"Gee, Bill," Evelyn said wistfully as she walked along the dry creek bed, "whatever made you pick a place like this for a picnic? I mean, it's pretty and all, but it's so, well, remote."

"You know, now that you mention it," Bill answered thoughtfully, "I really don't know what made me pick this spot. You're right, though, it surely is pretty, almost like the setting of a fairytale.

Meadowland had never had a more important guest. As with most small communities, it had had various politicians and has-been writers, but this was the first time anyone really important had chosen to speak here. By noon the arena had filled with people of all shapes and sizes waiting for the speaker to appear. A hush fell over the crowd as a stumpy, three-foot tall creature with pointy teeth and a nose shaped roughly like a rutabaga stepped up on the stage.

"Isn't he gorgeous?" a wood-sprite asked her neighbor.

As almost everyone knew, the magnificent Cremus Wormwort was famous for far more than his good looks. The world's foremost authority on human anthropology and fairy evolution, he had himself evolved from child prodigy to an adult controversy.

Fame had come to Cremus early in life. By the time he was ninety-two, he was already shocking the scientific world by  proposing that his own race of woodland troll had evolved from the bullish hillside goblin clan. At the age of one hundred and thirty, he suddenly diverted all his energy to the study of man, a field which has fascinated all types of fairies, very nearly since the beginning of time.

Wormwort approached the podium as the applause reached a crescendo. He raised his arms to silence the crowd. When they had done so, he began to speak.

"It's wonderful to see all my Fae brethren here. As you all know, my primary field of study is that of our human neighbors. They are a fascinating race, a bit destructive and quite silly at times, but fascinating nonetheless. We're not sure why they can't see us while we can see them, but that of course has been both convenient and vital to our independence. It allows us to study them discreetly. It has been imperative to my research. Some of us are afraid of the humans, some of us resent them, and some of us, like me, love them. It is this love that prompted me to make them my life's work and has prompted me in the study of this fascinating race.

"One of the great mysteries of humanity has been how they reproduce. They tend to be quite secretive in this process and this has led to many wild and unbelievable hypotheses. I am proud to announce that for the first time that I, Cremus Wormwort, have a cracked that riddle."

A murmur passed through the crowd that evolved into light applause and then into loud cheers. This was a revelation. This was a major breakthrough. Wormwort continued.

"Not only will I explain the process of human reproduction, but I have arranged for an actual demonstration for you by a human couple whom I have been studying now for nearly a year. I am confident that we will all be witness to an actual conception."

An excited rumble spread through the audience.

Wormwort raised his hand to quiet the crowd and continued, "This observation will be possible because of the assistance of my partner in this experiment, Miss Millaquick Tattlepart, a local sleep-fairy that I'm certain you are all familiar with." He motioned to a pretty winged fae seated behind him on the stage. "Stand up Milla and take a bow."

The sprite stood up and giggled in embarrassment. She took a bow and the audience erupted in applause for their hometown hero. When she sat back down Cremus continued.

"What Doctor Tattlepart did was to influence our human couple through their dreams to come here today in what we would call...a romantic mood. I am certain nature will take its course." Giggles and laughs emanated from the crowd.

Wormwort smiled broadly. "Humans are quite predictable despite the difficulties of studying them. Foremost in these difficulties, of course, is their indiscernible communication. Those of you who have been in contact with them know what I mean. Their language, if we can call it that, is an endless series of grunts, clicks, squeals, and whines that even our finest linguists have been unable to decipher."

"To give you an example of how difficult interpretation of their languages is, different colonies of men living only a few hundred kilometers apart use completely different sounds to describe the same object. The further you go in either direction, the more disparate those sounds become. Even their written texts change pronounceability the further you move away from any point, making translation impossible. Thus far we've been able to find no rhyme or reason in the sounds they make which we presume to be language. This has been one of the main obstacles to their study.

"Luckily, as it is with their inability to see us, they cannot hear us either, while we are completely able to hear them. That fact has been a blessing in the study. We will be leaving here shortly, within the next ten minutes, but before we go I would like to lay out some ground rules so that this experiment can be viewed as valid.

