August 16

Loon Call Island, Lake Rosseau, Muskoka

Breathing raggedly, muscles screaming in agony, tightness spreading through my chest, I continue to push myself through the grueling workout, welcoming the burn. The peace that settles over my brain when all I'm focused on is my next breath.

I've been pushing myself for the past two hours, trying to numb the thoughts and feelings coursing through me.

Liam was rallying, sort of. He assures me he's on the mend, but I know he's lying, I can see it, hear it in his voice, see it in the way Sam stays close to him, the way his parents hover nervously. I can see it, and I resent him for it, which makes me hate myself, but I'm not ready to lose him. I'll never be ready to lose him.

But how can I even think to prepare myself for a life without my best friend? I can't even talk to him about it, I just can't put my needs before his, and he wants to be happy now, and I'm trying, but I feel like I'm drowning in the open ocean, waves crashing around me and nothing to hold on to.

So I hold on to the pain. It's all I have right now.

"Grey, I think you've had enough. Have some water, man."

Theo's voice jolts me out of my rhythm and I barely catch myself as l drop rapidly into a set of push-ups.

Like the other times he's tried to interrupt me, I ignore him. If I stop, I'll feel something, and I need the mindless oblivion that comes from exhaustion.

There are only a few ways I know to distract myself from feeling things you'd rather avoid. Booze, weed, girls, or this. Since I don't want to pick up a bottle again, and I don't have any weed, that leaves sex or exercise.

Mindless sex isn't on the table, so here I am.

I shove myself into faster, harder repetitions, fighting off the shaking in my exhausted body, wondering how much farther I can push myself until I pass out. Ideally, I'll stop just before that point, then crash into bed. I'm praying for a dreamless sleep.

"G, you look like you're going to pass out man."

"I'm fine. Leave me alone." I barely manage to grunt the words, before I hear Theo retreat.

I know I'm not fine, but I don't want to talk, I don't want him to look at me with that concerned look in his eyes, or ask me again, for the millionth time, if I want to talk.

I close my eyes when I hear him leave, fighting the wave of nausea that crashes over me from exertion.

Pulse pounding in my ears, breath clogging in my lungs, I finally feel my body start to rebel against the punishing workout, so I stumble to the bed I've been crashing in, down the hall from Theo and close my eyes, swallowed by the darkness before I even hit the mattress.

What feels like only moments later, I hear hushed voices, feel something cold, something damp on my lips, but I don't open my eyes. I can't.

I must make some sort of sign, or noise that I'm awake, because one voice, her voice, is louder, clearer the next time she speaks.

"He's awake, Theo, it's fine. Go get some sleep, or just chill, I'll stay with him for a bit."

The strange, cold, wet sensation returns to my lips and I let them part, the dry skin tearing a little, rather painfully.

"Greyson? How are you feeling?"

I grunt, still not opening my eyes, since they feel like lead weights, come to think of it, my entire body feels like it's made from lead.

"You gave Theo quite a scare from the sound of it. Passing out like that, you've been down for nearly twelve hours."

Fuck. I'd needed sleep, but twelve hours? I need to get the fuck out of bed and back to Liam's.

Groaning, I reach one hand up to grab Elle's wrist, the one holding something cold and wet to my lips. The cold, wet thing falls from her hand and onto my bare chest when she jolts in surprise.

What the fuck?

"What are you doing here? What is that?" Sliding my other hand up to my chest, I rub the cold, damp spot and peel my eyes open gradually, blinking against the light. My voice is harsh, gravelly, foreign, even to my own ears. "What time is it?"

The sun is behind her, making it hard for me to see her, but I can see enough, hear enough to tell she's worried.

"It's just an ice cube. You were so pale, and Theo said you didn't drink anything for hours while you worked out, or after, when you sort of passed out. I came last night, we've been on the phone with Kate, she said just to watch you and get you rehydrated. I brought supplies."

I blink a few more times, struggling into a sitting position, leaning against the soft headboard, wincing as my muscles all protest at the slightest move. "Fuck, I feel like I've been run over by a truck."

