With each kilometre we drove from Twin Lakes Beach, I closed off my heart to Caleb. I would have seen the signs if I hadn't been such a wreck from imagining my reunion with Trevor. How smoothly he flirted with me, how he'd look for anything we had in common to connect, and how from the minute we met I became an entertaining anecdote he would tell his 'mates' about. He'd jumped at each opportunity to rescue me, so I'd feel connected to him. Then he'd stuck around for every vulnerable moment, mirroring them with his own, so it seemed like I mattered to him, but without ever letting me in. That was the clearest sign he never meant for this to last.

Even me, evasive as a pygmy seahorse, had let him past my walls because our connection and potential had been real to me. Because I had wanted him around for more than a couple of weeks. He had long-term 'can deal with Audrey's shit' and 'is a kickass and interesting human being' vibes. I swallowed my tears and focused on the road.

My heart and eyes still stung.

How did people do this on the regular? So many fantasized about futures with someone they'd just met, hung out with here and there, or gone on a few dates with. I would never want to be this crushed that often. Yet the high of dreaming of connecting with him and imagining a future with him... that was almost as good as going on a dive and seeing all the big-ticket marine life.

It's over, Auds. Let it swim away.

With everything I'd said about running from relationships, fearing commitment, I'd painted myself as the perfect candidate for a short-term relationship. So I couldn't hate Caleb. He saw an opportunity to distract himself from whatever he was going through with someone he thought he wouldn't hurt and took it. I had done the same thing by agreeing to it to avoid dealing with my guilt over Trevor.

All that remained was to see if I could ice my heart enough to get through this trip and have a little fun as his local yet not-so-local fling. Kissing under the Northern lights or having someone to snuggle up to as we marvelled at a polar bear was still nice, even if it had an expiry date.

But empty.

I stopped myself from sighing.

The sign for the town of Lundar appeared, and as we grew nearer to today's final destination, I slowed down and pulled into the parking lot for the giant goose statue. Caleb's stare burned into me like the summer sun.

"Audrey, we don't have to stop, if—"

"You're here for the Canadian experience. Doesn't get more Canadian than a larger-than-life Canada goose, does it?" My smile felt like dry plaster, but I wouldn't let it crumble.

His eyes remained on me as if examining me for cracks. However, I was done being that mess of a woman who fell apart in front of people. I was strong, and I'd been putting myself back together alone as long as I remembered. I didn't need anyone else to do it for me.

After parking the car, we wandered to the giant goose, who had to be almost twenty feet high, resting atop a cement pyramid in mid-flight. It seemed cruel to trap it here, partly escaped with the promise of the sky but impeded by the tether of the earth. But I suppose that was the fate dreamers, reaching for the unattainable yet bound to reality.

I took Caleb's photo, though his smile wasn't what it had been earlier in the trip.

He approached me, hesitantly meeting my eye. "Can I say what I should have said on the beach?"

Was that shyness due to regret? Was he changing his mind?

Before my heart got too excited, I reminded myself, Caleb was a nice guy who felt guilty and was attempting to console me. He'd done it since we met. It didn't mean he wanted anything long-term.

"Will it change how this ends?" My voice was far more controlled than earlier. It meant my walls were strengthening. Good.

He sighed, staring at the goose statue with his finger rapping against his shorts. "No, but it might affect how you feel about it."

Point to rational Audrey. My emotional side retreated further inward.

"I don't think you're an asshole, Caleb. I just wish you'd been more upfront about it."

"If you'd let me explain," his voice and eye contact wavered with the vulnerability I'd fought so hard to keep from mine.

Did that reaction mean something? Even if it did, he'd said this would end with us walking away. My nose burned again, and I couldn't do this. I didn't want to cry in this parking lot or beside him in the car. I'd save it for the campground bathroom.

"You've established your boundaries to survive the trip, and I'm putting up mine. Please respect them." I didn't dare look at him because my act wouldn't recover from it.

I walked toward the car, gravel crunching under my runners as I steadied my breathing. As we both settled into the vehicle, he apologized in a meek tone.

"It's fine, Caleb," I muttered.

"No, it's not. I've hurt you."

"You can't control other people's reactions. Aren't you the one who told me that? Take your own advice and move on, eh?" My voice came out sharper than I intended. I was damned well trying to accept this reality, and the more sympathetic he was, the harder it was.

