Loving someone could be hard but letting them go... Even harder. A pang in your scarred heart would always keep whisper yelling at you, "Why did you let go? Why didn't you fight back? If you would have, it would have been much better."

©GS_Stella

=== 💖 ===

"What's wrong? ", he held her hand as she tried to rush out of his apartment. "Let go of my hand Sanskaar", she squirmed under his grip as his pleading eyes searched her apathetic face for a plausible explanation.

"Have I said or done something wrong? Or... Or is it about my proposal? Is it because of h-him?", his voice broke at the end as he felt something rive inside of him. He loved her. He really did and without any doubt he wanted her and only her with him for the rest of his life. He thought she loved him too. Maybe! Maybe not!

It was Valentine's Day and he had proposed to her that day, a moment that he had been planning for last two months. He wanted to confess his love to her and ask her to be his girlfriend. He was elated yet nervous at the same time, but not even in his wildest dreams had he expected such a turn of situations.

"You don't understand Sanskaar. W-We can't be together", she replied keeping a stern face tearing down his heart into several pieces.

A tear trickled down his cheeks, "If... If you need time then I can wait. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know that my proposal was going to get you so angry. I'm sorry I wasn't thinking straight." She closed her eyes tightly before taking a deep breath, "We shouldn't be together Sanskaar."

And those were her last words as his hand slid down from her wrist, falling to his side. She stormed out of his apartment without even giving him a single glance back.

"Please. I-I really love you. I love you, Swara", he wanted to shout this out loud but all that came out was a meek whisper and then she was gone. Gone forever and the only ones listening to his broken words were the flickering candles and the roses lying lifelessly on the floor.

=== 💖 ===

The sharp chink of spoon against the glass pulled Sanskaar out of his thoughts and back to his senses. He looked at the juice in his glass which he had been unconsciously stirring for a while and took a deep breath before glancing at the empty dining table in the hall of his two bedroom medium sized apartment. He was the only one sitting on that small dining table, his breakfast still untouched. It had been one whole year and no matter how hard he tried the void she had created in his life was just the same. It was Valentine's Day. Exactly a year ago she broke his heart into several pieces and he was still trying to gather those shattered pieces together.

Where did the things go wrong? Was it partly his fault too? Should he have never let his love turn away from him? Should he have fought for her? Asked for an explanation at least?!

His conflict with his inner self came to an abrupt impasse by the ringing doorbell. Who could it be? It had been a while that he entertained any guest and he hadn't been expecting anyone soon either. Sighing he got up from the chair and opened the door. He regretted it the next moment. He shouldn't have opened the door and ruined his entire day. A shiver ran down his spine as the worst memories of his entire life started resurfacing again.

Right in front of his eyes stood the person whom he probably hated from the deepest core of his heart. Sahil Khurana. Sanskaar furrowed his eyebrows looking at him as he never expected Sahil to show at his doorstep. In a way, his heart crunched at the sight of him as he got reminded all over again that she had left him for Sahil.

"What do you want Sahil?", Sanskaar sneered and his hatred for Sahil flowed down like venom with every word. No matter how hard he tried, he could never bring himself to forget everything. The man right in front of him was the sole reason that the only person he had cherished with all his heart wasn't with him.

Sahil smiled looking at him, "I know you won't invite me in, so, here you go." Sanskaar scrunched his forehead in confusion as Sahil forwarded a small box towards him.

"What's this?", Sanskaar couldn't bring himself to speak anything more than that as he glared at the box intuitively. Once single glimpse and he already knew who the actual sender was. It was from her.

"Where's she? Why couldn't she give it to me herself?", he was baffled as Sahil sighed.

"Open the box and you'll have all your answers", Sahil spoke wearily making it clear that he was not the one who would answer.

"Oh wow! So, you are her messenger now. It has always been about you, right?", Sanskaar remarked sarcastically. Sahil took a deep breath before looking at him, straight into his eyes, "Messenger! Maybe I am. She's my best friend. But it was never about me Sanskaar. For her, it was you... it is you... it will always be you only. It has always been about you. Don't hate her so much, Sanskaar. She won't be able to take it."

Saying those words Sahil turned around leaving a flabbergasted Sanskaar behind. If it was always about him then why wasn't she there with him? He wanted to shout out loud that no matter how much hurt and angry he was he could never hate her. His heart wasn't that strong to hate her. He loved her too much for that. He still loved her and undoubtedly he would keep loving her all his life.

