I needed a drink. It was only nine in the morning and I needed a drink. I could really go for my fire whiskey right now. Brad actually saw Steve leaving the office, and saw him stop and look at the truck. Obviously Steve knew I was in there. Brad was tense, agitated, distracted. His scowl was pronounced and his jaw was clenched. He drove us to work in silence, opened my door in silence, and walked into the building in silence, my heels clicking obnoxiously on the pavement.

"Text me when you want to get done", Brad said as we parted ways in the lobby.

He didn't even make eye contact. He may as well have slapped me as much as that cold parting stung.

I actually stood there, motionless in shock for a moment, staring after him, before I caught myself.

No drama at work!

I was a professional, damn it. I rallied the troops and headed to my office, full speed, heels clicking away.

When I got into my department, I was actually kind of hot from the power walking. Angela had a list of notes from Heidi, who was recruiting at a job fair this morning, thank God.

"You okay?", Angela asked, looking at me strangely.

"Yes, I just about ran here is all", I laughed.

I grabbed a cold bottled water from the department refrigerator and headed to my office to check emails and get my day started. As my computer was booting up, I chugged a few swigs of the freezing water...and immediately threw it back up. I literally had no time to do anything other than bend over. Thank goodness my garbage can was right under the desk! I didn't make a mess anywhere except there.

What the hell just happened?, I wondered, totally confused and still nauseous. My head was spinning slightly. I lowered my forehead onto the desk and shut my eyes. In a few minutes I felt normal again. Completely fine, like nothing had happened. I tied up my garbage bag tightly, brought it out to the main garbage by Angela, and grabbed a new bag from the small supply cabinet we had on hand.

I finally started checking my emails and my stomach growled angrily. "Well you wouldn't be hungry if you hadn't thrown up anything remaining of breakfast", I grumbled out loud, annoyed that I had to stop working again to grab a granola bar out of my desk drawer. I drank the water more slowly this time. Everything went down okay and the growling stopped. My stomach felt fine.

I reasoned that the Steve and Brad dilemma this morning had upset my stomach, and the shock of the large amount of cold water on top of it was too much for my touchy system to handle. I resolved not to say anything to anyone. It was a fluke. I sure hated throwing up, probably more than anything I could think of, and I would do anything to avoid it. It had been so sudden though, I didn't have time to try not to. I could only react.

I was pounding away at my emails, and then I remembered I had the same sensation at the courthouse right before I had to plunge into the bathroom and barely made it to a toilet.

I hoped I wasn't getting an ulcer or something serious.

After work, Brad was still quiet and not paying very much attention to me. When we got home, I wrapped my arms around him and confronted him about it.

"I feel neglected", I said. "I know you're upset we saw Steve this morning but you've been ignoring me all day".

He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed. Looking down at me, he said genuinely, "I'm real sorry, babe. I love you". He put his hand against my face and tipped my chin up to his.

As usual with us, one kiss turned into many, which typically turned into us ripping off each other's clothing and losing control. Tonight, however, when Brad caressed my breast, it actually hurt, and I got a surprising surge of rage, from which I barely restrained punching him in the throat. Instead, I shoved his hand away and squirmed away from him.

"Ow!", I snapped, frowning and angry, rubbing my breast.

"What did I do?", Brad asked, completely clueless, reaching for me.

I slapped his hand away. "That hurt really bad", I accused him.

"Baby, I barely touched you", he said, his brow furrowing.

"That's what you think", I said, my left breast throbbing. I was suddenly tired, hungry, and definitely not in the mood.

"Can we eat supper?", I asked, changing the topic.

"Ah...sure", Brad said, looking at me strangely. "What do you feel hungry for?", he asked.

I thought a moment.

"Cheetos".

He raised his eyebrow. "Okay, babe, but that's not supper and we don't have any Cheetos here".

I felt my cheeks flame hot. "Well that's what I want", I snapped, and snatched his keys off the counter, heading for the door.

He quickly followed me and lightly grabbed my arm.

"Paige, give me the keys. I'll drive", he said.

I handed them over and opened the door.

When we got in the truck, he paused and turned his whole body to look at me.

"I didn't mean to hurt you", he said quietly, his brow furrowed. "I swear I thought I was being gentle. I would never, ever cause you pain on purpose, and I do try to be conscious of how rough I'm being, even when I can barely control myself".

I knew he hadn't meant to.  He always had treated me with so much respect. I instantly felt all the anger run out of my body, leaving me kind of exhausted.

"Of course. I know that", I assured him.

"What's going on then?", he asked. "All of a sudden, you weren't you".

