WARNING: CONTAINS MATURE SCENES

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Chapter 18

Being in a relationship with Ellie is one of the things I couldn’t ask for more. I learned a lot from him. Not just about the love itself, but also on how to trust and respect each other, and to also give each other’s time and space when needed.

Syempre, hindi rin maiiwasan ’yung hindi pagkakaintindihan. May pagkakataon ding nag-aaway kaming dalawa. As in no chat, text messages, and even phone calls, but we made sure to always settle everything before it could worsen. Sa relasyon, wala namang perpekto. Nasa sa atin na ’yon kung paano natin i-handle ang mga bagay-bagay.

Aaminin kong sa pamamagitan ng pagkakaroon ng relasyon sa kanya, nalaman ko ’yung halaga ng pagiging mature kung mag-isip. It was through him that I realized how immature I am before, and I did change myself for the better.

The worst fight we had so far was because of his ex. That was when they celebrated their fourth anniversary at Roantor Bar, and just like last year, Ellie invited me. We were having fun that night. Of course, Lara was there. Nagkaroon ng inuman. Lara got drunk that night and she accidentally declared that she still loves Ellie.

She was blaming herself for breaking up with him. Akala niya noon, kapag uuwi raw siya ay may babalikan pa siya pero sobra siyang nasaktan nang malaman niyang may bagong girlfriend na si Ellie which is ako ’yon. Nabanggit niya ring kahit maayos daw ang pakikitungo niya sa akin, hindi niya maiwasang hindi magselos kapag magkasama na kaming dalawa ni Ellie.

Silence embraced everyone after Lara’s declarations. Noong mga oras na ’yon, sinubukan ko siyang intindihin pero may sinabi itong nagpabigat sa dibdib ko.

“Siguro kung wala si Jana sa buhay mo, magiging tayo ulit, di ba, El?” Those were the exact words she uttered.

I tried to understand the situation, but I was just hurt especially when I remembered what Ellie told me. Na kung hindi naging exchange student si Lara, malaki ang posibilidad na hanggang ngayon ay sila pa ring dalawa. At that moment, I felt like I was a barrier between the two of them.

After Instant Dreamer’s fourth anniversary, everything went back to normal. Naging regular na ang schedule nila sa bar at nakasali pa si Lara sa kanila. I knew she doesn’t have any idea about what she said that night that’s why she’s acting so normal in front of us. But to me, there was a fear inside me.

“She’s not trying to steal me away from you!” Ellie said when confrontation came between us.

“Nobody’s stealing someone, Ellie, but you know that Lara still loves you. Can’t you just think of my feelings too? Sa tuwing magkasama kayo, hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip ng kung anu-ano—”

“You don’t trust me,” he interrupted me.

I brushed off my face. “I trust you. It’s her that I can’t trust!” I yelled at him. “I’m not limiting you to be friends with her, but Ellie, just make some boundaries, please? Your closeness to that girl is killing me! Isipin mo naman sana kung ano ’yung mararamdaman ko!” mabilis ko siyang tinalikuran pero napatigil ako nang may itanong ito sa akin.

“What should I do to stop your doubts and fear?”

“Cut ties with her. And what I mean by ties, it’s the gig.” Pareho nilang gusto ang musika at ayaw kong makitang magkasama silang dalawa dahil doon.

My heart was so torn that I expressed that. A day after is when I realized what I stupidly said. I quickly called him but he’s not responding, so I went to his unit. I opened that case and told him that I didn’t mean everything, but soon I found out that he really did that.

Guilt almost ate me up. Ilang araw akong hindi kinausap ni Ellie noon. Alam ko kung gaano niya kamahal ang musika pero sa halip sa suportahan siya, ako ’yung naging dahilan kung bakit niya itinigil iyon.

Rhian became my supporting system at that time, as well as Clydo. Sa kanya lang kasi ako kumukuha ng impormasyon tungkol kay Ellie noon dahil hindi ito nagpapakita sa akin.

