Joana

"Jo, are you okay?" Sam asked.

Joana watched herself in the window. Her reflection was almost someone she recognized. She had stared at her reflection long enough that she knew the gauntness of her cheeks and the hollow of her eyes. She knew the way her braided black hair sat against her shoulders. She knew how the gun on her thigh felt and how hidden it was beneath her clothes.

"Jo?"

She shook her head, turning her attention back to Sam.

"You good?" He asked her again. "We don't have to do this today."

"No, Sam, I'm okay. Let's go."

She stepped back from the window and walked away from her reflection waiting inside. She stood in front of the door, almost unable to step inside, almost stuck once again. However, standing there in the doorway, just like she had 70 years ago, grabbing the door handle and walking through was almost muscle memory.

A bell chimed when she stepped through. That bell hadn't been there before. As soon as she and Sam stepped inside, they were greeted by a young woman.

"Hello!" Her smile was bright. "Welcome. Can I help you with anything?"

Joana's voice froze. She looked around the store. Everything was almost exactly the same. Sure, the clothes were different, but the stairs in the back leading to the rooms and the kitchen were still there. Some of the tables were even the same. Tears filled Joana's eyes. She tried to blink them away, but she couldn't. It still smelled the same.

When it was clear that Joana couldn't say anything, Sam spoke for her.

"My name is Sam and this is Joana. We're looking for Jimmy Leon?"

The woman nodded, her smile never falling.

"Sure. He's in the back mending something. He'll be right up." The woman disappeared behind a rack of clothes and she was gone. Joana turned toward a long dress hanging on a mannequin to her right. She ran her fingers over the fabric first, before reaching up and touching the wood of the mannequin.

A memory of her and Winnie hanging dresses and shirts from these same mannequins crossed her mind. It wasn't a specific memory. She couldn't place the exact time or day, but she knew it happened. An overwhelming sense of home flooded her system.

She walked through the aisles of tables and mannequins and racks. She could see herself, a ghost of a memory, racing through the racks while playing tag with Steve. Joana spun in a circle, watching young Winnie evade Grams with a spool of thread in her hands. Tiny tears dropped from Joana's lashes as she saw herself hiding behind a bunch of clothes, Bucky talking to Piper Johnson just a few feet away from her.

She stopped suddenly at one very specific table. She wasn't sure what was so unique about it until the memory washed over her. A woman with brown hair and a red hat was talking to her. They were both crying. Clothes were strewn across the floor. Steve and Bucky were dead.

Joana squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out the memory.

"Jo-"

"How can I help you?"

Joana turned away from Sam, opening her eyes at the sound of the voice. She wasn't sure what she was expecting to see when she met Jimmy, but she was still taken aback at the sight of him. He had her brother's lips and her father's hair. The nose she recognized, but she wasn't sure if it was Grams' or her mothers.

It was obvious by Jimmy's reaction that he recognized Joana, too.

Sam was about to introduce her to Jimmy, but Joana found the courage. She stepped toward him.

"My name is Joana Kegley," she said before she could think what kind of damage that could do to his mind. "Your grandmother, Winnifred, she was my sister."

Jimmy Leon scowled and stepped away from her.

"What do you mean? Joana Kegley died 70 years ago," he told her, eyebrows knit together. Joana let out a long sigh.

"It's a long story, Mr. Leon, but I promise you that I am telling you the truth. Winnie was my twin sister. We grew up together. We lived here since we were twelve. Steve Rogers and-" Joana's voice broke trying to speak. "Steve Rogers and James Barnes were our best friends. Winnie went to college and the boys went to war. Our boys didn't come back."

Joana found herself crying. It wasn't a sobbing cry, just tears.

"Anyone could have found that on the internet these days," Jimmy said. "Please, leave me alone."

"Wait!" Joana cried. "I was the one who brought Robery Merrick to this very shop the day after Bucky left for war. I brought him here. I was kidnapped, taken by this group of people who were not good. I imagine that it was after that that Winnie came home."

"Why open old wounds?" Jimmy asked, tears glittering in his eyes. "My Grams died 25 years ago. She never stopped looking for Joana and neither have her children or her grandchildren. If you were Joana, you would be old and wrinkled. Your story falls through. Now, whoever you are, please, leave me alone!"

