AUTHOR'S NOTE:

The following chapter is a little intense and was a challenge to write... I hope I managed to get it right. I am looking forward to hearing what you all think of the latest developments.

One thing I have heard a lot from readers is that Ash is driving them crazy but they can't stop reading. Thank you so much for this feedback, it has really driven me to keep writing even when I've had a bit of a block! I was really worried that people would give up on this book because of Ash's behaviour... But I hope you'll stick it out because she has a lot of important lessons to learn.

Let me know your thoughts, big hugs to you all :)
Becky xx

***

Chapter 24

Caught

The sun is starting to set, causing a deep orange glow to spread across the Northcastle sky. I rub my arm, feeling goosebumps appearing on my freezing cold skin. I'm wearing the super short bra-top and hot pants that Jaxon picked out for me and it's not exactly the warmest evening to have so much skin on display.

I don't care, though. I had to wear it so I could really show off my new hair. And so I could channel my whole new confident attitude to go with it. The brand new Ashleigh Apple doesn't get phased by a little bit of a cold wind. She rocks her body anytime, anyplace. Any weather.

"God Minx, I can't get over this new look. I mean, wow. You're fucking incredible."

Jaxon is sitting on a swing opposite me as I lean against a rusting roundabout. We're in the same children's playground we went to after our first cinema date. Just like last time, it's totally deserted. We both decided it was a good place to hang out since neither of us can afford to go anywhere else.

I guess it's kind of become our special place. Somewhere just for the two of us, far away from the rest of the world and their judgements.

"I'm so glad you like it," I say with a blush. "I was beginning to wonder if it was a mistake."

I can't help but glance at my phone as I speak, checking to see if my new photos have anymore comments. The response wasn't really as enthusiastic as I was hoping. I read through my friend's reactions one more time.

Sarah: Ahh I hope I cut it OK Ash!!!! I tried my best anyway! Really glad you like it, def cool seeing you as a blonde rock chick :) Even if we did end up a little bit shorter than expected.... LOL! xxx

Dev: WOAH. Was not expecting that....!

Taylor: Sorry you thought I made fun of your hair. It looks cool. X

Annabelle: Errrrmmm.... OK Ash, what the hell?!!! Have you gone insane or something?! ROFL! Well got to give it to you, you've definitely got guts!!!! Xxx

Raj: Wow, brave choice little red. I mean, little not-so-red anymore...!

There is nothing from Benjamin. I don't think he's speaking to me. Especially not after I walked out on my shift this evening. But there is one new message I haven't seen yet. From Chunk. He's sent it in private.

"Hey Ash. Wow, just seen the new photos Got to admit, I was kind of shocked to see all your red hair gone! But if anyone can pull off such a radical new look then it's you. I think it's really cute.

I was just wondering if everything's OK after last night? I know you were really upset about your brother being at the pub. And then you got this new haircut? I wondered if the two things were maybe linked in some way? Just remember you can always talk to me if you feel frustrated with anything. That's what friends are for.

I hope Jaxon is taking care of you today. Keep smiling!!!

Love from the dancing doughnut x"

I can't help but roll my eyes when I get to the end of the message. Yet more interfering from people who are supposed to care about me. Why is everyone acting like me cutting my hair is such a big fricking deal? Can't a girl just change things up a bit without everyone questioning her? There's nothing to read into. It's just hair!

"You reading your fanmail?" Jaxon asks, nodding towards my phone. "I bet no one on Facebook thinks it was a mistake."

I laugh breezily, popping my phone into my handbag. "They all love it! Well, apart from my stupid family."

"Fuck them," Jaxon says severely. "Who cares about their opinion? They don't get you at all." He looks straight at me with a heart-shattering smile. "Not like I do."

He looks absolutely gorgeous as he rocks back and forth, strong knuckles gripping the chain of the swings, dark hair mussing up around his face and piercing blue eyes drinking me in. Focusing on my stomach, my legs, my cleavage.