=== 💖 ===

Sanskaar sat on the bed placing the box next to him and traced his finger over the doodles made on the cover. He smiled to himself reminiscing how much she loved to create those butterfly and flowers doodles everywhere. Almost every book and note book he had back there at college were decorated with those crazy doodles and he loved them. He loved each and every thing she did. Another tear trickled down his cheek but he quickly wiped it away.

Removing the cover, he opened the box and found two envelopes placed inside, marked as 'I' and 'II'. She was still doing it! Marking the things in the order she wanted them to be opened. He picked up the one marked as 'I' and it looked comparatively lighter than the other one.

One part of his heart wanted to leave the box as it is and never have a look. He was hurt. He was angry. Why wasn't she coming back to him? But then the other part wanted to know what she had sent for him.

Should he open it? Or should he leave it?

The inner conflict seemed to be overpowering his senses and before he could give it another thought he was opening the envelope. His hands trembled as his fingers slowly worked upon the seal of the envelope. Taking a deep breath he finally opened it and soon enough 'a letter' and a dried rose fell on his lap.

The rose looked about a year old and then it was the letter... Edges a bit folded and color of the paper a bit fading away. Apparently, she wrote this letter a while ago. Then why was she giving him now? The questions seemed to be draining all his energy out of his body and there was only solution to the whole situation. And that was to read the letter.

He unfolded the edges of the letter opening it slowly, his heart sinking with each and every moment. After taking a few more deep breaths to calm down his nerves, he started reading the letter...

Sanskaar!

And his heart skipped a beat. He closed his eyes not able to believe... She still had the same effect on him. Even her words whispered to him. He could feel her presence in her words. So, this was what people called 'power of words'. He opened his eyes slowly and continued...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Gussa ho abhi bhi? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left like that but I was scared Sanskaar. I was really scared. I was a coward. I couldn't tell you the truth back then. But all I want to tell you is that... I love you. More than I can tell you and more than you can imagine.

'Then why did you leave, Swara? Why did you?', his heart cried.

I'm... I'm dying Sanskaar! Bit by bit everyday!

What the hell?! His heart sank!

No! No! What did she mean by that? Was this some kind of joke to her? Why the hell is this girl never serious in her life?

He couldn't control the urge to see her anymore. No matter what, he wanted to see her and no one could stop him. He didn't care about anyone else but her. He was about to run out of the room when his eyes fell on her next word.

Don't!

Don't start running to find me now. You won't find me anywhere. I'm in Mumbai right now. So, please sit down and read this letter. I really want to talk to you. Take a deep breath and please read the whole letter. That's the only thing I want.

Sanskaar! I have leukemia.

And with that his whole world came crashing down. No. No. No!!! This was not possible. She was fine. The day he last saw her, she was fine. If this was some joke, he was not going to spare her. But deep down his heart, he wanted it to be nothing but a joke.

I know you must be thinking that I'm joking. I so wish I was. But I'm not. So, how about we have a talk right now! Yeah? Well, technically we are not talking. You're just going to read whatever I'm going to write right now. I don't know what am I going to write in here but I just want you to know how I feel about you.

We had known each other for a while and it's now that I'm going to tell you about my feelings. Hah! How stupid I am?!

Life is really short, Sanskaar and for me, well, God has decided to make it a little bit shorter. I was diagnosed with cancer in the beginning of our second year of BBA and everything came to a halt for me. But Sahil helped me up. He has always been such a great friend. He told me no matter how long I am going to live, I must live it to the fullest and that he will always be my side. Even the doctors showed some hope of my recovery.

Everything was going on fine. We didn't let anyone know of my disease because I wanted to live my life normally. I was getting along with it but during the beginning of the third year I stopped responding to the treatment. I tried really hard but somehow I failed in four subjects in the mid semester exams of fifth sem. I was fine with it as well but apparently our HOD had something else in his mind and somehow he asked you to tutor me. You were the best scholar of our batch but to me... you know... you were just the good guy who definitely didn't fall in the category of my types.

I can't tell you how much I cursed our HOD that day. I was like... what in the world is he thinking asking a nerd to teach me. Couldn't he ask a good looking guy?

And I cursed you even more when you being the good guy agreed to the whole tuition fiasco. I made it a personal mission to make your life a mess... a living disaster in the coming one year.