"I don't know how I can prove it to you," Joana said, wiping away her tears. "But it's the truth. I'm not here because I want your money or I want to hurt you. I'm here because I haven't seen my family in 70 years and I wanted to... I wanted to..."

Joana stopped herself. She didn't really know why she was here. Maybe she needed closure. Maybe she needed to know her sister really had the life she hoped for her.

No one said anything for a few moments. The doorbell chimed. Insictually, Joana turned toward the door. Standing in the doorway was a middle-aged woman. She was the spitting image of Winnie, which meant looking at this woman was like looking in a mirror.

The woman had a smile on her face when she entered, but when she saw Joana, it fell. There were bags in her hands that went tumbling to the ground at the sight of her mother's long lost sister.

"Hi, I'm-"

Before Joana could even introduce herself, the woman ran through the shop and threw her arms around Joana's neck. Shock only lasted a few moments before Joana put her arms around the woman's waist.

"Mom," Jimmy spoke slowly. "Who is she?"

The woman in Joana's arms breathed shakily.

"Jimmy," she said, pulling away from Joana. She took Joana's hand and held tightly to it, as if her life depended on it. "This is your great aunt, Joana."

Jimmy looked closer at Joana's face.

"Mom, how can you be sure?"

"Son, I know what my mother looked like. Whenever she told us about her sister, Joana, she said they looked exactly the same. There were no differences," the woman said. She turned back to look at Joana. "When I saw this woman in your store, I thought for a second that it was Mama Winnie, but then I saw the scars on her neck and I knew it was Joana."

Tears began to run down Jimmy's face. He stepped forward toward Joana and put a hand on her face. Joana didn't feel the need to flinch away.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you," he said, stepping away. Joana shook her head with a small smile.

"Don't be sorry, Jim. I understand."

"Please, call me Jimmy."

"Jimmy," Joana confirmed with a brighter smile.

"This is my mother, Stephanie. Everyone calls her Stevie," Jimmy said.

"It's truly lovely to meet you. You have no idea-" Joana's voice cracked again and she felt a sob building up in her throat. Her knees buckled beneath her.

Sam was by her side in a second to catch her.

"It's okay," he whispered in her ear. "You're home, Jo."

Joana clung to his shirt, tears wetting his shirt. She curled her knees up to her chest.

"I miss her so much," Joana sobbed.

"I know, Jo. But you're here now," he said.

"I would like to introduce you to the rest of my family," Stevie said, stepping forward. Tears were running down her cheeks as well. "They would love to meet you. I can't bring Mama Winnie back, but I think it would be good for you to meet them, and it would be closure for them to meet you."

Joana sniffed and nodded. Sam and Stevie helped Joana stand.

"Who is this young man?" Stevie asked, smiling at Sam.

"My name is Sam Wilson, ma'am."

"Oh, you're one of those Avengers. Aren't you wanted in America?" Stevie asked.

"Technically, ma'am, but I needed to be here with Jo."

Stevie smiled.

"Good. Good. You're welcome to come with us if you'd like."

"I think I would like that, ma'am."

"Just call me Stevie."

---

Joana walked into the room and everything fell silent. There were far more people there than Joana had originally anticipated. She recognized Stevie and Jimmy, but everyone else was foreign to her. She saw bits of Robert and Winnie and Grams and her parents and Jackson in each of them, but it was strange. Like she entered some kind of wild dream.

One by one, they each approached her to introduce themselves. They were all crying. Even the kids.

Meeting Winnie's children was just as heartbreaking as Joana feared it would be. Robbie was the oldest. He took after Robbie and Robbie's family, but there were features that resembled Winnie. Then was Becca. She had the largest smile that Joana had ever seen. Stevie was the third child.

Last was Jo. Jo was quiet, reserved. She stood in front of Joana, not speaking, not giving her a hug like the others, just staring.

"Jo hasn't spoken since Mama passed," Stevie told Joana. "I was hoping that she would speak if she saw you."

Joana nodded. She stepped forward and took one of Jo's hands in hers.

"My name is Joana," she said. Jo blinked and a tear fell from her eye. "I'm sorry I've been gone for so long, but I'm here now."

Jo nodded, more tears rolling down her cheeks. She slowly moved to put her arms around Joana until they were engaged in a more than awkward hug.

Whispers started to ripple through the crowd. Joana pulled away from Jo and she turned back toward the door. Sitting there in his wheelchair was 105-year-old, Robert Merrick. A pair of large round glasses sat on his face. His head was bald. Two thick grey eyebrows buried his eyes away. He was wrinkled and aged, but Joana still knew exactly who it was.

