her

he blinks at me,
pulls my arms off him
and says: "did you just—"
with every passing second,
i can hear my heart crack

"i did," i mumble.
west starts hysterically laughing,
so hard he bumps into celebrating
people, and falls on the ground
"you're not in love with me!" he exclaims.

i help him get up,
but since he doesn't hold
my hand back, i fall on top of him
"i am!" i say, feeling frustration pile up

why isn't he saying it back?
were all the kisses meaningless?
what am i to him?

"no, you're not," he is firm.
i look at him cautiously,
"west, i am."
"no," his voice rises, "you're not
fucking in love with me, lotus!"
and i sense the antique anxiety
seep into my veins and settle.

"why not?" i say, getting up
he does the same, and glares at me
"because you can't be in love with me.
we're not together, lotus. i don't deserve to
be have you be in love with me."

"why not?" i repeat. "give me a reason."
"i can't."
"please, west."
"no, lotus, for fuck's sake!"
"is it because i'm not pretty enough?
my legs aren't long enough? i'm not a good
kisser? because you seemed to like me fine!
you even said that i was the best thing—"

-

him

i hold her hands,
as they keep flying around
and her temper arises,
she holds my shirt and says:
"what is it, west? why can't i love you?
why can't you love me?"

i have to stop her,
i should leave,
i need to think.

and the only way she lets
me leave is when i say:
"because, lotus, i don't fucking love you back!"

her hands retract from me,
and her bottom lip trembles
"o—okay. that's fine. i—i'm
s—sorry."

she fleets like
a cat who has
been scorched by fire.

-

im sorry