August 5

Palgrave, Ontario

Covered in sweat and dust, under the scorching heat, I watch Elle warm up with Kuna for the third time, lost in the swarm of horses and riders surrounding the competition rings.

Apparently she's been bumped in the order again due to delays, and it's thirty-six degrees under the sun that's busy baking down on us. On her. In her navy blue wool blazer, black velvet helmet, long pants, her tall black leather boots, and long-sleeved blouse, she must be roasting.

The general chaos of helping Elle prepare for today was the perfect tool to keep my mind off everything going on. Until last night, I had no idea how physical this sport was. From getting Kuna ready, packing boxes, lifting trunks followed by our brutal wake-up call at four-thirty this morning have kept all the thoughts rolling in my head at bay. As long as I keep my focus on the now, on her, I can keep my mind quiet. At this point, I welcome all distractions. I turn my mind off, focusing on Elle completely.

I lean against the fence at the edge of the warm-up ring as she'd called it. She pops over a few jumps, looping around to do the same from the other direction, following the instructions her sassy, spunky coach Chels shouts out. After ten minutes or so, they call it quits and I offer Kuna a drink from a bucket.

I watch as she strokes her hand through Kuna's soft mane. She smiles at me, "Thanks, not too much, save a bit for after too, please."

I laugh when Kuna blows bubbles in the water, then sloshes around, spraying my chest and arms with the cool water. Cautiously, because this is one big horse and I've seen his teeth, I reach up and stroke Kuna's cheek, neck, shoulder before I look up at Elle and hand her a bottle of water.

"You doing okay? You're as red as a lobster." I squeeze her thigh and Chels raises an eyebrow at me, then averts her gaze, grinning.

She nods, "Don't worry, Greyson. I'll only be going in for a few minutes, then I'll be able to strip down."

I frown slightly, uncertain of her short, direct responses with me today. She's been on edge around me, jittery, frazzled. I've been wracking my mind to see what I could have done.

I know I've been distant these past days, but no matter how distant or moody I've been in the past, she's never been like this before with me.

"Jackets were excused hours ago, kid. You can peel it off now. I'm sure your mum will be more upset if you keel over from heat stroke than if you ride without a jacket." Chels slaps my boot companionably with the back of her hand.

"You'd certainly think that, but I promise when she goes in to buy the pictures later and forgets how hot the day was, she'll have something to say about it. And every time she sees that picture, she'll bring it up for eternity."

When Chels only shrugs, I look around the horse show grounds and all the commotion, I think my eyes are probably as wide as saucers. "It's a lot bigger than I thought, it's a lot of work for just a few minutes in the ring."

She smiles absently down at me, handing the bottle of water back as Chels steers us towards the chute. "It's about so much more than these few minutes for me, but they certainly are fun."

With a last tight smile in my direction, she springs forward into a slow canter. Despite the strange mood between us, I can't help but notice how confident she is here, so sure of herself. This Elle is a little different from the girl we all know and love. Something about the way she is here, speaking with the other riders, the way she focuses, the hard work she does to prepare, a confidence just seeps out of her in this environment. So does grit.

Kuna shoots forward like a bullet when they cross the timer gate to the first jump. Elle is magnificent, so is Kuna, but I'm floored by the easy way she manages the big horse, landing then turning on a dime to maneuver to another jump. She shaves seconds off the clock by making a tight turn back to another jump which Kuna soars over.

When she's over the last jump, she slows Kuna to a walk. Sure enough, the buzzer goes again and I watch the clock count backwards from thirty. Elle uses most of the time to walk, giving Kuna a short break in the heat before she does it all over again, a shorter version this time. She flies around, I think her time is one of the fastest, based on my memory and limited time spent watching the others.

Her smile goes from ear to ear as she walks out of the ring. She and Chels have a small debrief and her coach slaps her thigh, then Kuna's rump before walking off to another ring.

As soon as Chels' back is turned, Elle leans forward, lying her chest down on Kuna's neck and the horse immediately turns back, nudging the toe of Elle's boot, sniffing, stretching further to nudge her shin. I hear her laugh bubble out as she hands Kuna something to eat.