"Hey, Dad," Stevie said with a smile. Joana let her arms fall to her side as she started to walk toward him. She knelt in front of him, taking one of his withered hands in hers. He turned to look at her. Joana could spare only one tear for Robert, he old friend.

"Joana?" He asked. "Is that you?"

Joana nodded.

"Yes, Rob," she whispered, unsure if her voice could go any louder. "It's me."

"You look so young," he said. Joana managed a laugh.

"I know, Rob. It's a long story."

"Maybe one day I'll be able to hear it."

"Maybe when there are fewer people around."

"I have something for you," he said. Joana shook her head.

"You don't have to give me anything, Rob-"

"It isn't from me. Winnie gave it to me before she died. She said it was from your Bucky." Joana's heart stopped in her chest. He pulled an envelope out of his pocket. "She wanted me to give you this."

The letter was old, at least 30 years old. In Winnie's beautiful handwriting, Joana's name was written on the front.

"I read it once or twice after she died," Rob admitted. "You might want to read it when you're alone."

Joana nodded, already feeling her nose burn. Joana tucked the envelope into her pocket. She stood and stooped to give Rob a hug.

After their meeting was over, the party began. There was food and music and dancing. Joana was unsure how they had planned all of this so quickly, but it occurred to her that they may have had had this party planned for years.

Two hours later, Stevie, Sam, Rob, and Joana were on their way to the cemetery.

Joana felt her stomach twist and turn. Her heart dropped in and out of her chest. She almost couldn't breathe.

When they got there, Joana and Stevie helped Rob out of the car and into his wheelchair. Joana pushed Rob through the grass. He told her little stories about Winnie about their children. Joana laughed through the panic in her stomach. She wasn't sure she could handle seeing all the gravestones of her family. She wasn't sure she was ready.

When they got to the graves, Stevie and Sam stood back, letting Rob and Joana go on their own. The first graves were Jackson and Joana's parents. Joana hadn't seen them since she was 12. The realization hit her like a train and she felt her knees wobble. She refused to fall.

Next was Grams. Grams had been nearly 100 when she died. Rob told Joana that she was the same until the day she met Jesus.

The next gravestone was Winnie's. Seeing the grave was nearly enough to break Joana. It made it real. Joana let go of Rob's wheelchair and slid to the ground. She sat in front of Winnie's grave and let out a defeated sigh.

"You didn't go far enough," Rob said, staring at the grave beside Winnie's. Joana looked up with watery eyes.

The final Kegley gravestone belonged to her. Her name was etched into the stone. Her birthday was there too, but there was no death date.

"When your parents decided it was time to give you a grave, Winnie only agreed if they wouldn't put a final date. She refused to believe you were dead," Rob said. "I just wish she was here to see you alive."

Joana looked up to the bright sky above her.

"She knows," was all Joana could say.

Rob said nothing else. Neither did Joana.

Finally, she pulled the envelope out of her pocket. She refused to look at the object inside. Instead, she pulled out the letter.

My dearest Joana,

I know you are out there somewhere. I wish there was something else I could do to find you. It breaks my heart to think that you are out there somewhere, alone and scared, without anyone by your side. I have to believe that you found someone to live for, just as I have lived all these years for you.

When you read this, I know I will probably be gone. Don't blame yourself for what has happened. I dropped out of college to look for you, but I returned after a few years. I graduated with a degree in Mathematics. I didn't end up doing anything with it because Grams needed my help, but the accomplishment was enough.

I missed you every day, dearest sister, but don't think I didn't live my life out to the fullest. Because of you, I fell in love with an endlessly kind and compassionate man. We had four beautiful children and many many grandchildren. You might not have been here with them, but you were apart of them all the same.

I do not know if this letter is folly. You may not be alive, but I have to believe you are. I have to believe that you are out there somewhere and if I am not there to watch over you, that Steve and Bucky are. I miss them dearly, but nowhere near as much as I miss you.

Soon, I will be dead. I will see Steve and Bucky again and the three of us will watch over you. If you, too, have died, then I will see you very soon.

Enclosed with this letter is something Bucky gave me years ago. I was meant to keep it safe while he was at war. He always intended to give it to you himself. When I heard that he died, I didn't have the strength to give it to you. Before I knew it, you were gone and all I had left of you and Bucky was this.

