Entry #8

A confession. It was raining all day. And though I loved the rain! In the evening, the snails were out on the pavements and I accidentally stepped on one, it was a dramatic crunch.  I managed to put my foot away, but I was too late. When I turned back to examine it, the shell was crushed, but the snail was still guiding but Oddly. I can't get the image out of my head,  I don't understand, was he suffering? Did I let him die a painful death? Should I have tried to end the pain? The thought of the snail isn't ending. Now, I only wish for its quick recovery or a peaceful death.   What should I have done?  I feel terrible.

Entry #11

I've been asked to write a list of 10 things that I want to do in the next five years?  

1. Target to read 12 months * 5 years = 60. But I can manage 2-3 books a month so 60 *2.5 = 150 Books!  Too much? 

2. Defeat Nannu in Chess! (That's the first thing I want to do when I meet him next!) 

3. Learn a foreign language! I'm thinking Mandarin will be cool! Korean or Japanese is also in the list.

4. Go on a solo trip , anywhere. Got to make sure, Curks don't tag along.

5. Make Badi Maa and Bade Papa proud of one very big achievement! 

6. Go to Universal Studios! Even Disneyland would be cool!

7. Earn money !

(this is seriously tough) 

8. Go to London to Study! (the only problem is who will pay for my tuition fee? Should I make Badi Maa and Bade Papa pay nearly fifty-sixty lakhs for my tuition?)

9. Get a Scholarship for the above goal!

10. Go find mumsie and popsie. (Maybe they haven't forgotten me, they just can't come to me.) 

In five years, I'll be twenty. I'll be an adult! 

Entry #21

"All I know is this: nobody's very big in the first place, and it looks to me like everybody spends their whole life tearing everybody else down." , Ken Kesey, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Ironic that I read this sentence and thought what a best way to write what has been happening my life. The entry is from two weeks back. The biggest problem I have in life is fakeness.  I've been recently told by someone that they often pray to God for my happiness and they love me so much. What a big fat lie! To a child abandoned by her own parents, how can anyone else love or miss me if my own parents don't.  

And the vanilla icing on the cake was when my annoying roommate said,  'if you love her so much, why don't you take her back? Hasn't she overstayed in my house?' I sometimes dislike her so much. And let me be very clear, she is mad at me and I have apologized to her. Oh! I haven't mentioned yet?  I was clearing our wardrobe a few days back to give clothes for donation and I accidentally gave away two of her dresses  that her mom had bought for her two years back (which she rarely wore), she has been grumpy since then.  No matter how much I apologize, she isn't getting over it.

Entry #22   

She apologized. We are on not-talking terms in the room, but we act as best sisters in the whole wide world when we are with family. I take my words back, sometimes, even I have to fake stuff for my family's happiness.  One day, maybe I'll understand her and she will understand me. Maybe one day, we can truly become sisters in the right sense.