Our first rental viewing wasn't until ten, so I figured I'd get some housework done right away in the morning while Steve and Brad worked outside. I allowed myself to sleep in until seven then threw on a sports bra, an old faded sleeveless shirt, and short frayed light colored denim shorts. I didn't usually cook breakfast for us on the weekends.

Steve was downstairs, cheerful, with yard plans in his future as he headed out to get his tools organized. As I got myself some quick breakfast and coffee, Brad came downstairs, and I offered to cook for him, but he politely decided I needed a break and he would stick with toast.

I warned him what Steve had in mind and Brad said he was fine with that.

"Alrighty, well I'm going to be in here cleaning", I said, plugging earbuds into my phone, turning on my music app, and dropping my phone into my back pocket. I started laundry and began hauling out cleaning supplies from the laundry room. I hit the upstairs bathroom first. About a half hour later, I was hauling everything out to bring it to the downstairs bathroom.

Steve caught my eye at the top of the stairs. I pulled out an earbud as he motioned for me.

"Brad and I need to do a run for wood chips", he informed me.

"Okay, great!", I said and stuck my earbud back in to head downstairs.

I started cleaning in the downstairs bathroom. I got the sink done then checked to see if they had left yet. Yep, the garage was open and Steve's truck was gone.

Yaaassssssss!

I did not get the house completely to myself very often, and something that is very therapeutic to my soul is singing and dancing. It had the same effect on the rest of me that the fire whiskey had on my body. The tension would literally melt away.

However, since being Jay's stage puppet, the thought of singing in front of others makes me queasy. I actually think I might throw up if I tried. Thus, Steve had only accidentally heard me sing once in the shower, and from then on, I would only do it when I was alone.

Singing, and music in general, were the ways I knew to get in touch with my soul and feel through my feelings. I loved songs from almost every single genre. The type of music didn't matter to me as long as it had soul. If it touched me, hit a memory thread, made me feel, or expressed something for me, that was a song I could get behind. R&B, 70s, Country, Hip Hop, Dance, Classic Rock, Alternative- you name it, I probably had it in my playlist.

I pulled out my earbuds and plugged my portable speaker into my phone instead, cranking the volume it as loud as it would go.

I found one of my favorite heart-wrenching, unique, passionate songs, and started belting it out. I really bared my soul as I scrubbed the toilet. It was so cathartic...and productive.

You're broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can't find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
Move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains

And I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up and I'll do it thousand times again

And I'll rise up
High like the waves
I'll rise up in spite of the ache
I'll rise up and I'll do it a thousand times again
For you, you, you, you
For you, you, you, you
For you, for you

When the silence isn't quiet
And it feels like it's getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we'll take the world to its feet

Move mountains
Bring it to it's feet
Move mountains

And I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up and I'll do it thousand times again
For you, you, you, you
For you, you, you, you
For you, for you

All we need
All we need is
Hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other

We will rise
We will rise
Oh we will rise, ohhhhh
We'll rise

I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousand times again

And we'll rise up
Rise like the waves
We'll rise up
In spite of the ache
We'll rise up and we'll do it a thousand times again

For you, you, you, you
For you, you, you, you
For you, for you...

Next up was a fun country song which helped me get through cleaning the bathroom floor, and then I moved everything out of there and started sweeping the downstairs.

Dance music from when I partied every weekend in the biggest clubs- I couldn't not dance to that. Steve has cameras all over the house, but as far as I know, he doesn't watch the footage...hopefully anyway. Who would have time or care to do that? He really only has them for in case there was a break-in.

I was really working up a sweat. I was dancing more than I was sweeping.

Another song to sing to then another to dance to. I was on fire today. It felt good to be alone and let off steam, immersed in the rhythm and lyrics of my own little world. I barely noticed Steve coming up the porch in time to stop dancing then I quickly turned my music way down as he strode in the front door to the bottom of the stairs.

"Okay, Brad, I'm back!", he hollered up the stairs.

I felt like I got punched in the stomach. A sickening feeling spread from my stomach to my chest. I couldn't breathe and my chest hurt.

BRAD WAS HERE THIS WHOLE TIME?!?

