"Meet you at the Crocker." I say to Noah over the phone. My tummy buzzes with the high of our trip coming. I packed and picked out the way I wanted to look. My plan and my friend's plan was to look smoking hot. It was a solid step one in the get some happy sex plan.

Although I could have met Noah at my place it was something I didn't want. Childish, but a part of me is a little embarrassed about the size of my apartment. Having him inside my place that I worked so hard to get. Yeah, I'm proud of being on my feet but the place is tiny and his paintings he made with the kids are all over the wall. A place of pride under the kid's bed in my single room apartment is barely a kitchen with a small tiny bathroom.

Mine though.

The thought reinforces my confidence about my place again. I should be proud of myself not ashamed but I couldn't. It wasn't simply about the size of the place being so small or anything else. It's about how exposed I'd be if he saw how much he meant to me while we weren't together. I can't even put it into words. I was so locked into him so down bad, with the realization that it was just Noah. Only ever going to be Noah even if it could maybe not be Noah in the end.

I sighed, breathing out the world and shooting my cousin Eve a message to come pick me up. She agreed to drop me off at the Crocker museum. She shot be back the eggplant emoticon again proving her and Jo-Lee are always team cum. They were hyping me up for this hair cutting trip. Who would have thought I'd be able to take a whole damn boating trip just to cut hair. Talk about the view I'm going to get sailing along the California Coastline again. It was almost like old times but different. Different maybe a little bit but the same too. I remember the first time I was alone with Noah on that boat. The thought that I loved him hit me so hard. Noah, the sea god Neptune himself was my everything beloved himself.

Rushing down the stairs to meet Eve waiting for me in her car. We talked along the way about nothing too bad. My suitcase is not even in the trunk but in the back seat bouncing around. I wanted to grab it and race to the Sailing boat that bad. As fast as I could because we were finally in a good place. I'd have even taken a simple friendship but friendly fuck buddies is even better. My cautious smile flitter at the corner of my lip so fragile but hopeful.

Eve pulled into the Crocker museum parking lot, its backdrop of Noah's huge sailing boat. The paintings are still there until the end of the month. The buyer gives a chance for the public to fully view it until the end of June. I wanted to take the kids to see Noah's art installation one more time before it went to the buyer. But with their birthday around the corner combined with the Fourth of July it's going to be hard. Theo plans on holding the party this year instead of me doing it again. The trade off of time should be interesting. A joint custody that for the most part has been working out.

I tried somewhat in vain to distract myself with a bevy of fast thoughts on the way to the art museum. As we turned the corner onto the street, I saw it. The sun is ready to set and the lights from the art display are already on. A sailing boat that almost burst from the sea with the panels painted behind it. The lights of the waves were almost real and again reminded of the night Noah made multi panel paintings. Our stormy night together and the first time we had sex. A complete first for Noah who unbeknownst to me was a nearly thirty-year-old virgin. Staring out from my cousin's car at the boat and the paintings again I was so caught. It was an endless loop where we went wrong but also where we went so right. The rightness was there and although Noah wasn't a huge talker, his body spoke to me. In the way he held me touched me even when he was angry.

"T, you there? Anyone home?" Eve stopped in the parking lot and I was spacing out. The lot wasn't empty. I scanned and saw Noah's truck and his agent's Audi. Plus, a number of people who worked there. A black BMW that looks familiar but black BMW have a habit of all looking familiar.

"Yes, I'm fine." I hop out of the car like a little kid who's getting a field trip. The kind of bounce in my step that only Noah could put. I was ready for this trip. Finally, we were ready to be in a good place and I was going to let myself have this, damn it. I pop open Eve's door faster than she could disengage the locks for the back seat. Grab my suitcase and walk with purpose for the doors of the Crocker.

"Wait for me T," Eve came laughing after my quick moving ass but I wasn't waiting. My feet took me to that door and in the distance Noah's truck was off to the side. I made a beeline for it and threw my suitcase in the back of the truck. I barely slowed down, something inside of me was pulling me to Noah. My body was fighting itself to keep me from running for him and searching the Crockers back rooms for him. That fragile smile grew just a tiny bit more with every step to the doors.

He came through the doors. A man who absolutely didn't fit the posh aesthetics of either of the Crocker museum buildings. The old world style and class of its classic art or the new modern art building. He was in a blue flannel shirt and henley. Jeans that hug his colossal body so nicely it was a crime. Completely out of place and way too tall. Almost reaching the top of the stretched doors to the classic art building. Hair not in a bun this time but down and way too long. Sandy beachy waves combine with ocean eyes an absolute Neptune. The name completely matched the name of the art installation next to the building. Noah didn't fit the posh art museum at all. And if you told any of the more fancy visitors on the non-freebie days at the art museums that Noah was the artist of the featured art installation. I doubt they would believe you, but that was my Noah for you.

