CH 16 — Fear

2nd POV

"2 years, huh...," You nervously chuckled.

Kenma frowned, "I don't see the humor in that."

"It's a long time, Su," Kuroo clicked his tongue.

Your head droop low as you bit your bottom lip, thinking of the right words to say.

They were right. Two years is too long of a time to not talk to some friends. What happened to both Kenma and Kuroo was no different from Lev and Alice. Though you cut the siblings off half a year ago, Kenma and Kuroo happened to be the early victims of your petty fear.

The idea of graduating elementary and stepping in the new life of highschool greatly heightened your anxiety towards the thought of meeting new people. It pushed you over the edge to decide whether to reset your social balance and drive yourself far and farther away from attachments. After all, it's an exaggerated, big deal for you. You already know that you're stupid enough to cut them off when truly, the list of your friends would still leave a few blank spaces on a short bondpaper if given the chance to collect their names.

Given that — you cowered back down when they suggested that you three attend Nekoma together and continue playing volleyball. Kenma was your first friend wherein his father were best friends with your late father, he was the one that introduced you to video games since he said you didn't need to make friends there to have some fun. Kuroo entered his life a little later and made friends with you as well, claiming the title of 'older brother' for you. The boys are two of the very few people you held close in your heart.

Fear is as killjoy as ever resulting in you backing down and ultimately letting it get the best of you. It drove you in the very steep part of a hill, letting you decide to prolong your connection with them or starting anew with nothing to disturb you. You blamed yourself everyday for that faulty mistake — it was extremely selfish.

But as always, you couldn't do anything. Besides — you're too young, too childish to process it. Because of that consequence you studied in Itachiyama for a year where you met who was supposed to be a guy you loved most. Fear continued to torture you as it ate you again, ultimately losing more than you expected.

You heaved a deep sigh, "I'm sor-"

"We know that you're sorry. Just tell us... what we couldn't do to make you stay," Kuroo mumbled.

Like the others who are close to me that I pushed away... they blamed theirselves and not me.

Your heart squeezed at the realization. You felt as though you kept making yourself the victim when it's you who left them.

"It's not about the both of you lacking. To be honest, I don't have any valid reasons to justify what I did," You bit your lip, "I don't know how to redeem myself."

"Any reason is valid. Seriously after all these years you still torture yourself with your thoughts," Kenma huffed and dropped his head on the table. Kuroo sighed and reached out for your hand, caressing it.

"Little girl, you need to stop being harsh on yourself. You always treat your fear and yourself like two completely different person! Jeez," He laughed.

"I am honestly a bad person, you know. I've driven a lot of people away," You frowned as you started to massage Kuroo's palm with your thumbs.

Kenma shrugged as he sat back up, "You're not a bad person for doing what you thought was best for you. But you are a little stupid. You can't just lock yourself away — we told you, didn't we? If you feel scared, we are here. If you feel that you're being controlled by your fear, we are here."

"You don't need to shoulder it alone. That's what we're for," Kuroo grinned.

"Sukii, you can carry a boulder but you can't carry the world in your shoulders," The pudding head stared at you straight in the eyes.

Your eyes started getting blurred by tears.

"Hey, hey, don't cry," Kuroo and Kenma panicked. Kenma stood up from his seat and sat beside you, softly rubbing your back as your nose turned red from stopping yourself from crying.

Kuroo sweatdropped, "You know, for someone who can break a wooden table with one hit of a hand, you sure still cry easily. You baby."

"I know, I'm sorry," Your voice slightly shook as you laughed, "I missed you both. I really do."

"I missed you too," Kenma muttered as Kuroo sighed in agreement.

"You have nowhere to run now but to us again. Stop beating yourself up over a lot of things. Anyway, we need to eat now. The others are waiting," Kuroo said as he stood up.

"For people I've ignored for 2 years, you both are pretty calm about it...," You whispered.

"Are you kidding? I'm pissed at you," Kenma rolled his eyes as he half-joked, but helped you stand from the bench.

Kuroo laughed with his hands on his hips, "Ah, well. We don't really blame you for it, Su. It happens — we understand. Though we have a lot of catching up to do."

The three of you walked to the grill as Kuroo placed a lot of food on your plate, making you smile widely. Kenma sneaked his vegetables on your plate when Kuroo wasn't looking but he was eventually caught. The tall guy placed more vegetables on his plate as he scolded him. The smaller guy pouted as you giggled at him.