My brain literally couldn't comprehend the gravity of that. Brad sauntered downstairs, a smug look on his face.

"You were here?", I gasped out.

Steve looked at me. "Oh, you had your earbuds in when I left. Sorry, you must not have heard. Well, that's okay, hun, you didn't need to entertain him. He didn't feel like going".

I looked at Brad and asked, "So, what were you doing this whole time then?"

"Listening to music", Brad replied, with a mischievous grin and a twinkle in his eye.

I wanted to punch him directly in his gorgeous face.

...........................................................................

Brad didn't feel like going to the home improvement store with Steve, so he decided to straighten up the room he had used and return Steve's clothes to his own room. He hadn't been upstairs more than five minutes when he jumped at music blasting from downstairs. He smiled, amused at Paige waiting until Steve was out of sight to be loud.

Then he heard singing that really took him off guard. That was good. Was that Paige? No, that was the song. Wait...it couldn't be. He left his room and started for the stairs. Every step he took got clearer and now he could tell the difference. He whipped out his phone impulsively and started recording.

She was amazing! As good as, maybe even better than, the singer herself. He crept to the top of the stairs and tried to peek down but couldn't see her. She was in the bathroom, he thought. He didn't want to come down and disturb her.

He kept recording as she sang the next song too, and then got brave on the third and crept downstairs. He peeked around the corner and was shocked and impressed with her dancing as well.

Damn.

At this point he felt like maybe he shouldn't be watching but he literally couldn't stop. This was hot. She had moves and he wondered how she learned to dance like that.

He pulled his phone out and recorded her singing another song. It was impressive to see the visual along with the vocals for this one. She got absolutely lost in the song, really let herself go, eyes closed and moving with the music.

When she started dancing again at the next one, he scooted upstairs because her sweep-dancing was moving her toward him.

When Steve came in and yelled up to him, Brad was smugly satisfied to see the mortified look on her face as he came back downstairs.

Gotcha, he thought. He was pleased he had gotten a glimpse into her private world, and while he didn't intend to do her any harm with that knowledge, he was not above teasing her with it for a bit.

.............................................................................

As they left for the first rental at a townhouse, Paige fumed at him as she drove.

"I cannot believe you did that to me!", she choked out. "I am so embarrassed I could die!"

Indeed, her face was such a shade of burgundy, death seemed a realistic possibility.

"You know you have musical A.D.D., right?", he chuckled. "I think I heard every genre in fifteen minutes".

"You didn't tell Steve, did you?", she choked out, sounding strangled.

"Now why would I go and do that?", Brad smirked.

"Why would you go and spy on me and let me make a fool of myself without stopping me?", she retorted. Her voice broke at the end and she looked near tears.

"Pull over", Brad told her quietly.

"No, we'll be late", she ignored him.

"Pull. Over.", he repeated calmly.

She glanced at him, tears glistening in her beautiful eyes, then complied.  She parked, then turned to him, an accusatory look on her face.

"I was upstairs straightening the room and I heard the most beautiful voice I've ever heard...", he stopped and cupped her chin, turning her face back to look at him, as she had sighed in disbelief and turned away, "so I had to go check. I couldn't tell if it was you or the song, but as I got closer I could tell the difference. I had to keep listening. It was amazing. You are amazing! Why would you care if someone heard?"

She shook her head and pushed his hand away.

"I don't sing in public anymore. I can't".

"What do you mean anymore?", he asked, curious where this was going.

"Are you sure you want to hear all this right now?", she asked him, searching his face. "It's not a pleasant story".

He didn't break eye contact, but lifted his eyebrows expectantly and waited.

She started. "Jay was running for State Senate. He needed powerful, rich supporters. I became a tool to help him win support".

She was staring out the windshield at nothing, reciting the information without emotion.

"I met him on campus. He was there, having a rally for the students. I thought he made a lot of really good points and I was enthusiastic enough about his campaign to talk with him after about volunteer work. That was my first interest in politics, and I was caught up in the idea of changing the world for the better. I was young and naive, and that's before I knew politicians were really self-serving businessmen, not actually in it to make the world a better place".