"I think my period must be coming", I said. "Sometimes I get real irritated and once in awhile my boobs hurt". I pulled up my app to see when it was due. Boom. That was it. It would come by this weekend at the latest. I sighed. "Yeah, that's what it is", I told him. "I'm sorry I overreacted".

He smiled, looking relieved. "You still want Cheetos?", he checked.

"Yeah. And some mac and cheese too", I added.

He shook his head and smiled, and headed to the grocery store.

.........................................................................

After supper, I went for the drink I had wanted that morning, but the first sip did not go down like it normally did. It was way too potent. I nearly gagged.

Brad laughed at the face I was making.

"Boy, you really are off tonight, aren't you?", he asked, scrubbing the pan we had used for mac and cheese.

I took a breath and took another sip, swallowed, then exhaled. The familiar, warm, calming burn started to spread through my veins but I felt super nauseous. I didn't dare finish it so I handed it to Brad. He raised his eyebrows in surprise but took it and slammed it down in one toss of his head.

"Maybe you should go to bed", he joked, winking at me.

I knew he was teasing but I nodded. Bed sounded good. I had been off all day. Maybe I had a touch of some germ on top of PMS.  Hopefully Brad didn't get sick, too.

.............................................................................

Brad was surprised that Paige readily agreed to his teasing comment about going to bed early. He was even more surprised when he checked on her thirty minutes later and found her asleep with the light on and a book askew on her neck. He felt a little concerned. She had definitely been acting strange this evening. Maybe she was actually sick or maybe this was how she normally got during her cycle. This was the first time he had experienced it with her. He didn't know too much about that topic other than his mother used to be bedridden about two days a month until she had a hysterectomy when he was a teenager.  He hadn't been close enough to any other woman to get details.

He gently took the book off her neck and felt her forehead. She didn't feel hot to his touch. He turned off the light then went back downstairs to lift some weights while watching TV.

.............................................................................

I was tired. I couldn't get motivated to do anything. It took a long time to get the bathroom cleaned because I kept walking away and getting distracted.  Brad and I tried to go for a run which turned into a walk for me. I took a nap. I was crabby because I felt lazy and then I was crabby because I was crabby.

Poor Brad didn't know what to do.  I could tell he was afraid to approach me physically after getting slapped away the last time he tried. I wished my period would hurry up and get this over with. Clearly it was making up for last month being so painless.

I fell asleep on the couch watching a movie with Brad, and when I woke up to go to the bathroom, I was a little sad he had left me there and went to bed on his own.

He probably didn't want to disturb me, I reasoned.

I was crazy thirsty.  After I went to the bathroom, and was disappointed that still no period was in sight, I chugged some water. 

And promptly threw it all right back up into the toilet.

I heard Brad's steps thundering down the stairs.

Crap.

He burst into the bathroom. "Are you okay?" 

I flushed the toilet and stood to rinse my mouth out.

"How are you already awake?  How did you hear that?", I asked between spitting.

"I told you I'm a light sleeper", he said. "Maybe you have the flu. Do you normally get this sick with your period every month?"

"Did you see me throw up last month?", I asked, more annoyed with the puking than with him.

He stared blankly at me. "I didn't notice a thing. Was I even with you when it happened?"

"It happens once a month, Brad. Do the math. It was four weeks ago. It was the week we went to the U.P."

"Really?", he asked. "No, I wasn't even aware it had happened. I'm sorry".

"It's fine", I sighed. "I'm not irritated with you. I just don't know why this keeps happening".

"What, specifically....you know, so we can be on the same page here...?", he asked, looking thoroughly confused.

"I keep throwing up water", I said. "I don't get it".

"Keep...?"  Brad was having a hard time catching up.

"I threw up Friday morning in my office after drinking a bunch of water. I thought it was because I was upset and the water was really cold...but I just woke up now, so I didn't have time to get upset. Plus, it was cool water at best. Not cold".

Brad felt my forehead. "You don't feel like you have a fever but maybe you are sick".

"Or maybe I've given myself an ulcer", I said. "Or maybe my hormones are messed up because last month my cycle was really light so now it's going to be really heavy?  I don't know. Or something else". I shrugged.

"If it was an ulcer I'd think you would throw up from something spicy or acidic, not from something like water, but I really don't know", Brad said, clearly worried. His brow was furrowed and he was looking at me like I might be broken.

"Your cast comes off Thursday?", he asked.

I nodded.

"Well, can you bring it up to her? I know it's not her specialty but maybe she can point you in the right direction?"