After you three sat down on the same bench earlier, you continued to chat with each other. Unsurprisingly, they told you a lot of stuff about what has happened for the past 2 years, the present, and the nearing future. You congratulated them for making it to Nationals and they did the same with your team. It wasn't long until Lev joined in along with other players from Nekoma. Supposedly it was overwhelming for you to have people in the same table all at once, especially towards the others who you weren't close with. They were more surprised that you are close with Lev more than they were shocked to know you had a history with both Kuroo and Kenma.

Kuroo continued to place food on your plate as Kenma and Lev did as well. They all knew how much you loved eating and how it is your biggest comfort.

Oh right, the others are waiting for me.. You thought as you looked behind you only to catch Osamu's eyes immediately. He raised a plate, indicating that he grabbed food for you.

"They're waiting for me," You told them to which they frowned at.

"Already?" Kenma frowned deeper.

Lev pouted, "Can't we talk a little longer pleeease?"

"Enough. She's their manager after all," Kuroo scolded them, "Oi, Su. You better see us off when we leave for later. Understand?"

"Will do, Captain," You saluted and winked, he grinned and shook his head in amusement. Kenma and Lev waved at you with sadness in their eyes.

You made your way back to the bench table that had a pissed Suna and Atsumu, and Osamu who was passively and subtly glaring at the cats you hung out with for the past 30 minutes.

"Sorry I took long. Are you guys done eating?" You sweatdropped as you sat beside Osamu who was looking down at you.

"They robbed you from us!" Atsumu exclaimed, angrily eating barbecue.

Suna glared at you before slipping an untouched cup of juice to you.

He must've gotten me a cup.

"Sukii," Osamu called to you as he lightly pushed his chopstick with barbecue to in your mouth to which you gladly accepted.

"Thmank you," You said, muffled as you chewed on the food.

They look like they barely touched their food.

".. We waited for you before we started eating," Osamu mumbled as he began to eat, so did Suna.

You eyed Atsumu who looked away while chewing with his brows furrowed.

A laugh escaped your lips as your eyes wielded amusement and love for them. Your lips formed into a sweet smile before feeding Osamu some enoki mushroom with beef.

"Mattaku, you guys are children. Thank you," You giggled again as they tried to stop themselves from smiling.

The three of you began to eat again, conversing with one another. Other players of your team have visited you to ask some stuff they needed and yiu aided them, before Kita slightly scolded them — saying not to disturb you while you were eating. Osamu moved closer to you, he felt himself getting clingy again. Atsumu was happy whenever you'd feed him some food with his eyes closed and his mouth grinning as he says 'ahh'. Suna was always hesitating but opening his mouth nonetheless to eat what you were giving him.

Kuroo, Kenma, and Lev often look your way unbeknownst to you. They were wearing smiles — their hearts were instilled with joy and proud at the sight of you interacting so freely with other people. The three boys couldn't be more happy to see you being taken care of and actually being comfortable for once — or again.

You caught their gaze when you looked beside you across to them. They waved when you waved back with a smile.

Most players around the area murmured as they saw you eating portions that can feed 10 guys. The Inarizaki players boasted to Nekoma about you — their incredible manager who can do anything.

Eventually, the day was wrapping up after the coaches and the players cleaned the area. It was about time that Nekoma departs from Hyogo and back to Nerima.

Lev gave you a sweet hug, slightly crouching so you can reach him to which you pinched his cheek at and he whined before smiling again.

Kenma hugged you as he buried his face on your neck, quickly shooting a smug look at Osamu who just kept glaring from afar.

It was time to hug Kuroo next and last when he hugged you abruptly, squeezing you to him as he swayed slightly. He eyed the Osamu who looked like he was about to kill him, Atsumu who was shooting him a daring look, and Suna who had a dark aura around him.

The boy smirked before planting a slow kiss on your cheek, and a soft one on your forehead. He felt smug when Osamu's jaw dropped.

"We'll miss you a lot. Come visit sometimes, yeah?" Kuroo whispered as you both let go from the hug.

"This time for sure," You smiled.

"Make sure to actually contact us," Kenma scoffed and looked away, pouting. Lev teased him as Kenma kicked his leg.

"I will! I promise," You beamed as you exchanged contacts with them. They asked you why as you answered that you changed your contacts.

Kuroo hummed, "Also, that #11 guy from your team. Are you both dating?"

"Huh? N-No," You were taken aback from his question as he snickered.

"Don't even deny it. Your eyes look different whenever you'd look at him. Does little Su have a crush?" He teased.

"We're not dating.. we're just close friends, is all," You nervously laughed. Kenma and Lev shot you a teasing smirk.

"Well, it starts there," Kuroo shrugged before smiling again, "Tell us if he doesn't treat you right, 'kay? I'm sweeping you off of your feet to transfer at Nekoma. Besides, I'm graduating. Kenma will be lonely."

