Chapter 21

After the doctor checked my father’s condition and put him in a private room, I went there and sat on the chair beside him. I caught his hand and held it tightly while I rested it on my face.

“Dad, I’m already here. Open your eyes now, please,” I told him, hoping that he could hear me.

Earlier, after Tita Margaret slapped me, I angrily asked her why she was blaming everything on me. I wanted to vent everything to her. I was so mad that she brought and even blamed my baby whom I lost in a recent accident because of what happened to Dad. But when the emergency room opened and some nurses were pushing the stretcher where Dad is lying, I diverted my attention to it and followed them.

“Dad, please,” I continued even if I knew he wouldn’t wake up yet.

Although Tita Margaret and Erica were here, I didn’t let them occupy the chair where I sat. I just want to be in front of my Dad. I just want to be with him.

Before the doctor could leave us, he informed us about my Dad’s condition. Dad didn’t suffer from a heart attack but it was similar to that. His condition was called takotsubo cardiomyopathy, known as stress cardiomyopathy, or broken-heart syndrome.

This syndrome is usually caused by sudden emotional stress. When asked how was my Dad and what did he hear or learn before he experienced this, there’s no use in telling lies so I told him that Tita Margaret welcomed him with bad news, that is by losing my son, and then I also added that Dad experienced chest pain and shortness of breath based on what Nanay Emilia told me.

Hearing that, the doctor told us that the loss of a loved one is one of its stressors, and experiencing chest pain and shortness of breath were the features of takotsubo cardiomyopathy.

I asked how’s my Dad and he told us there’s nothing to worry about. Before they transfer him to his room, they did an echocardiogram to study his heart’s shape and detect any abnormal movements in his heart’s main pumping chamber. Hahayaan daw muna nilang magpahinga ang Daddy at bukas nila sisimulan ‘yung treatment sa kanya.

I was still holding Dad’s hand. Sobra akong natatakot sa sitwasyon niya. If it wasn’t because of what the doctor told us that death is rare in this syndrome, I wouldn’t be calmed. But still, I am worried because death may be rare, what scares me is that heart failure occurs in about 20% of patients. I don’t want something to happen to him.

Around 7 in the evening, I decided to go home. Gusto ko sanang magstay pa para mabantayan si Dad pero ang makasama sila Tita Margaret doon ay hindi ko matagalan. I needed some rest too because I felt so drained lately.

When I reached the top floor of the Olsen Tower before I could knock on the door, it opened and I saw Klein standing in front of me.

“Where have you been? I called you many times but—” His words were cut because instead of hearing him, I stepped forward and helplessly rested my forehead on his broad shoulder. “Rhian?”

“Let me rest. I felt so drained,” my voice faded and I closed my eyes. When he carefully tapped my back, I found myself silently crying in him.

Nang maramdaman niya ang pag-iyak ko’y niyakap niya ako. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I can feel the concern in his tone.

“My Dad got home. But instead of going straight home, he was rushed to the hospital. He learned that I lost our son and he suffered from stress cardiomyopathy.” I sobbed, that even I could feel how painful my sob is. “I don’t know what to do anymore, Klein. I don’t know why I have to experience all of this.”

While he’s hugging me, Klein brushed off my hair using his fingers. Without informing me, he carried me and brought me upstairs.

“Take a rest. I’ll feed you when you wake up.” He covered me with a blanket and kissed my forehead. Saglit niya akong sinamahan doon. Nang ipikit ko ang mga mata ko, naging tuluy-tuloy na ‘yung tulog ko.

Klein was busy driving the car while I sat beside him. When I woke up this morning, I quickly washed up to go to the hospital. When he saw me, he said he’ll go with me. I didn’t contradict him anymore because I wanted to see my Dad now.

“Dad.” My heart leaped in joy when I caught him awake and I hugged him tightly.

Sina Nanay Emilia at Kristina lamang ang kasama niya rito. Pagkarating namin dito ang siyang pag-alis naman nina Tita at Erica. Hindi lang kami nagpang-abot. Kukuha raw sila ng mga damit ni Dad pati na rin ng mga damit nila dahil kailangan muna magstay ni Daddy dito.

“Were you okay, darling? I’m sorry if I wasn’t there on your side when you needed your father the most,” Hinaplos nito ng pisngi ko.

I closed my eyes because I don’t want to cry and just nod at him, forcing a smile on my face. “I am not okay, Dad, but I’m trying.”