My feet stopped, and the fast walk slowed down at the sight of him. That smile I'd barely held expanded, finally, I released that air I'd been holding tight in my chest. Warily, my hand lifted in a small tentative wave at him. Noah's gaze shifts to me, and his eyes connect. So, rare for him to make direct eye contact with me it always catches me off guard. Beautiful ocean eyes track my walk towards him. And I give him the full fucking view. Because it's for him and that lushness that he drizzles on to my body with his attention. His complete captivation is so hot in his admiration. It's a world of just him and me and for once no more ocean between us and joy floods my being. I want to run to him but I give him the show. Normally I'm not one to tease but I want his eyes to keep eating me alive. I want it all. I even let the gals talk me into the outfit with the heels that don't work well on the boat and I'll have to change out of. They cajoled me into the poured on jeans. The kind of jealousy you have to put on upside down in the bed. A top that shapes me but still looks casual. I went in with the hair in box braids ready for the salt air, Eve helped me put these in that same night. Dark skin butter up pretty and ready to go, I gave him the full show. I loved every damn moment of it.

A hand touched Noah's shoulder, and my feet came to a stop. The waves they were gliding to meet him became turbulent at the sight of that red nail polish. She giggled when she walked out of the big double doors. Her hand resting on his shoulder as if it'd been there at hounds times before. Her smile is a smile I've seen on my own face, one that appears only for him.

"Noah, thank you for the interview. I can't wait for the next." She laid it with so much innuendo she might well have just taken her panties off and tucked it into his henley. I clenched my teeth as her fingers dragged across his shoulder to the other side of him. She leaned in and whispers something into his ear. Giggling again to a joke only she and him might know. And as captured as I was by her she wasn't by me when her eyes came up to track Noah's eye line. She connected with my jealous gaze. Trisa from Drama's Kiss appeared absolutely surprised to see my ass. The Oh she shaped with her mouth was a single second of acknowledgment. I couldn't even take any solace from it because for her I was a speck in the distance. After another thought I was worth less than a second of her acknowledgment. Not even a damn microsecond. Noah's eyes turned to her and it was painful. He nodded at her words. Then took a step back from her holding open the door for his art agent Shar.

Words became fussy for me as Shar and Trisa began talking to each other.

"I can walk with you to your car," said Shar with a furtive glance at me. She didn't even bother to wave just mouth are you ok at me. I wasn't ok, I was far from fucking ok. And when Shar pointed at the black BMW next to her Audi walking Trisa towards it I wanted to puke. My mind ran through that car in places over the past months since Noah's been back. Outside his house and I felt like my feet weren't under me.

With a soft thump to my back, "T, what's wrong?" Eve's voice had so much alarm in it and my feet weren't there. "Tari?" Her hand touches my shoulder and I release it. Closing my eyes and not seeing that woman walk away towards her black car with Shar. I nod my head knowing about both these worries. The sound of heels further away joining Trisa's towards the car. I kept my eyes closed and more flashes of that car at Noah's house from time to time. The condom, the fucking condom. I couldn't breathe. I was drowning. No... I can't drown. Her hand on his at the Art show. It was so fast everything was lining up to crush my little cautious smile. Gone as quick as it came. I centered myself as smoothly as I could. We made no promises, and he's always honest my Noah. The smile that was playing on my lips came back a little sadder than it originally showed up.

"I'm ok Eve, thanks for dropping me off." Opening my eyes was something I didn't want to do. I'd see it again and it would make me upset but I had to. Eve though she was tracking the two women leaving the Museum heading for their cars together. Then she turns her head back towards me with a suspicion in her gaze. "Really, I'm ok." I reassure her

"Text me when you get where you're going. Tell Theo to call me if he has issues with the kids. I'm taking care of everything for you during the weekend. You're free to spread your wings, woman!" Eve says, making sure to cock block him from ruining my short vacation. That's a team player for you. I give her a bigger smile which makes Eve relax a little more. My walk wasn't as sexy as before. My hand shook, throwing off my playa game walk completely. Heading to the doors by Noah nowhere near as sexy as seconds ago. He moves towards me out of his daze but I shake my head and walk back to his truck standing by the door. When Noah catches up those ocean eyes are confused with my choice. He unlocks the door and goes to my side to open the door for me. But I open it first and hop up into the truck.

It was going to be a drive to the marine from the Crocker. More than an hour in the truck to run over and over in my mind the change in the way we were from before. To see that woman and imagine everything she might have touched. Before he could start the truck, I felt his hand on my cheek. His thumb against my dark skin swiping away the single evidence of my hurt. And I shuttered at that touch. Finally, I made eye contact with him again and those ocean eyes were waiting for me.

"Thank you for coming." Noah said with a shy smile. "I wanted to have you back on the boat for a long time." I ground at his words.

It was always like that for us. I wanted to know more but most of all I wanted to be with him. But the reality that even these crumbs weren't enough for me anymore scared me. Because I thought it was going to be enough. No promises, no maybe tomorrows. But I wanted them all for me. Noah was Forever for me now. It was Noah or bust. I wanted all of him. Even the tiny idea that someone else might was repugnant. An existence I couldn't handle anymore. It is what it is; it has died today and forever was all I wanted. How was I going to explain that to Noah?

A/n: Happy Black History Month!!! About three years ago Wattpad did this black history event. It was one of the first times they did it. Most of you found this book after that event. I am so thankful to have you. Thank you for support a black writer and thank you for supporting a black female lead char. Feel free to share, comment or whatever. I read everything.