i am currently in this

long and confusing

process where

i have to figure out

who i am and

what i want with

my life.

truth be told

when people talk about futures

i keep quiet

because from what

is happening lately

i feel like

i don't have one.

my body is burning

with the shame of

not belonging

my body is

longing.

i am alone

in a room full of people

and they whisper

and it echoes in my head

and my wrists ache

and my stomach turns

and the only thing

that makes me feel alive

is the cold coming

trough the window.

but that all takes a turn

a real one eighty

a complete other side

when he is there.

just one small touch

one tiny glance

and a simple breath

is enough  to make my

head spin

in eternal circles

and my heart has a reason to beat

and if heart beats could be heard

so loudly

ours would be a symphony

the most beautiful kind

of beats and melodies

and we were so close

our breaths mixed

and our gazes joined

but never did our lips touch

and never did i feel so intensely

and so much.