Sleep was a rare occurrence for me. But last night was different. Especially because I had someone by my side.

Yet, when I woke up, he was gone.

It was late in the morning that Sunday and I didn't want to do anything. Just lay in bed and do absolutely nothing.

I look over to the side of my bed to my end table to grab my phone, but there's something atop of it.

'Hey! You fell asleep so I didn't know what to do, so text me!
- Ryan'

I examined Ryan's note and saw the string of 10 digits he left right underneath his name.

Holy shit.

You know that feeling when you finally get your crush's number? This was it.

I decided to text him, that is what he wanted right?

'Hey Ryan! It's Brendon. Thanks for leaving your number I guess? Last night was fun! We should do it again some time.'

Send.

That was the least awkward (still very awkward I might add) message I decided to go with. Would he respond? I don't know. At this point, I was just happy.

Happy, happy, happy.

But, that being the highlight of my day, I decided to just chill in my room listening to many of my records and writing some music.

~

The following Monday night, I heard a tapping on my window. I expected it to be Jon since he's always climbing up here. I don't know why. The front door works just fine.

But, to my surprise, it wasn't Jon.

It was, yours truly, Ryan Ross.

I looked at him through the glass and furrowed my eyebrows. Then, realizing I had left him out there, I quickly opened it up and let him through.

"Thanks. It's freezing out there." He giggles letting himself in sliding off his jacket.

I just looked at him. Confused and infatuated. Just a summary on how he makes me feel.

"Oh sorry for just showing up uninvited like that." He chuckles. "My parents were yelling at me once again. I was walking around and remembered you lived here, So I thought I'd stop by. You don't mind, right?"

No Ryan, of course I don't.

"Um n-no. I don't mind..." I stuttered profoundly.

He sat at my desk, while I was on the floor in front of the foot of my bed. We were silent.

"I wanna break up with Helena." he blurted.

Well.

"Um.." I began, but he interrupted.

"Oh, uh sorry." he cleared his throat "I know we don't know each other that well but.. I feel like I can be real with you, y'know? Like I can say my true opinions and you won't judge me or anything." he explained to me. "Or maybe I'm just an open book." He said with a small laugh at the end, maybe trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh. Th-that's fine. A lot of people get that feel from me." I say shyly not knowing how to respond. "Why do you want to break up with her?"

He shrugged. "I mean like I said.. I think she's cheating on me and I just...I just don't really feel like I used to about her." he sighed.

"So.. you never loved her?"

"Oh no, there was a point when I was in love, sophomore and junior year, I thought she was the one I was going to be with for the rest of my life. But I guess that idea just faded away." He sounded sad at his story. I don't blame him, imagine being madly in love with someone and then it just.. poof went away.

I nodded to show I understood. "Well I mean.. you can't control your feelings. maybe you should just let her go."

"I would but, my parents would be heartbroken."

His parents?

"They love Helena so much. She's like the trophy child they've always wanted. I mean they keep saying how we're gonna get married and have a future together." He gives a sarcastic laugh.

"Well, I mean whoever you choose to be with, your parents should love." I explain. "It's your choice who you want to be with and they need to support that." I said with confidence in my voice.

Ryan looked over at me and gave me a smile. The same smile I fell in love with.

"You know Brendon, you're alright." I felt a blush creep against my cheeks because of his words.

He sat down next to me on the ground. "I think I'll break up with her tomorrow." he said looking ahead. I didn't know what he was looking at, but whatever it was, I was looking at it too.

"So," he's changing the subject, "you said you've never had a relationship before, right?" He asked looking my direction.

I didn't look at him, just nodded my head.

"You're not missing much."

I stayed quiet.

"Why don't you go out with that Sarah girl you're friends with. I'm sure she'll be your valentine." He chuckled.

Sarah and I together? Ha, please. Never in a million years.

I just shook my head again and laughed. "Sarah's not really my type."

He looked confused. "Why? She's pretty. Oh, do you like blondes?"

Oh my god how is he so clueless. And how did he not know?

"Ryan. I'm gay."

He looked down in shame. "Oh... oh shit. I didn't know. Sorry." he said embarrassed

"How did you not know? I'm like the 'school fag' everyone knows." I asked.

"I don't know. I guess I just thought people were making fun of you.. I'm sorry."

I chuckled. "it's okay."

We were in silence, but thankfully not an awkward one

"Oh man. I'm gonna be alone this Valentine's Day." Ryan said breaking the ice.

"Join the club buddy." I mumbled.

He put a hand in my shoulder and patted it.

"Well, who needs a relationship when you have friends right?" he asked slinging his arm around my shoulder now.

I did a half-assed smile. friend.

Ryan looked at my digital clock on my nightstand, sighed, and stood up.

"Well, I should probably get going before my parents get worried and file a missing report." He says jokingly. At least I hope it's jokingly.

I sat up with him and followed him to the window.

He began to open it and climb out before turning back to me, saying "I'm really glad to have you as a friend Brendon."

Those words swayed me. Apparently so much that I didn't even realize he had left.

"Yeah.. friend." I said to myself.

Well, at least I'm one step closer than i was years ago.

friend.