July 11

Ottawa, Ontario

The music and noise from the crowd pulse over me, pump through me. This afternoon has been a fun, light start to our adventure. I'm sweaty from dancing, soaking wet and a little dirty from the rain that poured down on us, but so very happy.

As soon as it started to pour, Greyson pulled me out from under the tent, and he'd held me while we'd danced like two idiots under the pouring sheets of rain, ticking yet another box on my list. Theo had dragged Sarah out to join us, tossing her over his shoulder as she'd shrieked with laughter under the onslaught of rain.

We've been dancing, cheering and singing for hours, even though the music isn't to my own personal taste, I'm drunk off the enjoyment of the crowd and my friends.

I've been twirling between Hudson, Theo, Ryan and Greyson for hours, as Sarah, Jules and I swap dance partners. Although every time I spin out of his arms, Greyson steps aside, seemingly content to watch rather than dance with anyone else.

Now, leaning back in Greyson's arms, his hands take a firm grasp around my hips, and I close my eyes, smiling. He twirls me quickly just before the music slows down for the last song of the night. I sigh as the familiar notes of Perfect roll out over the crowd.

Greyson pulls me back into his arms, holding me closer and moving into a slow, swaying dance, his lips brushing my temple, hands sliding over me, pulling me even closer so there is no space between our bodies as we move together.

The lyrics tug at me, running oddly parallel to my feelings and thoughts from earlier this summer about how Greyson treated me. It's only a song, though. If we want this to last forever, then why can't we have that? If two people choose to go back, to try again, isn't that enough? Greyson's arms tighten around me, and I wonder if he's listening for a deeper meaning behind the lyrics as well.

Sighing, shaking off my mood, I turn my face to rest my cheek on his chest and look at my friends. Theo's dancing with Sarah, and the sight of them together makes me smile, and wonder how Ryan allowed Theo to get his hands on her, even if only for a dance. Although the way Sarah's looking up at Theo, maybe not just a dance.

I find Ryan in the crowd, though, and understanding hits me. He's with another girl, locked into a steamy embrace with her. I smile to myself, pleased that he's also taking small moments of joy where he can find them.

I look for Hudson, who has Jules pulled into his arms, her back to his front. His chin is resting on her head, and her eyes are closed, a small smile on her lips. Hudson catches me watching him and winks at me. I see his lips move, "You okay?"

I smile and mouth back, "Yes, better than okay. You?"

His quick, wide grin tells me all I need to know, and he turns his attention back to the concert.

I don't see Mads or Craig anywhere, so I make a note to text her after the song.

"You still with me, Elle?" Greyson's voice rumbles against my ear, pulling me back to the moment. I look up into his face, resting my chin against his hard chest. He smiles down at me, bending his head to kiss me, sliding his hands up to cup my cheeks, thumbs stroking my skin softly.

"I'm still with you." If I have my way, I'll always be with him. But I don't say it.

We sway like this, connected until the last guitar notes fade away to memory.

The crowd immediately cheers loudly, but Greyson's already tugging me towards the exit and shouting to Hud, Theo, and Ry over the noise. "Let's get out of here before the madness!"

"Have you seen Mads or Craig, Greyson?" I scan the crowd for them.

"No, haven't seen them for a bit." Greyson wraps one arm around my shoulders to steer me through the crowd, so I quickly pull my phone out and text Mads. She writes back a few minutes later that she's already waiting by the car.

I wish we could hit the showers to freshen up before the next leg of the drive. Despite my damp clothes, the mud-splattered around my feet and ankles, I'm excited for the next few nights. I've never been to Jules' place before and am beyond excited to see it.

I continue to look for Mads, thinking about Craig, and my conversation with Greyson from earlier. I think back to the bad vibes I've been feeling from Craig since we left this morning. He kept wanting to take charge and change our plans. I thought he was definitely putting Mads in an awkward position.

When we walk around the corner towards the last row of cars, I stop, seeing Mads sitting alone on the back of Greyson's truck with her duffle bag. I can see her eyes are red and puffy. Her hair is wet, and she's wrapped in a canvas jacket, muddy legs and feet dangling a few feet off the ground.

"Mads! What's wrong?" I rush over to her before anyone else realizes anything is wrong at all. It doesn't take long for Jules and Sarah to catch up with me, though, and we surround Mads.

Mads hiccups, sniffling. "Craig left. He drove home an hour ago."

Shocked gasps are the first reaction as we look at one another. Jules takes Mads' hand in hers, "But why, Mads? Why didn't you text one of us?"

Mads starts to cry harder, "I didn't want to ruin your afternoons." She hiccups again, "He kept telling me how excited he was to be alone this weekend, to take the next step... I told him I wasn't ready to... to..." her hiccups continue, and she struggles to breathe a little.

I rub small, slow circles on her back, trying to calm her as the boys surround the truck's bed.