"First and foremost, we must stay relatively distant. While the humans cannot see us, they do seem to have some type of inherent sense of when they were being watched. Some believe it is a form of echolocation, others that it is based on scent. In any case, everyone must stay behind me during the experiment. Trust me when I say that we will be close enough to make very careful observations.

"Secondly, please keep conversation to a minimum and in a quiet tone. I will answer any questions you have, but please do not shout them out. Again they cannot hear us, but why take chances?

"Finally, I know that there are those of you who are frightened of humans and most of you have never been around them. There is nothing to fear, you will be perfectly safe. They are fundamentally gentle creatures unless they are provoked. There's nothing to be frightened of, most of the stories you've heard about the danger they present have been greatly exaggerated.

"With that final thought, we will head out. It is not far just over that hill," Cremus pointed towards the mound behind the arena. "Follow me and stay close and I will organize where everyone stands when we get there. Let me reiterate what an incredible opportunity this is, for not just myself and you the audience, but for the advancement of science itself."

With that, Cremus Wormwort climbed down off the stage and began to walk out of the arena with the audience directly behind them. There was excitement in the air.

Evelyn and Bill had finished their picnic lunch and now sat facing each other on the blanket they had laid out on the grass. Bill moved closer and stroked Evelyn's hair. She smiled. He leaned over and gave her a kiss. She returned the kiss, but suddenly sat up.

"Are you sure we're alone? I can't help feeling like we're being watched."

Bill turned his head in a wide arc, carefully checking all around him. He smiled and answered, "There's no one here, we're all alone."

Evelyn's smile returned and she reached out and wrapped her arms around Bill's neck and pulled him down onto the blanket.

Cremus and his audience positioned themselves in a wide arc about twenty yards from where Bill and Evelyn lay. He motioned toward the couple on the blanket and then turned to face the onlookers.

"I think that the mating ritual is about to start. I would like everyone to observe very carefully, so we can compare notes upon it's completion. There's no telling when actual conception will take place. It is imperative that our data be accurate."

He turned back toward the couple and sat on the grass, rubbing his hands in anticipation.

The quiet murmur which had been present within the crowd went silent as everyone turned their full attention to the couple on the blanket.

Bill's passion mounted as he kissed Evelyn softly. He sat up and began to remove his clothing. Evelyn sniggered and followed Bill's lead. The couple looked into each other's eyes and were soon locked in an embrace. They kissed fiercely and after a while, Bill laid Evelyn down and gently climbed on top of her. They began to make love and soon moans filled the air.

Bill was careful not to put his full weight upon her and maneuvered his hands off the blanket to better support himself. Evelyn passionately clawed his back and threw her head back in ecstasy. Once more, Bill moved his hands, this time however, his left hand unfortunately came to rest on top of a wasp which was crawling in the grass. It stung him without regard for the act of love being performed. An intense pain shot up through Bill's arm. Tears begin to well in his eyes as the excruciating throbbing came to full effect in his hand. Passion left him quickly as the pain became too much to bear and the tears cascaded off his cheek and fell onto Evelyn's face.

He rolled off and faced her in embarrassment.
"Oh my God, I am so sorry. It was a wasp... It stung me. It really hurt... it broke the mood. I don't know what to say except I'm sorry."

Evelyn smiled and stroked his face. She then took his hand and kissed the swollen palm. She looked him in the eyes and spoke.
"There's nothing to be sorry about. It was lovely, next time we'll try indoors where nature can't attack us. Now let's get dressed and we'll tend to your sting."

The couple dressed and packed up, and after a long hug and another kiss, grabbed their picnic basket and left the field.

Cremus was beside himself with excitement. All of the spectators began speaking to each other in agitated tones, amazed by what they had just seen.

Wormwort raised his hands to silence the crowd and then spoke, "Oh, that was better than we could've expected. Quickly, let's return to the arena and we will review what we have just witnessed!"

