Bifky showed us the bedrooms upstairs. It was a seven bedroom house, he explained, plus the guards on watch didn’t sleep, and some of them always ended up falling asleep in the living room after the poker game. So there were plenty of rooms to spare. It felt strange to say goodnight to them, and I gave Eli one last reassuring smile before turning to slip into my bedroom. Once I shut the door I allowed myself to sag against it, holding in a groan.

I was tired to my very bones, and just beginning to truly feel it.

Up until now I’d been the strong one for Eli and I, challenging the guards, hiding my fear, pretending to be sure of myself when I wasn’t. Now all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and let my tears out for the first time.

Sliding down to the floor and resting against the door, I shut my eyes tightly, pressing the heels of my hands against my brows. So many things kept flashing through my mind’s eye, the sharp teeth of the mermaids, the look on the sea king’s face when he told me what my fate might be, the last look I’d had of Fiske before we ran.

The weight of guilt and fear felt like something was physically crushing me. But I forced myself to climb to my feet and kick off my shoes. In the corner of the bedroom there was a dresser with three wide drawers, and I made my way over, wincing at how sore I was, and pulled the top drawer open.

There was a mixture of clothing inside, a jumble of old t-shirts and sweatpants and a few skirts it looked like. I picked out an overly large t-shirt with the HardRock Café logo emblazed across it and stripped out of the slinky dress before slipping the shirt on. The worn out cotton felt soft against my skin, and more secure than the slinky dress had. I finally felt like myself again, as much as could be expected.

Finally I slid between the sheets and curled up on my side. There was an extra pillow beside me, and I dragged it over and hugged it close, half wishing that Eli and I had shared a room. It was strange being alone after being on the run with him.

Of course, I was glad he hadn’t seen me break down.

Tomorrow I would have to leave him behind, I was sure of it. He would never get through the pass, his jotun blood was far too thin. And if he tried to follow us and couldn’t get through he would have to walk back here on his own.

But it didn’t have to stay that way. I clutched the pillow harder. Eli could lead us back to the island, back to his grandfather. It would be easy to insist that he accompany us, especially because I wasn’t sure I could lead my people back successfully by myself. I’d been in a panic when we’d fled, going on pure adrenaline. If they asked me to show them where the facility was I couldn’t be sure I would lead them the right way. But Eli could.

With this thought in mind, I started to relax, letting myself enjoy the cool sheets on my legs and the soft mattress. It had been a long time since I’d slept on anything so soft.

For tonight, I might as well enjoy it.

Light slipping in through the cracks in the blinds woke me the next morning, and for a few second I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling, blinking. How many mornings had I woken up in that cage back at the facility? And now I was here in an actual bed, wrapped in warm cotton sheets.

I shut my eyes, and not for the first time Kalda’s face flashed in the dark, smiling, laughing. She should be here with me

Suddenly my chest felt heavy, and all I wanted to do was curl up and soak the pillow in hot tears. But I didn’t have time for that. If I did, her death would mean nothing, and my Fiske’s sacrifice would be a useless. There was no way I was about to let that happen.

Forcing myself to sit up, I swung my legs over the side of the bed, testing the floor with the tips of my toes. Cold. Doesn’t matter, suck it up, Vee.

The bedroom door squeaked slightly when I opened it, and I winced. The hallway was dimly lit. Nobody was up yet, thankfully. The last thing I wanted was Eli to see me running around the house in oversized sweatpants and a t-shirt.

I shut the bathroom door and locked it behind me. The other thing I didn’t want was Eli accidentally walking in while I was showering. The bathroom was fairly large, and there was a number of fruit-shaped soaps in a dish beside the sink. Somehow it didn’t seem like something Gunny would do, so I would have to guess that it was Bifky’s handiwork. There was a towel on the rack beside the shower stall, and someone had placed my silver dress on a hanger and left it beside the towel to dry.

At least I didn’t have to show up in front of the king and queen in a baggy “hardrock café” t-shirt. It was already a struggle to be taken seriously.

The shower felt good, the water strangely warm against my skin. It was as if I could feel things more and more every day, the heat and cold were more intense than ever, and it was both disturbing and strangely exhilarating.

My movements were almost robotic. Wash the hair, Rinse. Repeat.

It was hard not to get caught up in fearful thoughts. Did this mean I was turning human somehow? Would I eventually lose the ability to manipulate water and become entirely mortal? Then I would never be able to return home, never be with my people again. I wouldn’t make it through the pass.

