Content warning: Casual use of recreational drugs. Specifically marijuana. If for any reason you're sensitive to the topic, consider skipping this chapter.

August 11

Mainland, Lake Joseph, Muskoka

Laughing like a complete lunatic, Ry stumbles across the dock, flopping down beside Liam and Sam on the double lounger.

It's nearly four in the afternoon and we've been sipping beer and lemonade shandies on the dock after Liam finally convinced his parents to let him live a little. Little did they know, drinking wasn't the only thing he'd had in mind as they'd agreed to let him have a few.

"Let's play a game, boys." Sam's eyes twinkle as she slides her sunglasses up, pushing her hair away from her face.

I hate it when Sam wants to play games. She always knows when I lie, it's like her superpower. I try not to fight her on it, though. I know she's only doing it to distract herself, to distract us all.

Floating on the big blue inner tube tied to the dock, I tip my sunglasses back down over my eyes. If she can't see them, hopefully, she won't know. The girl freaks me out sometimes. I love her, but yeah, I just can't fully trust a girl who's basically a human polygraph.

"I'm out. I have no secrets left after the last time we played one of your games, Sammy." Even as I say it, she yanks the tether, pulling the tube into the dock and leaping onto it with me.

"Don't be a spoilsport. I want to play." Her tone is childish, playful as she shuffles her feet and rocks the tube back and forth, splashing me with water, making it impossible for me to relax.

"Goddammit woman, just hold still before you step on something critical or destroy the jewels." Grabbing her in my arms as she laughs wildly, I restrain her, standing on the wobbly float with her flailing in my arms. "Keep it up Sammy, I'll throw you in."

"I'll take you with me." Her arms lock around my neck in a desperate attempt to cling to me as I pretend to toss her. The tube pitches dangerously, and I struggle to regain my balance while she thrashes and screams in my ear.

"Fuck, Sam. Hold still." Gaging the distance between the tub and the dock, I wonder if I can make it with her. I have no doubt I could do it myself, but not with the added buck forty in my arms, with legs kicking wildly every time we rock and tip.

Ry eventually takes pity on me, grabbing the tether and pulling us closer. I dump Sam unceremoniously on the dock, planting her ass on the hot wooden boards. She scowls at me, then grins and I can't help but roll my eyes at her. She's the most annoying person ever, but I can't help but like her.

Not liking Sam would be like not liking peanut butter. Even though it's an acquired taste, gets stuck to the roof of your mouth when you eat it too fast, and leaves you thirsty, you're still fond of it.

Sam's a little like that too. Takes some getting used to, sometimes sweet, sometimes salty and sarcastic, always gets her way, but you gotta love her.

More so now than ever, rely on my habitual bickering with Sam to keep things feeling even. I know she feels the same way. None of us are ready to talk about a future without Liam, not even Liam.

As irresponsible as it might seem, knowing what we know, we'll still take these days, pretending everything is normal. It's what he wants, it's what we all need.

Sam's voice pulls me out of my dark, spiraling thoughts. "How come you're so much nicer to Elle? I'd never see you dump her on her ass like that." She pulls a baseball hat on, hiding her rapidly freckling face from the sun.

Ry and Liam burst out laughing. "Sam, Greyson's nice to Elle because he wants to get her in bed. He doesn't have to be nice to you, because, well because he doesn't want to get you in bed, so he sees no upside."

"Fuck you guys." Slicking my rapidly drying hair back from my forehead, I grab a towel once I haul myself up onto the dock, grabbing my shandy that's now lost its carbonation in the heat.

When I stare incredulously at my friends, they only shrug. "Sorry man, I know you're all about taking it slow, protecting her innocence and all that shit, but let's not pretend that isn't the end goal."

I flip them off, not fully able to make the denial. I do want to get her in bed, under me, over me. But I'm not exactly in a rush. I'm nice to her because she's easy to be nice to, because she's nice, too.

Knowing how lame that will sound to my friends, I just let their teasing roll off my back.

"I'm nice to you, Sam. Just not when you're being a brat." I flip the visor of her ball cap over her eyes as I walk to refill our drinks, cracking open the beers and lemonade again.

I can feel her dramatic eye roll behind my back. Well, I'm nicer to her than I am to a lot of other people at any rate. That counts for something.

Settling back down on the dock, I lean against the side of the boathouse, passing the drinks out.

Liam's laughter rolls out as we glare at one another. "You two are like cats and dogs. I swear, you two were probably siblings in a past life, or you will be in the next one. Only siblings can access the untapped reserves of needling and bickering you two seem to have in spades. Well, that Sam has in spades for you, G. You just need to be less of a target."

I flip him off again.