"Good idea", I said. "I will". I was still thirsty and now that I was no longer nauseous, I felt hungry.

"I'm going to try crackers and water, I think".

"Alright, baby, I'll sit with you", Brad said, clearly still worried.

"I'm sorry you always have to worry about me", I apologized, stepping into his arms and wrapping mine around his waist.

"It's not your fault", he sighed. "It's just what I do".

After Brad supervised my snack, we snuggled up on the couch and I fell asleep with my head on his chest. There was no place in the world I'd rather be.

.............................................................................

Sunday I felt nauseous a few times, but I drank my water slowly, and didn't throw up again. I was able to keep up with Brad on a run and didn't take a nap. Maybe I had gotten a bug, after all. My period still hadn't arrived but I wasn't too worried. My boobs were sore so that meant it was coming.

Sunday afternoon Brad asked if I wanted to go get a new bra to replace the one he broke. I laughed loudly. I had forgotten all about it. "Sure, why not?", I said.

We went to the only lingerie store nearby and we each picked a few we liked. I went to try the first one on and it was crazy tight.  I tossed it aside and grabbed the next. That hurt so much trying to squeeze my boobs into it, I didn't bother clasping it. The third was the same. I rang for assistance.

"Has your sizing changed recently?", I asked the perky young salesgirl who showed up to help me.

"No but let's measure you. Maybe you've changed". She whipped out her measuring tape and deftly measured my chest. "I get 32DDD", she said. "What were you trying?"

"32DD", I answered, dismayed. "Why would I go up a size?" 

"Oh it happens all the time", she answered brightly. "Gaining weight, losing weight, pregnancy, post pregnancy, post nursing, age in general. You name it.  Do you want me to grab all these in that next size up?"

"Please", I answered. While I waited for her return, I scrutinized my body in the mirror. I didn't look like I had gained any weight but my abdomen did look bloated. I had noticed that a couple days ago and attributed it to PMS. Maybe it was fat?  I had read that stress hormones cause women to store fat around their midsection, and my stress level had been high lately.

Thanks, Steve. Broke my hand and made me fat.

The salesgirl came back with my bras, and I decided to get four, since obviously my others weren't going to fit anymore. Then I also asked her to additionally grab me a black and a nude of the one style I had liked best.

.............................................................................

Brad was sitting with the other husbands and boyfriends outside the fitting rooms messing with his phone. He brightened when he saw the handful of bras Paige walked out with. 

"You found one that worked?", he joked.

She looked troubled and didn't smile.

"I went up a size so nothing I have is going to fit anymore", she said quietly.

"Is that maybe why your boobs hurt?", he asked just as quietly.

Her hazel green eyes flashed as if a lightbulb had gone on. "Hey, maybe you're right. That would make sense. But whyyy?  I must be getting fat. That's the only explanation". She sighed. "I did notice my abdomen looked bloated. I must be gaining weight from stress. How disappointing".

"You're beautiful", he said, kissing her forehead. "You have nothing to worry about".

He snatched the bras from her and went to pay.

"Wait, Brad, I can't let you pay for all those", she protested. "That's going to be over two hundred dollars!"

"I got it", he smiled down at her.

"Brad, you said one, not six. This is too much".

"Stop, before you hurt my pride", he smiled at her, putting his arm around her waist as they got in line to check out.

She submitted and put her arm around him as well, leaning into his side.  He loved it when she did that.

"Well, I'll allow it if we count it as my birthday present", she said.

"Wait, what? When's your birthday?", Brad asked, surprised.

"Tuesday", she said.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?", he asked, baffled.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I've never really celebrated it. My mother never had a birthday party for me, ever. My foster families usually got me a cake and presents, but I didn't know their relatives enough to have them over for a party. I didn't have enough friends at school to celebrate that way. So I kinda forget about it".

Brad's heart was stabbed with pain for her lost childhood. His mother celebrated every birthday to the utmost for him, from age one until he went to prison. Even then she sent cards filled with descriptions of birthdays past and wishes for his future.

"That is not okay", he said. "We will celebrate. What do you want to do?"

Again, she shrugged. "It's not a big deal, Brad. I don't know what I want to do".

"Hmmmm", he said. "Well, we will figure something out".

"When is your birthday?", she asked.

"It happened two weeks before I met you", he replied. "You were my birthday wish come true".

She threw her head back and laughed wholeheartedly. He never tired of hearing her laugh.

...........................................................................

Brad cornered Andy on Monday, who had actually forgotten about Paige's birthday, and together they decided to take her and Kendra to a farm for a hayride, petting zoo, corn maze, and wood fire pizza.