"That's what you want?" This time he met my eye. His blinking seemed to occur in slow motion as I fought every silly daydream I'd had about him since our first encounter.

Don't cry, Audrey. Whatever you do, don't shed a tear.

I nodded and looked away to start the car, hoping it was a clear signal to end the conversation. We continued north on the two-lane highway, passing several small towns, one with a grouse statue, and others with little more than a few local businesses and homes. Caleb busied himself with his guidebook, still stealing glances at me when he thought I wasn't looking, and I concentrated on the road, passing a few sedans and SUVs along the way as the hazy white clouds diluted the blue skies.

After just under an hour, I pulled off the number 6 onto a side street that would take us to Steep Rock. It would be a relief to leave the stuffy recycled air with the slight stench of lake compliments of my damp hair and impromptu 'bathing suit' drying in the back window. Luckily, I'd had a backpack of clothes to offset that impulsive decision.

As we grew closer, we passed a quarry area with turquoise waters lurking in mined-out sections. It was some of the brightest water I'd seen in our province. Caleb gave me directions to the campground as we bypassed the town and got ourselves checked in at the clean and modern campground office. The woman's pleasant and chipper demeanour was hard to mirror today, so I smiled, took the map from her and thanked her as Caleb took care of the payment.

"Enjoy your stay," she chirped.

I let out a long breath as I left the office. If I survived it, I'd be grateful.

Once we'd driven through the open field campground to our site, putting up the tent together gave us a neutral topic to discuss. We figured out how the pole network attached to the tent, groundsheet, and fly. In about ten minutes, we set up the thankfully large tent.

Caleb brought me equipment from the car as I got the inflatable mats ready with the foot pump and laid out our sleeping bags and pillows. There was room for at least another person in the center of the tent, which was perfect. I filled that space with our backpacks and slid my mat as close to the tent wall as possible without touching the edges.

 
After digging into my bag, I found an old one-piece swimsuit I'd left in Canada and a pair of board shorts. I changed for kayaking before offering Caleb the tent to do the same.

His temporary absence gave me a moment to rest in the shade of the treeline sheltering us partially from our neighbours and to consider the rest of the trip. Despite, my pain, I would survive it. He and I were both good at respecting each other's boundaries and now that I'd been clear about that we were in the clear. My heart wasn't sold on the fling aspect given how much I cared about him, but it might reconsider by the time our train arrived in Churchill in a few days.

The zip of the tent opening put me back into friendly, collected Audrey mode, though considering Caleb's sour look, I didn't pull it off.

"You're not obligated to kayaking with me. I'm sorry. I feel awful," he said.

On closer inspection, he looked ready to yak.

The last thing I wanted was to make him suffer.

"New rule, unless you've flipped my kayak or hit me with your paddle, stop apologizing. It's not helping either of us. You're here to see the cliffs, and I love being in the water. Plus, I guide aquatic tours for a living, and I'm not letting you go out there alone, not knowing the way."

"Do you know the way?"

"No, but we won't be alone, and that's what counts."

He chuckled before heading to the car. We stuffed the keys, a few towels, snacks and our phones into my purple dry bag before walking to the rental area, which had two kayaks for us. Since we'd both kayaked before, the attendant only had a quick spiel and told us to keep the shore to our left to get there and to our right to return.

"It's a real Mensa puzzle worth of directions, isn't it?" Caleb asked as we hauled the heavy kayaks down to the beach.

Although I was holding the front cords on the kayaks and couldn't see his face, I smiled at his sense of humour returning. I needed his laid back nature to bring out my own.

"With you all driving on the other side of the road down there, I wasn't sure you could handle it."

"I'm so fortunate to have such a benevolent tour guide who thinks so highly of my directional sense," he teased back.

I'd become more like a tour guide than a girlfriend since our chat on the beach. What a silly risk that had been to approach that topic. Now I couldn't enjoy our flirting without bitterness and ruefulness, and Caleb was too remorseful to try. You'd think I'd have learned the ins and outs of travel flings by now. At least I would be better prepared for the next one, although it'd be a long time before I'd want to try again.

Part two of this chapter will be out this weekend! Thank you so much for your support of this story. I'm hoping to have more updates soon as summer vacation approaches (although I've been stalled on the next chapter grouping for a while). Here's a little photo preview of the cliffs they're about to check out and the Lundar goose.