Content warning: This chapter contains mature content.

August 13

Caledon, Ontario

Walking through the woods with Kuna, I close my eyes and listen to the sounds of nature. This was exactly what I needed.

I'd dropped Greyson off with Liam after work this morning, spending my first afternoon away from him in days, even though guilt had chased me through the entire drive down.

For the past few days, I've felt on the razor's edge of my emotional limits, with so many other emotional people surrounding me, I'm having a hard time recalibrating, staying positive, staying calm.

Maybe it's unfair that I have this escape, this part of my life that's untouched by emotional turmoil, grief, uncertainty, and sadness, but I need this like I need water.

Hudson thinks I'm too empathetic, that I need to take a step back from everyone, for just a minute. He says I'm one big panic or anxiety attack about to happen and need some time to myself. So I'd tagged along with Mom today.

As I come over the rise, at the end of the forested trail, the open field beckons. I nudge Kuna from a walk into a canter easily, letting him have his head as he tugs against my reins. Kuna opens up and just flies, kicking up twice in excitement as I laugh.

All too soon, I gradually slow Kuna, whose flanks are huffing and puffing in the heat. I steer him into the shade, walking him for a few moments, even though Kuna's already expecting the swim, trying to pull me towards the water.

I unbutton my loose shirt, hanging it on a branch before swinging my leg over one side of Kuna. Balanced precariously, I yank my boots off, tying the laces together and tossing them over the same branch. I try to remove my jeans, attempting to stay on his back, while I do.

Kuna, impatient, takes a few quick steps forward, and I nearly slide off him. I wiggle out of my jeans, then toss them over everything else on the branch.

It's deeper than last time I was here, Kuna can only just touch the bottom, and he stands, happily blowing bubbles in the water and splashing his head through the still, slightly muddy surface.

I stand on Kuna's hindquarters doing a big cannonball into the water and swimming back to Kuna, sliding onto his back again like a slippery seal, laughing. We play in the water; me jumping and sliding over his back; him blowing bubbles and splashing me as I swim by. I glance at my watch and jolt. As usual, I've lost track of time.

Kuna takes some persuading to get out of the water, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever get him out. When I do, he shakes, nearly sending me sliding off his wet, slick fur, and I laugh, holding on tightly.

I grab my clothes, and I drape my jeans and shirt over my lap, riding back through the field in my undergarments, hoping to dry a little before getting back to the barn. I'd like to keep my clothes relatively clean and dry for the drive home.

Mom's face as I ride around the side of the barn is priceless.

"Elle Harper Montgomery. What on earth were you thinking, riding across God only knows where in your underwear?"

"Oh, come on Mom. You used to sneak your pony into the house, this is hardly the worst you've seen, anyway."

My mom smiles, shaking her head in defeat. "You're incorrigible."

When I only shrug, smiling down at her she sighs. "Not one speck of that dirt gets in my car. Now hose that poor animal down, yourself too. I'm going to have a coffee with the adults."

I manage to suppress my laughter, barely, until Mom walks into the barn. When I make eye contact with Chels, who just walked out of the garage, we dissolve into a fit of laughter, until Kuna drops down onto his knees to roll, forcing me to hop off quickly, stumbling to the side and landing on my butt in the grass.

I only laugh harder, flopping down on my back, fingers holding the reins as Kuna rolls happily. He stands, snuffling his way over to me and nudging my ribs with his muzzle.

When my laughter finally subsides, my belly hurts and my cheeks are sore. Happy tears have left tracks through the mud caked onto my cheeks. Chels pulls me to my feet with a laugh.

"You are absolutely filthy, girl. Toss Kuna out in a paddock after you bathe him. I'll bring him back in for you later."

"You're the best Chels. I'd give you a hug but... well, I guess you don't want one."

"Get out of here, kid."

I drag my muddy steed to the outdoor bathing area, happy there are no other riders or grooms there to watch me bathe my horse in my underwear.

What should have been a fast hose down, turned into a water war, as Kuna got a hold of the garden hose, tossing his head wildly. I'd laughed, using the spray to rinse as much of the mud as possible from my body, thanking Kuna for his assistance with my own shower, even though that was hardly his intention.

Sending him out into the paddock to roll and dry, I leave him contentedly munching on grass for evening turnout.

As I'd packed up my belongings, I realized that not only had Kuna managed to soak my clothes, he'd also managed to soak my boots, which meant now, I was sitting in the front seat of my mom's car, in my underwear, wrapped in one of Kuna's extra blankets, shoeless.

My mother's face was frozen in her slightly smug I-told-you-so smile. Needless to say, it was a long drive, although I'd technically followed her instructions that not a spec of dirt should come in the car. She'd said nothing about what state of dress or undress I should or shouldn't be in.

