i ought

to be careful

where i seek

acceptance and

validity

because most people don't know

what they want from themselves

and let alone from me

but with jean

he didn't seek anything from me

he didn't push me to speak

he just held me when i broke

and sometimes when i didn't break.

i don't know if we were friends

or what we were at all

and for some reason

i didn't feel the need

to know because

all that mattered to me

was that i was with him.

he is the first one

that looked at me

as if there

was something to see.

"my heart hurts so much." he told me.

"why?"

"i don't know."

i turned towards him.

"it's like it will stop beating and

i don't know if i feel

sad about that." he said.

i took both his hands

and placed one over his heart

and the other over mine

and as i held onto our hands

placed over our hearts

i said

"it's beating

and so is mine

and they won't stop

unless we make them."

and then he looked at me

with so much feeling

and his eyes glossed

and so did mine

"promise me

you won't make it stop." he said.

"only if you promise

the same."

that was the night

that i crossed my heart

and he did too

and i never felt closer

to anyone before.