July 11

Minett, Muskoka

It's six in the bloody morning, and I haven't even had a coffee yet. At this moment, I regret the promise I made to Elle that I would partici[ate in the entire list this summer. It's how I was roped into this adventure, I lean against my truck's tailgate, waiting for my friends to get their shit together.

I've done more driving in the past two days than I have in my whole time with a license and will basically triple that over the next few days as we drive between concerts, cottages, city, and back here.

We've met up at the marina this morning, and we're all driving to the Ottawa Blues Festival for a few days to see Simple Plan, Rodney Crowell, Alexisonfire, and Kid Rock perform.

This merry little band can never agree on any music preferences, so this was the closest we could come to satisfying everyone. I'm actually looking forward to it, though. Even if the coordination is a bit of a nightmare.

Ryan leans down beside me, smiling. "Your girl sure is bossy, Grey. I like her more and more every single day, gotta say." I smile and turn my attention to her.

"I like her too, more than like her if I'm honest."

Ry raises an eyebrow at me but doesn't say anything else.

Last night she'd been so calm, so soothing. I'd watched her while she slept this morning, her eyes squeezed tight like she was focusing on forcing herself to sleep. It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen, like she has to try too hard to sleep as well. I'd never tell her, but she looks tired today, and I know it's my fault for causing her a restless, mostly sleepless night.

Sighing, I look over to where Hud, Elle, Theo, Sarah, Mads, and her boyfriend Craig are debating logistics. I have two seats in my car, room for Elle and one more person, preferably only Elle. I'd like to talk to her a little about yesterday.

Ry's also driving and, he's borrowed his mum's big SUV, so he can take up to seven others with him. Craig wants to take his own car, though, whatever. Elle's reasoning with him that it's more environmentally and financially responsible to carpool, but he won't hear any of it. With a shrug, I watch her give up, waving him off, and he tugs Mads with him.

Mads looks a bit sad, and I actually feel bad for her. I imagine she wants to capture that road trip feeling with her friends and boyfriend, not sit alone in his car. Or, maybe not though, I raise my eyebrow as he kisses her, intensely, before helping her into his flashy mustang. Perhaps, like me, he just wants time with his girl.

"You've got the map printed out with directions to Jules' place, right?"

"Bro, I've got the entire freakin' dossier Elle gave me. I think I could find my way to the moon with everything in here. I don't have the heart to tell her I have a GPS in the car. Don't worry about Jules though, we've made all the plans to pick her up. You can reassure your girl. Scout's honor." He holds his hand up in a sign, creating a 'V' and separating his fingers.

I laugh at that, shaking my head. "She can be a bit obsessive, but it comes from a good place. By the way, that's the Vulcan Salute, not the Scout sign, idiot."

He laughs, slapping me on the back. "I know, just wanted you to loosen up. Wheels up, catch you in a couple hours."

Ry, Theo, Hud, and Sarah pile into Ry's car, leaving me with Elle.

I toss our bags into the bed of my truck, covering them and securing the canvas with a bungee cord. I boost Elle into the passenger side, biting the inside of my cheek so I don't laugh at how ridiculous she looks scrambling up into the big truck, maybe the larger tires I added were overkill, but I like them.

I let Elle fiddle with the radio, and she chats excitedly about the events for the next few days. Her enthusiasm is contagious, and I find I'm grinning along with her as we make our way out to the highway. I realize I'm letting her excitement for the trip gloss over the talk we need to have, but I just want to bask in her happiness for a short while.

"You're sure Ry knows the plan, has directions to Jules' place?"

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. "Relax, Elle. He's got it. Half of this road trip is dependent on Jules since it's her cottage we're staying on between the concerts."

I watch as Elle bites her lip, flipping through her papers anxiously. "Alright, Elle. Take me through it, just one last time, then you're putting those damn papers away."

She blushes and smiles at me. "Thanks. It's just different this time, without Steph and Tess to plan with, and Theo, well, he's great, but I had to draft him into the planning. Really, I spent more time talking to his dad's assistant than Theo."

