Elizabeth's pov

Late. That's what our sensei is. It's been like, two hours now. Possibly even three. I haven't really been keeping track. Are they really that busy? If they are, maybe being a sensei isn't the best career path. Aren't us shitheads supposed to be their new priority? We are their students now and all that. The next generation of ninja. The fresh batch of child soldiers, if you will. Everyone else has already left with their teachers. And where is ours? Did he get run over by a carriage on his way here or something?

"Naruto!" Sakura's voice shrieked. The sheer volume almost caused me to slam my face into my charred desk. Does she have to screech like that? I really hope puberty fixes that for her. I've never heard someone sound so shrill. It makes me wonder if my voice has the ability to morph like that. I eyed Sakura as she snapped further at Naruto, who really wasn't hurting anyone. "What do you think you're doing?"

"This is what he gets for being late." The blonde laughed in response, wedging an eraser up into the cracked door as best he could before hopping down. I raised my eyebrows. The prank isn't as upscale as I'd like, but it's better than nothing. I felt the small bit of respect I usually reserve for people start to drift towards Naruto. Huh, I didn't even know I could feel things like that anymore. I guess Naruto is just out-there enough to warrant literally any esteem from my critical eye. Bravo. Round of applause. 

"Yeah, right. Like he'll fall for a dumb trick like that." Sakura scoffed. I scoffed back; not that anyone saw. This dumb bitch isn't fooling anyone. I can practically hear her cheering on the inside. But no, really. I think she may have a second mind in there or something. Schizophrenia? Who knows. Is it pretty unusual? Yeah, sure. You could say that. Do I care? Absolutely not. All I care about right now is the fact that as a ninja, I'm probably going to die a very painful death. No cap. 

"Our teacher is an elite ninja. A jonin. There's no way he'd fall for a stupid trick like that." Ah, Sasuke speaks. This is a surprise. I was starting to think he'd gone mute after our little conversation earlier. If that absolute fucking smackdown could even be called that. Let's be real here; we all know I wrecked him and his colossal ego. I hope his pride is and day are ruined. 

"Yeah! Sasuke-kun is right, Naruto." Sakura instantly agreed, probably hoping to get into Sasuke's boy shorts if you know what I mean. Her crush is extremely obsessive. To the point that she should honestly go see a therapist. No, really. It's an issue. Sasuke has noticed, I've noticed-- the fact that half our graduating class happened to be head over heels for someone with hair shaped like a duck's ass is actually quite concerning. Mass hallucination? At this point, it wouldn't surprise me. 

Almost as if on cue, a hand appeared in the doorway. Naruto and Sakura went absolutely dead silent. A rare feat if I do say so myself. I help my breath and watched intently to see if they'd fall for Naruto's dumbass trick. Even Sasuke leaned slightly forward as the door slid open to reveal who we all hoped was our future sensei. Or maybe not. If they were this late, they should have a good excuse. And be missing a leg. You know, something drastic. If they can breathe, it's fake news.

A man in a jonin vest stood there. He wore a dark blue mask and had a headband covering his left eye. Very mysterious. His silver hair was also quite gravity defying. So much so that when the eraser fell on his head, it didn't even flatten. That shit bounced right off and plopped down onto the ground with a pitiful poof of white chalk dust. It felt like the air was sucked out of the room as we all stared at him. He stared back, blinking lazily. Homie really out here looking like he needs a nap, I won't lie. 

"He fell for it!" Naruto bellowed out, laughing and pointing at our teacher. Even I flinched at the shout. Jesus, would it kill him to use his inside voice? Does he even have one? 

"I'm so sorry, sensei! I tried to stop him!" Sakura said in an overly-sweet voice that was so obviously fake that I almost gagged. Did somebody say teacher's pet? Everyone here is disgusting and I am appalled. Suck ups have never been my cup of tea. Most of them are cowards, insecure, or both. I have a feeling Sakura falls in each of those categories. Maybe some hard labor and intense training will change that. Mush, mush, mush!

"My first impression fo you all... I hate you." The jonin responded in a happy tone. Completely unbothered. A gloomy aura seemed to fall over my three teammates, but I was caught on something else. I leaned forward, using my magic sniffer to try and detect the major malfunction going on here. I can sort of feel it on him... like an invisible trace or something... Yeah, that's definitely it! This fuckmunch was totally in my house, which last I checked, is breaking an entering! Or trespassing, at the very least! Can he not read?! I have 'do not enter' signs posted at every possible entrance of that damn property! 

