***(Y/N) POV***

It had taken a lot for me to calm down enough to be released by Dabi and Mustard, but I couldn't exactly stay too mad at the pair. I knew they were only looking out for me, and for that I was grateful. Two days had passed, and I hoped it wasn't too late. I would have likely been freed sooner if I hadn't lost my head all over again over Dabi being jealous of my wearing of the teenager's clothing. It wasn't my fault that they were comfortable.

Now, tense and terrified, I was standing out the front of the Amajiki household, barely able to blink, let alone walk forward. If he had reported me to Fatgum, or any of the other pro heroes, I was done for. Part of me still wanted to force him to shut up, but I kept that locked away. I loved Amajiki with a great portion of my heart, and I would never intentionally hurt him, no matter what he did.

Here goes...

Sucking up a breath much too big for my lungs, I marched forward, deflating with each step until I finally reached the stoop. My entire body shook like a leaf in a monsoon as my hand rapped against the door. Never once in my life had I felt quite so cowardly, and the second the meek ravonet was standing before me; mouth full of some kind of food, we both choked in unison.

"(Y..Y/N)..?!" He stepped back quickly, and I was unsure whether it was in fear or surprise. Clasping my hands together in front of myself, I took another ridiculously deep breath.
"We...need to talk, Tamaki..." I announced, hoping he'd at least give me a chance to explain myself. Wiping crumbs from his downturned lips, the boy nodded, stepping aside so I could kick off my shoes and enter his home.

I feel wrong...I shouldn't be here...I'm still not myself...

Silently, he lead me to the living room, politely offering me a seat first, as usual. Once we were both seated, I just stared at the floor, knocking my knees together to try and secretly psyche myself up.
"Why...were you there..?" Amajiki's voice was deeper than usual, and even more excruciatingly quiet. "Why...did you lie to us..?"

I didn't lie...did I?

Thinking back on it, I did. I said I wanted to de-stress before getting back out on the field, and that was far from the truth.
"Look, I don't expect you to understand what I'm about to tell you...and, if I'm honest...you're probably going to hate me..." I began, still refusing to meet his eyes. "I...got roped into something not so good. B..bad, actually. Really bad...and...because of that, I had to infiltrate Overhaul's group..."

I'm not explaining this right...

I felt Amajiki shift beside me, definitely uncomfortable.
"How bad?" Even without his typical stammer I could note the fear in his tone.
"I...owe the League of Villains...for rescuing someone important to me..." it should have felt like a great weight had been lifted off my chest, but everything just felt heavier. My closest friend was silent beside me, and I was teetering on the border of scared and irritated.

Please, just say something!

"W..we just need to tell Fat...If you know where they are, then we can-"
"No!" Startling the poor guy, I finally spun around, meeting wide, worried indigo. "I..I mean, we should, but...Dammit, you're never going to understand, no matter how I try to explain it! I care about them, Tamaki!" I knew I should have waited longer to face him. The aggression I had been pushing down was just crawling back up again like some fuming jack in the box.

"Well, then t..try! If you care about them, then they mustn't b..be real villains then, r..right?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was Amajiki really trying to justify everything just because I was involved? That couldn't be it.

"No, they are villains! That's the whole problem! They wanna see hero society burn, and I hate it! God, I hate it, Tamaki! But...I still care about them..! I don't wanna be a part of any of it...but I can't turn my back on them..!" It had taken me a while, but I could finally see what I was doing. I was desperately surching for some kind of trigger to make him mad. I needed him to be mad at me, because I couldn't find a reason why he shouldn't be.

Amajiki's knuckles were turning white as he clutched the edge of the couch, his lip trembling like a peach coloured worm above his chin. The threat of tears were evident along the edges of his eyes, and I could feel that mine were the same.
"I don't want you...to get hurt...I don't want you to get caught...a..and if they're really your f..friends...th..then I won't say anything...I pr..promise..."

WHY CAN'T YOU SAY WHAT YOU'RE REALLY FUCKING THINKING?!

Covering my face with my hands, I half-screamed into my palms, wishing I could just evaporate back to the confines of my room at the League base, safe and far away from such horrible feelings.
"Why not?! Why didn't you tell anybody that I was there that day?! You're a hero, aren't you?!" I hoped that my anger wasn't visible, but it was sure seeping through into my voice like poison.
"S..so are you...If you didn't have a cho..choice, then why would I let you get caught? Besides...y..you weren't working with the Yakuza..."

