August 8

Loon Call Island, Lake Rosseau, Muskoka

Pulling my hair back into a ponytail, I jump in my boat and throttle all the way down as I pull out from the marina.

What a mess.

Mads is grounded until the school year starts, having failed to mention to her mom and dad that she'd be taking the boat out after dark, and for coming home hungover. I feel terrible for her.

Thankfully, she was more grateful than anything else over the events of last night. Between retching and complaining about how terrible she felt, she'd also confessed how relieved she was that she didn't need to keep auditioning for the group. From what she explained to me, it was like a constant hazing ritual, one with no end in sight.

As I'd held her hair away from her face, providing her with water, cool towels, and moral support, while she'd emptied her stomach in the bathroom, we'd finally cemented our friendship. It felt like we'd found that spot where our lives were meant to connect, like a little puzzle piece finding its place.

Together, we'd made a sort of pact, to stick up for one another next year, and to make sure we did the same for the other girls in our group. I also told her she should count on having support from the boys.

Unfortunately for our new, fragile sense of friendship, I'd found out about her grounding when I'd called to check on her later in the afternoon, after she'd gone home. This likely means I won't get to see her so much before the school year starts.

I can only hope Chiara will also be grounded until the school year, maybe longer if I'm lucky. I could certainly go without another run-in with her this summer. Do I feel bad about calling her dad? Not particularly, it seemed like the best option at the time, and it got rid of her, so no, nothing to regret.

Do I regret that I will now have a target on my back? Absolutely.

Despite the assurances of the boys, I'm still nervous about Chiara. Even though I won't see her every day, there are all the shared social events between our schools.

Theo and Ry think we need to get ahead of the gossip train, and bolster Mads' reputation a bit to cast some doubt on whatever mean spirited gossip they might have aimed in her direction. Ry even offered to play the role of boyfriend as they head back into the school year.

Mads had cried at his offer, throwing her arms around him proclaiming he'll be the best fake boyfriend she never really had. We'd sent Mads home feeling better about everything, and Ry will get to play the role of knight in shining armour for a while.

I've been given homework to tell Vi, Hudson will tell Jules. They'll tell the rumor mill in that not-so-subtle secret way, that leads to the spread of wildfire gossip.

It all feels so complicated, so stressful, and unnecessary. I hate that these games are such a part of the schools' ecosystems. All I want is to wrap myself up in Greyson's protective arms and let the world say what they will.

I don't need stories, or tall tales to make me feel secure. I know Greyson will stand up for me, for us. He's already told me that before, and I believe him. Plus, with his support, and Theo's admiration and aggressive cheerleading from last night, I even kind of liked the feeling I got from standing up for myself, and my friends.

It's a feeling I'd like to feel more of.

I slow down and angle my way into Greyson's boathouse, tying off in the empty slip beside his boat. For once, all the boats are here, and I'm a little anxious as I wander up the long, steep staircase to the main cottage.

Walking into the cottage without knocking, as I've done a thousand times, I turn into the dining room, but stop short when I see Joy crying, and Greyson sitting beside her stiffly.

"It's not up to you, boy-" Hugh stops mid-sentence when he sees me. "Elle, we weren't expecting you. Now isn't the time for a visit, can you please come back later?" The stern tone of his voice startles me a little.

I nod, frozen on the spot, knowing what I know. It's the first time I've seen him and Joy since learning about their secrets. I start to back out, but Greyson shoots out of his chair and pulls me to him. "Don't leave, please, don't go. Can you wait in my cabin?"

There's a slightly wild, raw expression on his face that has me taking a few steps towards him again.

"I hardly think that's necessary, or appropriate Greyson."

"I'll decide what's fucking necessary for me, Dad. You've already decided you're not necessary for me, so I'll take it from here, thanks. I don't give two shits what you want."

I rub his arm, stroking it up to his neck, turning his face to mine for the briefest of moments, finding my voice. "I'll wait in your cabin, take all the time you need, it's fine. Sorry to interrupt."

Leaving Greyson in that moment feels horrible, and I begin to panic a little. Why couldn't we just have a few moments of peace this summer? Why does everything have to be so hard, so complicated? We're just kids, it hardly seems fair.