"I didn't even know the difference between the political parties then, and for what he wanted from me I didn't need to. I was very young, enthusiastic, and pretty. He snatched me right up and got me set with an official paid internship, in as close of quarters to him as possible. It wasn't long before he started wooing me, and I didn't see through it at first. I was flattered and overwhelmed with the experiences of being showered with gifts and chauffeured to expensive restaurants in evening gowns. It was like a fairy tale. The thing is, every fairy tale has a villian....".

She checked Brad's face and he tried to make it as neutral as possible.

"Looking back, I know I saw the red flags when they popped up but I pretended not to. He wanted me to flirt with potential supporters and gain their approval. I did. I can be quite charming when I want to be. I talked myself into thinking I was helping his cause. One area in particular kept driving me forward- children. Investing in school curriculums and providing more funding to foster care. I had been in foster care myself, as you know".

She broke eye contact again.

"Once, he heard me sing karaoke at one of the bars we were at, and from then on, I was campaign entertainment. Regardless if I had expected to sing at campaign fundraisers or parties, if he spontaneously decided that he wanted me to, I had to do it. It started out okay, when I had planned out the songs and practiced, but it was terrifying when he would just pick a song and shove me out there in front of hundreds of people, sometimes televised".

Brad felt his body tensing up.

"The first time he did it, I was really pissed. I didn't say anything until we were in the car. I told him he better never do that to me again, and that was the first time I clearly saw who he really was. He grabbed me by the throat and slammed my head against the window and told me what would happen if I ever threatened him again. So what did I do? Did I remove myself from the situation? Nope", she shook her head ruefully, "I forgave him the next day because he came over with flowers and apologies. I hid the bruises on my neck and told myself he slipped under the pressure of the spotlight".

Brad was breathing heavily. He wanted to get his hands on this man.

"That continued on and on until I started to hate singing.  I don't do it now for anyone but myself. I actually feel sick if I think about singing in front of others, like I want to throw up. I think there's too many bad memories attached to it".

She turned her eyes to Brad, sparkling mostly emerald in the sunlight.

"Does that explain it?", she asked.

He nodded.

"Can I drive?"

He nodded again.

............................................................................

I wasn't sure I should have included the details of Jay putting his hands on me but it just kinda came out as I was talking. I knew how fiercely Brad had reacted when Steve accidentally squeezed my chin too hard, so I probably should have had that in mind with my story.

Brad looked angry, and was very quiet, but that wasn't out of character for him. I did notice more of a scowl on his face than normal, and he was looking out the window, so I figured I had upset him. That detail of Jay grabbing me by the throat seemed minor compared to countless other incidents, including the last one which finally allowed me to break free.

I hadn't really talked to anyone about many details because I found it made people unnecessarily uncomfortable. Andrew knew the most because he was present during all of my questioning from police and detectives when they were trying to find and arrest Jay. Also because during Jay's trail I had to testify against him, and Andy stuck with me like glue through all of that, even paying all my legal fees.

I broke the silence with Brad. "You know", I began, "I wouldn't want to go through that relationship again for anything but I am glad it happened. If it hadn't, I wouldn't have met Andy and found out that I had a brother. I wouldn't have changed my career path and ended up finding something that suits me much better. I wouldn't have met Steve, which means that I wouldn't have met you. I found out a lot of things about myself and the world, and I wouldn't be who I am now if I hadn't gone through it".

Brad turned to me, raw anger in his blue eyes. "I can appreciate all of that, but if I ever get the opportunity, I will not hesitate to kill him". 

He said it so calmly and so confidently that I had no doubt he could, and would, do just that. The hairs stood up on my arms with a little chill, even though it was still 70 degrees out.

.............................................................................

Brad and Paige were on their fourth rental appointment, which was a little one-story house downtown, about twenty minutes from work.

"Oh, I like this one!", Paige exclaimed, before they even got out of 'The Go-Cart', as Brad had affectionately started referring to her little car.  "This feels right. You get the whole place to yourself and you have a yard, too. Although you will probably be responsible for lawn care and snow removal, so you'll have to decide if that's worth it for you".

"I don't mind doing that", Brad said.