I laugh at her comment and feel a tug of guilt since I'd also played the game of rock paper scissors to see who'd be stuck planning this trip with her. Theo lost, so Theo planned.

We've gone on dozens of adventures like this, generally with Brodie, Tess, and Steph leading the charge, but this is the first time Ry and I are responsible for the group and Elle for the plan. I snort at that thought. Jeeze. Who would've thought?

Elle takes a deep breath, sorting her papers before beginning. "Day one, six-thirty a.m departure from the marina, check." Her satisfied smile makes me grin.

"Greyson and Elle arrive at the festival by one p.m. I should add Mads and Craig now too, I guess. Two-thirty p.m arrival for Ry and the gang. Forty-five-minutes buffered for gas, coffee, and snack breaks and an extra ninety minutes for Ry's detour to get Jules."

Elle makes a few small notes on her paper as I change lanes onto the wider highway.

Craig's car zips by us, flying down the highway at a near to dangerous speed. I shake my head at that. No way in hell would I ever speed like that, well maybe on my own, but definitely not with Elle in the car.

I don't point it out to Elle; otherwise, we'll be adjusting her timeline the whole drive and running speed and distance calculations to satisfy her notes.

I check my rearview mirror, happy to see Ry keeping pace behind us.

Elle's voice pulls my attention back to her, and I listen as I drive. "Theo our tickets and passes will be at roll call for us, under Theo's name."

"We'll watch a couple sets this afternoon, then head to Jules' cottage by five p.m, so we don't arrive too late. Are you sure Ry brought the maps I printed? He's never driven up to the Thousand Islands, has he?"

"He had everything you gave him, Elle. I promise. Plus, he'll have Jules to navigate. It's me you should be worried about. I know you can't read a map to save your life."

Elle frowns at me, but eventually, her stern expression cracks into a grin. There's not much I don't know about her.

"I've been practicing with Dad and Hudson. It's getting better, I just get the orientation thing wrong sometimes. It's easier at night, then I have the stars to cheat from, thanks to you. Anyway, I wrote down landmarks for us, so Jules gave me the descriptive directions to her place, so it's going to be fine."

I laugh, imagining what she's thought up as appropriate landmarks. "I can't wait for you to read those directions to me later."

"Anyways, back on topic. We'll spend Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday at Jules' place, then back to the festival. We'll spend two nights at the Chateau Laurier, two suites are booked for us under Theo's and my name. Check-in is at three p.m, but they said it's likely the suites, or at least one of them will be ready earlier."

I make a few noncommittal sounds, encouraging her to work through the list until she feels like she's in control.

"We'll drive home Saturday evening, Ry will drop Theo, Jules, Sarah, and Mads with Kate, so they can drive back North. Then, You, Ry, and I will stay overnight in the city, visiting Liam Sunday before driving back. We'll stay at mine, closest to the hospital."

She looks over at me, biting her lip in that way that drives me crazy. "Are you sure you'll be up for all this driving, Greyson?"

I chuckle at her, "A bit late to ask me now, isn't it, Elle?" At her stricken expression, I reach over to rub her thigh, squeezing gently. "It's fine, Elle. I would have told you if I thought there was a problem. Worst case, I'll just need to take another break."

Elle sighs with satisfaction, and I can basically see the tension roll off her as she starts to relax, packing her papers and tucking them down by her feet.

"We'll stop for the first break in fifteen or twenty minutes or so before we break away to drive east. I've got the ideal rest stops listed here."

"Of course you do, Elle." I lean over and give her a brief kiss, it's a bit awkward as I try to keep my eyes on the road.

Theo and Elle have planned our adventure down to the final detail. For the past six days, Theo has done nothing but complain about our little dictator. Elle let me off the hook when it came to planning since I'd agreed to check all the boxes on her list this summer.

