For the first time, I gather myself when I get out of bed. I rush to the bathroom and take a bath, making sure to comb my hair right after and dress presentable for class.

"Ann, you look better than usual." Ms. Honey complimented me earlier.

Our Chemistry teacher, Sir Vincent, is discussing the different types of gas laws. I can't stop myself from wondering why Dominic isn't in the call.

We're on Gay-Lussac's Law when his face finally appears onscreen. An emotional warmth embraces me. He's wearing a black NASA sweatshirt, his hair ruffled. It's clear he's leaning backwards a little, his eyes looking a bit puffy.

"I'm going to post the pairings later." Sir Vincent declares minutes later. I can't keep my eyes off of Dominic, who's just staring at the screen with boredom. "One will present an example of their chosen gas law, and the other will make a powerpoint presentation that explains it. No meeting up — I trust this can be done virtually. Communicate with your partner."

Dominic's sweatshirt reminds me of the hoodie he lent me, which is in my closet. I do my best to calm down when my phone vibrates. I sneakily slide down my seat and reach out for it underneath.

Dom: stop smiling

I turn my phone off immediately and stare back at the screen, mortified. The look Dominic wears is hilarious. How can I not smile?

"Alright. I posted the pairings already in the channel, please don't forget to check if. The deadline for this is on Friday," Sir Vincent folds the collar of his shirt and adjusts his glasses before checking his watch. "Class dismissed. You may now have your recess. Come back in fifteen minutes for your next class — which is English. You may turn your cameras off."

You don't have to tell me twice. One by one, students begin turning off their cameras. The last ones to do so are Leo and Nina, the two giggling. It's so obvious they're texting.

A notification pops up on the screen of my iPad from Microsoft Teams just when I exited the app.

Mackenzie Jenelle Hunt: We're teamed up for Chem. What law are we doing?

Kenzie and I aren't close, but we get along well. I believe she and Leo used to date in our sophomore year.

Annika Grace Brooke: Charles' law sounds easy.

Mackenzie Jenelle Hunt: Can I do the powerpoint and you present?

I recall the balloons we stored in the attic months ago for Kate's birthday and wonder if they're still in good shape. We never got to inflate them though — turns out Kate didn't like balloons.

Annika Grace Brooke: Sure. I have balloons. Let's use that example.

Clicking the Chemistry channel to see the other pairings, my eyebrows knit together when I see both Dom and Nina's names in the same column.

My stomach twists at the envious feeling that hits me.
Right on time, Ms. Via tags the whole class and announces that English won't be synchronous and that we should start with Chapter 2. In exchange, we get Biology class by Ms. Honey. Synchronous. Ugh. And we have a recitation today.

Considering she discussed the components of the second chapter last week, Ms. Via says she's confident that we already know what to do. Ms. Via also assures us that she recorded the lesson and uploaded it in one of her channel's files.

Review of Related Literature. Local and Foreign Studies. Use Google Scholar to find articles. I am so not in the mood.

After Biology, I receive texts from Dom.

Dom: discord call for research paper

Dom: leo and I are here

My jealous ass refrains me from responding. I snatch my iPad and toss it to the bed, throwing myself on the furniture with a devastated sigh.

Leo Mayne: Hey snob. Dom and I are on Discord. Join us.

Ann Brooke: just tell me what to do

Leo Mayne: Snobbitch not in the mood?

I can't help but grin at the nickname. I would have joked around, but I can't stop thinking about Nina and Dominic. Does Leo feel like this too considering he likes Nina, or am I just traumatized by my previous relationship?

Ann Brooke: just tell me

Leo Mayne: Ask Dom

Ann Brooke: ask him for me

Leo Mayne: He said you didn't respond to his text

Ann Brooke: and?

It takes him a couple of minutes to respond.

Leo Mayne: he says you can do a foreign study on the genetic factors and another on the impacts on patient and loved ones

Leo Mayne: each of us are contributing two RRLs

Leo Mayne: he says don't forget to use Google scholar

Leo Mayne: he also said he texted u the links

Leo Mayne: bloody hell

Leo Mayne: fuck this shit can you just talk to him

Ann Brooke: Thanks Leo

I'm getting jealous. This isn't good. The memory of Dom and I confessing about dreaming of each other for the past five years pops up, and I can't help but assume there's something in it for me and him, especially in the future.

But what if he ends up just like Cornell? I'm literally starting to heal once again, and what if Dom breaks my heart in the end? I can't keep doing this to myself.
Night time comes painfully.

I join Liz in Discord. Nina isn't here, which makes me feel kind of relieved.

Liz doesn't accuse me for not texting back. She knows I'm the type of friend who doesn't really respond immediately. She also knows that, despite how bad of a texter I am, she can open up to me anytime. I'm thankful she understands my space.

We talk about our college plans, and she tells me she's excited to be the hotelier for Viola's, a famous hotel her family owns in the country. She says she's planning to go to California for college, and I just nod along and say stuff from time to time, unable to concentrate fairly.

"Ann, I did something really strange."

"You keep saying that!" I scoff impatiently. She's been inputting those words from time to time earlier but she kept preventing herself from elaborating. It's making me feel even more upset.