The landlady who showed them around was retired and very friendly. Her son kept up on the maintenance of the property when things needed repair, but she said she was the owner and always interviewed her tenants herself.  As she was showing them around, Paige kept commenting on what he could use various rooms for and kinds of furniture that would fit well where.

The landlady picked up on Paige's consistency in saying "you" instead of "we", and asked her, "Aren't you going to be spending enough time here to do the decorating for him?"

Paige glanced at Brad, seemingly amused at her nosiness, and said, "Oh, I don't know".

"Well, how long have you two been together, about five years?", she asked.

Paige laughed and Brad smiled at her. "We met on Wednesday", Paige said, looking delighted at the shock that instilled on the woman's kind face.

"You're kidding me!!!", she exclaimed, laughing as well. "Well, when you know, you know...and you two just fit. I knew with my Artie. We were in love within a week and we were married three months later. We were together forty years until I lost him to cancer. We have three grown children and seven grandchildren. I am so thankful I got to have him as long as I did. Some people never meet the love of their life, and spend all their time miserable with the wrong person", she ended a little teary-eyed.

Paige had her hand pressed against her heart and looked stricken, tears also welling up in her eyes.

"You gotta trust it", the woman continued. "Marriage isn't easy, but when it's the right fit, you don't feel like you're swimming against the current, even when things get tough".

When they had finished looking and asking questions, Brad got all the necessary paperwork and let her know they had two more places to stop at, but he would let her know by tomorrow if he wanted to proceed.

..........................................................................

We got in the car and dug out the address to the next location.

"Oh that's only eight minutes away, and we have forty minutes still", I realized, checking the maps app on my phone.

"I know what we can do while we wait", Brad said, getting right back out. "Come on", he said and started off back toward the house.

I reluctantly followed him. I didn't know if I was going to like what he was up to. His tendency to get me out of my comfort zone was unnerving.

He walked purposefully with his loping strides to the backyard and looked around. There were houses on either side, which weren't very close for in being in town, and there was a wooded lot behind. He extended his hand to me and I took it, wondering what he was doing.

"Why don't you replace your negative memories of performing with positive ones, so you can continue to do something you love? Do you think that would work?", he asked, looking down at me expectantly.

I considered it. "I suppose so, but I don't see how to get to that point because in order to make the memories, I have to do them, and then we go right back to performance PTSD".

His eyes lit up as I gave him a lead-in for his idea. "You can sing for me, just for me, to start- and then slowly add more people".

I instantly felt nauseous. My stomach did a flip.

"Brad, I literally felt sick thinking about that", I cringed, placing both hands over my stomach.

He stepped close to me and turned me by my shoulders, so my back was against his chest. He  pulled me against him and gently placed both his hands over mine on top of my stomach. 

He said quietly, "I've already heard you do it, and I think you are incredibly talented, so you have nothing to worry about".

"Yes, but I didn't know you were listening", I argued. "I wasn't paying attention to the quality and the details, I was just singing for fun".

"I don't know if I'd be able to tell the difference anyway, but if I could, I'd say I preferred fun".

He waited while I thought.

"Paige, don't let him steal this from you. Don't stop doing something you love because of someone else". 

He was so wise. I hesitated.

"We've got forty minutes. You might as well give me a five minute song", he said softly next to my ear. I felt very comfortable in his arms. Like I belonged there.

"I wouldn't know what to sing", I protested.

"Close your eyes", he said gently. I did.

"Now be aware of where you are and everything around you. What's the first song that comes to you? Go with that".

I breathed deeply and tried to relax.

Then I opened my eyes and tried to escape.  "I can't do this".

He didn't even flinch. "Try again".

I leaned back against him and closed my eyes and tried to relax. I was now very aware of his hands on my stomach, as I had pulled my own away while struggling. I felt the warm fall sunshine on my head, face, and bare shoulders; not blazing hot like the summer, but a cozy, perfect warmth.

Ah, a song did pop into my head, darn him!  Oh, but this was maybe too corny for him.

"A song came to me", I informed him.

"Sing it", he said quietly.

"It's kinda silly", I said. "I don't know if you'll like it".

He chuckled softly. "This isn't about me. It's about you.  You".

Oh.