Habang hinahaplos nito ang mukha ko, napatingin siya sa taong nasa likuran ko. “You’re here, Klein. Thank you for being with my daughter.” Napatingin din ako saglit sa gawi niya. Klein smiled at me before looking at Dad.

“I’m glad to see you back, Sir. Don’t stay long in this place. Rhian is really worried about you.” Klein told my Dad while Dad kept on caressing my cheek.

“I’m sorry if we have to reunite while I’m lying in this hospital bed again,” Dad kid around because the last time I'm with Klein, he was also admitted to the hospital.

“Don’t be sorry, Dad. No one wanted you to be in this kind of situation.”

While we’re talking, I felt Klein put the foods we brought on the table and he sat at the corner of this room, maybe to give me and Dad time to talk.

“Stay strong, darling. I know it’s hard, but promise me to stay strong.”

Napayuko ako’t hindi ko na napigilan ang paglandas ng mga luha ko. “I am still in pain, Dad, and I don’t know when will I be able to accept that my baby was already gone. I also don’t know if I will be able to move on, but I’ll try to be strong, Dad. I had to be strong.”

Dad cupped my face. He fixed the intravenous inserted to him before he kissed my forehead and wiped my tears. “You have to be strong. Daddy will always be here for you.”

A week had passed and my Dad is still in the hospital. But it’s a good thing that he’s having improvement day by day. Sobrang laking tulong ng mga treatments na ginagawa sa kanya.

About Alessia, she’s still asleep. No one, even her doctor, can tell when will she wake up. But I always include her in my prayers because I wanted her to wake up now. Hindi niya deserve ang sitwasyong mayroon siya ngayon.

“Rhian.”

“Hey,” sa gitna ng pagbabasa ng magazine habang binabantayan ang Dad, agad akong napatayo nang makita ko sina Jana at Ellie at sinalubong ko ang mga ito sa pintuan. Halos isang buwan din kaming hindi nagkita ng mga ito dahil namalagi sila roon sa ibang bansa.

Jana hugged me when I got nearer to them. “I heard what happened. I’m sorry, Rhian. I’m sorry for your sudden loss.” I sniffed in her shoulder and tried to stop my tears before letting them in.

Pagkapasok sa loob ay pinagmasdan muna nilang mag-asawa ang Dad na ngayo’y kasalukuyang natutulog. Kinuha ko naman ang ilang paper bags at fruit basket na dala nila at inilagay iyon sa gilid ng mesa. Matapos no’n ay naupo kami sa isa pang mesa hindi kalayuan sa Dad ko.

“What happened to Tito?” Jana asked.

“He’s having a broken-heart syndrome.”

“What was that?”

“It’s a syndrome that was caused by sudden emotional stress,” I answered.

“Emotional stress? How come that Tito had an emotional stress?” Nagtataka nitong tanong. Malalim ang naging paghinga ko saka ko kinuwento sa kanya ang buong nangyari.

“Your stepmother and stepsister really did nothing but caused you headache,” nanggagalaiti nitong saad.

“Baby, don’t stress yourself out. That won’t do good to you,” Ellie reminded Jana because his wife is starting to get frustrated after knowing what happened.

My eyebrows rose because of their actions. Without much doubt, there’s this idea building in my mind. Then I faced Jana. “Are you pregnant?” diretso kong saad.

Jana gazed Ellie before she faced me and slightly nod her head. Then she gave me a sad smile. “I am. I’m already 7-week pregnant,” sagot nito saka hinawakan ang kamay ko. “I’m sorry I didn’t inform you right away. I felt like it was wrong to tell you about my pregnancy knowing that you just lost your baby.”

I shook my head because of what Jana said “No. Don’t feel wrong,” then I hugged her. “I’m happy for the both of you.” I smiled yet tears rolled down my face as I remember my little angel.

“Take good care of yourself, Jana. Don’t be like me. Losing a baby is so painful. So promise me that you will take good care of yourself,” garalgal kong pakiusap sa kanya. Jana smiled at me and nodded.

It’s been weeks of feeling helpless ever since that accident happened and what Dad experienced. Pero heto ako’t kinakaya pa rin ang lahat para sa Daddy ko, sa baby ko, at lalong-lalo na para sa sarili ko.

“Why don’t you take a nap first?”

“My Dad needs me, Klein,” sagot ko sa kanya habang pumipili ng mga damit na pagbibihisan ko mamaya.

“But you need to rest first, Rhian. Naiintindihan kita pero paano mo maaalagaan ang Dad mo kung ganyan ka? You became thinner, Rhian. I’m worried about your health.”