I'm suddenly acutely aware of my own bareness and begin to cross my arms over my chest, shrinking in on myself. Jaxon shakes his head at my actions. "Why are you trying to hide yourself again?"

"I'm not," I protest. "I'm just... cold."

A flashback from earlier races through my mind. The moment my parents saw me in this outfit, walking out of the pub. My Mum was practically screaming at me.

"ASHLEIGH! What the HELL are you wearing? Where... Where are you going?! You're working tonight. ASHLEIGH. GET BACK HERE. What on earth are you playing at?! I don't even know who you are anymore!"

I'm not sure what was worse. My Mum's shouting or my Dad's complete and utter silence.

"Come here then," Jaxon whispers huskily. "Let me warm you up."

I'm snapped back into the present the instant I hear my boyfriend's deep, sexy voice beckoning me over. And like a moth to the flame, I am drawn to him, folding into his strong arms without a second's thought.

His fingers skirt my bare skin, rubbing my shoulders then grabbing my thighs. I gasp at his sudden, warm touch and feel myself being pulled between his legs as he continues to sit on the swing. And then we kiss. We kiss wildly and recklessly, tongues crashing and hands on any body part we can find. I'm boldly exploring in a way I would never have dared when I was the old me.

I just want to block everything else out and throw myself into this brand new skin by any means possible.

Five minutes go by. Then another five. And another. Until finally, we break apart, our breathing ragged and our fingers entwined.

"Hey, you've still got the vodka right?" Jaxon asks, grinning his wolf-fangs at me.

"Yeah," I reply huskily. "I left it on the roundabout."

He smacks me on the bum. "Go get it then, Minx."

Obediently, I leave our cocoon of heat and head towards the bottle which is standing a few feet away from us on the flaking roundabout floor. I sneakily took it from behind the bar before I left for Northcastle.

I mean, not took it. I borrowed it. I have every intention of paying for it. Once I've got paid and everything. Or then again, maybe I should just consider it a well-earned perk of the job after all these years. I'm sure I've put in enough unpaid overtime in my lifetime to cover it.

"I've got a few cans of Coke in my bag too," I say, walking back to Jaxon. "Maybe we can pour this inside them."

He grabs the vodka bottle out of my hands and starts unscrewing the lid. "Mixers are for pussies." I watch him take a long swig, straight from the bottle before shooting a daring grin in my direction. "You're not a pussy, are you Ash?"

"Of course I'm not," I reply fiercely. "Give it here."

Jaxon hands me the bottle with a teasing grin and without stopping to think too much, I take a long hard gulp of neat alcohol. It tastes sharp and overpowering on my tongue, so much so that I begin to splutter from the taste of it.

"Oh my God," Jaxon laughs, kicking his legs out from underneath the swing. "I thought you were going for the cool rock chick thing. You've got to handle your booze better than that if you expect anyone to take you seriously."

I know it's a joke but the words sting. I want him to find me sexy and sophisticated. Not inexperienced and pathetic. Which is what I am.

No. No, I can't think like that. I AM sexy and sophisticated. I am a strong confident adult. I'll prove it to Jaxon whatever it takes.

"The first sip is always the kicker," I announce, as though swigging vodka neat is totally something I do on a regular basis. "Cleanses the palette and everything. It goes down really easy after that."

Clenching my eyes shut, I press the bottle back to my lips and take another long swig. It tastes horrible, but I don't let my disgust show. I just keep drinking. In no time at all, I'm hit by the first buzz of alcohol, feeling my head get light and my mouth get loose.

"Wow, this is strong," I giggle. "I think it's just what I've needed after the past 24 hours."

"Damn right," Jaxon answers in agreement. "You deserve to feel good for a change. Not torn down by your dickhead brother or bossy parents." His eyes lock onto me. "Keep drinking. It'll make you feel so much better."

