"This is why I'm against children training children..."

Recovery Girl muttered to herself between smooches as she tended to my shoulder blades. This was our fourth visit in just over a week, and I could totally understand why she was getting sick of it.
"A bit harsh, RG..." Hawks mumbled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat, directing his gaze to the anatomy posters on the wall. "At least it seems to be getting better. Went from complete tearing to minor real quick!"

Our first attempt hadn't been much different from when I had discovered the new addition to my quirk, and I was honestly extremely lucky that the pro had been fast enough to catch me. It had been embarrassing, especially in front of the others, but we were definitely improving.

The pain had eased, and I was starting to be able to fly, to a degree. Tokoyami had compared me to a fawn finding it's legs, and I totally understood. All I could do was put in the time and effort.
"I'm really sorry. We'll try to not let it happen again." I apologised, trailing off into a yawn. That was always the case when it came to her healings. All the energy was sapped.

"I certainly hope so. You're getting as bad as the first years..." The small woman replied, scooting back on her wheelie chair and folding her arms. "I also hope you won't let this feather brain drop you again. Hawks, really. That's just irresponsible." Having spent a lot of my time with Hawks, I was used to seeing him pout, but I always ended up thinking the same thing. He looked like a guilty toddler.

What else do you feel guilty about, hmm?

"Anyway, thanks for the patch up, RG! Come on, kiddo, let's go get a well deserved snack! My treat!" I yelped as I was lifted from the infirmary bed by a swarm of feathers, stumbling once they set me down by his side. Bidding my own, more polite farewell, I followed him outside, where he turned and gave me a bright smile. "So, I lied about the food, but I have something even better planned! Wanna know?"

Skeptical, but also curious, I nodded slowly, squinting from the change of lighting.
"What? Wanna go slay another hero?" My own snark shocked me, just as it did him. His expression dropped for a split second, feathers ruffling slightly.
"And they call Shoto half and half..." He chuckled awkwardly, choosing to ruffle my hair so it fell into my eyes. "No, actually, I was going to offer to take you for a quick visit with your boo...but if you're gonna have that kind of attitude..."

Instantly, my demeanor did a one eighty, and I grabbed hold of the collar of his coat, eyes wide and pleading.
"I'm sorry! Look, n..no attitude! Please take me! Pretty please with the eleven secret herbs and spices on top?!" Snorting at my begging, Hawks placed his hand on my head again, but this time he didn't mess up my (H/C) hair.

"Alright, alright! It won't be for long, though, and not for another couple of hours. I'll drop you back to school so you can get ready, yeah?" Nodding almost aggressively, I activated my quirk, morphing down into a rat and scaling the hero, making myself comfortable on his shoulder. We had quickly discovered it was easier for both of us. He wouldn't have so much weight to carry, and I wouldn't have to have his hands all over me.

I finally get to see Touya!

Once we were in the air, Hawks cleared his throat, kind of nudging me with the cup of his headphones.
"I still don't get it, kid. You really don't seem like a villain. Like, I get the thing about fighting for a perfect world...but you're not in it for that, are you?" His voice had turned serious, which was knew to me. The tone was too off, or rather, it fit him much more than his usual, happy go lucky self. "Are you just doing it because you're into Dabi? Not judging, or anything, but it's hard to wrap my head around. Squeak once for yes, twice for no."

Of course, I bit him.

"Owowowowow! Okay! Yeesh, that wasn't very cash money of you, kid! I hear you loud and clear!" He complained, kind of squishing me between his head and his shoulder. "I just don't want you to get hurt. Once we make our move against society, things will get bad. I know you're a capable girl, but you're gonna end up having to fight against your old friends. It's not an easy choice..."

You think I don't know that? You're just trying to make me doubt them! I don't trust you! I want to, but I don't!

My agitated squeaking and snuffling caused Hawks to let out a sigh, smooshing me a little more, much to my annoyance.
"Don't get all defensive, Ratatouille. I'm not saying you're making the wrong decision, I'm just making sure you understand what's about to happen." Despite the wind whistling past us, I could hear him clearly, but part of me wished that I couldn't. "If you've never killed anyone before...and I'm almost positive that you haven't...then there's no going back...Believe me, I know better than anyone..."

So, it hasn't just been that one time..? Sorry, Hawks...but that makes me trust you even less...