That hadn't registered at all. I didn't like this much but I was willing to try for him. He had logical points and he had already heard me. My cheeks blazed again in mortification.

I took a couple deep breaths and started uncertainly and softly.

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry

I stopped and opened my eyes. "Brad, I don't think-".

"Sing", he cut me off, giving me a little squeeze.

I sighed and continued.

Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always gets me high

If I had a day that I could give to you
I'd give you a day just like today

I started to feel the song and moved into it, and started singing it for Brad.

If I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always gets me high

If I had a tale that I could tell you
I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile

If I had a wish that I could wish for you
I'd make a wish for sunshine all the while

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always gets me high

Sunshine...almost always...gets me high

I stopped. It was so quiet. I could feel the calm pressure of Brad's hands.  I could feel the warmth of his chest against my back. I could feel the warmth of the sun on my skin and I could hear birds chittering in the trees. It was so peaceful, and I didn't feel stressed or sick at all. It had been such a simple song, but one that fit the moment, and I felt it. Feeling the song is always the most important factor to me, so maybe that's what I needed. Maybe this moment and that song were exactly what I needed.

"How do you feel?", he asked quietly.

"Calm", I answered truthfully, eyes still closed.

He let go of me and gently turned me by my shoulders to face him.

He laid his palm against my cheek and looked at me, eyes intense. "I knew you could do it. I could listen to you sing forever". 

He smiled. "I liked the song".

I didn't want to but I gently took his hand away.  "Brad, we really can't keep doing these things".

His expression clouded a bit.  "What things, why?"

"You know what I'm talking about", I said pointedly. "We're riding a very fine line here and it wouldn't take much to accidentally cross over it".

He looked slightly mollified but objected, "It's not like we're kissing".

"Brad", I said, shocked at the reality of what just popped into my head, "that moment together...with that song...that was more intimate than any kiss I've ever had!"

He was already only standing a foot from me but he closed that distance with one fluid movement, wrapping one arm around my waist and pulling me tightly against him while his other hand caught the side my face and held it as he kissed me. It happened so fast, I didn't see it coming, and I think I was in shock for a second.

I only froze for a second and then I started kissing him back. I didn't mean to. I lost my rational mind and was temporarily caught up in him. There was no thinking.

His hand was in my hair, I was squeezed against him, and I found my hand on the back of his neck. 

I couldn't stop and I couldn't breathe. My heart felt like it was going to rip through my chest. I finally, reluctantly, pulled my face away and rested my forehead on his chest. He had one hand in my hair and one on the bare skin on my lower back, up inside my shirt. He was trembling slightly, and I could feel his heart pounding against my forehead as wildly as mine was.

We stood there, calming ourselves for several minutes before he quietly released me, kissed me on my forehead, and took my hand. He started walking back to the car.

"When are you going to leave him?", he asked quietly, not looking at me.

"Soon", I replied.

"Sooner than two weeks?", he ventured.

"Yeah".

...........................................................................

They looked at the last two properties because Paige said they had to but Brad wasn't interested. He called the landlady of the little house back before they were even at the next location and told her he would take it.  She planned to meet him there tomorrow morning to sign the lease. Paige and Steve could bring him home tonight as planned. He could drive back Sunday with a load of things that he needed, easily make it through the week there, then move the rest the following weekend. He didn't have much and his current apartment was tiny.

Yes, that house was right for him. That would forever be the first place he had kissed Paige. He really hadn't meant to. He didn't want to hurt Steve, and he didn't want Paige to be burdened with guilt, as he knew she was. But it was all too much for him to resist. Every man had a weakness and he had found his.

That moment had touched his heart so deeply. Not only that she gave in and sang for him, but what she sang, how she sang it...and most importantly, that she trusted him to navigate her through this very vulnerable area of her life.

The sunshine, her body against his, her glittering emerald eyes. It was all too much.

He had no regrets.

The only thing he felt badly about was how guilty she was feeling, but he reasoned, maybe this was the push she needed to stop dragging her feet and just do it. She hadn't wanted to be with Steve for at least three months, probably longer, but she was scared to hurt him. Now she was going to hurt him worse if she didn't go soon because obviously the two of them couldn't stop what they were doing. Neither wanted to resist badly enough to try harder than they had, so things were escalating quickly.