I inhaled a deep breath and helplessly sat on the bed. Klein sat beside me and put my head in his shoulder. “Matulog ka muna kahit saglit lang. Let’s go back there tonight and I’ll stay there with you.”

A small smile escaped from my lips before I closed my eyes. Minuto ang nagdaan, naramdaman ko ang pagbuhat ni Klein sa akin at tinulungan akong humiga nang maayos doon sa kama.

Nang magmulat ako ng mata’y nakita kong hinihila nito ang manipis na kumot papunta sa akin. Then our gazes met when he looked up at me.

“Thank you, Klein.” Mula sa inaantok kong mga mata, nagawa ko pa ring ngumiti sa kanya.

“Just sleep. I’ll watch you.” Even though my eyes were already closed, Klein pulled me towards him. He let me pillow on his arm. Nagsumiksik naman ako sa kanya at hinayaang talunin na ako ng antok ko.

Noong gabing iyon ay sinamahan nga ako ni Klein sa pagbantay sa Dad ko. I know how busy he is yet he still managed to give his time in accompanying me to take care my Dad.

“Your heart muscle has recovered, but you still need to continue your regular follow-ups. Until your left ventricular function is effectively restored to your heart, you will be discharged.” The doctor handed a beta-blockers and angiotensin converting enzyme inhibitor drugs to me because these were the medications they prescribed to Dad.

When the doctor and the nurse left, we both smiled. Halos isang buwan na si Dad dito. Complete recovery in takotsubo cardiomyopathy occurs within 1-2 months and I have this feeling that Dad will get out here sooner.

“See, your father is strong,” pagyayabang ng Dad dahil sa sinabi ng doctor.

The side of my lips rose because of his joke. “If you’re strong, you shouldn’t be in this place.”

Dad chuckled yet I can see the pain in him. “Who wouldn’t get stressed after knowing that your grandson was gone?” I sighed deeply. “Next time, give your father grandsons a set of basketball team.”

“You’re kidding, Dad! Akala mo gano’n kadaling magbuntis?”

“Why not? I bet you and Klein could handle that number of children.”

“You talk as if you already knew Klein, huh?”

“I’m just sure that Klein will be a good father.” Dad smiled at me and put his hand on my head, messing my hair a bit. “I promise, I won’t leave you and I’ll help you in raising my future grand children.”

I shook my head while laughing to Dad. At the same time, I can’t help but be sad. If the accident didn’t happen, for sure he will take good care of my son and will play at him anytime.

Pinakain ko ang Dad matapos naming mag-usap. Si Tita kasi ay sumunod sa doctor kanina kaya inihabilin na lang muna niya si Dad sa akin. Si Erica naman, hindi ko alam kung saan pumunta. Pagkalabas ng nanay niya, sumunod din agad siya.

“Dad, maiwan po muna kita saglit. Jana messaged me and she wants to give you something. Nasa baba kasi sila. Sabi ko nga e daanan ka rito kaso hinihintay na raw siya ng OB niya,” I informed Dad.

“She’s pregnant?” When I nodded, Dad immediately agreed and that’s when I went out.

When I saw Jana, Ellie handed me a basket of fruits. They apologized because they couldn’t get to see Dad but I already told them that it’s okay. Isa pa ay nasabi ko ng check-up niya ngayon.

We didn’t talk that much, we just asked how we were. Nang tinawag na si Jana ng OB niya, nagpaalam na ako sa kanila. But I stopped to a nearest restroom first because I felt the need to pee. Then I went back to Dad’s room by riding the elevator.

But my heart pounded fast when I saw people flocking in front of my Dad’s room. Agad akong tumakbo roon. Pagkahinto ko sa tapat ng kwarto ni Daddy, kusa kong nabitawan iyong fruit basket na ibinigay ni Ellie nang makita ko ang isang doctor na nakapatong sa tatay ko at kasalukuyan itong nire-resuscitate. Ang ilan pang doctor ay nakapaligid sa kanya.

I was clueless about what’s happening. Then I saw Nanay Emilia, Kristina, Tita, and Erica on the side and walked near them. Their eyes were moist as they were trembling in their spots.

“What... What is happening?” kinakabahan kong tanong habang nasa kwarto pa rin ni Dad ang mga mata ko subalit pagharap ko’y isang malakas na sampal ang nakuha ko.

“Hindi ko iniwan sa’yo ang asawa ko para lang pabayaan mo!” Tita fiercely yelled at me.

Though worry sipped in me, I got mad from what she said. “Hindi ko magagawang pabayaan ang Daddy, Tita!”