Sliding through the screen door of his cabin, I look around for something to do to keep my mind busy. I immediately pick up the small pile of clothes from the floor, sorting the pieces into their laundry bins. Unfortunately for me, at this moment, he's not a slob.

I move my attention to his bedside table, smiling over the collection of Polaroids he's collecting from my stash. I grab them, curling onto his bed.

As I flip through them, I can't help but notice they're all happy, tender moments. Most of the images are focused on me, with him off to the side, cropped, out of focus, or shaded. It makes me sad that he doesn't seem to want to see himself in these moments. He has a few of Liam and Sam, then Ryan and Liam. I frown at this, wondering why he hasn't snagged any of the hundreds I've taken of them all together.

I grab the small bag I brought with me and flip through some that feature the both of us, If he doesn't want to see it, then I'll leave him a few to show him.

I find one of the two of us. I'm tangled in his arms in the bow of Theo's boat smiling up at him as he licks my ice cream cone from over my shoulder. I shuffle it into his collection before digging through a few more. His casual gesture, the comfort driven by his proximity to me, to his friends is clear in his demeanor.

When I find my favourite one, I smile. Perfect. We're stretched up in the sun on the lounge chair at Jules' place. I'm asleep on his chest, and the most perfect smile is on his face as he looks down at me. One hand is tangled in my hair, the other is resting on my hip, holding me close.

Greyson might not be able to tell me how he feels, but when I look at these pictures, I don't have any doubts. I know he loves me, I also know in these moments, he knows I love him, too.

Maybe I just need to stop being such a chicken and tell him, for real, not after having wine, not after I'm bolstered by his kisses, just give it to him straight. Maybe he won't doubt it as much then. Nothing will cloud my judgement.

Shuffling through a few more, I sprinkle pictures of him and Ryan flipping from the boathouse roof, playing poker with Liam at the hospital, laughing. I dig, certain I've got one in here of the three boys stuffing their faces with cake from another visit.

When I hear the back door of the cottage slam, and hear Joy's concerned shouts, I quickly return the pictures to his nightstand and run to the door just as he pounds up the stairs.

"We're leaving, Elle. Come on. I can't stay here, not for another second. I hate him so much. I'm going to do something I regret, well, something else I regret, if I stay here a moment longer."

It's then I notice the red marks on his knuckles, the deep, red fingerprints on his arm. "Greyson, what happened?"

"I tried to punch my dad in the face, he stopped me. It's nothing, Elle. I need to pack, I'm going to stay with Theo for a bit. Or Ry, fuck, I don't know. I don't care, but I'm not staying here. I need some space."

"Let's go back to my place for now, we can make a plan, I'll help you, whatever you need."

Greyson shoves items into his bag haphazardly, stopping at his nightstand to grab his phone and the pictures.

We bypass the main cottage on the way down, and I'm relieved when no one comes out as we walk by. When no one tries to stop us as we get into my boat.

When I'm pulling away from his cottage, he finally relaxes, leaning into me. When we pull into my boathouse, I swear I've never seen him move so fast.

Greyson practically drags me to my cabin, as soon as we secure the boat, I need to jog to keep up with him. He pulls the door closed, locking it, then checks the other doors as well. Is he worried his dad will come and drag him back? What did they say that's got him like this?

"My dad's leaving my mom. Leaving us." The statement is made with no emotion, his voice is flat, hard.

"Oh, Greyson. Are you okay?"

"I'm relieved. What kind of person does that make me? That I'm relieved that after all these years, he's finally leaving. He won't cheat on my mom anymore, maybe he won't control me anymore, I don't know what it means yet, for me or Tess. I don't even know if she knows. God, Elle, what does it say about me that faced with my mom's complete misery, I'm relieved?"

I don't know how to answer him. I'm surprised that Greyson knew about the cheating, though. I'm surprised, but also a little selfishly relieved that the secrets I'm keeping may not be as secret as I might have thought, after all, we live our lives on display to one another, our closest friends.

