Once the wedding party returned, supper got underway in the beautifully decorated barn. We took our seats together at the sunflower table, complete with bright false sunflowers in the centre vase, beside Minji, Jason and a few others I graduated with but who were closer friends with Vince. They swapped stories about the groom and were eager to hear Caleb's take on Vince's attempts to adapt to Australian society, adopt a botched accent, and find a koala in the wild despite them not being native to Queensland when he stayed with Caleb's family.

We filled up on a Ukrainian-themed buffet full of delicious perogies, cabbage rolls, sauerkraut buns, meatballs, chicken, and kielbasa. Going hard on the garlic was an interesting choice, especially given how freely the guests requested the couple kiss by placing money in the donation box for the Canadian Liver Foundation, but they were happy to oblige. As Claire and Vince broke apart from another passionate kiss, a cheer erupted from her fun aunts, including Trevor's mom. I caught him subtly shaking his head and whispering to his date.

The father-daughter dance had many of us in near tears, given Claire's speech about how she feared she'd never get to share this moment with him. But now both men who loved her with their whole hearts were here, one living because of the generosity of the other. And without that generosity, she might never have connected with the love of her life.

Caleb had left during that portion, quickly enough I assumed he didn't want company. I'd planned to search for him after the dance, but he slipped back into his seat as the song ended. His face was neutral, but a tired look resided in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

"Fine." But with the tension in his voice and brow, I didn't believe him.

I threaded our fingers together and rested my head on his shoulder, which made him smile faintly. At least I helped a little.

I didn't want to pick apart clues about his situation, but I wondered why today kept triggering him. Was it the dad or daughter part? He didn't have a real girlfriend, but he must have had one before and maybe had a child he didn't see or their kid passed away. We were in our late twenties, and people our age had families, marriages, divorces, and suffered tragedies.

Or was someone in his family sick? His mom was well enough to chat with, but perhaps she had been diagnosed with something and that was why Caleb checked in, or another member of his family like his dad. But he'd had no trouble discussing their relationship with me. It might be his sister, although she was younger than him, so the odds of her being sick were lower.

But dwelling wouldn't answer the question, so I focused on the barn, lit with twinkling lights strung from the beams above us and residual sunlight from the open door.

I smiled as Claire and Vince swayed to Jack Johnson's 'Better Together'. They hadn't learned a fancy routine, but the love came through when their eyes met and their bodies were drawn together.

I couldn't help but squeeze Caleb's hand, especially when he looked on with a sad expression. The action made him turn to me and smile, raising my hand to his lips. My traitorous heart was aware of every second my body had come into contact with his lips. It sent a jolt through me.

A few tables over, Trevor's eyes were on us, but darted back to his date when we locked eyes. None of the others at our table went up to dance, but they took off to get drinks, leaving Caleb and me alone at the large circular table.

The alternating guitar chords in the opening of 'Fishing in the Dark' came on and, given that we sat right beside the dance floor, Claire caught my eye and waved us over. When Vince did the same, Caleb raised an eyebrow at me and inclined his head toward the couple. After giving him a subtle nod, we headed towards them. I hoped he wasn't expecting a skill level beyond 'body moves semi-synchronously to the beat'.

The four of us danced together in a circle, Vince and Claire singing along with his arm around her waist. He hardly took his eyes off her, and Claire beamed, brightening the flowers woven into the bodice of her dress. I didn't doubt their love for a second.

What was it like to love someone with so much certainty?

Was I destined for a life of skepticism? Or was there a person who'd wash that away like a mask defogger?

Vince snickered while watching Caleb, who was miming reeling in a very aggressive fish to the country beat. A few chuckles left my lips too, making him grin and commit further to the 'dance'. While love was far too strong a word for what Caleb and I shared, I grew fonder of him every minute. But there had to be a natural limit to that, like I'd hit with Trevor, right?

As the song ended, Claire pulled me into a tight hug.

"I'm married!" she exclaimed with a squeal.

"You are. Congratulations! Vince is a lucky guy."