"That was amazing." Of course, my heart had been in my throat every time she'd flown over one of the large jumps, but I'll never admit it.

"Thanks, I think Kuna and I make a pretty good team. You're alright too, I guess." Her teasing forces a reluctant smile to my lips. "I'm guessing we have about forty more minutes till we're done. Let's find some shade."

She slides off and pulls all her tack off Kuna, hanging it on the fence then rubbing him down with a hand towel and tossing a lightweight mesh sheet over his back. She offers him some water, which he guzzles again, but Elle dodges his splashing antics like an expert. She pulls him further into the shady grove we've been hanging out by.

"So, what do you think of your first horse show?" She hands me the reins, unbuttoning her blazer and sliding it off, setting it neatly on top of her saddle.

"It's a huge place. I had no idea. How long does this show go?"

Sipping her water slowly, she looks around, "The main classes are from Thursday to Sunday but there are classes all week, training classes, smaller divisions. I compete on Fridays currently, there are more classes I could do all weekend, but dad was pretty insistent I get a taste of the real life as he calls it and work, so we compromised.

"How many people do you compete against?" When she moves to climb up onto the fence, I automatically lift her up by her hips, then set her down gently on the top rail, waiting for her to catch her balance before letting go.

Kuna's big nose rests between Elles knees and I swear, that horse is trying to lean on her like a lap dog. "It varies," her hand strokes Kuna's cheeks slowly and his eyes flutter closed, "today, we're eighty, it's one of the largest classes at this level. This morning, in my first class we were only thirty.

Elle had won a blue ribbon for her second place time and performance this morning as well, she'd been pretty jazzed, taking the ribbon back up to the barn, scribbling her name and date on it, then hanging it in the small lounge area.

Between classes, I watched the younger kids swarm around her. She'd helped them with their funny little knee straps, braided hair, adding these comically large bows, which were kind of ridiculous, but cute enough, I guess.

She helped the smaller girls with their gear, checked to make sure the horse's feet were clean. She tossed several girls up and onto their ponies, polished boots and just generally helped all the kids. She'd recited the order of their jumps, reassured anyone with nerves and waved them all off excitedly.

When one of the young girls, Kathleen, Elle informed me later, had tugged on my shirt asking for a boost, I had no clue what she wanted. The girl was tiny and her pony was maybe hip height to me. When she explained she needed help getting on her pony, I simply picked her up and set her down on top of it.

She'd giggled and told me in a prim voice that that isn't how you're supposed to do it. She nearly scrambled off to show me again, when Elle intervened, grabbing her leg before she could swing back down and tightening the pony's girth. Kathleen told Elle just how wrong I'd done it, but Elle had simply checked her stirrups and sent her down to the ring with a wink, telling her it was up to us to teach me next time. It was clear she'd been holding back a laugh.

My favourite moment of the day so far was when one of the young girls Elle had sent off, after spending quite a bit of time reassuring her, came bouncing back in her saddle with a red ribbon, throwing herself into Elle's arms from the back of her pony. Elle had swung the little girl in circles, laughing until the pony started to wander off to the grass. I managed to snag the little beast but he bit me, obviously for ruining his chance to snack.

It was clear these girls looked up to Elle and that she took her duties as a role model seriously. Not only did the kids look up to her, many of the parents also asked her questions, 'Did my daughter wrap her horse correctly?', 'How far in advance do you think we should go down?' I'm pretty sure I even heard a conversation about fake tail extensions that left me confused, but Elle laughing.

Bumping Elle's shoulder with mine, bringing my thoughts back to her, to now. She's looking up at me expectantly, so I lean in for an awkward kiss under the brim of her helmet. I'm not sure if she was saying something, I totally tuned out. This seems to satisfy her though. When a wolf whistle makes me pull back, I watch as Elle blushes prettily, then waves a young guy over as he rides by.

