
chapter 37: Chasing away memories
The night had been brutal. Jason went home after talking with Aubrey the night before, but he hadn't slept well at all, just like in weeks past. Tonight the gangs had decided to throw everything they had at him and Aubrey, and Jason was over it. He was ready to say forget it and tell the Bat it was his problem. But he knew that wouldn't end well, and that the gangs would only wind up slinking farther into the showers to avoid detection.
Jason's body ached, his mind buzzing from the adrenaline crash. They had been pushing themselves harder than usual, chasing shadows that seemed to slip through their fingers every time they got close. But tonight felt different. He could feel the weight of it pressing down on him as he leaned against the alley wall, trying to catch his breath.
Aubrey, standing beside him, wiped sweat from her brow, her flames long extinguished. "You okay?" she asked softly.
Jason hesitated. He wasn't one to admit weakness, but the truth was, he hadn't been sleeping. Even when he got the chance, nightmares plagued him. His exhaustion was starting to catch up."I'm fine," he muttered, but even he didn't believe it.
Aubrey shot him a look, unimpressed. "Jason, you've been running yourself ragged. You need to rest."
"I've got work to do," Jason insisted, standing up straighter. "I can't sleep anyway. Doesn't make a difference if I'm tired."
He didn't mean to let it slip, but the words were out before he could stop them. Aubrey's sharp gaze locked onto him, concern flickering in her eyes.
"You can't sleep?" she pressed, her voice softer now.
Jason sighed, knowing there was no point in lying. "Not well. Not when I'm alone."
Aubrey's expression softened. She took a step closer, her hand resting lightly on his arm.
"Jason..."
He didn't want to talk about it. The last thing he needed was another thing to worry her over. But he couldn't lie to her, not after everything they had been through together.
"The only night I haven't had nightmares," he began, his voice barely a whisper, "was when I was with you."
The words hung between them, heavy and raw. Aubrey's eyes widened slightly under her mask, but she didn't pull away. Instead, she reached out, gently taking his hand in hers.
"Let's go," she said, her voice firm but kind.
Jason blinked, surprised. "Go where?"
"To my place. You're not going to sleep out here on some rooftop." Her tone left no room for argument, and Jason, exhausted and too worn down to resist, nodded.
They arrived at Aubrey's penthouse in silence. Tonight felt different. The warmth of the space, the soft hum of the city outside—it was a stark contrast to the cold, harsh streets of Gotham. Aubrey handed him a change of clothes and pointed him toward the guest bathroom. He didn't bother asking her why she had them or where they came from. He figured either Alfred or she had them left over from someone else, though he was praying it was the first one.
"Shower," she instructed. "I'll be in my room."
Jason did as she said, the hot water helping to wash away the grime and tension of the night. When he emerged, dressed in sweatpants and a thin red tee, he found Aubrey waiting for him in the living room, her two cats lounging nearby.
She was dressed casually in black and red flannel shorts and a black shirt, her dark hair now damp and pulled back as she sipped a mug of hot chocolate. She handed him a second mug without a word.
Jason took it, his hands brushing against hers for a brief moment. "What are you doing?" he asked quietly.
Aubrey looked at him, her gaze steady. "I sleep better when you're here. And I need you to be solid out there, Jason. If you're not, then I won't be."
Her words struck a chord in him. He had never thought about how his well-being affected her, but it made sense. They were a team, and if he was falling apart, it would only drag them both down.
"Come on," she said softly, leading him to her bedroom.
Her room was simple but elegant—white walls with red and dark wood accents. The bedspread was white with a red throw blanket, and the space felt calm, inviting. Jason hesitated for a moment, nervous despite the comfort of the room.
"I'm not sure about this," he admitted, his voice low. "What if... What if my nightmares come back. What if the trauma pushes you away?"
Aubrey turned to him, her eyes soft but determined. "The minute you feel uncomfortable, you can leave. Or you can sleep on the couch. But I'm not going anywhere."
Jason nodded, feeling a strange mix of nervousness and relief. They settled into bed, laying on opposite sides. The two cats, Gypsy and Outlaw, curled up at their feet, adding a sense of warmth and normalcy to the moment.
Jason's mind was still racing, his exhaustion battling with his anxiety. "Do I make you uncomfortable?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Aubrey's hand reached out, finding his in the dim light. "No. You make me feel safe. You make me feel valued. I've always wanted that."
