of surprised that I missed this big bouquet of flowers in the middle of the kitchen island. I was dancing around the place trying to fix myself. Someone tape a dunce hat to my head. 

To be fair though it was a bunch of white roses with only two red ones centered in the middle. It was in a sleek black vase-bucket thing flower shops put big bouquets in. Tied around the vase-bucket thing was a delicate burlap bow. 

I got up and sat on one of the barstools. I pulled the flowers closer to me. The smell hit me very fast. I don't think store bought roses particularly have the greatest smell but it is pleasant. I spun it around, admiring it at different angles. It was so picturesque. All the roses were so crisp and all of them looked so well cared for. The white was so bright and the red made you feel something on the inside. It looked sultry and intoxicated. I would definitely send someone (in reality there is only person I would send these type of flowers too) to give them hints. But for some reason I felt like that wasn't the message these flowers were trying to communicate. I just couldn't figure it out.

"There is a card," Greyson pointed out.

I turned it around and opened it without a second thought. I don't know why I did it so bluntly but my conscience was telling me to. Maybe something would come out of it?

The cover of the card had a Great Gatsby feel to it. There were two wine glasses, clinking together, and it was very sultry and glittery and lively. There were silhouettes of tall, thin people in the background and it felt like there was a huge celebration happening in the card.

I took a quick glance at Greyson. He looked hesitant.

"What?" I asked him.

"I didn't get you those," he said as more of a statement than a question.

"Okay," I said. That was already documented.

"And you didn't get those," he said, saying a question and a statement.

"Yeah, I didn't," I said. I don't remember getting these online.

"Don't you think it might be your dad's?" he said. He kind of said it like it was the obvious thing.

I thought about it. Dad didn't really have a big secret that I don't know about. For being such an introvert he sure can talk a lot. And when he tells me something I already figured it out a long time ago. Like I said, he sure can talk a lot which can lead things slipping now and then.

I opened the card and started to read. And even though he was hesitant Greyson was behind me, reading over my shoulder. He took a step back though when I let out a shuddering breath.

The card said:

Dear Clay,

I told you that I have never written a love letter or note but here it goes. These last 6 months have been the best time of my life. From the 5 minute dates during lunch to the late night talks, you have been there for me. I have actually gone crazy thinking about how amazing you are. How do you know what I need when I need it? I guess that it is because you listen, and you care, and you are so kind. How are you so amazing?

I would write it down but I don't have enough space. I am already writing so much! But either way, thank you for the last 6 months. Thank you so much and I can't wait to finish the ride.

Love, Victor.

Even though the card was sweet and short to the point I had a hard time comprehending it. After I read it for the 4th time, still not understanding it, I looked at Greyson.

He was shocked. Confused. Flabbergasted even. His eyes were huge, and his mouth was hanging a little.

"What does-" and even before I could finish the sentence Dad came in the kitchen, looking at us with his phone in his hand.

...

Make sure to vote and comment! Love y'all!