"No, I won't?" Kenma frowned.

"You will."

"I won't."

"You will."

"I won't."

"You wi-"

"I won't."

You giggled. They bid you farewell after they entered the bus. Finally, it drove away as you watched it getting smaller across the highway.

This day turned out better than expected. I didn't expect they'd be so calm about it.. I'm really disappointed at myself.

But I wonder... could I get by until graduation? The fear that once run as a tyrant over me feels fainter.. It's still here but fainter.. You mentally smiled.

"Did you have fun?"

You shrieked as you put your hand on your chest in shock. Kita appeared beside you with his arms crossed.

"Don't just suddenly appear like that unannounced," You pouted as you both walked back to the gym.

He chuckled, "I'm lucky you didn't swing your arm. Otherwise, I'd get hurt."

You sighed. Kita and the others have packed up to prepare in going back home after a tiring day. The twins and Suna waited at you by the front door of the gym, you went to them after seeing Kita off.

"What was that about earlier?" Suna asked you, pertaining to Kuroo. You walked with them on the road, with Suna and Atsumu behind as you and Osamu walked in the front.

"What do you mean?" You blinked, confused at the sudden question.

"Was he flirting?" Osamu calmly said with his usual deadpanned expression, hiding his jealousy.

You shook your head, "Of course not. It's just.."

Your lips formed a thin line, thinking whether to tell them or not.

"I was a bad person, I guess. By the time I graduated elementary, I didn't talk to them again...," You muttered, "It has been a while after we reconnected like earlier, which was mostly a coincidence."

"Oh, so you ghosted them?" Suna snickered.

Atsumu whistled, "Ghoster Sukii."

"Do you ever shut up?" Osamu scrunched his nose as he looked at Atsumu with an annoyed look. The blond laughed and patted him on the back to which the silver head just swat his hand away.

"That's the word, I think," You sweatdropped, "But we're back in contact with each other now. I feel happy.."

"You should be. It's good," Suna hummed as Osamu looked away.

You turned to him, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Are you?" He asked as he turned back to you.

You smiled at him and nodded before facing forward again. Osamu's ears turned pink before quietly walking again.

Just date already. Suna and Atsumu rolled their eyes.

•

2 days later

You were peacefully walking in the hallway, Suna's bag in your hand (he forgot and just realized after practice). The hallways were quiet as most lights are already off given that school was over already.

A sudden change in the wind caused you to stop on your tracks. You brought out your phone and texted Suna to tell the twins you'll be back a little later since you went to find the key to the classroom, but you already had it. You just wanted to deal with something before you go.

"Feeling a little happy, huh?"

You clenched your jaw as you turned around.

The lights flickered under Dahlia's smirk with her eyes filled with hatred.

"Do you need something?" You asked, calmly.

Her face contorted to a pissed look as she slowly walked closer to you.

"I don't need shit from you. Hanging out with my boys made you a little too happy and cocky. What happened to swearing to me that you didn't want any part of the club?" She narrowed her eyes, "You got nerves."

"You could use some of that right now," You coldly said, eyes half-lidded as you stare at her blankly.

"Don't get too full of yourself, you bitch. You ruined my life!" She exclaimed, face slightly turning red from anger.

"You should hear yourself. 'My boys'? Come on, don't you get self-conscious?" You cringed, "If anything — YOU ruined YOUR life. Don't drag me into this."

"All that managing got your brain in a twist. How about I show you some fear to put you in your place?" She sneered as she lunged at you.

Her hands were gripping tightly around your neck as you both stumbled.

You kicked her in the stomach lightly and watched as she stumbled back. Sighing, you placed Suna's bag and yours on the floor before turning to Dahlia who moved to attack you again.

"Die! You selfish bitch!" She screamed.

Dahlia attempted to throw a punch at you but you dodged. As she stumbled forward, she tried kicking you behind her with a scream. You remained calm and kept dodging her.

"Fight back, coward! Are you scared? That's right — you should be taught what fear is!" She laughed like a maniac before grabbing a pocketknife from under her skirt and lunging at your eye.

She doesn't seem to be aware that the CCTVS are still on. You glanced at the camera behind you. I guess I'll let her scrape me a little.

Dahlia smirked as she managed to put a shallow cut across your left eye. Thankfully, she didn't hit your eyeball but only the skin around it.

"Had enough?" You asked her before grabbing her by the neck with a hand and slamming her against the lockers beside you.

She gasped as the air was knocked out of her lungs as she struggled with her face turning redder and redder as you gradually gripped her neck tighter. A clang was heard beneath you, she dropped the pocket knife.