(Artwork by the amazing KonichiFuckingWa for an art trade like 4 months ago - absolute art lord!)

What the hell is wrong with him?! I'm a villain! Is he that fucking obse-

Then it hit me. I suddenly realised why he was trying to make up excuses, and why he refused to view me in the way I should have been viewed. Fatgum had said it once before, so the dark side of me decided that I had no choice but to use it against him, no matter how cruel it was.

"Tch...I know why you're trying to deny all this, Amajiki...but it won't change the fact that I'm dating a cold blooded villain, and that I'm a part of their world now. At least he tells it to me straight...I can't be a hero anymore, so why are you trying to protect me?" I may as well have punched him square in the face. His expression sure seemed like I had. "Give it up...I don't even know why I bothered to come here today..."

I'm sorry...I'm so, so sorry....

"Y..you know Mirio lost his quirk, right..?" Not once had I ever heard his voice so soft, yet so clear and stable. "It's gone. For good. He's never going to get that back, (Y/N)." No, I hadn't known that, and finding out caused my chest to tighten to the point of nearly losing the ability to breathe.
"S..see..? That's what happens when you get close to a villain...They hurt you..." I muttered, voice quaking. "So...so take a fucking hint, Amajiki. Tell me what you really think so we can end this bullshit..."

I don't want it to end...

I never expected for him to grab my shoulders, nor for his grip to be edging on painful. The look in his eye was sobering in the worst way as he glared at me with exactly what I had asked for.

Anger.

"You wanna know what I really think, (Y/N)?! I think you're a complete idiot! Ever since I met you, all you do is put other people before yourself, a..and get into trouble! At first, I thought they were the traits of a really awesome hero, bu..but...it's just messed up!" My yelp was silent as he pushed me down onto my back upon the couch, pinning me with his full weight, completely uncensored in his verbal snap.

This is what I needed to hear, right..? Then...why am I terrified..?

"When I realised it was you, back in their base, do you know how hard I tried to convince myself that you had just changed your mind?! That you had decided that you wanted to join the mission after all?! Shit, (Y/N), no matter how badly I wanted it to be the truth, I couldn't believe it! Even now, I..I just want you to be safe! I must be a shitty excuse for a hero, huh?! I'm just gonna let you get away with whatever you're doing because I fell in love with you?! That's exactly what I'm going to do, because I can't just throw you under the bus! I'd never turn on you like that!"

I was completely frozen beneath him, even though he had inched his face so close to mine. So close that I could almost feel the damp of his hot, huffing breath against my skin. I regretted trying to push him over the edge. I didn't need to hear those feelings.
"T..Tamaki..." His lips were almost touching against mine, and I hated myself. I loved him so much that it hurt, but not in that way. Even if things had been different, I wasn't sure if I could have ever loved him in that way.

"The villain..." He whispered, strained and ragged. "...Do you love him..?" There was no escaping it. As much as I didn't want to hurt him, and no matter how much I wished that I could have reciprocated his feelings, I just couldn't. This was the one time I couldn't put somebody's feelings before my own.
"Y..yes...I really love him..." I whimpered, squeezing my teary, (E/C) eyes shut the moment his anguish began to spread across his face.

"Right..." The pressure of another body was lifted from me in an instant, and I slowly sat up, staring at the back of Amajiki's head as he walked to the other side of the room. "N..now I'm the idiot, huh..? Y..you should probably go..." Standing; legs barely cooperating, I clutched my chest, self-loathing steadily consuming me.
"Tamaki...I do love you...just...not-"
"Not in the same way. Yeah, I got that much...Please, just leave, (Y/N)...I'm not gonna tell anybody, so I'd appreciate it if you'd get out of my house...I need some time to myself..."

Why can't life have a rewind button..?

Sniffling, I turned away, slowly making my way towards the entrance.
"I...understand..." I sighed shakily, taking one last look at the man who was; or used to be, my closest friend, his forehead pressed against the far wall as his shoulders shook. "...I won't bother you again..."

As I reached the front door, tears now streaming down my face, I thought I heard him speak, but I couldn't be certain. Everything hurt, from my head to my heart, and I just wanted to disappear. If I had listened just a little harder, maybe I wouldn't have left so heartbroken...or maybe it would have been much, much worse...

"You never bother me, (Y/N)...Not ever..."

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***I had to do it to him.***