June 14

Lake Rosseau, Muskoka

My arms are screaming in agony. Hudson's been pushing me for hours in the water, and even Theo is starting to feel bad for me. I can see it on his face every time Hudson shouts, "Let's go again."

When I hear those three words, I wish the lake would just swallow me whole, suck me under so I can rest. I suck at water skiing.

I know it's not that hard, and I'm convinced it's not a physical problem but a mental one.

I was in minor a water skiing incident, five, maybe six years ago. Mum and Dad bought a pair of learner skis, which were tethered directly to the boat, rather than relying on the strength of the skier. The handle was just a dummy, tied to the rope and skis attached to the stern.

Geordie had been in the water with me, helping me stand up as the boat accelerated. Mum had been on the dock taking pictures. When I fell, Dad, forgetting I was attached to the boat by my skis, gunned the engine, turning to come to find me in the water.

Unfortunately, my feet hadn't come out of the skis, so I was dragged underwater through the hard waves of the flat wake for several feet. My brother screamed from his seat in the boat, and Dad stopped immediately, diving in after me to make sure I was okay.

Sure enough, I was only a little waterlogged, but too scared to try again. I haven't been successful in any of my numerous attempts since.

It certainly doesn't look like I'm going to be successful today. I only hope my muscles recover before Thursday and Friday for my horse show.

We've been zipping back and forth the same stretch of water for what feels like an entire day. Glancing at my watch, I can see almost three hours have gone by. I groan, but mentally prepare myself for one more try, giving Hudson the thumbs up. Theo rolls his eyes, but he throttles down, gradually getting up to speed.

This time, despite my shaking arms and legs, I stand. I'm already unsteady enough; the muscle fatigue certainly doesn't help matters. But I finally make it up, and for a few shaky meters, I ski. Triumph spikes through me, and I cheer myself on.

My mental party came too soon. We hit some small waves, which catch the tips of the skis. I get launched forward as the skis pitch vertically. I actually fly out of them, landing a few feet away, crashing down onto the wake.

That's it. No more today. I tap my head with my hand, giving Hudson the sign that I'm through. They circle back around, Hudson reaching down to grab the skis as the boat drifts by.

"You were so close there, Elle. You actually made it up! Told you I was a good teacher, didn't I?"

"I think that was a fluke, Hudson. God, I'm like jello, I can't feel my arms and legs anymore." I roll onto my back in the water, unclipping the snug life jacket that makes me feel claustrophobic. I throw it at Hudson, and it hits him square in the chest, soaking wet. "You're not a teacher, you're a drill sergeant."

He laughs, leaning on the side of the boat, looking down at me with a smile, like I was kidding.

I wasn't.

Theo takes advantage of the break and dives in off the bow, swimming around to float with me. "You did good, Ellie, no matter what he says. Give yourself a break."

He turns his attention to Hudson, "I'm telling you, Hud, she needs someone to get up with her, start from the dock, or a boom, then try water starting again when she's steadier."

I want someone to help me, not push me to do it by myself only to fail time and time again. I get too anxious in the water alone when the engine starts, and the drag of the water presses against me.

Theo squeezes my leg, and I yelp, partly from being ticklish, partly from muscle soreness. Theo laughs, "Looks like we broke her, Hud. Come on, let's get you out of the water, you're a raisin."

I look down at my hands, sure enough, my fingers are pruney from being in the water so long, and my fair skin has a cold, grey-ish tint.

Theo climbs up on the stern platform, then grabs my hand to pull me up after him. I immediately start shivering in the low breeze, goosebumps popping out all over my skin. I grab my towel and move to stand near Hudson, who is warm and dry.

"Don't even think about it, Elle." Hudson's voice is low, filled with a warning tone as he backs away from me. Normally I'd squeeze my hair out on him or Wes. They both hate it. Spoilsports.

Laughing, I make a show out of squeezing the water from my hair over the boat's side before climbing to sit on his lap. He pulls a second dry towel up from under the console and briskly rubs his hands over my arms and back. My shivering subsides almost immediately as his warmth creeps into me, and Theo guides the boat back to Hudson's cottage.

"Please tell me we can warm up in the hot tub." I'm already fantasizing about sinking into the warm water.

Hudson slaps the side of my hip lightly, playfully. "Race you there."

He beats me, but I argue it was only because I was barefoot, and he wasn't. I sink into the tub next to him, moaning in exaggerated pleasure. God, it feels so good on my abused muscles.

Theo joins us, three cans of Coke in his hand, original for them, diet for me according to my preference. I take a few small sips then set it on the ledge of the tub, tipping my head back to sink lower in the hot, bubbly water, letting the jets pummel my shoulders.

Hudson and Theo argue over their first choice in ski boats. It's a topic that's been recurring near to daily since last week, when Geordie and Brooke agreed to replace the older model Mastercraft they have currently. With Hudson's increasing interest in water sports and competing, his excitement is understandable.

Hudson splashes Theo. "You don't know what you're talking about. It's all about the new Mastercraft X-Star series. Have you seen that sweet hull?" I close my eyes, listening with only half an ear, when I hear Hudson start to talk about something that he calls a pickle fork hull, I'm totally lost.

"No way, man. I'd pick the Tige, with the big wakeboard tower and rack, now that's a sweet boat."

I zone out fully, floating on my back with my head resting above the water on Hudson's bent knees to stop myself from drifting around.