Instead of planning this trip with her, I'd been thinking about the other boxes I want to tick off this summer in a more one-on-one manner of speaking. I shake these thoughts from my head, though. I will not push her, and I know she is definitely not ready for much more than what we are now. If I'm honest, I'm not ready either, I can't complicate things between us, I don't want anything to change.

We drive in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Elle points out the next exit for the rest stop. I recheck my mirror, noticing Ry is still behind me.

I signal to pull into the next rest stop, glad when he follows me. Just like Elle said, we're splitting up here, he'll head south, and I'll head east. No one has a clue where Craig and Mads might be.

"We're going to get some snacks," Elle and Sarah dash off without another glance back, and Theo and Hud lean against the front of my truck, waiting.

I glare at Theo, "You let your dad's assistant plan this trip with Elle? From the way you were complaining about it, I thought Elle had you doing open-heart surgery blindfolded or something."

Theo grins back at me, unapologetically. "I love that girl like nothing else, but let me tell you, she is intense. Like, what's wrong with spontaneity?"

Ry groans. "Theo, if you can find consensus between a group this size spontaneously, you should be a hostage negotiator, divorce attorney, politician, or mediator in your future. In that order."

"Didn't it occur to you that the only way to satisfy everyone is to build their preferences into the plan over the whole trip?" Hud glances over at Theo and bumps his shoulder. "Seriously, dude, use your head."

Theo grumbles but has the decency to look a bit sheepish this time. "I can't believe she sold me out."

"I can't believe she didn't do it sooner. Every one of you had better appreciate the plans she's made, and if I hear one word of objection, I'm tossing it to you Theo, and you can spontaneously deal with it. You know Elle, she wants everyone to be happy and have fun, but that doesn't mean she can manage the stress of pleasing everyone, alone."

Satisfied that everyone agrees, I return the pump to the meter and take my receipt.

"Hud, you talk some sense into Theo before we get there, yeah?" I reach over to slap his shoulder before he walks to meet Sarah whose arms full of goodies. He gives me a quick salute as he goes.

Elle skips back to the car, arms loaded with supplies. She's picked out some plain Pringles, gummy bears, junior mints which she's completely addicted to as well as a couple bottles of Gatorade, Coke, and water.

"I wasn't sure what you'd want to drink, it's too hot for coffee, and the line was way too long at Starbucks to get anything iced."

"That looks good to me. I lift Elle back into the truck since her arms are fully loaded, and she leans in, kissing me lightly on the lips. "Thanks."

She organizes our road trip snacks and turns the volume back up. She makes me laugh as we drive, singing dramatically, using a hairbrush from her purse like a microphone. I join in for the choruses of the songs I do know, and her pleased laughter bubbles out. I can't remember the last time I sang.

She eventually pulls out her iPod and digs through her bag. She pulls out some kind of tape cassette, which she slides into my stereo. It has a long white cable, though, that connects it to her iPod, and sure enough, she's able to control the music.

"Where can I get one of those?"

"You can have this one, I bought it to use in your car. Who else do you know with a cassette player still?"

She makes a good point.

Switching to music that's a little more my speed, she plays some Johnny Cash. I slide into the deep song, singing with her as she takes the parts of June. I haven't felt this relaxed in a long time, and I take it all in, savoring these moments with her.

After a while, I turn down the music, glancing over at her as she sips her water. "Elle..." I don't really know where to start.

I try again, wanting to get this conversation behind me before we arrive at the festival soon. "I'm sorry about last night, that I couldn't talk about, well things. I'm sorry about earlier this week, with Chiara, that I don't have a better explanation than me being an ass."

Elle unclips her seatbelt and slides into the middle seat on the bench, buckling back up and laying her head on my shoulder, looking straight ahead. I'm relieved her big blue-grey eyes, searching gaze, and compassion are focused forward, rather than on me. Somehow it makes it all easier.

