my throat was sore

the lies i told

leaving a bitter aftertaste in

my mouth

or was it

alcohol?

my tongue burns

and so does my chest

my head hurts.

my hands are shaking

and my fingers bleed

my legs gave out

this morning.

my breaths are ragged

and my heart is in a frenzy

i haven't slept in days

it's bad.

my mother is not home

anymore

ever

my sister is always at a friend's.

i saw my father once

i told him to leave

and it seems

that's all

i tell people.

and now as i stare

in the mirror

to the eyes that kill

and the blade like tongue

and dry lips

i see nothing.

i see me.

am i really that girl?

is this a dream?

any nightmare

i've ever had

seems better

then reality.

they say that when you're happy

you can't sleep

because reality is better

than a dream.

but why is it

that when you're

in pain,

you can't sleep either?

it can't get worse.

so i take a pill

two

three

ten

and the toxic drinks

help me swallow.

i lean against the cold tub

my forehead on fire

and close my eyes.

finally, i'll be free.

i hear a cry

and i hear a scream

but it's too late

baby

i'm setting free.