Elle leans forward, reaching down beside the bed, sitting back up with a Gatorade, and some Advil. "I thought you might be, from what Theo said. Have these for now, I also brought some liniment from the barn. You can soak in the tub with it, then, if you promise to eat, I'll rub you down with some cream later."

Her lips brush over mine absently, before leans back. Even at the point of exhaustion, my pulse jumps at the thought of her hands all over me, my body responding as she slides her hand over my arm, squeezing gently, causing me to wince.

"Ouch, you've really done a number on yourself this time."

I only nod, sipping at the Gatorade, even though I want to chug it. I've been here before, I know if I drink too fast, I'll puke.

"You want to talk about what's on your mind? What happened last night?"

This time, I shake my head. Closing my eyes again and shifting to try to get more comfortable, but there isn't a spot on my body that isn't in agony.

"Alright," Her voice is soft, gentle, but I can hear the note of sadness, of disappointment she's trying hard to hide. "I'll get a bath started, then. Do you need help standing up?"

"No, I'll manage. Thanks."

I palm two extra-strength Advil, swallowing them with the last of the sports drink, then wince as I swing my legs down to the floor. Christ.

Stumbling to the washroom, I strip, not caring Elle's here, brushing past here and lowering myself into the blistering water. It smells minty, like the water she'd used to rub her horse down with. When I look up at her, her eyes are fixed on my shoulder as she tries not to stare at me.

"Look your fill, Elle, I'm not shy." Her blush deepens, making me smile a little. God, she's so sweet. Just having her near me makes me want to smile again. I should have gone to her last night, rather than spend the night on my own.

Her eyes dart over my body, I realize it's the first time she's seen me fully naked in the light, not covered by a sheet, or boxers. "I'll leave you to, um, well, to soak. I'll wait with Theo." She starts to back out of the bathroom, but I grab her wrist, tugging her back towards me.

"Will you stay? Keep me company?" I feel stupid asking her, but I hold my breath, waiting for her answer.

"Sure, but I'm staying dry, and clothed. Clear?"

Relief hits me and I release my breath, chuckling, "Clear."

When she settles down beside the old copper bathtub, I grab her hand, letting my arm hang over the side, linking our fingers before closing my eyes and sinking into the water. It's blissful to my abused body, and some of the tightness leaves my chest, my muscles.

Serves me right for pushing my body, for calling it a night without stretching. Not that I would have managed to stretch in my condition.

For the first time in a long time, we sit silently, no nervous chatter coming from Elle as she watches our joined hands, a concerned look in her eyes, mixed with a small smile as I stroke her wrist with my thumb, engulfing her smaller hand completely in mine.

A quiet tap on the door pulls my attention away from her, "All good? Has he drowned?"

Theo's voice is muffled, blocked by the thick oak door. "No, he's fine, we'll be out soon."

"Is checking on me to see if I'm alive? Or checking on you to make sure I haven't dragged you in here with me?"

"Probably some combination of the two. You should try to remember, he's alone too. You might be surprised by the comfort you can find together. If you let yourself."

Sighing, knowing she's right, but not ready to think about it, I change the subject. I should get out of the rapidly cooling water, anyway. I groan at the thought of moving. "Unless you want the full show, Elle, pass me a towel?"

"I would like the full show, come and get your towel." Her grin is mischievous, challenging. She's calling my bluff.

I smile at her, then push myself out of the water as quickly as I can, ignoring the pain that shoots through me, slightly, mercifully, dulled by the pain pills. Her eyes widen when I step down to her level, backing her against the door to snag a towel.

"Like what you see?"

Her voice squeaks out adorably as she stutters, struggling for words, deciding halfway through her jumbled answer to just start nodding.

I take pity on her, watching as her face goes all kinds of red, and wrap a towel around my hips before pulling her close and rubbing my cheek against hers. "I missed you last night. Is it okay if I sleep with you for the rest of the summer? I feel better when I'm with you, I sleep better."

"You can come by whenever you want, anytime, no matter what." Her lips tip up to meet mine and I sink into her, diving my hands into her hair to hold her steady as I kiss her deeply, sliding my tongue over hers, scraping my teeth over her lip, nipping sharply before soothing the sting with my tongue again.