Dad's laughter when he met us at the marina had restored my good humor after the slightly frosty car ride with Mom. He'd laughed, telling Mom to lighten up when he'd gotten a look at my drowned-rat-in-lace appearance, promptly zipping me into his windbreaker with a wink.

So, several hours after my initial swim, I stumble up the moonlit path to my dark cabin, beyond happy to be back. As I step through the sliding door, I drop my bag, yank the windbreaker off, peel my bra off, and drop my panties by the door, intending to take everything straight to the machine tomorrow.

I walk straight through my cabin, into the bathroom, and nearly scream when a hand clamps down on my shoulder, then over my mouth.

"Shh, it's me." The deep whisper sends shivers down my skin and I freeze in Greyson's arms, completely naked, and absolutely mortified.

"What are you thinking? Seriously, Greyson, why didn't you text me? You nearly scared me to death."

He hits the lights in the bathroom, dimming them as I blink rapidly to adjust to the brightness. "Holy shit, Elle."

My arms fly up to cover myself, and I yank a towel from the door. "Don't, you're beautiful." His words are soft, calm, soothing. I feel the embarrassed flush begin to fade and my body cools down again as I lean back against him, securely wrapped in my towel.

"I'm filthy, from the barn. Let me grab a shower, you can wait in my room."

"Or, I could join you." His hand fists at the front of my towel as he looks at me through the mirror.

"Isn't that maybe getting a bit ahead of ourselves?" Biting my lip, I have an inner debate. I've been begging Greyson to let me take things further for weeks, but now that the opportunity is in front of me, I can't imagine being naked in front of him, in the shower, no less. At this moment, I realize that's just too much for me, for right now.

It's also such a shift from his past assertions that we're not ready to explore any other side to our relationship yet. Plus, his comments that not caring, being alone might be better than being with someone, loving someone.

I wonder what's changed his mind. Why he seems so relaxed, so calm. It's left me just a little thrown. Excited, sure, but thrown.

His soft chuckle whispers against my ear as he lowers his lips to my neck. "Shy, all of a sudden?"

"Maybe."

"Be quick, now that I've seen a preview of what's on the table, I find I'm inclined to toss all caution to the wind. I might be willing to show you one or two things tonight after all."

I shove Greyson out of the bathroom with a quick hip bump and shut the door. Shower, shave, lotion, face cream and a touch of make-up. Not much I can do with my hair, at any rate. I mentally calculate the time I would normally need, thirty minutes? I need to be done in less than fifteen or I might have a nervous breakdown imagining it all.

Twenty minutes, two nicks of the razor later, and a small mascara disaster resolved, I'm frozen at the door, my roughly towel dried hair still dripping a little down my back. Everything Theo and Vi ever told me is currently crashing through my mind, and I can't keep a single thought in my head.

When I hear a soft tap, I hold my breath. "Not having a nervous breakdown on me there, are you Elle?"

I shake my head, then realize he can't actually see me. "Nope."

"You coming out sometime this year?" I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Yep." I still don't move.

"How 'bout you just unlock the door, I'll do the rest." I can tell he's holding back laughter and I nearly groan, but there's also patience in his voice, playfulness.

I feel the pressure ease in my chest as I pop the lock on the door, and grip my towel tightly. When the door swings open, my breath catches in my throat as I take him in, stripped down to his snug boxer briefs. It's nothing I haven't seen before, but this time, I know it's different. So is the way his briefs hug his body and I feel my eyes pop open wider as I take him all in.

"Hey, you."

I smile up at him, nerves sliding away. I know this boy; I trust him. I love him. "Hi, you back."

When he pulls me into his arms for a kiss, the last trace of nervousness leaves me, even as anticipation builds. I pull back though, needing to get one thing out in the open. I bite my lip, hoping it won't kill the mood. "Um, I don't know if I have to say this or not, but I'm curious and everything, but I'm not ready for, well, for losing my virginity or anything, yet."

"I know. Don't worry, we won't go there, not tonight. All you need to do is say stop if you don't like something, anything. I promise." His lips brush over mine, whisper light until I'm straining against him. "I've been imagining plenty of other things I can show you. Hell, I think I cycled through all of them in the last twenty minutes waiting for you."

He leads the way back into the bedroom where I see he's lit the small candles by the bed. He nudges me backwards until my knees hit the bed and I lose my balance, with his body coming down over mine and shifting me farther onto the bed.

"I might need you to let go of that death grip you have on the towel there, soon, Elle. Just something to think about, no rush."