"Oi!" I stood up, brash, bold, and possibly a little confused. I digress. Everyone turned to stare at me in an accusing manner. I was too busy glaring at our sensei to care. "You were in my house." 

If he was startled by my statement, he didn't show it. He just gave me a closed-eye smile, continuing to hold the same lazy posture he'd walked in with. I wasn't amused in the least. What did he see while he was in there? Did he look in my fridge? I hope he didn't open the kitchen cabinet on the far left, because there's a semi-feral possum in there that we're all too afraid to try and take out. We call him Earl and leave grapes on the counter to appease him at night so he doesn't come rip out our throats. Wait, off topic. 

"Yes, we met your friend, Nev," He announced in his same, cheerful tone. We? As in more than one person trespassed? I smell a lawsuit. Wait, actually-- did he just say Nev?

I paled considerably, looking him up and down. All his limbs are present. His face doesn't seem particularly mangled, but it's hard to tell with that mask on. Is a team of ANBU about to drop out of the ceiling and detain me? Because I'm going to be really pissed if I don't get to try the soup Mark is cooking in the crockpot later. 

"O-Oh, really?" I cleared my throat, trying to pretend it didn't crack. Sakura snickered at me as though she doesn't have the voice of a literal banshee. I'm nervous, okay?! "And uh... what did he do?" 

"He seemed to be trying to distract us." The masked man noted dryly. I swallowed heavily, casually wiping some sweat from my brow. Alright, alright. Cool. 

"You didn't open the fridge, did you?" I coughed into my fist. "Maybe any uh... uh, cabinets?"

"No." Our sensei sweatdropped, and I felt myself deflate like a stuck balloon. I don't know what gods are looking out for me right now, but they're the real OGs. He didn't mention Mark, nor did he bring up Atlas. I'll assume they weren't spotted and instead will move on with life. No need to stress over what already happened. Though, booby-trapping my house is most definitely going to be a priority after this. I can't have people-- adults with authority, especially-- just waltzing into my pad like they own the fucking place! What if they see some freaky shit and call the voodoo police on me? I don't want to be burned at the stake. 

"Awesome. Cool." I took a deep breath, smoothing down my shirt as though it were actually wrinkled. As if. Mark has OCD about that sort of thing and will iron shit he already ironed. If nothing else, at least I'll be looking friggity fresh. 

"...Right. Well, meet me on the roof." The masked man shrugged. We all watched as he vanished in a cloud of smoke. I wonder if, statistically, ninjas are more likely to get lung cancer than regular people. I should conduct a study.

"Hey, you." Sakura snapped her fingers, her tone harsh. I blinked at her, checking behind me to make sure there wasn't anyone else there. I turned back to her with raised eyebrows. "When'd you get here?"

Wait, wait, back it up and drop it low. Are you telling me that she didn't realize I was sitting back here? This entire time that I've been muttering to myself and snorting at my own puns, she hasn't even glanced my way? I'm... almost impressed. But also terrified, because this girl is on the fast track to becoming a ninja, and it's not looking too bright for her.

"I got here before all of you guys." I shrugged. I was curled up asleep when they first came in, so I guess it makes sense that they wouldn't have seen me at first. But to not notice me at all in the in-between? Truly terrifying. I'll pray for their ability to perceive their surroundings.

Sakura scoffed at me, turning towards the door. Naruto was already racing out and booking it for the stairs like his life depended on it, which is a mood. I just stood there like an idiot watching them file out. Sasuke even shot me a look before he let, which was... great. No, really. I'm flattered. He's opened my eyes to one thing and one thing only. And that thing is the realization that no, I will not be braving the stairs today. I'll have to take a hard pass. And you know what? That's okay. 

"Fast taisteal." I muttered to myself like the creep I am. It translates roughly to the phrase 'fast travel', which is basically the witch's version of the teleportation Jutsu. It surprisingly doesn't take as much juice as one would expect. Especially not for short distances like this. The hard part is sticking the landing. If you aren't clear in the head about where you want to end up and you don't focus, you could find yourself halfway up shit's creek without a paddle.