"I'm having a hard time dealing with everything, and I can't always control my emotions, or my temper. Sometimes, I'm filled with so much grief, sadness, and anger that I think my chest might explode. Then the dam breaks, like last night. It all just kind of erupts. Last night it was tears, sometimes it's violence or pain that makes me feel better."

I look at my scarred knuckles on the wheel and tighten my grip. "I don't always know how I'll react, and sometimes it's just best for people to steer clear. It's better for me to be alone when it happens."

Elle doesn't say anything, not right away. Her small fingers stroke over the white, shiny scars on my knuckles, the back of my right hand, understanding, I think.

"You're not alone, though, Greyson. You don't have to hide from me. I hope you'll trust me enough to know that nothing could ever change how I feel about you."

My throat constricts, and my heart hammers. I know when people see inside me, they do walk away, or at least distance themselves appropriately. That's what Dad is doing, and if my own dad can't deal, how can I expect anyone else to?

I want so badly to ask how she feels about me, but I can't make the words come out. Instead, I kiss the top of her head, then focus back on the road. At least I'd taken one step today.

"Elle, can you look past the shit Chiara said and let me prove how much I want to be with you?" I'm terrified of her answer. "Can you have a little more faith in me, for just a little longer?"

Her hand slides into mine, linking our fingers. Her firm squeeze seems to be a yes since she presses her lips to my neck a moment later. "I will always try to have faith in you, no matter what." Relief floods through me, and I feel light-headed for a moment as I signal off to the right into the large driveway.

We're stopping in at the festival now, getting our wristbands for the week, but driving another two hours or so tonight, to Jules' place on the St. Lawrence River. It will be a dark boat ride into the islands, but Jules and Elle are confident they can manage.

Elle looks out the window, spotting Craig's red car parked in the lot.

"Park next to Craig's car, do you see it over there?" I do as she says. How could I miss it? It's the flashiest car in the lot.

Elle gathers her things, and I walk around to open her door, lift her down, and then grab our bags, sliding them into the cab, instead of the bed, locking the car.

Mads rushes to Elle with an enthusiastic wave as soon as we walk towards the tickets' check-in. "I wasn't sure which name the bookings would be under, otherwise I would have done it..."

Elle links her arm with Mads, dragging her to the desk, laughing and telling her not to worry about it.

I stand awkwardly with Craig, who doesn't seem inclined to chat or even look up from his phone, but it's short-lived. Elle and Mads return, and she gives Craig a few tickets for the days we've opted into, then a wrist band for the VIP areas. Elle then slides the envelope into her small purse for everyone else.

Today's set is the one I'm least looking forward to, but the one Ryan and Theo are most pumped for. Simple Plan will play for an hour long set this afternoon, then we'll hit the road again.

Restless, I grab Elle's hand, letting Mads and Craig know we're going to explore if they want to join us. I frown when Craig holds Mads back with a shake of his head, but she smiles and waves us off.

"I'll wait here for the others, you can leave their tickets with me, Elle."

"Greyson and I will meet you guys back here in about an hour, then."

I take Elle's hand in mine and tug her along until we're out of earshot. "First words that come to mind when you think about Craig," I look down at Elle as I raise my question.

"Overbearing, arrogant, disinterested. That doesn't sound so fair, but well, those are first impressions."

I nod, that about sums it up, although he's definitely interested in Mads, he's clearly not interested in getting to know us. I wonder how the three following days on the small island will play out.

"I'd add self-centered to the list, but I think you might have hit the nail on the head there."

I convince Elle to share a beavertail pastry with me, but I end up eating ninety percent of the sugary treat, and Elle rolls her eyes at me. I've only eaten snacks and junk food today, that's why I'm so restless, hungry. She walks over to a food stand and orders two loaded hotdogs for me and a veggie burger for herself, ordering us each a bottle of water, even though I'd wanted a Coke. We sit down to eat some real food, and I watch her contentedly as I wolf down my food, then finish the other half of her burger with a grin. 

- - - 

Who else is a compulsive planner like our MC Elle? I know I am!

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Xx Toria