A notification appears — a message from Dom in Discord, asking me if I'm okay.

No you idiot - I'm not okay. I'm falling for you and I'm afraid to break my heart again.

"... it feels like a mistake, but it feels so nice, you know?" Liz goes on, laughing to herself.

"You're really not going to tell me what's that about huh."

"Not yet. I haven't even told Nina," she sighs. "Anyway, what's up with you? Anything going on with—"

I interrupt her before she can bring up Dom's name. "Nothing. Hey, when you realize you're catching feelings, what do you do?"

The question doesn't faze her. "I distance myself from them."

Liz and Kate would make a great pair of best friends. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if Kate and I were in the same grade — she and Liz would definitely be closer friends. "Right."

Of course, I'm not that inconsiderate. I do my part in Research, even putting in more efforts for the sake of surprising them. Our next Research class is this Thursday, and thankfully it's synchronous. It doesn't change the fact that Leo and Dom are communicating with each other while doing the research paper, which makes me feel guilty for not reaching out.

Liz and I continue our conversation until ten in the evening. Just when I'm about to leave, someone joins in the call. I know it's no other than Nina.

"Hey guys. Leo posted something on Instagram. Help me spam the comments and support him!" she cheers.
Liz giggles. "I'll like it but I won't comment."

I go on Instagram and check Leo's post. It's a blurred picture of him looking at the side with his car on the background. It's night in the photo and he's wearing a black sweater.

"Tell him he looks ugly." I cackle.

"Leo, Ann said you looked ugly." I hear Nina say. I wonder if she's in a channel with Leo and Dom in it. "Ann, Leo said you should shut up because you're clearly in love with him and just can't say so."

A smile forms before the guilt sinks in. "Tell Leo he's dreaming."

"He says he thinks you like him unless you comment on his picture."

"Alright." I type down a bunch of silly comments. "Hey Nina, what gas law are you doing by the way?"

"Huh? Oh, not sure. My partner didn't text me yet. Anyway —" she bursts out laughing, "Ann, you're flooding Leo's notifications. I have to go!"

Huh. So she's expecting Dom to text her. Cool.
"So what's up with you and Dom?" Kate questions, putting her phone down with an annoyed look on her face. It's a Wednesday today, and it's officially been two days since I started to ignore Dominic.

And it's also been two days since he reached out to me.
After ending the call with Liz that day, Dom hasn't bothered to reach out to me ever since.

Ella is upstairs playing the piano — I can hear the song she's playing from here but I don't recognize it.

Knowing I can confide to Kate about anything, I heave a sigh. "I'm distancing myself from him."

Kate gives me the are-you-stupid look. "Why?"

"You of all people should understand," I shrug. "He got paired up with Nina."

"Nina Lim?"

"Yeah. And he thinks she's cool."

"You're getting jealous." Kate concludes, "and you're scared."

"I'm not scared," I correct her. "I just don't want to go through the pain again."

Kate makes a face. "Ann! That's not fair. He's nothing like that douche."

"He hasn't contacted me ever since too."

That catches Kate off guard. "Maybe you did something."

"I did something?"

"Yeah, like ignore his messages."

I roll my eyes and excuse myself, not wanting to expound the conversation.

So that's it — I catch feelings, get jealous, ignore him, and then he stops contacting me. Right after we found out we both dreamt of each other. Right after the thought that we might've been each other's... soulmates

This is why I shouldn't have relied on getting into a new relationship. How are we even supposed to work? I'm off to college next year and so is he. Who knows where we're going to wind up.

But why am I overreacting? I stopped responding to him first. All because of the scary possibility that he might like Nina.

So why am I acting this way? This is all my fault in the first place!

Thursday morning comes, and I can't help but notice that Dom isn't in the call. My mood gets even grouchier when I realize I'm on my period. When Ms. Honey tells us that the first week of August will all be asynchronous classes, I don't even feel the need to celebrate.

August. My birthday. Another birthday in quarantine.
My heart has been sinking lately every time I don't get to see him onscreen or receive a notification from him.
This is why I shouldn't expect. People leave all the time.

And who knows what Dominic really is capable of? I met the guy in a fucking dream and apparently he's real. He matches all the traits I wish my dream guy could possess, plus he even has the name Dominic Archer — some fictional name I came up with.
And he's real!

After classes, I go to Twitter and scroll through my home page. Krista tweeted a selfie of hers and Cornell retweeted, quote tweeted and replied to it. I make a face before scrolling past it, barely giving a fuck. Prettier than her anyway.

Nina just retweeted something about a new COD update and Liz has multiple recent tweets I don't really have the energy to read.

Leo just tweeted: expectations fucking hurt

There's a clown emoji in the end. I can't help but think that he tweeted this because he found out that there must be something going on between Dom and Nina.

Also affected, I retweet his tweet.

A couple of moments later, my stomach rumbles. I look over at my desk and remember the stain of my Oreo Mcflurry — the day Dom first came in my room.
And look who's alone once again.

Getting upset, I tweet: I just want nuggets and ice cream

It hasn't even been a five minutes when I receive two notifications — someone has liked and replied to my tweet.

@dominic_archer: i'm outside