One afternoon, I was waiting for him in front of the condominium building he’s staying. Doon ako naghintay sa tambayan dahil hindi naman ako pwedeng basta-basta na lang pumasok sa unit niya. I called him a few times but he’s not accepting my calls. Sa ilang oras kong paghihintay sa kanya roon ay naabutan ako ng ulan. I thought I’d lose hope but his car came and when he saw me, he pulled me inside the building until we reach his unit.

“Are you a fool? Why would you stay in that place when you know it’s raining hard?” galit niyang saad sa akin.

“I just want to talk to you,” humihikbi kong saad.

“You can talk to me anytime, Jana. Hindi iyong magpapaulan ka sa labas—”

“When is that anytime? You’ve been avoiding me for a week now. Do you think matitiis ko pa ang isang araw na hindi tayo magkakausap? I know I was wrong, but please don’t punish me like this.” Tears evaded my face.

“I didn’t mean what I said, Ellie. I don’t want you to stop your love for music. Nasabi ko lang ’yon kasi sobra akong natatakot na baka one time, ma-realize mong si Lara pa rin pala ang mahal mo. Na baka bumalik ulit ’yung nararamdaman mo sa kanya dahil lagi kayong magkasama. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Pansinin mo na ako, please.” My cries that long for his attention filled his unit.

Mas lalo akong naiyak nang yakapin ako nito’t pilit pinapatahan. Lumipas muna ang isang oras bago ako kumalma. Binigyan niya rin ako ng damit pangbihis dahil basang-basa ako sa ulan. Awkwardness enveloped us for a while until he broke that by talking to me.

He said sorry for avoiding me, but it’s true that he gave up the gig. I felt regretful for what happened. Sabi niya ay ginusto niya rin naman daw ’yon, pati ng mga ka-banda niya dahil gusto nilang pagtuunan ng pansin ang pag-aaral nila dahil huling taon na nila sa Everton ngayon.

He notified me to not blame myself. I asked why he avoided me. Umamin siyang sumama ang loob niya dahil sa sinabi ko pero nilayuan niya raw ako para sana huwag ng mas lumala ang away namin, kaso ay hindi niya alam na ganito raw ’yung magiging epekto ng pangyayari sa akin.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit.

“I’m sorry, too. Hindi ko talaga sinasadya na patigilan ka sa pagkanta—”

“Baby, I can go back to music anytime. Just because I gave up the gig, means I really did give up on music. I did that because you were right. I should have thought of your side. Right now, let’s forget that, okay?” Tumango na lamang ako sa kanya saka siya niyakap pabalik.

Naging okay naman kami matapos ng tampuhang iyon at itinuon namin ang atensyon namin sa pag-aaral. Matapos ng ilang mga sakripisyo, pagpupuyat, at mga efforts na ginawa namin ay natapos muli ang academic year.

Today, I’m going to attend Ellie’s graduation day.

“Good afternoon, Tita. Si Ellie po, nasaan?” tanong ko kay Tita Jennifer nang makapasok ako sa bahay nila. Nakaganyak na rin ang mga ito katulad ko. Mamayang 1 p.m. kasi ang graduation nila.

“Good afternoon, Jana. He’s inside his room. Nagbibihis.”

Pumanhik ako sa taas at pumunta sa kwarto ni Ellie. Kumatok ako ng dalawang beses bago niya ako pinagbuksan. “Hi. Happy graduation day, architect!” I opened my arms and he quickly clasped his body on mine.

“Thank you!” Hinalikan nito ang noo ko saka ako iginiya sa loob.

I helped him fix himself. Naka-brushed up na ang buhok nito. Nakasuot na rin siya ng light blue long sleeve saka black slacks, at black shoes. He’s so neat to look at. Kuntento na sa hitsura niya’y nagwisik ito ng pabango sa kanyang katawan bago niya ako hinarap.

“How do I look?”

“Handsome,” then I winked at him.

I asked if he will now wear his graduation gown and cap pero doon na lang daw sa Everton kaya noong lumabas kami ng kwarto niya’y ako ang nagbitbit doon. His family rode in their van while we used his car. Pagdating doon sa school ay saka na lamang kami nagkita-kita.