Ry holds his hands up just as I'm about to growl out my response that he's the one who told me I had to be nice to her. "Now, now boys, and girl, play nice. Big daddy's got a special treat for all of us later if we're good. But first, time for some fun. Sammy, play your games. If Grey wants this special treat, he'll have to play nice."

When Ry wiggles a small clear baggy with familiar white rolled joints inside, I shake my head. "Where did you get those?"

"My cousin. Thought we could all afford to let loose a bit, what do you say?"

"Fuck. Yes." Liam slaps Ry's shoulder and reaches over to clink glasses. "Just like old times, eh?" He tosses his arm around Sam, pulling her close for a hard, fast kiss.

Ry stands, shifting from his spot beside me on the ground to climb onto the big lounger with the two of them. "Move over lovebirds. I want some sugar too."

Liam groans as Ry snuggles his way onto the chair, squishing Liam between him and Sam.

Turning my head, I watch them, wondering why I still felt more comfortable here, on the sidelines than in the middle of the action.

"We're playing truth, okay? I'll ask the questions, you have to answer. If you lie, I'll know, and I'll tell one of your secrets to someone you wouldn't expect if I catch you in a lie. Think big, like mom, calculus teacher, or Coach."

I shake my head at her. This girl is evil sometimes, and she always gets what she wants.

"First question, Ry. Anyone special this summer?"

I smile as my friend squirms. He's intensely private about his dating life. Even I've never really been able to crack him. "A few someones, no one special." When he smiles at her, she raises an eyebrow, but accepts his answer after a moment.

When she grins mischievously at Liam, I know we're in for a wild one. "Babe, how many more Kamasutra positions do we have left on the list to try?"

When Liam sputters, choking on his beer, Ry slaps him on the back, howling with laughter. "This ought to be good, aren't there like sixty positions?"

Liam coughs, blushing a deep shade of red. "Sixty-four. Are you sure you want me to answer this one?"

At her nod, Liam rolls his eyes muttering under his breath, causing her grin to widen.

"Sorry, didn't quite catch that, bro." Ry elbows Liam in the ribs.

He clears his throat, blushing as he answers in a louder voice. "We have thirty left. But I'm not sure we'll do them all, some of them are pretty, well pretty physical and I'm not at my best."

Sam leans over and kisses him, a long, deep kiss that has Ry looking away. I just stare at them though, used to her outrageous affection for him, even if he isn't always comfortable with it.

"I told you, we'll only do the ones that feel fun, feel right. I think we're making excellent progress, anyway. We should totally tell the boys about the-"

Liam slaps his hand over her mouth, shaking with laughter but also embarrassment. "One more word Samantha and I swear I'll make you figure out how many of those thirty you can manage alone."

She frowns playfully at him, smiling before settling back on the chair and leaning against him, turning her attention to me.

"Are you happy with Elle, Grey?"

I breathe a sigh of relief at the simple question and shrug. "Yeah, she makes me happy."

"Not quite, but nice try. Are you happy with Elle?" She emphasizes the word 'with' this time. What the fuck does she want?

"Yes, Sam. I'm happy with her. What's the fucking difference?"

"Semantics. I'm curious if you're happy just to be with her, not when she's trying to make you happy." I still don't really see the difference. Isn't Elle always trying to make me happy? Isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing as well?

Fortunately, Sam turns her attention to Ry. "You could have a threesome with anyone in your friend group. Who would it be?"

Ry smiles at her, "That's an easy one. Theo and his flavor of the night."

I raise my eyebrow at him curiously. "What are we dude, chopped liver?"

He only shakes his head. "I'd totally hook up with any of you and your respective partner, but after one round with me, your girls would never be the same, boys. With Theo, he wouldn't care, not like he'll ever see them again. I'm doing you a solid. Trust me."

Sam smacks him with a pillow. "You're so full of shit Ry. I know you're still a virgin."

Ry only shrugs. "Doesn't mean I can't have a threesome, or that I couldn't rock your world, babe. There are plenty of other ways to get off, or get someone off. I've got no shame in waiting for that special someone. By the time I find them? I'll be an expert."

"Fair enough, lover boy. Sounds like it could be a movie, or something. Ryan Windsor: The Virgin Sexpert."

Sam continues to torment us with her questions, pausing only to bring down a few bags of chips from the boathouse and to bring the burgers down for Ry to grill.

"Why don't you invite Elle to come over for dinner? Don't you want to see her?"

I take a long sip of my drink, shoving my hair back and off my forehead as the sun beats down on us, just before it will drop down behind the trees.

"She went down to ride with her mom today, she won't be back till late. Sarah's going to drop me off later, when she comes to get Ry. I'll bring her by tomorrow, too, don't worry."

"Good, I like her. She's good for you."