But I guess that's where I went wrong!

I still remember your flushed face on the first day when I went to your apartment for the tuition thing. I guess you weren't expecting me so soon and that's how with God's grace I got to see the 'Scholar Maheshwari' in nothing but a towel as soon as you opened the door. Oh. My. God! Technically, I should be the one who must be screaming but our roles got reversed. When you were screaming like your pants were on fire, I couldn't help but gawk at your flawless body. Then the best part... you banged the door shut right on my face and I couldn't control my laughter anymore.

Damn! I didn't know that under those nerdy shirts you had freaking six pack abs! My mind rang... How come I never noticed you before! You were the most gorgeous man I had ever seen.

I mean seriously! You should be held convict for being so gorgeous. Isn't gorgeous a word used for girls? For the first time in life Swara Gaddodia was jealous and that too of a guy. Could you believe that?

And then I wasn't angry at our HOD anymore. He had finally given me a teacher drool worthy, no matter you were just my tutor of few hours. I already knew that this whole tuition thing would be too much fun considering the fact that you were too shy in front of me. It felt really good you know! You flirt with a guy and he blushes. Hah! That was like an achievement for me.

In a way you made me forget about my problems, my disease. With you, I became much more me. Slowly and slowly, before I could realize I started feeling differently around you.

Your sadness made me feel pain!
Your smile made me blush!
Your gaze made me conscious!
Your one simple touch left me craving for more and more!

I wasn't a shy type of girl but with you around, it became altogether a different story. I found a new Swara in myself which I didn't even know existed. Sahil noticed everything and warned me again and again. I was doing wrong. That way I was not only hurting you but even myself.

But I couldn't control these feelings, Sanskaar. Does that make me a bad person? Am I selfish that I wanted to feel your love?

For the first time in my life I was really angry with God. I wanted to fight. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. And that's exactly what I did when I realized I was in love with you. Why did God hate me so much? Why didn't I get to have more time with you? And if God wanted me back to him so early, couldn't he get us meet each other some ten twenty years ago? But I guess with you, even that would be less. Ages felt like moments in your arms.

That was it for Sanskaar. His eyes gave up. It was becoming painful with each passing moment. He hissed a breath with clenched teeth trying to hold back the seething avalanche to tears threatening to flow down any moment. He couldn't give up. He had to read the full letter. That was what she wanted. Blinking back the tears, he took a deep breath before continuing the letter.

You know Sanskaar! It's raining here in Mumbai now. You can never say anything about this place. It starts raining whenever it wishes for. But that's what I love the most about this place. It reminds me of the moment when everything in our life changed. Our first kiss!

I always wanted to have my first kiss under falling raindrops. That day, seeing you standing in the balcony of your apartment and playing with the rain drops made me lose myself for a moment. I could only see us then and no one else mattered. If someone had to be my first kiss then there couldn't be a better person other than you. You were perfect. That moment was perfect. And before I could realize I was kissing you.

Your lips against mine felt like heaven. It ached my heart knowing that this heaven couldn't be my abode for all eternity. But I didn't want to think about that. I didn't want to ruin our perfect moment. Pulling away would have meant that the kiss was a mistake but I knew it was not. So, I pushed myself nearer to you.

But you were neither kissing me back nor pushing me away. I guess you were trying to sort your feelings out. You were hesitant and it wasn't hard to guess that it was your first kiss as well. So, I gave you time as much as you needed. Trust me, for me those seven seconds felt like seven years. Now, don't laugh, okay! Yes, I was counting the seconds. Ugh! But I couldn't do anything better. I was so nervous.

And then I felt your lips twitch against mine as you pulled myself closer to you holding my waist. My palm instantly made its way to your chest and I could feel your heart thumping crazily under my palm... and I was the reason of that reaction. You leaned more into the kiss and my heart soared. I was elated. You had the same feelings for me as well.

That was the moment I realized that there was no turning back. I couldn't fight anymore. No! I decided I wouldn't fight anymore. Call me selfish. Call me self-concerned. I don't know. All I knew was that my heart was very small for the love I had for you. I couldn't contain it anymore.

I wanted to live. I wanted to live with you!

The smile on your face made it quite evident that even you wished for the same. And with that came other realization that I had to tell you the truth. I couldn't hide it from you forever. But I was scared. That day, I saw love in your eyes for myself and I didn't want it to get overshadowed by pity. I wanted to be loved by you forever.

