CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR. ✧ ೃ༄
❝ HER GHOST OF A PRESENCE. ❞

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Dream looked down at his notes app, eyes glancing at the countless of poems and writings he had written over the course of the two months he and Angelica has been basically living together. They were all... the epitome of butterflies in the stomach and just by reading them, he got his own butterflies.

Angelica wasn't home. She had packed some things and left to her sister's new house, the one she had mentioned when she had spoken to him. Her sister, from what Dream could hear, almost went to where he was in the basement, most likely going to scold him for hurting her sister. Thankfully, though, Angelica had stopped her, muttering a small "it's not worth it" under her breath.

"It's not worth it."

That repeated phrase is echoing in his brain and the silence in the house is haunting him, screaming at him for all of his mistakes. But, he did the right thing. He did the right thing. He did the right thing... right?

No, he did.

Right?

He didn't know. He didn't want to care. But, as he told himself to stop caring about the situation, the more he wished it would sink in and he would just forget. He just couldn't, though.

With one last sigh, Dream slumped in his chair, hating the silence. Even Patches, who was looking out the window as if waiting for Angelica and Gumbo to come, didn't want to head towards him.

As his phone rang, Dream groaned a little as he answered the call he was receiving and was met with deafening silence.

"So, you messed up," George's voice was heard.

"You know?"

"Of course I know!" George exclaimed. "My close friend called me because you basically hurt her."

"Are you finished?" Dream glared at his phone, eyeing his best friend's contact name. "If you're done scolding me, you can hang up now."

"No!" George yelled before lowering his voice. "Alright, now, as your best friend, what's wrong?"

"She told me she liked me, like, a month ago and I told her that I wasn't interested," Dream explained, rubbing a hand on the skin of his forehead. "She clearly understood like the fucking good person she is and... and I kissed her, knowing that she liked me and knowing in the back of my head that nothing would come out of it."

"Go on..."

"I'm afraid," Dream shakily let out, continuing to rub the skin of his forehead. "What I had with... you-know-who has stuck with me. Because of her, because of what she did to me, I just believe that everyone is going to hurt me like her. I appreciate Angelica, I deeply admire her for who she is, and God, she's so amazing, George. She is... she is ethereal. She's too perfect for me."

George stayed quiet and Dream continued. "I'm just not someone she wants... I'm not someone she... needs."

"And how do you know what she wants?" George asked and Dream stayed quiet. "You need to stop fucking listening to that stupid head of yours and focus on what your heart tells you to, because lately, you've been listening to your thoughts instead of what you desire."

Dream sighed as he processed his friend's words. He might be right, he might not. But was Dream really ready? He didn't feel ready. No one would understand the guilt he would feel as soon as he would date another person while his ex-girlfriend was going through what she was going through. He couldn't do that... He couldn't be able to handle that guilt.

"I..." Dream let out another sigh. That's what he has been doing for the past two weeks ever since he had kissed Angelica. "I'll talk to you later. I just need to think."

"Alright," George let out. "I'm here if you need anything or just need to speak to someone, alright?"

"Yeah," Dream breathed out. "Thanks, George."

"No problem. Bye."

"Bye."

Dream hung up and as he sat in his chair for a couple of seconds, he stood up and walked downstairs. He walked outside to his backyard, eyeing the blanket that was in the middle. He felt his shoulder slump, eyes becoming blurred with tears.

He headed towards it and gingerly sat down, eyeing everything around him. He ran his fingers over the fresh grass, remembering when Angelica had the habit of doing that. He sniffed and laid down, feeling the ghost of her presence beside him as if she was there. He stared at the sky, feeling a tear fall from his eye.

He just had to mess up everything again. He just had to kiss her and tell her it was a mistake. She was mad at him, he knew, and he knew and believed that she would move on. She will. Maybe...

"God, I'm so stupid," Dream ran his hands over his face, letting out a shaky sigh as he ran a hand through his hair and roughly gripping onto his roots.

Many would say he's stupid. Many would say he fucked up. He knew that if this had been public, all of their issues, they would call him stupid and cuss him out. But, they also needed to know where he came from. He just got out of an abusive relationship about 7 to 8 months ago. He couldn't move on from the pain that easily. He couldn't. He couldn't.

Many need to understand that as much as he tried to open up about his feelings, there was that voice in the back of his head yelling at him not to. The voice was giving him a warning. It was warning him he was going to be hurt all over again just like before.

Dream was always positive and radiated confidence in his videos or live, but how much of that was really true? How much of that was he faking?

As he lost Angelica, he felt this hollow pain in his chest at knowing he was the cause of her tears and her pain as she left. God, he could hear the sobs she let out as soon as she walked out of the home they once called "theirs." He could hear her and he wanted to run after her. He wanted to chase her, but he... couldn't.

Eyeing the clouds, his phone buzzed in his pocket, knocking him out of his thoughts.

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Hey, can we talk?
6:32 PM

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I didn't want to reveal
Dream's ex's name for
privacy issues, of course.
I also didn't want to write
a name that people would
later comment on that that's
their name so I just wrote that.

I've been discovering more
BTS music and while writing
this, I was listening to Run. I
think those lyrics will mean a
lot between Dream and Angelica.
Especially with these lyrics below.

If you want to listen to it, I would
recommend playing it when Dream
stands up from his chair.