there's a beep

loud and clear

it hurts my ears.

i hear breathing

but it's not mine

it's

ragged but steady

and i hear sniffles

from next to my bed.

"i shoud have been there"

he said

"i should have traced your skin

with my fingers

instead of the blade.

i should have

kissed your lips

instead

of the pills.

i should've fallen

asleep

next to you

and woke up

with you.

she was there.

and i got a call.

they said you were in a hospital.

they said you were dying.

and honestly, eli,

if you do,

i think i'll die too."

i wanted for my eyes to open

but they wouldn't budge

and i tried to make a move

any move

but it was impossible

as such.

"your sister found you

said you were crying

but the second before,

you smiled.

were you happy

to be dying?"

his voice now cracked

and a droplet glided

down my hand.

"i guess if you did

they should let you be happy

just know that

if you do die

i'll be coming too. i'm not letting you go

eli

i love you

i love you too."

the beeps turned into one

a constant

and i felt my last

breaths

"i love you"

i barely whispered

here i come

to the land

of the dead.