I am sorry I kept it from you. I am sorry that you couldn't take it with you. It has been my deepest regret all these years. I can't help but think that, if you had this with you, you would have managed to come home.

Anyway, here it is now. Do not be angry with me for keeping it, dear Joana. I wish there was more I could give to you, more I could tell you. I spent every night telling my children all about you. Maybe they will tell you all about me.

I wish more than anything that I could see you again in person, but I know that our good Lord will bring you home someday and I will see you again.

I do not wish to finish this letter, but I am growing tired.

With enormous love and faith,

Your sister,

Winnie

The letter was stained with tears by the time that Joana finished reading it. Her hands were shaking as she lowered her head to the letter. Winnie had been expecting to see Steve and Bucky in heaven when she got there. Something about that hurt Joana more than anything else. She felt a hand on her back.

She lifted her tear-stained face toward Sam. His look of pity was almost too much for her to handle.

"Let me help you," he whispered. She held up the envelope, where Bucky's gift to her still lay.

"This was a gift from Bucky," Joana said and sniffled. Her face contorted again in pain. "I don't know if I can open it."

Sam plucked the envelope from her shaking hand.

"Do you want me to open it for you?"

Joana nodded her head, letting her eyes close and more tears fall from her eyes.

Sam pressed his fingers into the envelope and grabbed hold to the object inside. When he saw what it was, he sighed and lowered.

"What is it?" Joana asked, eyes now wide. Sam looked at her.

"Are you sure you want to know? You don't want to wait until Bucky wakes up?" Sam asked her.

"What if he never does?" Joana asked, her voice solemn. "Winnie was afraid to give it to me before and if I am afraid to open it now, maybe I will spend the rest of my life regretting it as she did."

Sam took the object out, clasped in his hand, and pressed it into her palm. When he took his hand away, Joana kept her eyes on him for a few moments. When she finally looked down, she let out a deep, wavering breath.

In her palm was a ring. It was tarnished and old. It was a simple band with a small gem in the middle. In the time when Bucky would have bought it, it would have probably been found at a thrift store. Nowadays, it probably couldn't sell at a thrift store for a few dollars. Still, it meant the world to Joana. Joana let out a quiet sob and closed her hand around the ring. She brought it to her chest and turned back to her sister's gravestone.

Joana leaned forward and planted a kiss against the stone. She turned her head toward the sky and whispered a prayer that God was holding Winnie's soul.

"She's up there," Rob said. He too was looking up that the sky. "I know she is."

---

Two weeks later, Joana and Sam were aboard a Wakandan airship, on their way home. She had all her family promise not to tell anyone that she had been there or that she existed at all. It was better that way. It would keep Sam, Steve, Natalia, Wanda, and Bucky safe.

It was hard to leave them behind so soon after she got them, but she was homesick for Wakanda. She was ready to go home.

The trip was silent. Joana fiddled with the necklace that carried the ring Bucky had left for her. Sam sat by her side.

Joana's heart stopped for a moment when they landed. She shut her eyes as the door opened.

"You good?" Sam asked her. Joana opened her eyes and nodded. She unstrapped herself from the plane and stood. She looked out of the open door and saw two figures running toward her. She realized as they approached that they were the forms of Shuri and Natalia. She couldn't imagine that they were that excited to see her, so something must have been wrong.

She and Sam ran out to meet them.

"Shuri. Natalia. What's wrong?"

Natalia threw her arms around Joana, a smile on her face.

"It's Barnes," Shuri said. Panic filled Joana's heart.

"Is he okay?"

"Come with me, Joana," Natalia said, taking her hand.

"First, tell me what is happening."

Shuri was beaming. Joana had only seen Shuri that happy when she told Joana that T'challa was alive.

"It's Barnes," she said again. "I think I fixed him."

***

Alright, alright, alright! That's what I'm talking about!

I've got a chapter done before Christmas! Wow.

So, we're in a really good place right now in this story. I know this one was a little sad, a little nostalgic and stuff, but the next few are gonna be pretty happy. I think you guys need a break from all the sad and depressing stuff. Honestly, I think Joana deserves a break too.

So yeah, I don't want to spoil anything for y'all, but yeah.

Have a great Christmas everybody! If you don't celebrate Christmas, then have a great day tomorrow!

with the greatest of affection,

authorsbane