August 20

Mainland, Lake Joseph, Muskoka

"Thanks for the ride, Hudson. Are you sure it's okay if I text you in a bit to pick me up? Not sure how long I'll be, he didn't say what he needed."

"No sweat, Ellie. I'm around, if I'm busy, I'll send T."

I leap from the bow of his boat onto Liam's dock, waving goodbye before I wander back and around to the boathouse.

"Liam?"

"Up here, Ellie."

Making my way up to the deck, I'm surprised to find Liam alone, settled on the lounge chair, shaded by a large octagonal umbrella.

I drop a casual kiss to his cheek before looking around. "Where's Sam?"

"I sent her on an errand with Mom. Bit of a wild goose chase, to be honest. Dad's up at the main house."

I study my friend closely, trying to keep a neutral smile on my face. His eyes are hollow, sunken. His skin has a sickly color to it. I can hardly believe this is the same boy from two nights ago.

"I know, I look dreadful. I didn't have a good night. I'll be better tomorrow, don't worry." His voice sounds flat, like he's rehearsed that part of his speech, but I smile at him, nodding. "Come, sit with me for a bit."

I can hear the determined tone in his voice, so I bite my lip to hide the fact I know he's lying to me, smiling as I ask, "Can I get you anything? Juice? Soda?"

"Wouldn't say no to some iced tea. It's in the fridge."

I pour two glasses over ice, then move to sit on the lounger with Liam. "I'm sorry you had a hard night."

Liam looks up at me, smiling sadly. "Maybe I can be honest with you, Elle, if no one else. It wasn't really just last night. I've been feeling great for the past ten, twelve days, the doctors said I could expect as much, the body sometimes experiences a positive change, before the end. I've started to notice now that it's going the other way."

Emotion grabs me by the throat, and I reach out to grab Liam's hand. "Try not to think like that, Liam. Just rest, recover and we'll be here when you want us."

"The thing is, Elle. I have a few favors to ask you. Do you mind?"

Shifting to look directly at him, I cross my legs and settle in. "No, of course. Anything."

When he reaches over to the side of his chair, he pulls out a small package. "I've written some letters, for everyone I think needs one. I'd like you to pass them out, after."

The serious look in his eyes, the soft, pleading tone in his voice breaks my heart. "Oh, Liam." I blink back tears, fighting for control, fighting to be the person, the friend, he needs right now.

"I'm sorry, is this too much to ask? I don't think I can count on anyone else putting my needs and my friends' needs above their own feelings. But I've seen you do it every day. I know it's a lot, but will you help me?"

I just nod, too overcome to say anything. Too overcome by what he's asking of me. When I flip through the letters, I see one for Greyson, one for Ryan, one for Sam, one for me, one for his parents, and one for the whole hockey team, and one for Hudson and Theo together.

"Yours is special, Elle. It has instructions for the others, for a few things I'd like you to do, to help them."

Looking up at the small pile of letters in my hands, I bite my lip, trying not to fall apart. Looking over at my friend after a moment, I offer a small smile.

"Liam, if I could change this, I would. I hope you know that. I would do anything so that you could stay here with them. With all of us. I know this isn't fair of me to say, but I'm not sure Greyson will be the same, not ever again."

He smiles a little sadly at me. "It's why I've written the letters. I also need you to focus their attention on these last weeks, Elle. I haven't been this happy in a long time, and honestly, after the past year and a bit, I'm so tired. It's been trial after trial, medication after medication, procedure after procedure. I have nothing left in me. I just can't anymore, it's why we moved here, the doctors gave me four weeks, maybe six, optimistically. I didn't want to tell anyone, well Mom and Dad know."

"You don't have to explain your choices to anyone, Liam. They're your choices to make. In a time in your life where you might feel powerless, I understand why these choices are so important. I'll help you in any way I can. I promise." I repeat the words my dad said to me, one evening not so long ago when he'd wanted to prepare me a little for a time when I might face real loss for the first time.

"Thank you. I can't tell you what it means that you understand. One more thing." Now his eyes are twinkling, at first what I thought were tears, looks more like humour as he smiles a crooked smile at me. "I might need you to go into my room in Toronto and get rid of the porn and the weed, I wrote it on a post-it note on the back of your letter. Don't think my parents will appreciate finding all that, I know Sam won't."