I feel a twinge of resentment at Jaxon insulting Benji. But just a twinge. I decide to ignore it. Because Jaxon is right. He is being a dickhead. The more vodka I drink, the more I realise just how true the sentiment is.

"Sometimes I feel like they don't even see me," I admit between a few more gulps of vodka. "Not really. I'm just sweet baby sister Ash, the one who always does just what she's told. The one everyone takes for granted."

Jaxon's eyes burn against my skin. "I see you, Ash. From the moment you crashed into my world at The Fishtank, I knew how special you were."

My heart is clanging in my chest. Jaxon's words are almost too much to take. I drink more vodka for courage. "I think you're the only person who has ever seen me that way. No one else even notices me. Not my family, not my friends... Not the way they should do."

I glance up tentatively, letting my pupils lock with Jaxon's. "Why do you even like me? I..." I pause, knowing I should stop speaking. But for some reason, my inner voice is screaming to be heard. "I'm honestly nothing special. My life is so boring next to yours. What makes me even worth bothering with?"

Quite abruptly, Jaxon stands up from the swing, taking long purposeful steps towards me. I'm trying to read his expression. He almost looks angry. Have I just said the wrong thing, yet again? I should have just kept my mouth shut. But I need to know. I need to know how he really feels about me. Whether the answer is something I want to hear or not.

"How can you stand here say these things about yourself?" he demands, grabbing me firmly into a tight hold. "Look at you. You're fucking gorgeous. And look at your new hair, your new clothes. You're transforming, Ash. How can anyone not notice you now?"

His presence is shaking my universe. I cling hold of his torso, feeling his body tight and hot against mine. "I... I guess so. I mean, I hope it will start making an impression on people."

"Of course it will," Jaxon answers. He pulls me tighter, spreading his hands across my back and running across my skin like a waterfall. "Your family have stripped you of your confidence and made you feel like you can't do anything. It kills me to see you like this, Ash. You can't see how precious you are."

I'm so stunned that I can't say anything. I just keep holding him. Letting his words lift me up like a great big balloon.

He kisses my neck, slowly and sensually. Then he whispers in my ear. "I see you. I'm the only one who really understands you."

I nod into his shoulder. "I'm so glad I met you. You've honestly changed everything for me."

"That's because I love you so much," he breathes. "I love you, Ashleigh."

Everything stops. Time. The beat of my heart. Everything.

"Oh my God..."

Jaxon keeps kissing me. Ferocious, heated kisses that utterly consume me. "Please tell me you feel the same way."

"Yes," I blurt out, throwing my head back as the kisses keep on coming. "Jaxon, of course I do. I love you so, so much."

I suddenly realise just how much I mean it. Jaxon is everything to me. He's everything I've ever wanted. And now it's like all of my dreams have finally come true. This can't be reality because it's just far too perfect.

The kisses keep coming hard and fast in response to my confession. It's like our inhibitions have completely fallen away. Jaxon is everywhere on my skin, pressing his lips to any visible part he can find. I'm shivering all over, but not from the cold anymore. This time, it's nothing but adrenaline from all the burning heat.

"Come over here," Jaxon suddenly instructs, steering me over to the other side of the playground. His fingers clutch my waist, squeezing hard into my skin. I walk forward with him, matching his every step until we are standing behind the back of a big children's play structure.

I watch him take another swig of vodka and then he hands me the bottle. "Here, you have the rest."

I take the bottle willingly, gulping down as much as I can handle in one go. Afterward, I attempt to place the bottle down on the woodchip floor but Jaxon stops me. "Is that all you're gonna have?! I know you can do better than that."

"Well, maybe just a little more then," I grin, taking another long gulp

My head starts spinning uncontrollably by the time I've finished my second round. I cast the bottle to the side and the last remnants of it splosh out onto the ground which for some reason causes me to laugh hysterically.

And then Jaxon's lips are back on mine. His hands are running down my bare sides and he's pushing me into the back of the play structure. Pushing his whole body into mine.