When he approaches us, I realize he's probably closer to my age, if not a bit older, and Elle introduces him as Aly, a friend and rival from another barn. My heart stutters happily when she introduces me as her boyfriend. I reach up to shake his hand, but step back cautiously when his horse snorts at me, this one likely has much bigger teeth than that demon pony and I'm not interested in a matching 'love bite' as Elle called it.

I listen as they talk and it's like another language. By the time he wanders back towards the barns, I'm thoroughly confused, and a little unused to sitting on the sidelines when it comes to Elle's attention when we're together.

All of a sudden, the ring is calling riders back for the results. Elle laughs, "It's always like this. Hurry up and wait, then all hands on deck."

I help her tack up Kuna as best I can, trying to remember the order she did it the first couple times. She looks around for a way to get up onto Kuna's back. "Give me a boost?"

"Can you tell me how you want to be boosted this time?" I hear Kathleen's prim little voice in my ear informing me that I'd done it wrong.

Elle bends her left knee, her shin parallel to the ground. "Grab my shin, then on three, help me when I jump up."

I nearly toss her over the other side but she grabs hold of Kuna's mane, laughing. "Easy there," she says as she manages to settle herself on his back.

"Not my fault you're basically a Polly Pocket doll." I feel my face crack into a big grin as she rolls her eyes. I touch my thumb to my lip, making sure it doesn't split open again. It's mostly healed now, just a small cut left to seal up and a fading yellow bruise.

We walk back to the ring and Elle's face lights up when she realizes she's won. She leads the charge into the ring, collecting her ribbon, a sheet is tossed over Kuna's hind end and pictures are taken.

Then, she leads the way around the ring as all the winners canter around, celebrating. Kuna does a funny little jump, then a hop, kicking his back-end up in the air, and I hear Elle's laughter floating in the wind.

Grinning, I watch as she finishes a second lap on her own, then slows, walking back towards me with a huge smile on her face.

It's almost as much work to prepare Kuna for going home as it was preparing him to come here. I don't know how she finds the time for it all, but it's clear that this is her thing. I've never seen her so confident, so happy. She's simply glowing. Here, there's no uncertainty in her eyes, no hesitation. Here, her smiles aren't guarded.

She's also sweaty and filthy, coated in the dust flying around. I'm sure I'm no cleaner. I can't wait to take an evening swim with her when we get back to the cottage tonight, if she'll let me stay over. I curse the uncertainty over her mood again. Each time I try to bring it up, she shifts gears, focusing on Kuna, on anything else.

Letting it go, for now, we walk Kuna over to the washing stalls and I lean against the post, holding the lead rope while she bathes him, hosing him down then rubbing him with a minty smelling oil and water mixture.

I hold the hose up to Kuna's muzzle and he flaps his lip over the water, licking his big tongue repeatedly through the stream before biting the hose in his big teeth and bobbing his head.

Elle shrieks with laughter as the cold water blasts her in the face when she walks around his shoulder. She tries to take it from him, but he only bobs his head faster. I swear he's grinning at us.

I'm laughing so hard I think I'm going to bust a rib when Kuna bashes me in the chest and the water sprays everywhere. I manage to grab the hose, pulling it free from his teeth and spray him lightly up and down his neck and chest. He shakes vigorously, spraying droplets of water all over us.

I haven't laughed like this all summer, and it feels like a weight has been temporarily lifted from my chest. This day has been so different, so unusual and unfamiliar, that it's temporarily cleared my mind of all the other events of the summer.

Elle is completely soaked now, her white dress shirt nearly see through to the light blue sports bra she's wearing underneath. I can't remember the last time I've seen her look so carefree, so uninhibited. I lean over to kiss her and after the briefest hesitation, she smiles against my lips, laughing when Kuna barrels his head between us nudging me away from his girl.

I laugh with her, realizing with surprisingly good humour that I definitely have another man in her life to compete with.

- - -

What do you think of Greyson seeing Elle in a new light? Somewhere where she's more in her element, rather than being pushed by the boys in the activities they like to do? 

I think the confidence she has around horses, the other kids who look up to her, is so important for him to understand, to see she's her own person. 

As always, let me know what you think in the comments, and consider voting if you liked the chapter! 

Xx Toria