He didn't say another word until we landed on my dormitory balcony, where I climbed off and shifted back into my true self.
"I appreciate the concern, Hawks...and you're right, I haven't done...that...but I love Dabi. I love all of them, like a family. Even if I changed my mind, and didn't want to fight against my old friends...I still couldn't turn my back on them." I explained as firmly as I could, adding a polite bow. "Anyway, thanks for the lift, and the lecture. Shoot me a message when you're on your way back."

Responding with a small, lackluster salute, Hawks launched back into the sky, and I turned to enter my dorm. At least I would have, if the stupid door hadn't been locked. Groaning to myself, I again called upon my quirk, using the form of a bat to fly over the roof to the boy's side, landing less than elegantly upon Tamaki's balcony. Back as a human, I gently tapped on the glass, heading the poor boy stumble around in fright before he pulled back the curtain.

"(Y/N)..?! What are you doing here..? On my balcony..?!" He yelped, sliding the door open and letting me inside. I hadn't wanted to see him, but it was better than getting ambushed by the overly peppy Mirio and Nejire duo downstairs.
"Sorry, Hawks dropped me back for a break, and my door was locked..." I admitted, already heading towards the exit. "Thanks for letting me in, Amajiki. I'll see you later."

I heard him following me, and I had almost placed my hand on the knob before he began to speak.
"What happened to Kiki? I..I liked Kiki..." He had started off strong, but by the end, his meek nature had taken hold. Swallowing the bitter taste of my own guilt, it felt like even my blood had been set to pause.

"It's...complicated..." When I finally spoke, my voice was so quiet. So unlike me. "It isn't you, I promise...It's just...I'm only just starting to get back to normal, so I need a bit of time..." Lies. That's all I could seem to spew nowadays. I'd really changed, and I wasn't sure if it was for better or worse in the grand scheme of things.
"You know you can talk to me." Amajiki murmured, taking another step closer, his shadow casting over my shoulder on the door. "Wh..what I said before aside...I'm still your best friend. I want to help you..."

I don't want you to help me, Tamaki...You'll end up getting hurt again...

My walls were coming down. It had always been built with paper bricks, the slightest breeze or drizzle enough to break them apart.
"I'm just really...confused..." I revealed, only partially lying as I turned to face him. "Is it wrong that I miss them..?" Startling, but only for a moment, Amajiki softened and closed the distance between us, cautiously pulling me into a gentle hug.

"No...I wouldn't say it's wrong..." He sighed, his pulse wild. "I can't say they're good people, but...they're people too. You've always been a sympathizer, finding the best in everyone...That's what makes you such an amazing person, (Y/N)..." I felt terrible, especially knowing how the boy cared for me. Part of me suspected that he had realised my whole brainwashed story was a falsity, but I wouldn't confirm it. Not ever.

"I'm so sorry for what I did to you and Kirishima..." Tears were forming, but I was managing to keep them at bay. This was a job, after all. Amajiki and I could never be how we used to. Not really.
"I'm...sorry for attacking that kid, even though he's a villain..." The ravonet replied, sounding a little unsure. "I can't say the same for Riot, but I could see how upset it made you...How a..angry..."

Squeezing him just a little tighter one last time, I stepped back, wiping my eyes with the cuff of my sleeve.
"I forgive you...I just, well, lost it. Not to mention that I wasn't in my right mind. He's just a kid who lost his way, and we really bonded. Anyway...I really need to take a shower. Hawks is picking me up again soon so we can do some field work..."

Let him go, (Y/N). For real, this time.

Amajiki's jaw wobbled a little, his tongue no doubt wriggling uncomfortably in his mouth as he watched me retreat towards his door.
"Uh, i..if it isn't too much trouble, maybe one day you could stop by to see us..? A..and Fat..? He really misses you..." I knew he didn't actively mean to guilt me, but that was what it felt like. I wanted to see Fatgum, but it was painful. Much more than I had ever thought possible.

"I'll...try to get some time off to swing by. Hawks is honestly a slavedriver. Who would have guessed, huh?" I laughed forcedly, hurrying to open the door and step out into the hallway. "Tell him I miss him, too, and that I'll drop by as soon as possible with some (F/Snack) for him, okay? S..seeya, Amajiki..."

Closing the door was hard enough, but what made it worse was that timid whisper that slipped through the crack before it shut completely, making my heart ache and my throat tighten.

"It's...Kiki..."

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***Kiki loves you, he is riding, he'll never ever leave from beside you, cuz he wants you, he needs you, and he's down for you always.

Poor thing.

Next Time: What The Heart Wants***