Hugh sure had me fooled, projecting a mask of the perfect family, caring dad. There was no denying he'd been hard on Greyson, but everyone always blamed Greyson for being difficult, to me, it was never so cut and dried. To me, with every revelation, I understand more about this damaged boy who doesn't even know his capacity for love or for being loved, because it's been so long since he's really had the opportunity to show or have either.

Inside, I'm panicking, searching for all the things I'm supposed to say. Dad always taught me to validate other people's feelings first, if I could, then worry about the rest. I take a calming breath, trying to be supportive, understanding. "I'd say it makes you a regular person. You're allowed to feel what you feel, it's okay, whatever it is."

"I know Mom knew too, Elle. The cheating, I mean. It was impossible not to. She just accepted it, but I don't know why. He treated me like shit this past year. Nothing I ever did was good enough, and everything Tess did was perfect. I love my sister, but nothing has been so hard as to see how he talked about her, then turned on me."

His hands grip his hair as he tugs restlessly as we sit on the sofa. I pull his hands away, wrapping his arms around my body and pressing close to him, hugging him tightly as I kneel over his lap.

"People are complicated, we don't always know why they do things. Maybe try not to be too hard on your mom. Maybe give her a chance to explain when she's ready."

Greyson's big body shudders as he tries to control the emotions sweeping through him, and I stroke his back, soothing him.

"My mom's going to stay with my grandpa for a bit, she wants me to go with her, but I don't want to. I want to stay with you, with Liam."

"I can talk to my parents, do you want to stay here? Mom would say yes, which means Dad would too."

When he shakes his head, my heart falls a little.

"I'll stay with Ry, or Theo. If I stay here, your dad will be all over me, I'll never get the chance to see you. Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if he installed security cameras to keep me out of your bed. It will be like breaking into Fort Knox every Goddamned night."

I find myself laughing, which might seem preposterous, but eventually, he starts to laugh with me, but soon, his laughter turns to tears, and gut wrenching sobs as the dam of emotions finally cracks lose. Like happiness and laughter were the last drop before it all overflowed.

I rub his back, comforting him the only way I know, by being there.

When, eventually, the storm passes, I let him continue to rest his head against my chest and stroke his hair. "Why don't you grab a shower, I'll call Theo. He won't mind you staying with him, in fact, I think it would be good for both of you. Plus, if you stay with Ry, you have to go through the locks every morning to get to work."

"Yeah, okay." Greyson rubs his hands over his face. "I don't know what's happening to me. Why everything's all falling apart now. I want to go back to feeling nothing, at least not the hard stuff."

"You've got a lot on your mind right now, it's okay to fall apart. You have people who care, you're not alone. I hope you know that."

His sad, red-rimmed eyes find mine, and my heart breaks for him a little more. "Sometimes, I think it might be better to be alone. Then you can't lose anyone, and no one can disappoint you."

I try to hide the sting of his words when I respond. This isn't about me, even if I feel him slipping away momentarily. "But then you can't love anyone, either. No one can surprise you."

Both his eyes and voice are serious as he steps away from me. "I'm starting to think that might be a tradeoff I'm willing to accept. I don't know how much more I can take. Of any of it. I'm going to grab a shower."

As I watch him go to the bathroom and close himself in, tears well up in my eyes and an overwhelming sense of hurt and despair crushes down on me.

I can't tell if what he said is how he's actually feeling, or just feeling in this moment. I can't tell if it's a warning, to prepare me for his pulling back, or something that's already switched inside him. Something I'll have no say in.

I can't help but feel like we're about to slide back down the mountain we've been climbing this summer. That we're about to free fall all the way back down with no hope of a parachute, a rope or even someone catching us on the way back to the beginning.

All I know is if he starts to pull away, I'm not prepared to let go without a fight. Not this time. Now I know exactly what I have to fight for. If I can help Greyson navigate his pain, his insecurity when it comes to his feelings, to love, then maybe we can make it over the peak, maybe then we can have the relationship and the love we both deserve.

I just have no idea how I'm going to do it.

- - -

Two steps forward, three steps back, it feels sometimes, no? 

I'd love to hear your thoughts so far about Elle and Greyson - are they well matched? What are your hopes for them? I'd love to hear from you!

Please consider voting if you loved the chapter!

Xx Toria