"So how have you been?" Zhan asks and leans chin on his palm, looking at me with sad still soft expression. and the only thing i can remember and think about now is how much i was missing him. trying to take all attention on the studying and i could really manage until his beautiful face appeared in front of me again

"hey what are you thinking about, you act very weird Yibo"

"it's nothing" i smile and think what to say "it was too simple and boring, i... i tried to not make any friends, enough heartbreaks already. i was eating well, studying well and..."  longing for you gege

"i can see that, wasn't even surprised seeing you at the university, you was always too smart and wise boy, that is why i always wondered why did you get this close to me"

if even for a second, you can see yourself the way i do gege, then you will understand

"and you? what about your life"

"i wasn't well" at first he tries to hide pain behind the smile, but then gives way to the tears "family problems and guess it left deep sign on me. dad started drinking and it became very strong habit soon, there was always fight in our house and i felt like... like there wasn't any safe and peaceful place for me in the whole world. he left after a while and i felt guilty for being happy. Why am i even telling you this. You know Yibo? You're the only one i can show pain and not always smile with, i was lonely, i..."

"Zhan" i stop him but have nothing to say, sometimes just the simple touch is way too better than countless words. so i  just hold his hand and pet it. he nods a little and i know it helps, the feeling someone shares and takes your pain as his own always lessens it. my gege how much i regret being just ten years old little boy, who could do nothing but just leave you 

"i'm sorry" feeling how much sadness in our conversation is my heart aches. 

"don't say that, yes it would be better if you're next to me. it felt too good feeling your tiny hands caressing my hair but..." he pauses and looks down, taking my hand Zhan puts our palms together and measures the size "not tiny anymore, you only fifteen but your hands, it's huge" he pouts and i smile, hardly stopping myself to not take him in the embrace 

"it's you tinier now"

"yes and this is embarrassing" 

his phone scene suddenly turns on and i see wallpaper of him hugging someone. taking better look i can recognize the girl seen before. Zhan smiles and i tighten my fist to hold the emotions  "you two, are dating?"

"something like this, we're slowly getting closer. she is nice girl and i need someone to... make me feel warm"

"so you don't love her, if you do just saying yes was enough"

"do you even know what love is? you little silly one" he asks cutely and pinches my cheeks. Maybe you're right gege, i had never love someone before, i was always too busy for that or maybe my heart was closed too, but... Why are you sure at the age of fifteen i can't feel true love? Not willing to keep talking about her, i sigh and stand up 

"tired, sleepy"

"oh right, sorry. it was hard day for you" he opens the wardrobe and hands pajamas to me "not sure if it fits but anyway for few nights it's ok"

"few nights?"

"mn, why? you're here just for a while, spending more time with me gonna hurt?"

"would love to" i nod and walk towards the bathroom

"Take off your clothes here, it seems very nice and guess expensive too. Our bathroom is kinda... Dirty and messy"

"In front of you?"

"So what?" He just shakes shoulders and takes the phone again. I do as was said and Zhan doesn't takes any attention on me, even i'm almost naked. What are you willing for Yibo? What do you want him to do? Why this silly things effects you?

He enters the bathroom after me and comes out only wearing short, kinda tight boxers. Unknowingly i gulp down and take a very good look at his soft and tender body. Zhan catches my stare and grins

"Why? Envious of something?"

"What?"

"It's ok, it's ok. You look kinda likable too, still i'm more handsome"

"more like pretty" i murmur and finally move my eyes off him  "can't you just wear something already?"

"don't I? Usually i sleep like this" noticing my nervous face he walks closer and holds his boxer, pulling it down a little "or do you want me to take off this too"

"No, no" i yell with whole strength and jump back, falling down on the bed. He almost dies from laughing and lays next to me

"Come on Yibo, it isn't like you don't have "that thing" too. Why so scared?"

Right, as playing almost all sports at the school i often have to use common bathroom with my classmates and surely they not walk clothed there. What is the problem with Zhan, then i never care about others?

"Yibo, do you remember?" He faces me and smiles "first time you slept with me"

"Sure, i literally begged mom to let me"

"Mn, you had nightmare and climbed on my body, sleeping like that for the whole night" Zhan laughs and eyes me "looking at you it gonna be impossible now, you got strong build already, my body will crush under yours"

"Your body under mine?" I repeat, imagine and almost feel too. Getting some dirty ideas i cough and try to get rid of it. He moves closer and smirks

"Why the hell your ears too red? What are you thinking about?"

Seeing his lips this close from mine, my heart reacts and i suddenly ask "have you... Even kissed someone?"

"Ha? Why do you ask? Or maybe you have someone wanna do it with?" Zhan screws his eyes up and laughs

"You're really idiot"

"Want me to teach?"

"How will you do it?  Kiss me?" I'm getting startled by my own words, What the fuck Yibo, what did you just say?

"Lol, you and me kiss? No way. I can teach theory but practice is on you"

Maybe someday... I'll really get chance to practice with you. I touch his face and smile "gege, i really missed you. Even your cute dumbness, i missed it"

"Is this criticism or compliment?"

I don't say anything, just move my face closer and wait for him as before. Zhan sighs as before too and after kissing my cheeks takes me in tight embrace. I deeply inhale his unique, sweet smell and wonder which stage of my life was better, being ten years old pure boy, who loved him innocently or now, being teenager who is lost in his own feelings. One thing remains the same, i'll be gone again soon but maybe more heartbroken than before.....

Waking up i feel him wrap around me, while my arms tightly holds his slim waist. Being scared to see sleeping beauty and do something silly, i keep my eyes closed, until he slightly moves.

"Little cutie" he whispers and carefully removes my arms, getting up. Hearing step sounds i open eyes and see him walking into bathroom. Hugging the pillow tears slides down on my face and i wonder, What is more painful, living without or with you?

Ok, I know it's me who makes him suffer 😅 still my heart hurts for Yibo 😭 but if you want longer story, let's bear it together 🥰