dear you,
have you ever just been extremely sad? the kind of sad where you don't even know half of the things that you're doing? the kind of sad where you are so consumed in your thoughts that you forget what you were thinking about in the first place? the kind where you just eat and eat anything that you find in the kitchen to make yourself feel better? so extremely sad that even tears wouldn't escape your eyes?

and at the end, it just feels like a big weight on your chest, leaving you breathless, craving for fresh air. then suddenly, you start to feel that if you stay for one more second in that place, you might just die. then you just wish you would die. things would have been easier that way. you keep asking god why you are alive yet.

then you remember the very thing that made you feel sad in the first place. a teardrop escapes your right eye. you make no attempt to wipe it off. you know it is dark and no one can see you cry.

but it stops right there: a teardrop is all that escapes your caged heart. you try to hug your pillow, pull your sheets up to your face, hope to fall asleep. but both the night and the sleep betrays you. slowly, counting ten thousand sheeps by the time morning light leaks into your room, you fall asleep.

the "goodnight" text never seems to make you fall asleep.

i know that feeling.

yours faithfully,
an insomniac.