"I'm the lucky one. Thanks so much for coming." She still hadn't released me from the embrace, so we swayed to the beat of a pop song. "I didn't think you'd fly here, but I'm so glad you did."

"I couldn't miss it."

And after meeting Caleb, it seemed inconceivable that I would have stayed behind and worked through this event. No matter what happened after this trip, he'd made staying with my family bearable and supported me, so I didn't feel like a problem. I'd carry that acceptance with me for life.

"Maybe next time we see each other will be for your wedding," she teased.

That statement stirred mixed feelings in my chest. Sure, I'd love to dance more with Caleb and my friends, share a delicious meal, and have him stare at me with adoration. But a wedding? Even if we turned this into something real and stayed together for years, I couldn't imagine dancing and kissing on command in front of everyone or the wedding speech my mom would give. I'd be an anxious mess as the center of attention for this kind of event.

"That champagne must be hitting you hard because you know I never plan on getting married."

"Oh yeah? Not even if it meant landing a cute, caring husband and Australian citizenship?" Pulling away, she eyed Caleb, and my cheeks warmed as he may overhear us.

"We've been together for a few months, Claire." Or acting like it for a few days.

However, the idea of Australian citizenship might make me consider marriage. To me, the ring, ceremony, and contract had never meant more than a person's actions. My parents were married, and I'd argue that it was an arrangement to keep two unhappy people together who might live much more fulfilling lives with others. Their marriage didn't look like love to me.

What I wanted was someone who chose to be with me every day. Who could leave whenever they pleased, but who wanted to keep showing up every day. Who would hold me on my worst days and celebrate with me on the best ones. I could get that without a marriage certificate and a party. But if a shortcut to citizenship hung in the balance, that might be enough for me to embrace marriage with a person I wanted to spend my life with anyway.

"Time's not important. It's how he looks at you, and more importantly, how you look at him."

That was quite the pat on the back for our acting skills. I'd have to tell Caleb later, as I imagine he'd get a kick out of it. But Claire had to be exaggerating, as we weren't sharing the same looks she and Vince were. We'd just met.

"Thanks for your vote of confidence."

"Now go dance with that man properly."

Claire nudged me in Caleb's direction, and I looked up at him. He wasn't overly tall for a guy, perhaps 5'9", but I preferred that, given my shortness. He smiled at me. Was that a gleam of affection in his eyes? Nah, just Claire's meddling messing with my thoughts. Still, my stomach swirled, and I swallowed a lump in my throat.

"I've been instructed to dance with you 'properly'. Whatever that means."

He chuckled and rested a hand on my upper back while extending his other arm and wiggling his fingers to ask for my hand. I placed mine in his warm grasp, and he waltzed us around the dance floor amongst half a dozen other dancers, which did not go at all with Billy Idol's 'Mony Mony' currently playing. He'd prompt me to spin at random moments, which we did with complete and utter discoordination.

Claire shook her head from where she danced with Vince, her arms around his neck. As we drew closer, she asked, "What are you two doing?"

"Dancing properly, as requested," Caleb gave her a cheeky grin.

Vince failed to hold in his laugh, and she sighed and looked at me. "I'm glad you've found someone as stubborn and silly as you."

"You're sadly mistaken. I am far sillier and more stubborn than she is," Caleb replied.

Then our dance moved into the sprinkler, the lawnmower, and the chainsaw, where he chopped me down and I fell into his arms. I struggled to stand up straight because I was laughing so hard, happy tears tickling the corners of my eyes. He put an arm around my waist as I leaned against his chest. His warmth left me lingering in his addictive embrace until I glimpsed Claire looking at me with a raised brow as if challenging our earlier conversation.

As much as I wanted to get lost in that dream and this moment with Caleb, I had to face reality. Our relationship wasn't real, and even if that changed, we may want very different things. I wouldn't be sucked into Claire's newlywed optimism. We'd both get hurt. That was my pattern.

"We'll have to be careful how close we get," I whispered.

He tensed. "Because of your ex?"

I hadn't thought about Trevor now, but it was another reason to be cautious. "No, Claire seems convinced we'll be next in line for this." I gestured around the room. "They'll give me a hard time over the fake breakup or blame you for not giving me a ring."