This boy is simply magical, refusing to let sadness, fear, or regret swallow him. Despite myself, I laugh, tempted by the look in his eyes. "Your secret fetishes will be safe with me. I promise. Is there anyone you'd like to bequeath your porn collection to? A young cousin, needy teammate?"

Liam looks horrified. "A man never shares his porn, Elle. Please, God, just burn it all." His eyes twinkle with humour, making me smile, despite the overwhelming sense of grief I feel clawing inside me.

Knowing logically that my grief serves only me, I push it aside as best I can. "Can I ask you something?"

At his nod, I stare down at our joined hands, taking so much comfort from this boy who knows Greyson better than anyone. "You and Sam, you talk so freely about being the love of one another's lives. How did you know? When did you know?"

When Liam sighs, I look up at his face, curious at the play of emotions I see there. Love, sadness, but also guilt. "I told her she was the love of my life, Elle. And she is, don't mistake what I say next as any kind of alternate truth, but I was already sick when I said that, rather offhandedly. I meant it at the time, I mean it now, she is the love of my life. But now, it's quite literal." He rubs his hands over his face, scrubbing a little, hiding the emotion I know is clouding his beautiful eyes.

When he looks over at me again, he breathes an enormous sigh of relief as he continues, "I don't think it diminishes anything, but I'm not sure I would have been hers, even if I wasn't sick. She loves me, there's no doubt about it, but we're young, she should have more great loves. She will, I know she will. No matter what she says, what she promises, I just don't have it in me to talk to her about it all, but it's in the letter."

Shifting on the lounger so I'm shoulder to shoulder with him, I take his hand again, squeezing. "I don't think it diminishes anything, not at all. I think she's brave, I think you both are, leaning into your love, into one another, but I think you're wrong, Liam. I think you are the love of her life, but it doesn't mean she won't have another one day. My grandmother found a second great love, after her first husband passed away. She always talks about how lucky she was to love two great men, to know two incredible love stories."

His eyes shine with tears, and I see a look of relief pass over his face. Liam raises our joined hands to his lips, kissing the back of my hand gently. "I wish I'd known you sooner. I wish I'd seen him with you before. I hope you can see how perfect you are for him, but I also hope you can see that he has to change to be perfect for you. Maybe he can, maybe he will. He's started to. But if he can't, if he won't, I hope you can also be strong enough for yourself to let him go. To make the selfish choice, like I'm doing."

"There's nothing selfish about what you're doing." I squeeze his hand, wanting him to believe me. I'm not ready to acknowledge what he's asking me to think about. I wipe the tears away as they finally tumble off my eyelashes and onto my cheeks.

"I wish everyone felt that way. Don't cry, Elle. Please. I'm pretty much at peace with all this. It seems crazy, but my parents and I have talked a lot about it. I think it will just be a relief for me, and they don't want me to be in pain."

Snuggling a little closer, I wrap my arms around Liam, hugging him close, wiping my tears on his shoulder. "I don't know what you believe in, I don't really know what I believe in, but I know there just has to be something good waiting for you."

"If there is, I'm sure I'll see you there again one day, if Grey isn't too bad of an influence on you, at any rate." Liam squeezes me companionably, leaning into me. "Do me one more favour? Make sure Grey comes by on his own tomorrow. I'd like some time with him, and Ry."

"Of course," I try to remember what Greyson told me this morning about his plans for the day. "I think he was actually planning on coming by tonight, want me to tell him to grab Ryan on his way?"

"Other way around, Ry should grab Grey on his way. You should know the lakes better by now, Ellie."

Smiling at his mild teasing over my lack of navigation skills, I bump him with my shoulder before pulling my phone out to text Greyson, then Ryan.

I also text Hudson, letting him know I'll need a pickup just before the boys get here, but while I wait, I cherish the quiet moments sitting here with my friend in the afternoon sun. I hold on to him, offering whatever comfort he can take from my presence.

- - -

I love Liam's inexhaustible source of peace, calm, love. These have been some tough chapters for me to write. 

I've become so invested in the characters I've brought to life, and while many of them are inspired by real people from my childhood, not all characters follow the exact timeline of events.

Liam (as he is written here) is one of those characters, who is a mix of people and emotions who represented many things during our shared experiences, things we learned, things we tried, things we said goodbye to, people we said goodbye to, for whatever reason.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments, and please vote if you love the story.

Xx Toria