Absolutely mortified by what I'm about to ask him, I take a shaky breath. As curious as I am, as much as I'm dying to learn more, I'm just feeling too exposed, navigating waters that are too deep, too unfamiliar.

"Umm, would you mind terribly if I put some panties on, maybe a bra? I'm not sure I'm ready for all of this at once, it's a bit overwhelming."

His kisses are drugging, slow, sweet. The familiar stroke of his tongue, the warmth of his hands as they hold my face under his intoxicating kisses.

I gasp as he nips my bottom lip, my body arching of its own volition towards him, but he pulls back, smiling. "Can I pick them?"

I nod, relief flooding through me. He grins back at me, rummaging through my dresser and pulling out two lacy scraps of material. I immediately regret letting him pick.

Instead of the cheeky Brazilian cut shorts I had in mind, he's picked a magenta lace thong, and a matching, completely see through lace bra. I close my eyes, feeling my body flush. I wouldn't be surprised if my skin matches the colour of the lingerie at this point.

I feel Greyson's hands at my ankles as he draws my feet through the fabric, sliding it up my legs. "Somehow, this feels a little counterproductive, but it's sexy as hell."

I shift my hips up, letting him slide the fabric up and over my thighs. I wiggle a little to settle the fabric more comfortably. I turn over onto my stomach, pushing up to my knees and letting the towel drop. I let Greyson slide my arms through the straps, then clasp the bra at my back, his mouth lowering to kiss my shoulders as I adjust the front of the lace bra.

I feel more confident almost immediately, like I'm not so vulnerable, like I have some of the power here again. I look over my shoulder at him, sending my drying hair cascading over my back. "Fuck, Elle. You're so beautiful."

I wrap my arms around his neck as I turn towards him, pulling him close. "So are you. Well, handsome, I mean. Nevermind, where were we?" Snippets from my conversations with Theo and Vi pop into my head at the most unpredictable moments, causing hysteria to bubble up inside me. So, I silence my brain, focusing completely on Greyson. Maybe it's better just to trust him, to ask him, when we get there.

"Somewhere just about right here." We topple backwards with a whoosh, and a soft thump, as we hit the puffy feather duvet.

With the shift in the mood, it becomes clear that my reservations have put a stop to his bold exploration, his thoughts to try something new. Instead, he focuses on the familiar actions I've come to crave.

I shiver as his fingertips brush over the top of my thigh, trace the lace line of my underwear around to my back. I jolt in his arms as he grabs my butt firmly in both hands, lifting me to settle over his lap as he shifts to his back.

His hands stroke across my ribs, around my back as he presses me to him, holding me down for a kiss, before releasing me.

Rather than taking the lead as the driver, the explorer, he settles back for me to set the pace. I focus on what I know he likes, scraping my teeth over his jaw, nipping at his bottom lip, then soothing it with a flick of my tongue. I let my hands explore a little, emboldened by the low groans sliding through his lips as I rock above him.

His hands skim up and down my sides again, before lightly brushing the bottom of my breasts, and that makes me shiver too.

I run my hands over his hot, firm skin, stretched taught over the muscles there. I trace the muscles across his chest, down to the narrow V of his hips, then back up to his shoulders. Kissing my way down his neck, I rub restlessly against his chest and gasp at the unfamiliar sensation of warm man, and rough lace on my sensitive breasts.

When his teeth scrape across my throat, I angle back, giving him better access and freeze as the bulge in his boxers brushes against the most sensitive, secret part of me. A moan escapes my lips as I strain against him, craving the relief of the pressure building there.

His hands grip my hips and he rocks lightly against me, testing. Pleasure spikes through me. "I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"You can do anything, I promise. As long as you like it, I'll love it."

I bite my lip, uncertain. "Will you show me?"

"Soon. For now, just enjoy."

His hands grip my hips again, pulling me more securely against him, this time, he finds a rhythm for our hips, leading me through it, like some sort of sensual dance. The combination of the pressure from his body, his heat, the way his eyes are locked on mine, the rough lace of my panties on the most sensitive part of my body is almost more than I can bear.

I don't know what these feelings are, or what I'm supposed to do to ease them. My nails dig into Greyson's chest as I strain against him and the hiss of his breath through his teeth, the increased pressure from his hands and hips tells me he likes it.

As I squirm and writhe against him, desperately seeking something foreign. A strange mixture of frustration and pressure build as I continue to move restlessly, seeking something just out of my reach.

- - -

To be continued... in Greyson's POV!

Not going to lie, blush factor 150 over here, but all's fair in love and all that, and I marked this book mature, so I hope you all enjoy!

Let me know what you think in the comments, and vote if you enjoyed reading!

Xx Toria