I accept his advances avidly. Because this is perfect. Because I'm in love with Jaxon and he's in love with me. What more could I ever possibly want?

---

Everything has suddenly become blurry.

I'm not sure how or why I got here, but I'm lying on the floor. It's bumpy and uncomfortable. Wait, where am I again? I shift around and piles of woodchips dig into my back. Oh yeah, it's a playground. I keep squirming, trying to find my balance which I've somehow managed to lose completely. And then I feel something else.

Hands running along my stomach. Hot, firm hands.

"Jaxon..." I purr, closing my eyes. "You're still here. You love me."

In the darkness, I can see Jaxon's piercing blue eyes fixed on me. He's laughing. He's kissing me. His pierced lips roam down my neck. Lower, lower. They find the flesh of my cleavage which seems to be bursting out of this tiny little top. Why am I wearing this ridiculous top again? I can't remember.

"I can't breathe," I groan, pawing at his chest. His full weight is on top of me. Pressing down between my legs. I want him close to me, but I'm suffocating. "I feel sick."

Jaxon doesn't answer. Teeth bite down harder against my neck. And then I feel fingers crawl down my top, stretching the flimsy material and finding the secret parts of me that no one else has ever touched before.

"No, I'm not wearing a bra," I squeal in protest. This stupid outfit is so revealing that I couldn't have worn one even if I'd wanted to. "Don't, Jaxon!"

My mouth feels so heavy. It's like all my words weigh a thousand tonnes and I can hardly bear to carry them.

"I thought you loved me," I hear Jaxon say. "Don't you want to prove it to me?"

"I do," I answer frantically. I can't let him down. I need him to stay with me. He's all I have. "I do want to prove it!"

"Good girl."

Cold air hits me. My top is lying in a scrunched up heap beside me. My breasts are bare and on full display. I want to hide them, but there's nowhere for them to go.

"Your tits are fucking amazing. They're even bigger than I thought they'd be."

He laughs as he speaks. I don't know why, but I laugh too. I laugh and laugh, trying to reflect back what he's giving me. "No, don't look at them! I'm so embarrassed!"

"Why?" he asks, pressing harder between my legs. I try to wriggle free but he's too heavy. "You're a sexy little Minx. I've been waiting to catch you for so fucking long. Looks like you're finally mine now."

"What do you mean by that?" I slur. The sky above me is spinning around. Fast. Way too fast.

Out of nowhere, I hear a click. A flash. I roll my head from left to right, searching for the sound.

"Smile for the camera little Blondie," Jaxon instructs. He's laughing. I'm laughing.

"Do you think I'm cute?" I ask, pouting my lips like I'm posing for another Facebook album. "Do you... d'you like my new... hair?"

"Sit up a bit," he instructs. "Squeeze your tits together. I wanna see them."

Dutifully, I grab my boobs and squish them together, throwing my head to the side and pouting with a wink. I'm famous. I'm a glamorous movie star. I feel like Marylin Monroe. The nation's sweetheart. Someone that people actually want to know.

"Oh God, that's hot." Flash. Flash. "Come on, I want more to remember you by."

He wants more. More of me. He loves me. And I love him. WE'RE IN LOVE!

"Do I look pretty like this?" I giggle, posing in a few more different angles. I rest my hand against my chin, trying to make my eyes look big and beautiful. "What do you think?"

"Fuck," Jaxon breathes. "Your nipples are so hard right now. Fuck, Ash. I can't wait anymore."

My nipples? What?! Can he see my nipples? I'm absolutely bloody freezing so it's no wonder they're visible. Actually, I sort of forgot that my boobs are out. Where did my top go? I feel sick.

"Go back down. I wanna get started."

My head hits the ground. It hurts. Woodchips are in my hair and a hand is smothering my face. I feel the pressure on top of me get even heavier. My breasts are swallowed by a black hole, being squeezed and chewed like two dog toys.

"Ow, stop," I protest. "That's hurting me."