Before entering the Astrodome where the graduation ceremony will happen, I fixed his necktie and assisted him in wearing his graduation gown and cap. Seeing him well-dressed, I lightly grabbed his gown and gave him a quick kiss.

“Congratulations, Ellie. I’m so proud of you!” Niyakap ako nito nang mahigpit kasabay ng pagbulong niya ng pasasalamat niya.

Lumapit kami sa pamilya nito saka kami nagpicture taking. Una kong kinunan silang buong pamilya, tapos mayroon ’yung kasama ako, saka ’yung solo naming dalawa ni Ellie. Matapos no’n ay saka na kami pumunta sa loob.

Exactly 1 in the afternoon, the ceremony started. Sobrang dami nilang mga graduates. Lampas isang libo yata sila pero mabilis lang naman silang ma-a-identify base sa mga kurso nila, saka sa kulay na rin ng academic hood nila.

When the architecture courses were called, they fall in one line and as their names were mentioned, they stood and walk upstage to get their diplomas.

“Rodriguez, Laynard Ellie. Cum Laude.”

Ellie then stopped in the middle of the stage. While the audience was clapping their hands, I stood from below to take photos of him. Kumaway ako sa kanya at nginitian naman ako nito. Now holding his diploma, he waved it to his parents, telling them that he has finally made it to the end.

That ceremony ended around quarter to six. Kaya noong umuwi kami sa bahay nila, ’yung handa niya ay diretso ng naging dinner namin. Nagtawag din kasi ito ng mga kaklase niya lalo na ’yung Instant Dreamer at sabay-sabay kaming nagdinner doon sa bahay nila.

Nag-inuman ang mga ito sa terasa nila at hinayaan ko muna silang i-enjoy itong gabing sila ang magkakasama. Doon na lang ako sa sala nila at nakipagkwentuhan sa kanyang mga kapatid at pinsan. Lampas dalawang taon na rin naman kasi kaming dalawa ni Ellie kaya sobrang kumportable at close na ako sa mga ito.

Alas nuwebe na noong isa-isang nagsiuwian ang mga bisita niya. Nang maayos ang lahat ng mga pinag-inuman nila ay saka kami bumiyahe pabalik sa kanyang unit.

Nakamasid lang ako sa bintana nito nang maramdaman ko ang pagyakap niya sa akin. “Thank you so much for everything, baby,” he whispered in my ear.

Umikot ako paharap sa kanya saka hinawakan ang magkabila niyang pisngi. “I’m so proud of you, Ellie. Finally, nakagraduate ka na. Ganap ka na talagang architect.”

“Ikaw naman na sunod next year.” I smiled at him as we stared at each other that long. I then tiptoed and reached for his lips. Natatawa pa ako dahil ramdam ko ’yung paghabol niya sa labi ko nang itinigil ko ’yung paghalik ko sa kanya.

“You’re teasing me,” he mumbled.

“Hindi kaya,” I protested.

“You are,” pagpipilit niya at noong makakuha siya ng pagkakataon ay mabilis niya akong hinalikan. I was so engrossed with his kisses that I parallelled it. Sabay kaming naghabol ng hininga noong mabitawan namin ang labi ng isa’t isa.

“Let’s end it here. I’m afraid I would want to do more from you.” Nagsimula itong maglakad sa kama niya pero hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay. “Jana, please. I’m trying to control myself here. Let’s stop before it will lead us to something you might regret the next morning,” nahihirapan nitong saad.

“What if I don’t want you to stop?” malakas ang kabog ng dibdib na saad ko habang nakatitig sa kanya.

“Jana...”

I courageously closed the gap between us and granted him a kiss. I moved my lips on him yet I felt him controlling himself, but later on, he ended up accepting my initiative. Naramdaman ko ang kamay nito sa aking leeg at ipinupuwesto iyon upang lubos na matugunan ang bawat yapos at halik na iginagawad ko sa kanya.

Soon after, he let me sit on the tip of his bed. “You’re taking away my sanity, baby. Please, please spare me while I’m still in control of myself,” hirap na hirap niyang saad.