“But look at him now! He’s now fighting for his life!” My gaze again darted to that room. The nurse kept pumping Dad’s chest until minutes passed, all of them looked at each other and exchanged a painful look.

“Time of death, 2:18 PM.”

Para akong binuhusan ng napakalamig na tubig dahil sa narinig ko. Naistatwa rin ako sa kinatatayuan ko. I couldn’t absorb everything. I was just gone for minutes but what was that? Am I really hearing things? Like is this for real?

I couldn’t feel myself even when Tita Margaret pushed me. Mula sa pagtulak nito, napayuko’t napahawak siya sa akin kasabay ng kanyang paghagulgol. “This is all your fault,” paninisi nito sa akin.

“If... If y-you didn’t leave him alone, he wouldn’t die. He shouldn’t have died.” Saka niya ako tinignan ng may galit sa kanyang mga mata kahit naroon pa ang kanyang mga luha. “He died because of you! You killed my husband, Rhian Cassandra! You killed him!” Hagulgol nito sa’kin.

While Tita’s putting the blame in me, my eyes were focused on Dad. Seeing how the doctor covered his lifeless body with a white blanket, I couldn’t breathe. Like a flower that wilted, I gradually lost all my energy, making me fall on the floor.

“D-dad...” my voice broke as I shook my head. “Daddy,” mahinang tawag ko sa pangalan niya habang nakatingin sa kanya. At noong unti-unting pumapasok sa isip ko na wala na talaga ang Daddy, doon ay nag-unahan sa pagragasa ang mainit na likido sa gilid ng mga mata ko.

“Daddy! D-daddy!” I cried hard when the nurses put him on the stretcher and took his body out of that room.

Kahit hinang-hina, pinilit kong tumayo at pinigilan sila. Nang nasa harapan na ako ng Daddy, nanginginig ang buo kong katawan noong dahan-dahan kong inalis ‘yung kumot niya. Seeing his pale face and lips, and a trace of tears at the side of his eyes, I can’t help but cry.

“D-addy, wake up please. Daddy!” kulang na lang na yugyugin ko ang katawan niya, umaasang magigising pa siya. “Okay ka pa kanina, Daddy, ‘di ba? Magkausap lang tayo kanina. Binibiro mo pa ako sa mga apo mo ‘di ba?” putol-putol kong saad. Napayuko ako at hindi ko mapigilan ang mga luha ko lalo pa nung maalala ko ang pag-uusap namin kani-kanina lang.

Hinawakan ko ang magkabila nitong pisngi saka doon nag-iiyak sa dibdib niya. “Daddy, huwag namang ganito, please? Daddy, gumising ka na p-please. Parang awa mo na, gumising ka na please.” I looked up at him and when I realized that he has really left me, unti-unti akong napaluhod habang hawak-hawak ang gilid ng stretcher niya.

“Dad... Don’t be like this, please. You... you promised me that you won’t leave me, right? Kasasabi mo lang sa’kin ‘yon kanina, ‘di ba?” Nanginginig ang boses ko, ang katawan ko, at ang buo kong pagkatao. Hindi. Hindi ito totoo. Hindi totoong wala na ang Daddy ko.

Nilapitan ako ni Nanay Emilia nang sabihin ng mga nurses na kailangan na nilang dalhin sa morgue ang bangkay ng Daddy.

“No! No!” I pushed them away and tried to stand up. I again hugged my Dad so tight. “Daddy, ikaw na lang ang mayroon ako, bakit kinailangang iwan mo rin ako?” noon ay napahagulgol ako sa pwesto ko. “Daddy! Daddy!”

Hinila ulit ako ni Nanay Emilia palayo sa bangkay ng Daddy. Sa sobrang panghihina ay nagpadala na lamang ako.

Kahit masakit, mula sa nanghihina kong katawan, unti-unti kong binitawan ang kamay ng Daddy kasabay ng pagbitaw nito sa pangako niyang hindi niya ako iiwan. I helplessly sat on the floor and Nanay Emilia quickly hugged me.

Like a pitiful puppy, I burst into tears in between Nanay Emilia’s hugs.

Hindi ko lang kasi matanggap. Bakit ganon? Bakit biglang nagkagano’n? Iniwan ko siyang okay na okay kanina. Gising pa nga siya at sobrang sigla niya. Biniro pa nga niya ako tungkol sa mga apo niya. Pero bakit pagbalik ko ganito na? Bakit biglang wala na siya?

Isn’t it enough to lose my child? Bakit kailangang pati si Dad?