Everyone made the short trip back to the arena and when they had seated themselves and Cremus had taken his place back on the stage, an anticipatory silence descended. Wormwort paced the stage several times for dramatic affect before addressing his audience.

"I think you'll all agree that that was absolutely amazing. Let me ask you a question, how many of you saw the moment of conception, raise your hand."

Almost every audience member raised their hand. Wormwort chuckled, "It was pretty obvious wasn't it?" Laughter rippled through the crowd.

"You have been witness to history," Wormwort continued, "Until now, because of the myriad differences between human physiology and that of the Fae, there has been much debate as to whether their reproductive cycle is similar to ours. I think we have answered that question with a resounding yes. It is not that they are similar to us that is remarkable, it is the manner in which, with their psychological limitations, they still manage to reproduce that is. Nature is marvelous.

"As we all know, conception takes place when the tears of the male are consumed by the female, but in the Fae, tears are produced in moments of passion, this is not the case for humans. For whatever reason, human tears are the result of pain, both physical and psychological.

"How then does nature compensate? You all noticed that the male inserted a fleshy appendage into an orifice in the female. We have not been able to closely studied human anatomy, but it is my belief that the female opening is lined with some type of barbs or teeth that clamp down on the male appendage producing what must be excruciating pain. In addition, the female, out of instinct, claws relentlessly at the male's back to produce additional pain. The combination of these torturous processes is sufficient to induce a copious flow of tears from the male, as you saw."

"Now it is my turn to ask you all a favor. My assistant Miss Tattlepart will come amongst you and hand out some notepads and writing implements. What I would like is for you to do is to write your account of what you saw in as much detail as you remember to verify the results of the experiment. I will be eternally grateful. Please sign at the bottom of your account. These affidavits will prove vital when I submit my findings to the Scientific Council. I thank you all for your cooperation. I now bid you a most hearty farewell. I will be returning to my home to write the account and results of our experiment here today. Rest assured that I will credit you all when my work is published."

With that, Cremus Wormwort bade farewell to the audience and made his way off the stage.

Cremus was exhausted by the time he reached his house in the large hollow tree that had been his place of refuge and the home of his family for most of his adult life. He put on a comfortable smoking jacket, poured himself a glass of Imp wine and settled into his comfortable overstuffed chair.

His wife, Trena, a kobold of high birth, entered the room with a sympathetic smile. She was lovely, with coal-colored skin and large pointed ears. She sat next to Cremus and put her arm around his shoulder.

"Well my love, how did it go?"

He gave her an affectionate kiss.
"It was wonderful my dear. It was everything I could've hoped for. I have a lot of work to do to finish my report. I was right though, and there is great satisfaction in that. I'm a little sad I suppose, a bit of the mystery is gone now, but there are so many other things about humans that need to be discovered."

"And I'm sure you'll be the one to discover it. What's next?"

"Where do I begin. There are so many unanswered questions. Why do humans form such close bonds with vicious creatures like dogs and cats? Why do they immerse themselves in lakes, ponds and oceans? How do they stop from eating their children? So many questions."

"Well it sounds like you have your work cut out for you," she said smiling. "They are quite amazing. Is it true that some of them turn to stone under the full moon? Or that they put gold in their teeth, or that some of them reshape their bodies using sacks with water that they insert under their skin?"

Cremus let out a laugh, "Of course not, the things we tell our children about those magical creatures, it's just amazing. They are remarkable enough without any of that mystical mumbo-jumbo. That's my job, to separate fact from fiction. There are things that are simply science, and everything else is just humantales, humantales to tell our children before they go to bed, charming though they may be."

Trena gave Cremus a big kiss on the cheek. "Well, I like humantales and I like that mumbo-jumbo. So don't you ruin them for me OK?"

"I promise," Cremus said lightly, "now let's go make this night part of our happily ever after."

That night a light snow fell on the forest floor, which was silent except for the gentle snores of a troll and a kobold sleeping soundly and dreaming dreams of the magical world of humans.