U.to.pi.a
/yo͞oˈtōpēə/

noun
place or state that exists only in the imagination, where everything is perfect.

*****

🔸🔸🔸

"C'mon, Kate. Just watch me, okay? Promise, I'll stop once I'm satisfied with my form—"

"That's the thing, Sammy! I've been telling you how good your routine is for like an hour already, but you're still not satisfied! You're perfect bruh, trust me, okay?" Kate said, rising from the bench and moving towards the rink with a pair of sneakers in her hands.

Samuel then sighed in defeat. He knew that Kate meant well, she always did, but Samuel couldn't help it. Yes, he was one of the best in their school—in the whole state even, but that didn't mean he was incapable of feeling nervous—that didn't stop him from striving for more.

"Mark Hamilton will be here any minute from now, and you know that I can't mess this up, Kate. I need to make an impression, leave a mark. You know I'll hear from umma if she doesn't hear my name from Hamilton's mouth later once we're done." Samuel tried to reason out because he knew that Kate would understand. Kate knew his mother—just like everyone did.

__________________

In the United States, a country where Asians and sports are not often intertwined in the popular imagination, figure skating can fairly now be considered plainly as an Asian-American sport. Asians make up around seven percent of the American population but have become vividly over-represented in ice rinks and competitions at every level, from coast to coast.

Gradually, they have transformed a sport that, until the nineties, was almost uniformly white. They have infused competitions with music that draws from their Asian heritage and bolstered a pipeline that could solidify their hold on the sport.

Amid the various factors behind this phenomenon, almost every Asian-American skater mentions being inspired by a chain of early pioneers. And so was the case with the nineteen-year-old figure ice skater Samuel Jeon, son of the world-renowned ice skater, Jeon Hye-jin. The once world's most dominant skater, Hye-Jin roared the World championship title twenty years ago, winning by more than twenty one points over a talent stacked field of established champions and polished newcomers with a mesmerizing long program that included five quadruple jumps and a pair of triples.

Korean International skating competition, U.S. Figure Skating Championship, Four Continents Figure skating championship; she had carved her name on almost everything.

Just when Hye-jin was at the peak of her success, she had Lisa Jeon, and that changed her life forever. She left her passion for her baby girl, but it was her second child who then went on to follow the steps of his mother.

Samuel Jeon had been skating all his life, though if you'd ask him if it's his dream, he wouldn't be able to answer that. As the son of the world champion Jeon Hye-jin, skating wasn't a dream for Samuel, because he didn't need to chase it—it was handed to him; it always had been within his reach.

He didn't need to chase it—he already had it, but he still had to work hard for it.

In figure skating, just like dancing, hard work doesn't stop; it never will—that is until a skater loses his wings.

____________________

"I know Sammy, but listen, you'll be fine—no you'll be perfect as always. You got this, alright? Just get here and rest for a while, you've been at it for so long and we don't want Mark Hamilton to see the exhausted, worn-out version of you, right?" Kate gently dragged Samuel out of the rink, sitting beside him on the floor.

"R-right... You're right. I got this," Samuel said, taking a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. It was not every day that Mark Hamilton, his mother's apprentice, also last year's Grand Prix Final Champion, would visit their school and shortlist God knows how many of them that he believed deserve to join the upcoming U.S. National Figure Skating Championship in Nashville, Tennessee. An inter-state level competition in a few months from now—and Samuel needed to make it. He needed to bag a role, then the gold, move to World Championships or maybe Olympics, and hopefully win that too.

He needed it.
He was hungry for it.
That's why he'd give it his all—for this.

"That's what I'm talking about... now smile, yeah? Breathe in... good, then smile. Perfect." Kate cupped his cheeks, smiling all relieved when Samuel's face lit up a bit, now smiling back at her.

Perfect.

Yes, that's what Samuel wanted to hear. Perfect.
Nothing more, nothing less.

Just as the two friends were helping each other calm their nerves before the audition, the door burst open and a group of ice skaters entered the stadium, the room bustling with their excited chatter.

"Tsk, damn Wong really has to be here, huh?" Samuel mumbled under his breath, making Kate giggle silently beside him.

"Pfft, yeah, like where else would he be, babe? Y'know you can't get rid of him—yes, even if you glare at him all day," Kate said, referring to Justin, who had been attending the same skating school with them since childhood years up to now, here in Boston, taking up skating.

"He's so annoying, a pest, really." Samuel rolled his eyes at Justin who also shot him a glare before stripping off his hoodie.