Despite my best efforts to push him from my mind, I find my thoughts turning to Greyson. I've been so confused since we went cliff jumping. I haven't seen him since that afternoon, but his moods will give me whiplash.

If I close my eyes, I can take myself back to that moment, feel the touch of his lips on my cheek, the sensitive side of my throat. I can feel his hands on me as he'd helped me climb. I can almost feel the warmth of his body as he'd held me in his arms just before we'd jumped. Or well, just before he'd jumped with me clinging like a barnacle.

I have no idea how to read him. Last summer I could have told you pretty much anything about him, about any of these boys I spend all my time with, but now, I just can't read Greyson. It started when he pulled away last fall. It's throwing me off. I miss being in tune with my friends, I don't like this new dynamic caused by the uncertainty between Greyson and me.

Hudson's hand on my shoulder pulls me out of my daydream, then waves in front of my face until I surface. The roaring sound of the jets echoing in my ears. "Earth to Elle...you want to stay for dinner tonight?"

Thrilled by the idea, I nod, "What's on the menu tonight?" I ask.

Hudson's mum is the reigning queen of salads and sides, but typically Geordie is the barbecue king. Although my dad would definitely fight him for the championship apron if there was such a thing. Since Geordie is in the city working, it probably leaves Hudson on grill duty.

"Tonight is surf and turf in the Rhodes household. Salmon, steak, jumbo shrimps."

"Sounds perfect. By the way, do you guys want to go out tomorrow? Mads is throwing a party at her new boyfriend's place, up near Rosseau." I hadn't really thought of going, but, why not.

"First party of the summer," Theo grins. "Wouldn't miss it."

Hudson passes out the large, fluffy towels from the bin beside the hot tub, "If he's going, I guess I'm going. Someone has to keep him out of trouble."

Laughing, I break off from the boys to change in Hudson's cabin before wandering over to the main house.

Dinner preparations are a mess, the boys are jumping in, stealing sliced veggies off the counter while Brooke laughs, slapping their hands away with her spatula.

"Boys, stop it. If anyone else were here, they'd think I never feed you." She glances over at me. "Elle, sweetie, boy am I glad you're here. I could use some female civility.

I can't help but smile at her, she's the kindest person I know.

"I've got you covered, Brooke." Smiling wider, I know just the trick to get the boys out from underfoot. "Could someone please help me peel these..."

"Should we light the barbecue Theo?" Hudson jumps in, pretending not to hear me.

"Yeah, gotta get changed, too." Theo tags on, just before they disappear out onto the deck.

Brook twinkles at me over the rim of the wine glass, offering me a mock toast. "Expertly done, my darling. I swear those boys are allergic to the kitchen."

"Hudson's not so bad, he just doesn't like to show it in front of the others. Theo is the worst, he's like Houdini when it comes to kitchen duty."

Her twinkling laughter makes me smile. I love spending time with Brooke. She's so peaceful. I end up taking over the preparations for the veggie skewers to grill alongside the seafood and meat, while Brooke prepares a large caesar salad.

"Have you picked out something for your dad for Father's day on Sunday, honey?"

"Theo's taking me into town tomorrow morning. I want to do some shopping, so I thought I'd get something there. I'm going to check out Baron's. Think Dad could use some new cocktail glasses for down on the dock."

"The perfect gift. Then he can bring Geordie and I our cocktails in them, enjoyment for all."

Her teasing makes me laugh. Geordie, Brooke and Dad are the champions of roasting one another. Mum normally stays on the sidelines of those moments, she doesn't do jokes so well.

We can hear the bickering of the boys, over the levels of doneness for the steak, finally settling on medium-rare. I swear, everything is a debate with them.

A short while later, sitting around the picnic table on the deck, we tease one another all through dinner. Spirits are high. Brooke shakes with laughter, and is no help to me at all, as Hudson chases me around the table with a large jumbo shrimp still in its shell.

My mum would never tolerate this behaviour at the dinner table, summer picnic, or not. It's one of the reasons I love spending time here. Despite being so close with my parents, Hudson's family is so much more relaxed. I know my mum drives the tone in our house, and her rigid upbringing and years in boarding school have made her somewhat inflexible when it comes to manners and what's proper.

I stumble, grabbing for Theo. He swings me onto the bench with him and I flop across his legs, laughing breathlessly. Hud tosses the shrimp at me and I squeal. Theo grabs it, peels it, and pops it into his mouth. "Mmm, delicious. Don't know why it bothers you to eat them out of the shell Ellie, they're already cooked. Dead as doornails."

My loveable, wild idiots. Hudson and Theo always give me crap about the meats and seafood I do or don't eat, and I admit there isn't really any rhyme or reason behind it.

I prefer not to eat meat from cows or pigs, because they're cute and only eat fish filets, not steaks and definitely no whole fish. Preferably nothing with eyeballs or heads still attached.

I eat all shellfish plus chicken and turkey, though, so I'm not what you'd call a vegetarian or pescatarian. I've always been particular. But regardless of my own preferences, I will always eat whatever is served.

When Hudson grabs two more shrimp, using them as puppets, acting out their talking to the friends I've been gobbling up all evening, I start to question whether I should become a vegetarian, or perhaps even vegan, entirely.

Finally, Brooke steps in with a laugh, bringing the rowdy boys back under control. "Boys, please don't torture Elle. She'll stop coming by, then who will I commiserate with at being the only lady in a household of men?"

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Xx Toria