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You need some kickin', not just sittin'
You need some action, not just talkin'
Ya gotta get out your stupid world.
Just quit your a-talkin'
Whatcha Gonna Do?
DOA.

I just HAD to chose a concert an hour away for my first date. Moron...

Because I wanted to wear my sunglasses, I had carefully studied a Thomas Guide map book and memorized the directions to Julianne's house. Three blocks away, I pulled over to settle down, as the anticipation of seeing her had my heart racing. Taking a deep breath, I went over the plan.

Step one: Pick her up, hopefully without meeting her parents. Tell her she's pretty.

Step two: Drive to the concert. Ask Julianne about her life, without making it an interrogation.

Step three: Watch the concert for an hour. Buy her a souvenir.

Step four: Hold her hand on the way back to the car.

Step five: Drive to the party. Talk some more. Hopefully we will get comfortable with each other.

Step five: Show her off to my friends, where she will make a great impression on them. Drink, get high, or both with her. Maybe dance, and make out. Cop a feel, if it goes well.

Step six: Take her home. Make out in the car for a few minutes, then say goodnight.

Step seven: Take a bow...

I had decided that I wouldn't try to have sex with Julianne, despite Natalie's last-second gift of two condoms. She had remarked, "Nasty Brother, there's no way in hell you will need these, but stranger things have happened. Take two, because if it happens, which it certainly won't, you'll probably disappoint poor Julianne the first time. Not that it will happen, dork."

Being responsible for a girl's enjoyment of sex had never occurred to me, and I was at a loss for how to please Julianne in that way. Sex education didn't cover such things, and Internet "instructional" videos were unavailable in 1981.

A reasonable fear of making a fool of myself also fueled my hesitation. Perhaps if Julianne and I developed a relationship, I could trust her to gradually explore sexuality with me, until we both felt it was the right time to go all the way.

I want my first time to be special...

On the other hand, kissing and groping were activities I had some experience with, so I felt confident Julianne would appreciate those efforts.

Breaking the date into easily achievable goals helped me focus and relax, though I botched a shift on the steep hill to her house, and stalled the car.

Damn. I should have brought my mother's car with the automatic transmission...

**************

Julianne waited outside for me and quickly strolled to my car as I pulled up to her home.

There she is! Look at her... so pretty. Kind of sexy, too. Nice tits. I'm going to...

Before getting out, I took the time for an obligatory survey of her feminine charms.

Tight black jeans flattered her enticing lower end curves, and the horizontal stripes on her form-fitting fuzzy sweater brought definition to her moderate chest. Just as Natalie had predicted, Julianne sported riding boots with a sizable heel. I couldn't help but notice how her ass seemed more rounded, instead of just wide, and her legs looked sleeker.

Heh. My friends are going to be soo jealous...

"Hi, Julianne. Wow. You look very pretty. You smell really nice, and you're... everything is... good. Yes."

Her face brightened when she had to look up to meet my eyes. She gingerly touched my jacket sleeve and quietly responded. "Thank you, Ray. I like your eyeliner and the spiked hair. It's kind of... different."

Different. I get that a lot...

Something about her hair caught my attention and I took hold of a tiny braid, dyed a glittery pink. A coating of glitter remained on my hand and I rubbed it on my cheek. "I like this, Julianne. It's cool."

I opened the door and watched her enter the car. Her movements weren't graceful like some girls I knew, but at least she wasn't clumsy like me. Resisting the urge to skip around to my side, I ambled to the drivers door. Michelle waved from the darkened porch, startling me.

Was she there the whole time? Creepy...

While I started the car and pulled away from the curb, Julianne explained. "Ray, I'm sorry I dressed so... boring. I don't have a plaid skirt and fishnet stockings, like punk girls wear."

That's how Natalie dresses...

I was a little disappointed, but reassured her. "Julianne, you look just fine. Not everyone dresses up for these concerts."

With a long drive and a limited repertoire of rehearsed questions, I tried to space out my parts of the conversation. Five minutes of silence later, I pulled onto the freeway.

Ok, here we go...

"Julianne, are you going to take driver's ed next year?"

She pursed her mouth in thought, then lisped, "I hadn't thought about it."

I waited in vain for a follow up statement, then continued, "Uhh, I really like being able to drive. It was hard to learn a stick shift, though."

She tapped the knob with a light brown fingernail. Again, I waited for her response, but she only gave me a shy smile.

One last try on this subject...

"I just got my license in September. The DMV was a real pain."

"The DMV?"

A response! She's warming up...

"Yes, the Department of Motor Vehicles. Up on Grant Blvd."

She tapped her leg five times. Then another five times. Her words came with a heavy lisp. "That's the building where there's always people waiting in line outside, right?"

She's nervous. Well, so am I, Babe...

"Yeah, that place is really disorganized. I was there for three hours to take my test."

She studied her nails, then shrugged.

I looked at my fingers, noticed the dirt under the nails, then curled them around the wheel so she wouldn't see.

Should I say something about her fingernails? Nahh, that would be weird...

"Julianne, I had to take both a written test and a driving test. The written part was like fifty questions. Some of them were poorly worded, like this one where you have to say..."

Ten minutes later, I realized I had been talking the whole time. I abruptly went silent. Julianne didn't seem to notice.

Chicks are weird...

With only fifteen minutes of drive left, I asked the question I had saved, the one that would certainly make her light up. "Do you have any pets?"

She shook her head.

I was about to ask 'why not?', but she murmured, "My sister is allergic. We have a fish tank."

"Oh. Cool. What kind of fish?"

A few years before, my mother had bought me a 2000 piece jigsaw puzzle featuring tropical fish. It included a booklet describing all of the 150 pictured. I only had a mild interest, but remembered much of what I learned. My hope surged at the possibility of bonding over... something.

Her pretty face turned blank. "I don't know. Goldfish, I guess. They're boring."

For fuck's sake...

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