"I said I wasn't ready to have sex," she blurts out between sobs, and I suck in a horrified gasp. Craig left because she wouldn't... even the thought is too much for my sheltered mind to understand.

Before this moment, I'd honestly just assumed Mads had already had sex, been having sex for a while from the way she spoke about boys. Not that it would mean she's willing to have sex with just anyone, but I now immediately feel terrible for making that assumption based on the fact she was just a little boy crazy. I can't believe someone would do that, leave just because their girlfriend wasn't on the same timeline.

I wrap my arm more firmly around her shoulders. "He sounds like an idiot, Mads. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

Ryan pushes forward, and I try to shake my head silently, signaling him to stay put. This feels like a moment between girls, but he only frowns at me and pushes past Theo, crouching in front of Mads.

"Hey Mads," he rubs her knee, giving it a friendly squeeze. "Did I hear you say that your prick of a boyfriend left you here because you said no to sleeping with him?"

Mads starts to cry, harder now, nodding. "Ex-b-boyfriend, n-now." Ryan nudges Jules aside and sits, pulling Mads into his arms, sitting her across his lap, rubbing her back. She clings to him, crying into his neck, breathing hard, hiccuping.

Greyson turns on his heel and walks away. Theo jogs after him, grabbing his arm, then stumbling when Greyson shakes him off, hard. Unfazed, Theo continues, grabbing hold of Greyson and pulling him aside into a quiet but tense conversation. With no time to focus on them for the moment, I turn back to Mads.

Watching Ryan with her, how kind he is, listening to the soft, reassuring words he whispers to her makes my throat close up.

"Listen to me, Mads." He gives her a gentle shake, "No one, least of all some dumb prick, should ever make you feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do, no matter what. No always means no, not ready means not ready." He drops a kiss to her forehead, and tips her chin up to meet his soft but firm gaze. "The only person who can decide is you."

Sarah brings a bottle of water over from her brother's car and hands it to Mads. She rubs her hand over Ryan's hair and squeezes his shoulder, looking at him like he could slay all the dragons in the world, or at least all the frogs who never turn out to be princes.

Hudson finally steps forward and wraps an arm around my shoulder, giving me a squeeze before pulling me aside. "What an asshole, is this guy for real?"

I don't know what to say, so I shrug. "I guess so, but if that's how Craig really felt, then good riddance, she's better off without him, even if it sucks right now."

"People like him don't deserve a second thought. I hope Mads will be alright, but I'm glad he's gone."

With Mads being taken care of by the others, I shift under Hudson's arm and lean into him, drawing on his warmth. I'm wet, and the sun is hiding behind dark clouds, leaving me shivering.

Greyson looks so angry, the sharp, aggressive hand gestures seem to emphasize every point he makes to Theo, who's holding his own hands up in surrender, or peace.

Of course it's a terrible situation, but the anger I see, can practically feel, pulsing off Greyson seems so extreme. It's almost like something triggers this anger, and I realize this is now the second time I've seen him have this kind of reaction to perceived pressure towards a girl.

First, his anger about the pressure I'd felt during the kissing game, now with Mads as Craig tried to push her to have sex before she was ready. I'm curious why it affects him so much. I want to know; I need to know. All I want is to understand him.

Just as I decide to walk over and see for myself, Hud's voice is quiet as he tightens his grip on my shoulder, stopping me. "I'd give them a bit of space, for now, Ellie. Grey doesn't seem to be super reasonable at the moment." I frown, but he nudges me back towards Mads and Ryan.

Mads is almost back to her usual, more composed self, sitting beside Ryan and murmuring to him. I'm glad.

I take over sitting with her, so Ryan can shuffle some things around in his car to take Mads and her belongings. "Talk to me, Mads. You ready to hit the road? Let's make sure to do a pit stop on the way to stock up on ice cream, s'mores fixings, and any other treats we need."

Sarah drops down beside us, smiling at Mads, tossing an arm over her shoulder. "I'll even let you pick the music and ride shotgun."

Mads taps her finger to her chin, putting on a show of weighing her options. "Let's go, we can stuff our faces later, go for a midnight swim. Maybe we can watch or rent a movie when we're finished?"

We all agree to the plan, and Sarah slides off the back of the big truck gracefully to let the boys know we're ready to go.

On the one hand, I feel terrible for Mads and hate that she'd been pressured by Craig like this. I obviously wish it had never happened.

On the other hand, I see a totally new side to her that she's never let me see before. It's a more vulnerable, innocent side to her, and I find I can relate much more to this version of Mads, or at least knowing this is part of her, perhaps equal to the boy crazy side. I do hope this small peek behind the curtain will allow us to become even better friends. 

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Can you remember the first music festival you went to? This chapter was based on the first one I went to with my friends!

Xx Toria