"A very good one, actually. Pfft... don't mind me and Rose, we already had our time last year, so if anything, Wong might be the only one you need to watch out for today. He's good, Sammy—and you know it," Kate said, not bothering being blunt because everyone knew how good of a skater Justin Wong was.

"Still not better than me, though?" Samuel raised an eyebrow at his best friend.

"Hmm... well, that's true," Kate replied, nodding in agreement, because yes, it's a fact that Justin was good, but sans any bias, Kate knew Samuel was definitely beyond good— because Samuel Jeon never aimed for being just good. Just like Kate; they were best friends after all.

"Still, I'm not better than you, Kate. You and Rose basically earned your spots for your solos, because of last year's gold," Samuel said, referring to Rosalina and Katherine's win at the Junior Grand Prix last year. While Samuel? Let's say he didn't make it because of one clumsy accident that almost cost him his whole life. And by life, he meant his career.

But things were different now. His ankle was all healed and now he was back to earn a spot, no matter what category or role it was.

"Tch, you know it would've been you if not because of that—"

"Let's not talk about that, Kate. We both know you deserve it too. You and Rose both." Samuel smiled, patting Kate's shoulder as he stood up. Once again he put on his skates and got in position in the rink.

"Ugh, really, you." Kate sighed, watching Samuel get back on the blades without even having five minutes of rest.

_______________________

A few moments later, their coach, Reese Parker came in, banging the glass door behind him as he stepped into the hall, clapping his hands twice; signaling the skaters to get into position—back stretched, chin up, like a proud swan ready to take a flight. From an outsider's point of view, it was probably funny to see a bunch of people looking almost identical in their skin-tight garments while standing and breathing the same way, but for someone who knows skating, Samuel was confident they were spotless. Spotless as they should be—spotless except for one...

Justin Wong, scratching the back of his neck with his constant brazen-faced look.

"I thought I told you to get in position, Justin?" Their coach said, now standing in front of the former.

"Yeah, I know, sir. But I also thought Mr. Hamilton will be joining us today? I don't see him though? Why? Change of plans?" Justin said, sounding so casual that Samuel had to roll his eyes, keeping his position still.

"Excited, aren't we? Why? Are you that confident you'll be picked?" Mr. Parker raised a brow at his student who passed him a cheeky grin.

"Tch, indeed. Mark Hamilton will be here—just not today, though. His flight got delayed so there have been a few changes, but he'll be here by tomorrow. Also, he'll be judging you all individually. One by one. Eight of you will be picked to master his choreography, then six will be chosen to compete at the Nationals this year. So let's not waste any more time, shall we?" Mr. Parker explained while Justin got in his position, finally.

*Now playing: Bad guy: Vitamin String Quartet*

"Hold your back inside edge... push forward. Keep your body centered and strong. Yeah... spin, just like that. Now the half-circle pumps... squeeze your arms and feet to the center of your body... spin faster. Now the one-foot spin—first do the half circle entrance, lift your leg, find your balance... spin to the right, lift your left leg, now do the opposite. Faster... Faster... Faster..." The skating coach's voice echoed all over the skating arena of the indoor stadium, hands on his back as he eyed them one after the another, slightly correcting them as they go.

Samuel then steadied his breath, emptying his mind to let his body do the work. Like a leaf floating freely on water, following the flow mindlessly—he moved.

He could feel it. He could feel his own body take over him and his soul as he swallowed everything in his thoughts, for his mother often told him that it's all in the mind. The pain that comes in his legs as his muscles stretch and burn if he's being torn apart, toes jammed in his skates, leaving him with blisters and bruises over his skin under the tight clothing he was wearing. It didn't matter, for what's important was how he wouldn't let it show.

He should be nothing but graceful.

Flawless.

Perfect.

"Nice form, Samuel, keep it up," his coach said, making a small smile appear on the boy's face. He didn't hear him say that he's perfect, but it's fine. Mr. Parker never said the word perfect, unless he's talking about Samuel's mother, and Samuel knew he was not there yet—no, still not yet...

"That's good, now do it again—hah! 'Perfect'!" Samuel's smile then quickly faded to a frown, his speed dropping, because that definitely didn't sound right.

Perfect? Did Mr. Parker just say the word perfect?

To whom?

Yeah, right...

Justin Wong.

Great.

"Sammy... " Samuel heard Kate say, glancing at him from the side with a concerned look on her face, while Samuel's lips quivered a bit, forcing a smile as he got back in position.

"Hmm? W-why? It's fine babe... I'm fine— always." Samuel took another deep breath, but this time feeling the air stab him like blades buried in the chest.

___________________

Steam escaped as soon as Samuel opened his bathroom door after his shower. His body felt sore, but there was nothing new about that anymore.