On his lunch break, he sped out to the mall and grabbed a few things for Paige that he hoped she would love. He was listening when she made comments about not liking big, grand gestures; and about how she liked things that were meaningful and suited her personality. Thankfully, Brad also had been paying attention to her on Sunday, watching her as he always did, when they had been shopping together. He noticed the things she exclaimed over, the things she touched and lingered over, so he was pretty confident in his purchases.

.............................................................................

On my birthday, I woke up in Brad's arms. A perfect start to any day. He kissed me on the forehead.

"Good morning, beautiful", he said, "and happy birthday".

"Thanks", I replied. "So far so good". I snuggled in closer, not wanting to move, but my stomach growled so Brad laughed and rolled over.

"Any birthday breakfast requests?", he asked.

"I'm good with toast, yogurt, and coffee today", I replied with a smile.

"Okay, get ready", he said, turning and heading out of the room. Moving in his graceful way, and only wearing boxer briefs, he could have easily been an advertisement for underwear.

Waiting for me downstairs when I finally got there was not only the food I had requested but also a bag from the lingerie store we were just at.

I smiled but didn't peek. I assumed Brad wanted me to open it with him. When he came back downstairs, fully dressed in his normal daily attire of flannel and jeans, I smiled up at his handsome face. He was gorgeous no matter what his expression, but he currently looked light and happy. The teal and blue in his flannel really made his blue eyes stand out.

"Aren't you going to open it?", he greeted me, smiling.

"I figured you wanted me to wait for you", I said, reaching for the bag.

"Oh!", I said, stunned and touched when I pulled out the first thing I saw. A packaged set of impossibly light and soft thermal pajamas. Not tight and heavy like traditional thermals. They were pale lavender and I had been admiring them when we were shopping Sunday.

"They're the right size, too", I mused in wonder. "Brad, how thoughtful! I love them! Thank you!" I grabbed him and threw my arms around him.

He smiled and said nothing, looking at me expectantly.

I dug into the bag again. Something hard and relatively heavy was wrapped up in tissue paper. I carefully unwrapped it. A pumpkin latte scented candle! I had been ooohing and aaahing over this on Sunday, too! I laughed out loud, impressed by his attention to detail.

"Brad, thank you so much!", I said. "I love this smell!"

"I noticed", he said, smiling down at my enthusiasm. "There's one more", he said, gesturing to the bag.

I looked again. There was another bunch of tissue paper which I thought was filler in the bag. I grabbed it and something squishy was definitely inside. I unwrapped a white and teal plaid square scarf that I had been admiring on our way out of the mall.

"Ooooooh, Brad, seriously...how did you notice and remember all this?" I flung my arms around him.

"I watch you, babe", he replied. "That's it. You. I watch you, I study you, I try to understand you. I'm fascinated by you. So I was paying attention".

"Wow", I breathed. "I'm really lucky".

"Yes, you are", he teased, smiling.

.............................................................................

It was chilly but warm enough in the sun to only need a sweater or sweatshirt. Excellent conditions for an outdoor autumn activity. The trees had been slowly changing color, and with the recent overnight lows, the colors had really taken off. Vibrant orange, bright yellow, and scarlet red dotted the landscapes everywhere they looked.

Brad was watching Paige. He loved how she could get excited about the smallest things. She exclaimed about pumpkins and decorations, she threw her arms around goats, and told horses she loved them. Underneath it all, though, he could see a paleness to her face that made the spattering of freckles stand out, and shadows under her eyes that were dark and persistent.

By the time they got through all the activities, it was dark. They took the last available hayride and Brad was troubled as Paige continued to lean against him more and more. She was tired. 

Then she shivered once and Brad tightened his arm around her, squeezing her against his side.  She had on an emerald green chunky sweater, which he loved with her eyes, but apparently it wasn't enough.

At the end of the ride, he helped her down and then told Andy and Kendra, "We're going to head home. Paige is tired".

Kendra nodded her head sympathetically. "You do look tired, plus we all need to work tomorrow".

"I've got a present for you in the car", Andy said.

In the parking lot, Andy pulled out a cooler with a pumpkin flavored cheesecake in it. Paige laughed really hard.

"Awww, thanks, guys!", she said. "I love it!"

"Happy birthday, little sister", Andy said, giving her a hug.

"Happy Birthday", Kendra said, hugging her and then Brad.

"Thanks for inviting us", she said to Brad. "I had a blast".

"Thanks for coming", he said.

On the way home, Paige rested her head against the window, and was half asleep when they arrived.

...........................................................................

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