The thought sent icy tendrils of panic shooting through my chest and stomach. I’d been concerned about Eli up until now, knowing he probably wouldn’t make it through. I hadn’t thought about whether I would make it through or not. That would ruin everything. The others would have to take my message to the queen, and somehow I didn’t trust them to do it properly. Especially Bolthur. He would probably go out of his way to sabotage things.

I was almost shaking when I stepped out of the shower, wrapping the towel around me, clutching the edges so tightly my fingers felt numb. Shivering slightly, I dried off as best as I could and then slipped into the silver dress, combing my fingers through my wet hair.

There was no point even looking in the mirror, it couldn’t be good.

Stepping out into the hall the first thing I saw was Eli, who was standing in the center looking lost. When he spotted me his face lit up, the reaction so obvious that my cheeks started burning. He was relieved to see me, since he obviously felt uncomfortable here. And now I had to tell him he probably wouldn’t make it through the pass. That I had to leave him with these people who so obviously thought of him as insignificant. Perhaps even despised him.

My thoughts went immediately to Bolthur. I didn’t want him to come with me, since it seemed likely that he would cause trouble, but leaving him here might be worse. I had no doubt that Ake would come, since he was the commander, and he seemed to be the only one who could control Bolthur. If he was gone I wasn’t sure what might happen.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, reluctant to bring up the journey ahead of us. At some point I had to break it to him. He probably couldn’t get through the pass. “How did you sleep?”

He shifted from one foot to the other. “Okay, thanks. It was weird to be in a bed.”

“Right.” Of course it would be strange for him. How long had he been sleeping in a cave on a bed of leaves? At least in the safehouse he had a bed and real food. That made me feel a bit better. “Let’s get some breakfast.”

I turned, and Eli followed me down the hallway. “Are we grabbing food for the road or staying here? I wouldn’t mind more bacon, that stuff was really good.”

Pressing my lips together I descended the stairs, thoughts racing. “Uh, well maybe Bifky can make you more.”

Eli didn’t reply, maybe realizing I’d said “you” and not “us”. My stomach churned. Breakfast probably wouldn’t happen for me.

Downstairs, the others were already gathered in the kitchen. Gunnar sat at the table, feet propped up, a long slender scabbard balanced across both knees. When she saw us she grinned. "Morning, sunshine! Sleep well?"

I only nodded. Bifky was leaning over the stove, and the smell of bacon hit me as soon as I walked in. My stomach rumbled.

Ake stood up from his seat across the table and nodded at me. He didn’t even glance over at Eli. “If you’re ready to go, we’ll leave as soon as we’re done breakfast.”

I nodded, biting the inside of my cheek and glanced over at Bolthur, who was leaning against the counter glowering at both of us. Turning away, I directed my question pointedly at Ake. “Who’s coming with us?”

Gunnar answered before her commander, gesturing at me with the end of her sword. “I’m on board. Can’t wait to see what your story does to those hoity toity court monkeys over at the palace.”

“They’ll laugh,” Bolthur drawled. “Like me. And I’m coming too, gods know why. Waste of time.”

“You’re coming because you’re bored.” Ake crossed his arms over his chest and glared at him. “And you’re destructive when you’re bored. Bifky will stay here with your friend.” He directed a look at Eli.

“What?” Eli looked at me with wide eyes and my stomach plummeted. “I’m going. I can’t stay here. I’m going with you.” His voice climbed higher.

“Eli…” I faltered. “You won’t make it through the pass. You don’t have enough jotun blood. It’s impossible.”

Eli shook his head. “But I can try, there’s no harm in trying.”

“Yes there is.” Bolthur pushed himself off the counter, glaring at Eli. “If you don’t make it through the pass, one of us has to go back with you.”

“I can find my way back.”

“You don’t even know where the border of the pass is, Eli.” I tried not to let the frustration creep into my voice. “Trust me, you don’t want to try to find your way back alone. Besides, we’ll come right back after and get you. You have to lead us back to the facility.”

Eli frowned, though he looked a little more relaxed at this. “So, it won’t take that long? You’ll be back here…with more soldiers?”

"Of course, I can't find my way back without you." Behind me, Bolthur snorted, and I felt my face heat up. I certainly hadn't meant it that way. I turned on my heel and headed for the door. "I'm not hungry. I'll be outside whenever you guys are ready."