"Seriously? How could coach call that careless, arrogant little shit perfect?" Samuel asked himself, eyes closed as he tried to memorize his routine for the next day.

He knew that he should be sleeping by now, getting enough rest and energy to wow Mark Hamilton by tomorrow; but he just couldn't stop thinking. Samuel had known his skating coach Reese Parker through his mother since he was a child and never did he hear that man compliment anyone as he did with Justin Wong earlier, except for when he was complimenting—yeah, his mother.

So why?

It was just a simple routine. There was nothing new to it. They had been doing it every day for the past two weeks. It was just a warm-up for God's sake! So how good was Justin exactly for him to impress their picky and strict figure skating coach earlier?

How?

How, when Justin rarely followed the routine? He always added his useless tricks and unnecessary spins, that always stuck out like a sore thumb compared to the uniform movements of their class?

How did it work for him when figure ice skating is all about calculated and clean execution. Every spin, every jump, even how they breathe should be calculated to achieve a flawless performance.

Samuel had known Justin since they were probably seven. Kate, Rose, and Sammy had attended the same school since they were five; Justin came two years later and wreaked havoc when he started to skate.

Don't get him wrong, Samuel wasn't denying that Justin was indeed a good skater. As someone from his community and also a fellow classmate, he respected and admitted Justin was talented, alright? He was flexible, graceful, and all; he tend to capture everyone's eyes, and Samuel hated him for that. He hated how Justin didn't even try but always ended up standing out—that's why whenever the latter made a mistake, that stood out as well; ruining others' performance.

The racy boy often disrupted the team's balance every time they performed in groups or duos, and that made Samuel think that Justin Wong was just not made to skate with anyone. His way of skating had always been lawless.

But if there's one episode that stuck with Samuel the most, which involved Justin was when they were twelve. Justin offered to test his lifting skills with him; promising him that he mastered the technique, and Samuel was naive enough to believe him. So Samuel hesitantly but generously placed his trust in him. After all, he didn't despise Justin from the start.

Justin broke it though.

As a group of boys came in running towards the hall, Justin panicked and dropped Samuel on the ice with a large thud. The next thing Samuel knew, he was in an ambulance, blood all over his face; Kate and Rose crying on his side while Parker was calling his mother and there was no sign of Justin being around. Samuel missed two months of practice after that, not to forget, the competition he was preparing for as well.

Truth be told, the pain was okay. Being hospitalized was also okay—what's not okay was the look on his mother's face while Samuel was lying on the hospital bed. She looked at him as if he had committed an utter sin, as if he was a big disappointment. And for Samuel, his mother's eyes that day were a nightmare in flesh.

"You're supposed to be perfect." That's what he heard her say.

It was a nightmare indeed, and Justin Wong was to be blamed for it; but Samuel never heard him apologize for causing the fall, even once. Instead, the boy continued with his weird antics and pretended as if he didn't almost cost Samuel his life.

_________________

Samuel was now standing naked except for a towel hanging loosely on his hips, in front of his full-length mirror, staring at his reflection. His eyes were empty, skin pale and sick. His lips were chapped, and bruises and blisters were covering his legs and feet. There was a sudden knock on his door, but he ignored it.

"H-hah... whatever perfect means," Samuel spit out under his breath with a bitter smirk on his lips.

He put on some clothes and collapsed on his bed, eyes staring at the ceiling; trying to ignore the constant knocking till he couldn't ignore it anymore.

"Yes, come in." He sighed.

"Sammy, how did it go? Did Mark Hamilton add you on his list?" His father asked, tone indifferent.

"Not yet, appa. His flight got delayed, prolonging the damn suspense," he replied.

"Oh... too bad. Anyways, did you eat? Want me to bring some snacks or something?" The older man asked, making Samuel suck in another deep breath, for the latter knew how much he lies about that.

"No, appa, I already ate—"

"Are you sure?" He asked again, cutting Samuel off.

"Yes, I'm sure, appa. Just go and rest, okay? I'm fine... Don't worry about me too much," Samuel said, trying to make his voice as convincing as possible, hearing his father sigh deeply.

"Okay... but you know I can't see you like this—you're the only one I've got, Sammy."

"Once I'm done with the championship and Lisa's shoot ends, we can always live together again... That—that would be fun, don't you think?" Samuel said, lips quivering as he spoke.

"Y-yeah... We'll see. Get some rest now, g'night," his father said, leaving the room as if he got burned with their conversation.

"See what exactly, appa?" See what exactly?" Samuel let out a sigh, curling up to a ball, hugging his knees as he forced himself to sleep.

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First chap done, lezzgo