In less than a second, I felt myself being sucked into the cold nothingness that I had nicknamed the void. I was thrown through time and space for a hot second. Very cosmic and trippy. I've never tried acid, but this is what I imagine it would be like. In what seemed like an instant, I found myself stumbling like a drunk stripper in eight-inch heels right onto the roof I'd been aiming for. Brilliant, if I do say so myself. I brought a hand up to cradle my forehead. Going straight up instead of sticking to horizontal travel is disorienting as hell. I rate it one star out of five.

"Motherfucking-" I wheezed, plopping down on one of the stairs on the roof. I blinked rapidly as I regained my sense of balance. Will I vomit, or will it all stay down? This is a question I ask myself everything this spell happens. It's a 50-50 thing, you know what I mean? Like a mystery grab bag, but so, so much more disgusting.

"How?" A voice demanded. I looked up to see my good old sense staring at me with his lone eye narrowed. I shrugged in response. Seemed like a safe reply to me. He can't hold me guilty if I don't talk. Honestly, that whole teleporting thing was pretty risky after him breaking into my house. I still don't know what he saw and what he didn't see, you know? He's clearly got a stone wall guarding his every emotion. Pretty angsty. Trauma? Probably.

We had a stare-off for a good minute before my teammates were slamming open the door to the roof and barreling out onto the concrete. Sakura was wheezing so hard I thought she might be having an asthma attack, and Naruto had to put his hands on his knees to catch his breath. Sasuke looked completely fine, which was a flex. I'd honestly be dying had I gone the way they did. What's that thing Iruka-sensei used to always say to us when we were younger? Before we rioted to make him shut the fuck up? Right, right. Work smarter, not harder. I live by that. 

"Hey! Wait a second! How'd you get up here?!" Naruto all but screamed at me, pointing an accusing finger my way. I blinked at him in the stalest, most uninterested manner I could muster up. Could he get any louder? 

"I came up here." I shrugged. Because I did.  

"But how?" Sakura asked, narrowing her eyes at me. What? Did she think I was lying? Because I clearly did come onto the roof, seeing as I'm... you know, on the roof. 

"By coming up here." I rolled my eyes. Duh. Our sensei gave me a look, Sakura huffed in an irritated manner, Naruto clearly didn't give a shit, and Sasuke... well, he's back to staring again. Mad respect for the dedication. I would've gotten bored and found something else to look at. I mean, I get it. My nose is a little crooked from that one time I got punched by a bear on psychedelics and it broke. It's kind of hard to see from afar because of how straight Mark got it, but there's the slightest bend that you can't help but squint at.

They all took their seats. Naruto first, then Sakura, and then Sasuke. And lastly me, of course. Does Sasuke really have to sit that close to me? He's in my bubble, which isn't appreciated. I scooted away slightly, giving him the most distasteful side-eye I could muster out of my arsenal. He gave me one back. I'm glad we understand each other. 

"Alright! It's time for introductions." Our teacher clapped his hands together, smiling that same closed-eye smile. I like how he's talking to us like we're very small children. No, really. It actually makes things way easier to understand. Simple and straight to the point. Perfect for my pea-sized brain. 

"Introductions? What should we say?" Sakura asked. A semi-valid question. Your name is a given, but maybe he's is asking for a bit more flavor. Some salt and pepper to keep things interesting. 

"Your likes, dislikes, hobbies, and dreams for the future. Things like that." Our sensei said, waving his hand at us. He's not taking us seriously at all, but he wouldn't have us do this if he didn't have things he wanted to know. Is he assessing our characters? Seems like a sensei-like thing to do. Not that he's been a great teacher so far, but we'll see. There's room for redemption. The late by three hours has dampened my overall view, but again, maybe he just had a stroke. Who knows. 

"You should go first, so we know how to do it." Sakura noted. My head whipped in her direction so fast my neck almost snapped. Sis, repeat that one more time for the people in the back. If I'm not mistaken, he just told us exactly what to say. He was pretty specific! And honestly, even without him laying it out, giving an introduction isn't that hard. You say your name, tell a bit about yourself. 

"Yeah, you seem kinda suspicious. Believe it." Naruto is spitting straight facts. You know what? He's right. I'm sorry I dissed you, Sakura. Even if you're a dumbass. This masked man just shows up and says he's our sensei, and we just buy it? We're going to get kidnapped and fucking trafficked at this rate. Even if Naruto just said that to agree with Sakura, I've still got to hand it to him. Yeah, I said it. Hello? Can we get an applause on aisle size?" 