See! Now I sound like a selfish person!

I tried telling you the truth many times but either something happened or I couldn't bring myself to it. Lately, I had started experiencing extensive hair fall. And a week before Valentine's Day, I fainted. I was taken to the hospital and the doctors declared I don't have much time left. Maybe a season more. They referred me to their much efficient hospitals at Mumbai.

My heart was torn apart. Our time together had come to an end.

And then came the Valentine's Day. You proposed to me and the look of expectations into your eyes made me realize how selfish I had been all this while. How could I do this to you? I acted foolishly upon my feelings and destroyed everything. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me. I couldn't do that to you anymore. I... I thought going away from you would be the best. My time here was over but you still had your whole life in front of you.

But I never knew leaving you would hurt so badly. It hurts Sanskaar. It really does. I just wish this life to end. Without you... it's not even life. I'm just alive. All this while, the only thing that kept me up was this rose which was in your envelope. It's a rose from the bouquet you gave me during our proposal. I wanted to run into your arms and say 'yes' a million times. That was the most beautiful moment of my life but the stark reality of my life was something that brought me back from my dreamland. This happiness was never meant to be mine. So, I ran away from there. The next day I was taken to Mumbai. Baba told me that you came looking for me but I asked him not to let you know.

Most probably, by the time you'll receive this letter, I would be gone. I have asked Sahil to give this letter to you after I was gone. I'm at the hospital right now and the doctors say that I might live for a maximum of six more months. Funny, isn't it?

No! That wasn't funny at all! What the hell is she talking about? He searched the entire letter for a date. A date to tell him when it was written. But it wasn't written anywhere there and then he picked up the envelope.

14th March, 2017.

A month after she left him. So, that means... She was... gone! No!

His heart shattered all over again and suddenly felt too weak to contain the storm that he had buried inside him for so long. He stood up but his strength left and he fell down on the floor lifelessly. His throat held back something between a sob and a scream. So, this was her way of saying 'goodbye'!

The beautiful memories they shared together flashed in front of his eyes and his first tear broke free. As the memories kept on flashing, so did the tears continue. He was screaming silently, suffocating with each breath. Clutching the fabric of his shirt near his chest, he tried to fight back the tears. But they weren't listening. They kept on flowing down.

Pressing his fist tightly against his lips he muffled his sobs. He couldn't cry! He was a man. Men don't cry, do they?

Blinking his eyes a few times he looked back at the letter to read her last few words.

But don't you worry! I'm going to put a good fight with God on behalf of both of us. Next time we won't be wronged. Next time we will be together. I promise.

Just for this life, please forgive me for leaving you so soon. For this life, I'm allowing you to have someone else in your life. Get married to someone and have a happy life. But just for this once. For all the rest of lives to come you are booked for me. Okay?

Live, Sanskaar! Please! For me!

In the next envelope I have something for you. Something that you loved the most about me.

I love you forever and ever!

Always yours,
Swa

And the last two letters were smudged, washed away. The traces of her fallen tear over the last two letters were still lingering over there. He traced his finger lightly over her dried tear. The flesh under his ribcage throbbed and his eyes burned after fighting for so long. He wanted to let go. It was too much to hold in.

And he cried!

His muffled sobs were now hysterical cries. Who cared whether he cried or not? Men could cry too! They, too, can be heart broken. They, too, can feel vulnerable. They, too, can feel this need to be protected. And what's wrong if he did too?

He wanted her. The urge to touch her, to hold her and to caress her in his arms had never been so strong as it was now. His breath stuttered as he tried to take a deep breath. How could he not see her unshed tears? How could he not feel her unsaid words? He claimed to love her, yet he wasn't there when she needed him the most. She kept loving him till her last breath and he... He had never been so disappointed in himself.

Hours passed like that! He was still on the floor, his palms pressed against the mat tightly and the letter still in his tight grip. But his tears were nowhere near stopping. Making a futile attempt to wipe them off he picked up the second envelope and in a few seconds a CD was in his hands.

The thing he loved the most about her?

Her voice! Of course, it were her songs he loved the most!

So, the CD was her song. Is it possible he could see her as well? That thought alone filled him with a new found energy. With quick steps he reached near the DVD player and pushed the CD inside. Without losing a moment he sat in front of the screen and pressed the play button.