Sa halip na sundin siya ay hinila ko siya palapit sa akin. Giving him permission to continue, he softly cursed before devouring my lips. My heart kept pumping so fast and loud. This experience is new to me and I could not even stop him. Ang alam ko lang, nasa punto akong sinimulan ko na kaya ayaw ko ng tapusin pa.

Still exchanging sweet kisses, I felt him lay me down and he fixed himself on top of me. His polo was already gone, except for his pants. My dress was also slightly parted and was messed by our eager actions. His kisses then trekked on my neck and I whimpered when he slightly bit it. Hindi nagtagal, naramdaman kong wala na akong saplot, maging siya. Sa halip na maramdaman ang lamig, ang katawan ko ay mas lalong nag-iinit.

I looked away and pursed my lips when he inspected my naked body. Mahina itong natawa sa akin. “Having second thought?” he teased.

Tinakpan ko ang namumula kong mukha gamit ang dalawa kong palad. “Kinakabahan ako. It’s... my first time,” I softly babbled.

Inalis nito ang dalawa kong palad saka ako nginitian. “Don’t worry. This will be my first time, too,” anya at naroon ang gulat sa aking mga mata. He’s a guy and I thought he already had experience in this. I didn’t know this will be his first time.

“Promise me, you won’t regret if I continue this,” he said, giving me chance to back out before it’s too late.

“I won’t.” Hearing the assurance from me, his lips then roamed in my lips, down to my neck. Ang mga haplos nito sa aking baywang ay parang apoy na nagpadagdag sa init ng aking katawan.

Though he admitted that it’s his first, his hand moved so professionally that I’m started to get used to his touches. The way he caressed my bare skin, and the way he kissed me like he can’t get enough of me is something I’m getting addicted to.

“Aaah...” I moaned when he molded his hand on my mountains. Bumaba ang mga kamay nito sa hita ko at ang maiinit niyang haplos ay nagbibigay buhay sa buong katawan ko.

“Ooh, Ellie...” pinipilit ko ang sariling huwag lumikha ng malakas na ungol nang maramdaman ko ang kamay niyang naglalakbay ngayon sa pagkababae ko. “Oh, goodness.” I can’t help but whimper when he carefully inserted his one finger inside me. Kusa akong nagpaalila sa kanya nang maramdaman kong iginalaw nito ang kamay niya sa akin.

Now that the wetness in between my thighs covered my peak, that became his cue to let his manhood enter me.

Malakas na impit ang kumawala sa labi ko habang siya ay mahinang napamura. “Baby, you’re so tight.”

“Ellie...” my voice was filled with pain. Aware akong masakit kapag una pero hindi ko aakalaing ganito pala ’yon kasakit. Parang pinunit ang pagkatao ko na hindi ko maipaliwanag.

Ellie covered my painful moans with his comforting kisses, and I equated it with the same ferocity to at least focus my intention into it, rather than the pain succumbing in my feminity.

Hinayaan niya munang masanay ang katawan namin sa isa’t isa. Hindi nagtagal ay nagsimula itong gumalaw sa ibabaw ko. Marahan iyon, hanggang sa unti-unti siyang bumibilis.

His room was loaded with our moans and whimpers brought to us by our united bodies. Niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit at isiniksik ko ang ulo ko sa kanyang leeg. I can hear him breathing roughly as he kept moving on top of me. His continuous thrusts make me lose my sanity, and I can’t deny that I’m enjoying his every move.

As we reached the climax, Ellie already withdrew himself to me. Sabay kaming naghabol ng hininga nang makahiga kaming pareho. Humarap siya sa akin at hinaplos ng pisngi ko.

“If that was your graduation gift to me, then I was the luckiest.”

Hindi ko alam kung biro niya lang iyon pero namumulang itinago ko ang pisngi ko sa dibdib niya at mahigpit naman niya akong niyakap. He gave me a peck on my forehead and caressed my hair because I was so shy to face him.

“Thank you so much for allowing me to be your first, baby. God, I love you so much, Jana Montecilla,” he sincerely said.