Now that he had crossed the line, he wasn't about to go back, so as she was driving, he wasn't shy about having his hand resting on her bare thigh. He literally never wanted to be without touching her again. It's not even about sex, he thought randomly, it's just about being with her.

...........................................................................

Steve was cleaned up from a full day of yard work and about to call Paige to get the game plan for the rest of the night when they pulled up.

He had been really focused on what he was doing, and hadn't been thinking about anything much all day, which is why he enjoyed physically exerting tasks so much. They gave him a workout and helped him relax.

He had felt a little unsettled overall since Brad came back. Yes, he was grateful for an opportunity to reconcile, and yes, he was glad his friend had a chance to move closer so they could see more of each other, but something felt off at times and he wasn't sure what was bothering him.

Paige had been difficult lately, too, but that seemed to have gotten resolved. They had connected better the last couple days, he thought. Brad's advice about her needing him to be strong had resonated with him and he vowed to be that more often for her.

Paige filled him in on everything and so they decided to start out right away to bring Brad home.  They would stop to eat along the way and Steve would drive.

............................................................................

"I need to grab a sweatshirt and go to the bathroom", I said, starting up the stairs.

"Why don't you put on some shorts that are longer than your underwear, too?", Steve asked, sounding annoyed. "And what happened to your hair? It looks like a bird flew through it".

I stopped, instantly pissed, but then remembered what did happen to my hair and felt my cheeks start turning red.

I froze and Brad spoke up. "It really doesn't matter what she wears, you know", he said calmly to Steve. "Men are going to stare at her regardless".

Steve's head whipped around. "What the hell's that s'posed to mean?"

"Well", Brad explained cooly, completely unphased by Steve's reaction, "she's gorgeous and she can't help that. If she wore sweats and left her hair like that, she's going to appeal to one type of man. If she was wearing an evening gown, she would appeal to another. Leather biker gear, another. She would look good in a feed bag".

He looked at me, a little mischievous twinkle in his eye. "So, what I'm saying is, you shouldn't worry so much about what she's wearing because it ultimately isn't going to make a difference".

Wow.

I almost fell over. Steve was just staring at him, speechless.

"Well, Steve, take note", I said smugly, "because that is how you give a girl a compliment".

...........................................................................

The ride back from dropping off Brad at his work to get his truck was unnaturally quiet. Steve was still grumpy about Brad and Paige ganging up on him before they left.

When they were about halfway home, Steve ventured a topic.

"Paige, can we decide on a date?"

She sighed. "I don't want to talk about this tonight".

"Then when? You never want to talk about it. At least pick a season and we'll start there. We can't plan anything until we have a date".

She was silent and looked out the window at the darkness.

"I don't understand you lately", he grumbled. "You're normally 'obsessive planner' but when it comes to this, you don't want to plan anything at all".

He wasn't going to drop it. Persistence with Paige had worked in his favor in the past so why not now?

"Do you want a big wedding, a small wedding, just the courthouse, or a destination wedding?"  He waited.

Crickets.

"Paige, give me SOMETHING!", he exploded.

"My brain isn't open to processing that right now", she replied. "I can't think about it".

"Fine. Let's change the topic then. Why don't you wear your ring? You've had three months to get it sized. That should have been plenty of time".

"IT'S NOT THE WRONG SIZE, you idiot!!!", she absolutely screamed at him and he jumped slightly. "You do not listen to me when I talk! At all! I've told you several times I just don't like it! It's not me.  But you wouldn't know that because you have no idea who I am".

"What's that supposed to mean? What do you mean you don't like it? Why didn't you tell me right away? Isn't that a little high maintenance to not wear an engagement ring because it's not good enough for you?"  He was insulted and fuming.

"You still aren't listening!", Paige shrieked at him. "It doesn't fit who I am! The stone is too big! It's as wide as my finger is!  It's not because it's not good enough!"

"Fine. I'll try to return it", Steve said, angrily.

The rest of the ride was silent again.

.............................................................................

* Want Paige to leave Steve? Better vote! ;-) *