With thumping heart and quickened breath he waited and waited... and finally there she was. Dressed in Faded blue hospital gown, trying desperately to smile but was failing miserably at it. She had a scarf wrapped around her head and was sporting huge dark circles around her eyes. She looked weak and pale. His heart wrenched at the sight of her and then she whispered, "Sanskaar!!"

Two tear drops simultaneously rolled down. One from his eyes and other from hers. He leaned towards the screen to touch her but all he could feel was glass screeching under his fingers. Fresh tears poured out as she spoke, "This one is for you. Just for you."

And then she closed her eyes humming a new tone. But he couldn't even blink fearing if he did so she would vanish the next moment.

Kabhi yaadon mein aaun
Kabhi khwabon mein aaun

Kabhi yaadon mein aaun
Kabhi khwabon mein aaun
Teri palkon ke saaye
Mein aakar jhilmilau
Main wo khushbu nahi jo
Hawa mein kho jaun

Hawa bhi chal rahi hai
Magar tu hi nahi hai
Fiza rangeen bani hai
Kahani keh rahi hai
Mujhe jitna bhulaao
Main utna yaad aau

Haa.. jo tum na milte
Hota hi kya dhoondh laane ko
Haa.. jo tum na milte
Hota hi kya dhoondh laane ko

Jo tum na hote
Hota hi kya haar jaane ko

Meri amaanat ho tum
Meri mohabbat ho tum
Tumhe kaise main bhulaun

Hawa bhi chal rahi hai
Magar tu hi nahi hai
Fiza rangeen bani hai
Kahani keh rahi hai
Mujhe jitna bhulaao
Main utna yaad aau

Kabhi yaadon mein aaun
Kabhi khwabon mein aaun

Kabhi yaadon mein aaun
Kabhi khwabon mein aaun
Teri palkon ke saaye
Mein aakar jhilmilau

By the time song ended he was a wreck. Love hurts! It really does! And he had realized it now. He tried to scream but the huge lump in his throat made his voice crack. His eyes were bloodshot, eyelids puffy, and face was all red and blotchy. His fair skin was making it look even worse. He sniffed a deep breath when he heard her voice again.

Wait! There was something more?

He looked back at the screen and she smiled wearily at him, "Would you fulfill my last wish?"

That struck him like a wave of lightening and he stumbled back. With heavy breaths he just nodded his head as if she could see him. She smiled again, "Just remember that I love you Sanskaar and I always will. This life and beyond. For my last wish... After you get married and have a daughter, would you name her after me?"

How could he? Her place in his heart was something no one could take again. He couldn't accept anyone else in his life. For him, it was her... it is her and it will always be her only. When she loved him till her last breath, then how could he betray her!

But baby... Yes, a baby! Their baby!

He rushed towards his bedside table and picked up his mobile phone searching internet for something. He quickly wiped off his tears, dialed a number and brought the mobile phone closer to his ear.

"Hello! Mother Martha Foster House. How may I help you?"

"I-I want to adopt a baby."

"A boy or..."

"A girl. I want a baby girl. May I... May I know the age of the youngest baby girl at your house?"

"Sure Sir! We have a baby girl of about a month old. We have named her..."

"No! I-I already have a name for her."

"You do?"

"Yes! I want to name her... Swara!"

"That's indeed a very beautiful name, Sir. If you could please come to our office and complete the formalities."

"I'm coming. I'll be there soon. Bye."

Giving a last glance at Swara's smiling face at the screen, he set out of his apartment to fulfil the last wish of the love of his life.

People live. People die. But it's love that survives all obstacles and lives forever long. And Sanskaar was adamant that as long as he was going to live, Swara and Sanskaar's story would live, and if possible even after that. Forever!

---------------------.

A/N

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Alright, I know I have bored you all with such a long one shot. 😂😂 And sorry for the delay, the editing thing took a lot of time.

I have had this story in mind for almost seven eight months now and I started writing this one near about beginning of December. So, technically it took me about three months to complete this. Now you all might ask... Ab isme aisa kya hai jo itna time lag gaya 😅😅

I know I'm not very good with emotional stuff so this is was like a new challenge for me. Now, it's only you people who could tell me how have I done! To be honest I have tried really hard for this one. I really wanted to improve myself. I hope you all liked this one.

If you liked it then please tag your friends here and help me out in spreading a word about this book. That would really mean a lot to me.

See you all soon. Till then, stay blessed and happy reading!

With love,
Stella ❤️