"Me?" Our masked sensei pointed to himself as though he didn't already know who Naruto was referring to. Who else would be he talking about? "My name is Kakashi Hatake. My likes and dislikes... hm, I don't feel like telling you. Hobbies? I have many hobbies. As for dreams for the future... well, I've never really thought about it." He said in a considering tone. First of all, who the fuck names a child 'scarecrow'? And second, what the fuck was that? Introduction my ass. That was the least informative thing I've heard all day. 

Still, props. It's better than the introduction we got from Nev. It took us half an hour to figure his name out because we asked him about his likes first, and he wouldn't stop listing them in a state of panic and fear. It was pretty horrifying. 

"All he really said was his name." Sakura whispered in our direction in a not-so-quiet tone of voice. Welp, he definitely heard that. Naruto didn't seem to care, nodding in agreement vigorously while Sasuke pretending to be interesting in the clouds. Wait, actually, that one to the upper right sort of looks like a penis. And the one next to it resembles a chair very vaguely. Or maybe a table with a box on top of it. It's a bit wide to be a chair. Is Sasuke getting this? I wonder if Shikamaru is out there seeing this. He liked clouds, didn't he? 

"Alright, you in the orange first." Kakashi ignored Naruto and Sakura's little exchange completely. Naruto grinned widely, reaching up to fiddle with his headband just as he used to with his goggles. I sort of miss the goggles look for him. It was low-key such a vibe.

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki! Believe it! I like ramen; especially the type Iruka-sensei buys me at the Ichiraku Ramen shop! I dislike the three minutes you have to wait after you pour the water into instant ramen. My hobbies include pranks and comparing different ramen flavors!" Alright, alright. I fucks with it. How he can be as skinny as he is with the amount of ramen he eats, I'm not sure. But props to him nonetheless. "My dream for the future is to become the greatest Hokage! That was everyone will start treating me like I'm somebody-- somebody important!" 

I nodded. A solid dream for a solid guy. I'm going to rate this one... 8/10. A little heavy on the ramen, but so much better than Kakashi's. 

"Alright. Pinkie, you're next." Kakashi looked slightly-proud of Naruto, so I guess that's something. Homebody deserves the recognition. Rise up, blonde king. Don't let them keep your head down. 

"R-Right! My name is Sakura Haruno! I like... w-well, who I like is..." Sakura trailed off, giggling and blushing. She shot a look at Sasuke, who didn't acknowledge it. Smart. You give an inch, they take a mile. I held back my cringe. "My hobbies are..." She trailed off again, giggling and blushing harder. I turned my head away to gag. Oh my god, that's disturbing. "And my dream for the future is to--" Sakura cut herself off, squealing a deafening squeal. I fought not to wince at the sound. That introduction was about as informative as Kakashi's. As in, it wasn't. All she did was expose herself! We all knew she liked Sasuke. But now we know that she also probably stalks him on the daily and takes photos of him without his knowledge. At least there's a chance she's at least a little sneaky. 

"And your dislikes?" Kakashi clearly wasn't impressed.

"Naruto and Ella!" She didn't even hesitate. Stone cold. Besides, what did I ever do?! I mean, I don't care, but I'd like to know how I offended her so that I can do it again. Meanwhile, Naruto looks like he just got stabbed with a kunai by a dear friend. I didn't even know she knew my name to be honest. It's nice not caring what other people think of you. Very freeing. I rate this introduction... 2/10. Very creepy. Definitely at the bottom of the list at the moment. 

"Alright, you in the blue next." Kakashi nodded towards Sasuke. I'm glad I'm not wearing blue. We're so close together, I wouldn't know which of us he was referring to. Which probably means Sasuke should scoot the fuck over before I make him. I can understand him not wanting to be close to Sakura, but what about me? Does he think I want to smell the weird-ass cologne he put on this morning? That shit is so fragrant that it's no wonder his fangirls can find him. They could hunt him down based on scent alone with how strong it is. 

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I don't like anything." Someone get some My Chemical Romance in here. This man needs a G note. "I dislike a lot of things. I have no hobbies." Very interesting. Sounds like a fun guy to hang around. "My dreams are not dreams because I will make them a reality." He's so broody it hurts. And besides, it's a dream until he does it. So he can shut the hell up. "I will kill a certain someone and restore my clan."