You shove her to the ground and kicked the sharp weapon away as you watched her hopelessly catch her breath. Her eyes widened when you walked towards her, she started to crawl away.

You stepped on her head, the side of her cheek squished against the floor as you put pressure with your foot.

You crouched as she squirmed like a worm under you, disappointment flooded your eyes as you frowned.

"You need to grow up, Dahlia. You're planting your own unfortunate life," You frowned as you lifted your foot and smashed it on her face again.

Dahlia screamed, but you didn't release your foot. Of course you didn't want a school record of misconduct so you held back.

"Fear isn't shown, Dahlia," You whispered and got closer to her ear, "It's felt."

She screamed louder as you stood up and let go, "Don't bother thinking you can put me in my place when you stoop lower than me. I'm towers above you, you worm."

"Woah, woah. A little fight between a kitty and a lion, huh?"

You raised your head as you grabbed Suna's bag again, ignoring the droplet of blood that ran down from the corner of your eye.

Aka smirked with amusement as he looked down on Dahlia whose nose was bleeding, "You just bought yourself a ticket for being expelled. Stand proud."

"Why are you siding with her?!" She growled.

Aka rolled his eyes, "I don't even know you. You got guts picking a fight with someone I know."

He turned to you and frowned at the blood, "You should go home. I'll handle this before you kill her."

"I don't go that far, Senpai," You said as you walked to him. He raised a brow when you handed him Suna's bag, "What are you even doing here this late?"

"Office work," He shrugged before looking at your wound with a frown, "Do you need me to go with you to the hospital?"

"No, I'll be fine, thank you. I'm tired. Give this back to Suna and just tell them I felt lightheaded so I went home. Don't tell them to visit. I need time for myself," You muttered. He slowly nodded before watching you exit the building.

Thankfully, you didn't leave any of your belongings back at the gym and so you managed to go home by yourself. People stared at you in concern as they saw you holding a bloodied tissue on your eye. A lady asked if you were alright and needed to go to the hospital but you just shook your head with a smile.

Finally, you stepped foot in your house. A tired groan escaped your lips as you plopped down on the sofa. Your mother rushed from the kitchen to you.

"Ara, dear. Are you alright? Did someone pick a fight with you?" Your mother sweatdropped as she took the bloodied tissue from you.

The relationship between you and your mother is unique. She doesn't feel extremely alarmed if you were hurt because she knows you can survive a stab wound if you wanted to.

You frowned, "She tried to stab me with a pocketknife just because I took her place in a club."

"How silly... You should be more careful. Though I know you let her scratch you," She giggled and grabbed a first aid kit near the living room from a cabinet, "Sit up, darling. Let's patch it up."

Your mother was humming as she cleaned your wound and told you to wear a white eyepatch, saying it will heal in 2 days since it was just shallow. Your mother took med school before so you didn't have to be conscious about your health, not that there was more to be conscious of. Her fast regeneration was inhibited by you as well.

"Your school's festival is next week, is it not?" She smiled as she caressed the side of your head, "Do you have someone you like?"

"Mama, you know that's not an easy question for me," You frowned and leaned on her shoulder.

She sighed and leaned the side of her head on top of yours, "I feel that you like someone. Am I wrong?"

"No...," You mumbled, fiddling with your fingers that rested on your lap.

Should I even tell her about Osamu? You hesitated.

She knew about Sakusa before but you never really opened it up to her. You wondered what difference would the past make from the present and the future you're nurturing now. Your mother is no stranger from your insecurities and fear — she was the first one to witness it after all. Everyday she tells you that she is blessed to have you as her child.. the fruit of love that bloomed between her and your late father. They always told you that you are their greatest gift personified and molded into the best little girl they know.

Your mother giggled, "Feelings are slightly different from love, my baby. Feelings are identities while love is a whole new entity that a person can manifest. Are you still afraid of them?"

"It still makes me anxious. My past is not something I can just shake off, much less my fears. But.."

"I'm starting not to," You smiled, "I wouldn't want to get ahead of myself.. but there's a guy who makes it seem like my fear is afraid of him. It has been months since I went only met — but as much as I tried to deny or ignore it before, it gets harder not to now."

"Thought so," She smiled as she stood up, "Go to bed and rest up, I'll bring your dinner to you. Tell me if the festival is nearing, I'll go. And you better introduce me to him," She winked before leaving the room with the first aid kit and cleaning up on the kitchen.

You laid on your bed after showering and changing, ignoring your buzzing phone resting on the nightstand. Eventually, you doze off with one thing in mind.

Do I really like Miya Osamu?

—