The squeezing gets softer at my complaint, but it doesn't stop. I feel pinching and poking. Wet tongue on the most sensitive point of my skin.

"Jaxon, what are you doing? I think... I think we should go back to the train station. I need to get home. I walked out on my shift tonight. I need to..." I try to move my arm but my limbs aren't working properly. "I need to go home!"

I hear rustling. Unzipping. Unwrapping.

"No, no, forget about all that. You're here with me, where you're meant to be. I love you remember?"

Oh wait, I do remember. Jaxon loves me. This must be him showing me he loves me.

"What's that weird noise?"

More rustling. Laughing. A soft moan. "Mmm, just putting a condom on. Can't risk knocking you up, can we?"

"A condom?" I repeat incredulously. I'm blushing. My whole body is getting hot with shame and Jaxon can see every inch of it. "Why do you have that? What's happening?"

I'm pushed back into the ground, more woodchips cutting into me. Jaxon's hands move to my waist, my hips, my hot-pants, my knickers. His fingers are everywhere. And I just feel numb.

"You're my living fantasy, Ashleigh," he breathes over me. "I can't believe this is finally happening. You've been teasing me since day one, you naughty little Minx."

I'm so confused. Have I done something wrong? Why am I always doing everything wrong?

"I know how much you want this too. Don't worry, I'll go gentle." Another laugh. "Well, at first. Until you get used to it."

Those hot hands clutch at my bum, pulling at the last scrap of material left on me. Prising my broken, lifeless legs apart.

"Jaxon, I need to catch my train," I cry out feebly. "And I feel sick..."

"Don't think about that... I'm gonna make you feel so, so good right now."

He moves closer. Every inch of him. So close his body is very nearly fusing with mine. And I'm not giggling anymore. I'm mortified and I'm wriggling and I can barely even see what's going on the world around me is spinning so fast.

And then hot vomit rises to the back of my throat and unleashes everywhere. All over Jaxon. All over myself. Everywhere.

"For fuck's sake, Ash!" Jaxon shouts. He leaps backward like a shot, wiping sick off his face and instinctively tugging his jeans back on. "What's wrong with you?"

He's making groans of disgust. I am disgusting. I've got virtually no clothes on and I'm so drunk I can hardly see, I'm disgusting.

"I'm sorry," I choke out, trying to clean my face with my hands. My mouth tastes horrible. "I... I didn't mean to do that..."

"You moan about people seeing you as a baby, then you act like this. Like some kid who's never had a drink before. Christ, talk about killing the mood."

I feel the sudden need to cover myself. Hastily I pull up my hot pants which are halfway down my legs and reach for my top which is scrunched up in a dirty pile of woodchips beside me.

"I told you I felt sick," I say, feeling the world come into focus a little more after literally spilling my guts up. "Let's.... let's go back to the swings."

We can salvage this horrible evening. We can go back to how it was at the start. Kissing and cuddling. Admitting we love one another.

Jaxon is pulling on clothes I never noticed him losing in the first place. He looks mad. Really mad.

"I'm not hanging around just to fucking hold hands Ashleigh," he snaps at me. "I thought this was leading somewhere. You've been giving me the green light all night and now you go and do this." He turns to the side slightly, avoiding my eyes. "I guess you're not actually ready for a grown-up relationship."

His accusations send me into a sudden panic. I scramble into my top and reach out to him. "I am ready! I'm totally ready... It's just... I don't know. This is all a bit weird, I wasn't expecting it..."

Jaxon stands up rather abruptly, turning his back on me. "You know, I'm not sure this is really working between us after all."

I am stunned. My beautiful dream is descending into a nightmare. And I'm still hazy. And nauseous. And dirty. And my tongue is fuzzy with the taste of sick. What is happening? The ground is tilting beneath my feet and everything is upside down.

"But I love you," I whimper in a tiny voice. "And you love me."

There is a deafening silence. The kind that makes me realise I might have just ruined everything.

And then the whole world goes kind of black.