After wolfing down two burgers, I flop back down on the dock. "Dude, I thought you were supposed to get the munchies after you smoked, not before. You eat like a wolf."

I shrug, lately, I can't seem to get enough food, like my body is burning too much energy, with the workouts I've been doing, hiking to Elle's and back most nights, pounding the heavy bag at Theo's cottage every time I feel something about my dad try to break its way to the surface. It's enough to exhaust a guy, but still, unless I'm with Elle, I don't really settle, driving me to repeat the above cycle frequently.

"I'm a growing boy, what can I say."

When Ry flicks the lighter over the end of the joint, I watch as it flares bright orange-red against the darkening sky.

He hands it over to Liam, leaning back and closing his eyes. Liam only takes small, shallow puffs, and Sam skips it all together, leaning down to hand the J to me.

I take a long, hard drag, content to lose myself in the sweet haze. Holding my breath until my eyes start to water, I release the smoke in a steady stream before handing the J over to Ry again.

"Your parents are going to skin us alive if they catch us, Liam." Even as I say it, I laugh a little, not caring. He only shrugs.

"So, Grey, I think we left off with you. Ready for your next question?"

"No."

Obviously, she asks anyway. "When do you think you're going to take things to the next level with Elle?"

"None of your fucking business, nosy."

She shakes her finger at me like I'm a naughty child. "Not how the game works, Grey. You know that."

"I don't plan on going there. Not anytime soon."

Sam cocks her head at me. "Why? Anyone with eyes can see how much she wants to be with you, she practically purrs when you touch her."

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. I know Sam's right, and I love the fact that Elle is so responsive to me, but she's still so innocent.

"I haven't let it get much farther than what you've seen when we're with you guys."

Everyone stares at me after I make the admission. Fuck. Why did I have to say anything? Now I feel like some freak show.

"Interesting." Ry hands back the joint and I take another long drag before handing it up to Liam.

"What's interesting?" I hate myself for asking.

"You've never been concerned about sex before, it's always been the goal. You've been someone's first before, right? So what's holding you back?"

"She's different. She's so innocent. She trusts me too damned much."

Sam nudges me with her foot and I smack it away lightly. "She matters. You're scared to hurt her. That's what's different. Do you love her?"

I shrug, but she kicks me again.

"Everyone loves her," I answer vaguely, hoping to satisfy Sam's infernal curiosity and nosiness. Didn't curiosity kill the cat? Anytime now universe.

Sam, used to my evasive answers only changes her question. "Are you in love with her?"

"No." I take another hit from the joint, passing it from Liam to Ry, who are both silent, leaving my hanging to face the Sam inquisition.

"Lie."

"Fuck off, Sam. You don't know that."

"Does she love you?" Sam, unphased by my sharp words only pushes harder.

This time, it's Liam who answers. "Of course she does. Only a fool would be oblivious to that. Everyone can see it, it's all over her face. It's in every single one of her actions, her words."

"So, what is it then? Are you in love with her? Yes or no?"

Yes, I do love her. But if I say it out loud, I wonder if the universe will take it away from me, just like it's taking everything else. I can't bear to say it, I can't risk it.

"I don't know."

"Lie."

Ry puts his hand on my shoulder when I move to shove up from the dock. "That's enough, Sam. Let's call it for tonight."

Sam lies back, resting against Liam. "Last question. For the group. If you love someone, and they love you, isn't that enough to trust you can let go, and just not worry for a while?"

Liam smiles down at her, kissing the tip of her nose, then her lips. "It sure is, babe. It sure is."

I settle back down, wondering if it really is just as simple as that, and if it is, can I let go of the guilt and worry that's been stopping me from letting things go farther with Elle?

As soon as the thoughts enter my mind, image after image of her flashes through my brain and I immediately feel the burning need to see her.

Why am I holding back?

As the anticipation of seeing her later tonight sings through my blood, I wait, somewhat impatiently, for Ry's sister to come pick us up, while puffing on a second joint with my friends.

When Sar pulls up to the dock, I blink as the nav lights blare at me. If she'd been even five minutes later, Ry and I would be enjoying a front-row seat to the Sam and Liam Kamasutra show.

With a hastily shouted goodbye, which earns me an absent wave from Sam and a middle finger from Liam, I flop down in the front of the boat, watching the stars blur across the night sky, imagining all the things I want to do to Elle tonight, if she'll let me, but considering the trust she hands over to me so wholeheartedly, I don't think there's much I couldn't ask her to try, that she wouldn't agree to.

Reminding myself not to abuse that trust, I close my eyes, praying to whatever gods there may be that I can be the man she deserves.

- - -

Excited about these next chapters, not going to lie! Hope you'll join me in the comments and let me know what you think! Anways, if you enjoyed the chapter, consider voting!

Xx Toria