Sakura is looking at him like she just struck gold. I leaned away from Sasuke visibly, staring at him with my classic raised-eyebrow look that truly conveys pure, unadulterated 'what the fuck' vibes. He glared at me, clearly sensing the judgment. As he should. This homie is thirteen years old and is already thinking about the two things a young teenage boy should never think about. Murder and sex. He clearly hasn't hit puberty yet. And if he has, well, he needs to ask mother nature for a redo. Because that shit didn't work. I'll rate this introduction... solid 4/10. Most are pity points because he's going through it, but the rating stands. 

"...Right. You last." Kakashi cleared his throat a little, breaking the silence and looking to me. I sighed a little. I might as well get it over with. I could half-ass it like Sakura and Kakashi, but never have I been the type to slack. 

"My name is Ella Ellandeer. I like wildlife, music, and... cooking?" Brewing potions counts as cooking, doesn't it? I couldn't exactly say I like 'mixing drinks' because I don't want to expose myself as an alcoholic. Yet. "I dislike my full name and when people break into my home." I gave Kakashi a pointed look. He had the decency to look at least a bit sheepish, so I have to appreciate the effort. "My hobbies include... cooking and hanging out with my three friends. My dream for the future... I guess is to live long enough to see some form of world peace get achieved." I shrugged. I don't have a longterm goal that I'm deadset on, but world peace is always something I've lingered on, so it's better than nothing. 

Kakashi smiled at my introduction, clapping his hands together and looking immensely glad we were all done. I thought that meant we'd be good to go, but I was painfully wrong. I was forced to sit there while our sensei bored us to death with the many details of our 'training exercise' tomorrow. Yeah, right. Only an idiot wouldn't know all jonin sensei test their students before formally passing them. I don't know why Sakura and Naruto are so upset. Iruka went over this. We're all big kids here. Let's act like it. 

Sasuke didn't seem particularly interested in what Kakashi was saying, but I wouldn't say he was disinterested either. He glanced at me a few times. Glanced at Sakura and Naruto with distaste every time they so much as breathed a bit too loudly. It seems like he's on his man period. I mean, I could be wrong. It's just a personal observation. But I'm just saying... he's pretty snippy over there. 

"You're all dismissed." Kakashi finally said, and then he was gone in a snap. Sakura and Naruto were gone almost immediately. Sakura was saying something about hair and having to prepare for tomorrow. I'm not sure about either, really. Naruto, on the other hand, was screaming about ramen as he bolted down the stairs like a madman. This left Sasuke and I alone on the roof to wallow. I stared after my other two teammates. I get Naruto booking. He gets hungry fast. But Sakura... how much can one really prepare when we have no idea what the test is actually going to be?

"You don't like me." Sasuke wasn't asking. He stated it in a dry tone, staring me down like I'd done a great disservice. Is this the part where I find out his fangirls are part of an army he's hazed and is building to do his dirty work? Is this a gang thing? I feel like I've missed something.

"Not in particular." I said thoughtfully, standing up. Sasuke stood up too. 

"Why?" Sasuke asked. I raised an eyebrow at him. Is he looking for self-improvement tips? Because my ability to constructively criticize people without insulting them is literally non-existent. I will burn him to the ground with zero hesitation and not even realize I did it. 

"You have the personality of a dead fish." I said bluntly. He looked taken aback. I winced internally. Yeah, that came out really harsh. But am I wrong? Fact check me. Yeah, that's what I thought. His personality is like cold soup. "Look, just-- we all go through tragedy. What happened to your clan... god, it was awful. But it shouldn't stop you from growing as a person and all that fun... shit. You know?" 

He stared at me flatly. Alright, so he wasn't looking for advice. I cringed and tried to save it.

"Just-- wouldn't the biggest 'fuck you' be to move on and be happy? Make a bunch of friends, be really cool and liked by everyone, cause people to see the Uchiha name in a new, nicer light?" I was cringing the more I talked. Sasuke didn't look amused. "Then you could go kill him and flex. Right?"

"...Right." Sasuke said, his voice stone cold. I sucked in a sharp breath of air. Social suicide. That's what I just committed just now. Very interesting, I know. Jesus fucking christ, I hate myself. And Sasuke hates me too. Which the feeling is sort of mutual. 

"Right, cool, so I'm just going to--" I stepped back from him, smile tight. "Fast taisteal."

I was gone in a blink