Jason squeezed her hand gently, his chest tightening at her words. He had spent so long feeling like he wasn't enough, like he was too broken to be anything other than a weapon. But hearing Aubrey say those words made him wonder how far into his own head he had let those words go."I hope I do the same for you," she added softly.
Jason let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "You do," he said quietly. "More than you know."
Aubrey smiled, the dim light from the window illuminating her face for Jason to see. "Im thinking of staying in Gotham. Or at least setting up a permanent base here. I won't be around 24/7, but it'll be where I come back too." She spoke softly, and Jason's heart skipped a beat.
"What made you change your mind?" His voice was barely a whisper.
"I guess I just found someone worth staying for." Her voice was soft. Affectionate.
"Who?" His voice cracked.
Aubrey giggled, her hand reaching out to pick his head up and make him look at her.
"Im not the type of girl to have a man in my bed if there is someone else Jay." She smiled. Her voice, the one that held affection and adoration, was being used towards him.
He felt uncomfortable. Hot and tingly, and like his mind was reeling. But maybe... that was a good thing. Despite those feelings, he wasn't getting an urge to run like he used too. Maybe it was because he knew she wasn't expecting anything out of him. She told him solely because he asked, not because she wanted anything in return.
He was uncomfortable, but maybe it was time to face that instead of running from it. Face his trauma instead of fearing it.
"I love you. Thank you, for trying." His voice came out as barely a whisper, but he knew she caught it.
"I love you too, and don't thank me for doing something selfish. Im thinking about staying because I don't want to leave you." Her voice was teasing, but Jason's chest lightened hearing her say that she didn't want to be alone.
For a moment, they lay there in silence, the darkness of the room wrapping around them like a blanket. But Jason couldn't shake the memories clawing at the back of his mind—the ones that never let him rest.
"Talk baby, whats on your mind?" Aubreys gentle voice slipped through the darkness.
"I... I just keep thinking about everything that happened back then," he began, his voice hoarse. "About what happened to me. With the Joker. With Batman."
Aubrey didn't say anything, but her hand tightened around his, letting him know she was there, that she was listening.
Jason stared up at the ceiling, his voice barely steady as he began. "The Joker... When he killed me, ... it wasn't quick. He tortured me for hours, maybe days. He beat me with a crowbar, over and over. I was just a kid. I knew I was going to die. I knew everything I had overcome getting off the streets, joining Batman, all of it was over."
His throat tightened, and for a moment, he couldn't speak. The memories were too vivid, too raw. But he forced himself to continue. If he talked through it, maybe it would go away.
"And then... he left me in a building rigged to explode, and Batman didn't make it in time. I died. I actually died."
He heard Aubrey's wince, but she didn't interrupt. She just held his hand, her thumb brushing gently over his knuckles, grounding him. He focused on that.
"And then I came back, and I didn't come back as the same person. I was angry, so angry at Bruce for not killing the Joker, for not avenging me. I didn't understand how he could let him live, after what he did to me."
Tears pricked at the corners of Jason's eyes, but he blinked them away.
"I became something else. I took the name Red Hood, the Joker's old alias, and I... I started killing. I thought it was the only way to take control again. I thought I had to be the one to do what Batman wouldn't."
His voice broke, the weight of the confession almost too much to bear. "But it never made the pain go away. It just... made me hate myself even more. I still hate myself."
Aubrey shifted beside him, her hand reaching up to gently touch his face. "Jason... I hate that you feel that way. I hate that it caused you to lose that confidence in yourself."
Jason turned his head to look at her, his heart pounding in his chest. Her eyes were filled with warmth, with acceptance. She wasn't looking at him like he was broken, like he was a monster. She was just... there.
"I'm proud of you," Aubrey whispered, her voice steady. "For everything you went through. For coming back from it. I'm not going anywhere."
Jason felt something inside him crack, the walls he had built around his heart slowly crumbling. Without thinking, he pulled her toward him, his arms wrapping around her as he buried his face in her hair. Aubrey held him, her arms secure around him as if she was anchoring him to the present, pulling him out of the darkness.
Jason let himself be vulnerable. He let himself feel. And as the weight of the past lifted from his chest, he finally allowed himself to fall asleep in her arms, knowing that, for tonight, the nightmares couldn't reach him.
They slept, wrapped in each other's warmth, the two cats nestled around them, and the city outside went on with its endless noise. But for Jason, in that moment, everything was finally quiet.
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