Fuck, I should have gone to her last night, a single kiss has me feeling more relaxed than my gruesome workout.

"I love you, Greyson, you know that, right?"

I tighten my arms around her, not sure I've heard her correctly. Not believing I'm worthy of hearing those words. "Say it again."

She smiles against my lips, "I love you."

Sighing, I break away, trying to say the words back to her, but choking on some invisible barrier. When was the last time I said I loved someone? Have I ever said it? If I say it, will I mean it?

She must sense my inner battle because she only kisses me again. "I don't expect you to answer, or to know if you feel the same way. I just wanted you to know."

"You're the most important person in my life Elle. I think I do love you, it's just hard to separate everything, you, Liam, Mom, Dad. I'm a fucking mess."

"It's okay, I promise. Greyson, are you happy that I love you?"

I pull her close again, resting my cheek on top of her head, "It's like my own miracle. Yes, I'm happy you love me, but I'm not really sure why you do."

"Then just be happy, because I'm happy to love you, end of story. And if you're very, very good, I'll tell you why. Maybe I'll let you work to hear all the reasons."

Relaxing against her, I tilt her chin up to meet her flirtatious smile, the suggestive twinkle in her eyes lets me know exactly what she wants me to do to her to get the information. It's a trade I'll gladly make.

"Care to start now?"

She shakes her head, "You'll have to wait for later. Theo's waiting, and you really did give him a scare. He was beside himself with worry when I got here. I know he'd appreciate it if we hung out here for a bit, even if he won't say it."

"Okay, I'll just grab some shorts. I'll meet you out there." I turn back to her as she starts to wander down the hallway. "Elle? Any chance you could make something to eat? I'm not up for grilling."

With her nod, I smile gratefully, and turn back to the bedroom to grab my shorts. Dragging the towel quickly over my hair before tossing it on the back of the chair, I pad barefoot back the way I came, past the bathroom and into Theo's living area.

Expecting to have to reassure a worried Theo, I'm totally unprepared for the punch that plows into my gut as I swing around the corner.

Dropping to my knees, I wheeze out a surprised breath. "What the fuck, T?"

"What the fuck T? How about what the fuck, G? You scared the shit out of me last night. I thought you died in your sleep man. Next time? Use your Goddamn words, and don't be an ass, shutting me out, then passing the fuck out."

Theo's face is flushed with anger, but also relief, so I let the hit go. "That's the one freebie you get, brother. Satisfied?"

"For now." His lip quivers a bit as heat creeps up his neck. I'm just as surprised as I was by the punch, if not more surprised, when he grabs me in a tight hug, crushing me to him.

I automatically try to shrug out of it, to keep my distance, but he only hugs me tighter, so I stop pulling back. Tentatively, I wrap one arm around his shoulders, awkwardly returning his embrace. "I'm sorry for punching you."

"I'm sorry I scared you."

When I pull away, I spot Elle, off to the side watching me with a satisfied smile on her mouth, so I stalk over to her and grab the plate with the massive sandwich she made. "That was all your fault. We could have been locked in the bathroom with my hands all over you, but instead, I practically get to first base with Theo."

When her smile only widens, I roll my eyes.

She puts her hand on my shoulder stopping me before I can stalk away. "It's okay to let the people you love close to you. They won't all disappoint you like your dad did. Plus, if you play your cards right, you can still lock us in the bathroom and put your hands all over me. I'd like to get mine on you later too, the massage was just an excuse."

So with her promises of a massage, and plans to work for the information she's promised to share, I settle down with Theo and Elle on the sofa, focused on my sandwich, trying to ignore Elle's fingers trailing over the bare skin of my back and try to tune in to Theo's running commentary on The Italian Job.

- - -

Is that a crack in Greyson's armor? Is our Elle getting under his skin, inside his heart?

I've loved writing from two POV's and would love to hear your thoughts/feedback! All comments welcome. 

If you're enjoying the story so far, let me know in the comments, or consider voting!

Xx Toria