Would that cause strain on Vince and Caleb's relationship? I'd hate for that to happen because of me.

"Blame me, the damned charming Aussie who took off on you." Despite his words, I doubted anyone would believe this man would run unless I gave him a good reason.

"They'll suspect it's me."

"Why's that?"

I sighed. "Because they know how I am."

He stroked my arms with the softness of a kitten's fur. "And how is that? Because as your date, I can assure you that you are great."

His warm words whispered in my ear ate at my heart like leaf-cutter ants taking down vegetation. The playlist settled on a slower song, so I turned to face him and looped my arms around his neck even if this conversation didn't match the romantic mood.

"For me, all of this," I surveyed the wedding venue, " it's just... too much."

Instead of challenging me, he asked, "What do you want?"

I looked deeply into his eyes, their emerald hues making me aware of every breath and heartbeat moving in slow motion through me. I wasn't sure where he got the diffusing Audrey Clarke's anxiety handbook, but I desperately needed a copy or to keep him around.

Part of me was tempted to lie and conjure up the response I thought he'd want to hear to charm him as much as he was doing to me. That would keep this in the acting realm and perhaps cool off some of these feelings. But another part longed to see if he or anyone would accept what I wanted. Even if tonight was fake, if he got me, it meant that there was at least one person who accepted and cared about me for me.

"Not marriage. It seems like a show you put on for the world. But I've been backstage, and while I'm sure there are good ones out there, like Claire and Vince's, seeing how miserable two people can make each other, watching them disregard each other's feelings, chip away at each other, and call it a marriage, makes me never want one. They can trap you in a loveless state all because you don't want the stigma of divorce."

I expected him to launch into a 'not-all-marriages' speech like my friends would or to joke about how cynical I was, but instead, he pulled me closer until I rested my head against his chest. One hand stayed at my waist and the other stroked my upper back, luring out the tears trapped in my chest. As I sniffled, Caleb squeezed me tighter. He must have known I was crying.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Sorry for what?"

"It's our friends' wedding, and I'm ranting about marriage when I should be celebrating."

He stroked my hair. "There's nothing to apologize for, Audrey. You don't need to share someone's opinion to support them or to pretend to be happy when you're hurting. Earlier you were there for me, and I wasn't a delightful dugong."

How did he even consider our situations similar? He was far too kind and accepting.

"That's different. Something awful happened to you, so it's normal you're suffering. I'm being dramatic and need to get over it."

"Why is it that everyone else is allowed to be in pain but you?"

The question swirled in my chest, taking up residence in my heart. My misery was self-inflicted and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Every time I'd openly been in pain as a kid, my mom would sit down with me and ask me why. Then she'd reassure me I had a good life: a good home, enough to eat, a caring family, and kind friends. Some people didn't have any of that and my life could be a lot worse, so I didn't need to be so upset.

I still had a great life with far more good fortune than most. I'd lived in incredible places, got my dream job, and had caring friends. No reason to cry on a dance floor.

"I don't want people to worry about me. It's not a big deal."

"You don't have to shout it from the rooftops if you don't want to, but you should let someone worry, especially when you've supported their anxieties."

Normally, I'd run off and shove these anxieties down to make it through the evening, but Caleb's way of not making a fuss of it, while still acknowledging I needed him, made it normal to be pain even in a happy place. So I released some of my grief through tears as he and I danced together. Even my head against his shoulder and arms now around his torso in a swaying hug we were calling dancing, helped draw out more of my misery.

When the song ended, he waited for me to pull away. His eyes didn't leave me. "You never told me what you wanted, only what you didn't."

"You really want to know?"

He nodded.

"A partner, a real one who supports me and loves me, but who is also free to leave if we make each other miserable with no obligation to stay. If we're together, I want it to be a choice we make every day because our relationship improves both of our lives."

He met my gaze again, taking my hand in his and squeezing it. Waves of both calm and warmth filled me. Was that the adoration that Claire saw? Could I let go of my apprehension and accept it might be more than acting?