Harken glanced over at me, suddenly smug. “Ah, I’m glad your highness agrees with me…”

“Yes,” Loki said. “And first thing is first…you and Ondrea should get ready to leave for the ice palace immediately.”

Harken and Ondrea both looked shocked, and Harken protested, “What? Your majesty this situation…”

“Is quickly turning into full fledged war,” Megan said firmly. “And you two are not war advisors. That’s what we have my father-in-law for.”

“But your highness...” Ondrea spread her hands, trying to reason with them. “Surely you’ll need us to…”

“Pack your bags,” Loki snapped, and both advisors fell silent, their faces pinched and pale. At last they turned around and stalked off down the hallway, robes whispering over the stones. I felt my shoulders slump in relief. They were gone.

Megan rubbed her hands together. She began pacing back and forth. “She might as well have come forward with a declaration of war. I want the guards to talk to everyone. I will not stand for another traitor in the palace.  In the meantime, we’ll scan the countryside once more. They’re here somewhere.”

“First thing tomorrow morning.” Loki agreed.

A voice from the doorway said, “They’re hiding in the woods somewhere.”

Asher was leaning in the doorway, his voice was shaky. “They didn’t say where, but it’s somewhere nearby.”

“Asher!” Megan and I spoke at the same time and he waved us away.

“I’m fine, the wound is gone.”

Lettisha appeared in the doorway, supporting Charlotte. The sorceress looked exhausted, her face was pale. “It drains both our energy,” she said sharply. “Asher, back to bed.”

The women moved aside as Loki stepped forward, helping Asher back to his bed. He eased down onto the mattress with a sigh. “I do feel pretty tired.”

Charlotte sunk into one of the armchairs near the fire. “Someone send for food. The young prince and I will both need to eat very soon.”

One of the guards ducked out of the room, and the conversation resumed.

“I was hoping it wouldn’t end like this.” Megan frowned. “The rebels are such a small group…”

“Small and ruthless.” Loki’s expression was dark. “Kari needs to go.”

It was a bit shocking to hear him say that, he was usually so gentle. But I couldn’t help agreeing with him.

Megan glanced at me, expression sympathetic. “I’m sorry you have to go through this, hun. I know she’s your mother, even though…”

I shook my head. “No. It’s fine. It’s true. I don’t think there’s a lot that Kari wouldn’t do for her…cause. We have to make sure no one gets hurt. We have to...” I faltered.

“We must take steps.” Loki finished for me.

Asher pulled the sheets up over his chest and settled deeper into his pillows with a sigh. To my surprise he reached one hand out for me, and I came forward until the tops of my thighs hit the side of the mattress. He grabbed my hand and held on. “How are you feeling?”

I stammered that I was fine, ears burning. He obviously wasn’t keeping this…us…a secret. No one said anything though, and when I darted a quick look at Megan there was a smile tugging one corner of her mouth, like she was struggling to hold it back.

There was a gentle knock on the door, and a pair of servants came in and dropped off a big silver tray of sandwiches.

Asher nudged me, his face enquiring and I laughed and nabbed a couple sandwiches from the tray. They were roast beef with gravy, still warm. He bit into it eagerly and the sauce slipped down his chin. He darted an embarrassed look at me and I bit back a grin.

“You’re allowed to be hungry,” I told him. “You just got stabbed on account of me.”

Nearby, Charlotte was digging into the sandwich platter .

“Alright.” Loki said firmly. “Tomorrow we’ll send our soldiers out into the woods and begin questioning everyone in the palace, I don’t like it, but it has to happen.”

Megan took his hand, twining her fingers into his. “The people will understand.”

“But for now.” Charlotte climbed to her feet slowly, brushing crumbs off her gown. “For now, we should all get a good night sleep and try to relax. Our young prince needs to regain his strength, and so do I.” She gave me a sharp look. “And Jessica here isn’t showing it, but I’ll wager she’s exhausted too. It’s bed time for all of us.”

She was right. When I got to my feet my knees felt watery. Asher reached out and gave my hand one last squeeze. “You’ll be okay…?”

I thought I heard something in his voice. Something like…longing? I felt it too, that and unease at leaving him. I’d been so close to losing him. Really, all I wanted to do was climb into Asher’s bed and snuggle with him, to run my hands over the length of his torso and feel it firm and whole beneath my fingers. I knew Charlotte had healed him. He was fine, but I still felt sick at the thought of the wound he’d suffered, all from rescuing me from my stupid mistake.

“I’ll be fine.” I tried to make my voice firm and reassuring. “You…how do you feel?”

“I’m great.” He gave Charlotte a smile. “She did a good job. I feel totally normal.” He succumbed to a jaw-cracking yawn. “Just…really tired.”

“We’ll let you get some sleep then.” I released his hand reluctantly, and followed the others as they left the room, shooting him one last look over my shoulder before I closed the door behind us.

“Alright?” Lettisha was still supporting Charlotte. “Can you get to your room okay?”

“I’ll be fine. It’s just down the hall. I can get there alright, thanks.”

Loki and Megan insisted on walking me to my room though, and we stopped at the door. Megan clasped my hand, her face concerned. “I can see that you blame yourself, Jess. But please know that no one else does. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You were only doing what you thought was right. There is never any shame in wanting to save someone.”

Tears prickled my eyes, and I blinked hastily. “But I didn’t…save her I mean. She…” I tried to block out the picture that flashed in front of my eyes. The red gash in Kloe’s pale neck, the way she’d gurgled frantically and collapsed, blood bubbling out from the wound as she’d died. I felt sick again suddenly, and had to brace myself on the doorframe.

Megan’s pale brows drew together. “Are you alright? Come, let’s get you in bed.” She directed a look at Loki. “I’ll see you later.”

He patted my arm sympathetically and gave his wife a peck on the cheek before disappearing down the hallway. Megan guided me to the wide, four poster bed, helping me sit down. “I was like you when I first…discovered all this. I’d never seen a fight before. I’d never seen anyone die.”

Tears were coming now, it didn’t matter that it made me feel weak. I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I choked back a sob. “There was so much blood. And the look on her face was…she was confused and…scared. Then she was…she wasn’t there anymore.” I shuddered. “Her eyes were blank.”

The bed springs creaked as Megan sat down beside me. “I know. It…you never really get used to it, but it does…well, let’s say you become capable of tolerating it if necessary.” She hesitated. “I realize that sounds cold, but that’s what battle is like. It’s horrible for all involved. The first time I killed…” she looked down at her pale hands, which were twisting together in her lap. She was lost in memories now, clearly thinking of battle she’d been in.

“Does it ever go away? The picture of it happening?” I clutched the bed sheets tightly with both fists. “I can see it all in my head whenever I think about it.”

“It does go away eventually.” Megan frowned. “I’m sorry to say you might dream of it for a little while.”

I grimaced. “I don’t think I’ll be sleeping tonight anyways."

“That’s normal. If you need something to pass time there are books in the bottom drawer of the nightstand there, a few really good ones.” She smiled. “They’ll help you take your mind off things.”

“Thank you.”

“Try to get some sleep.” She squeezed my hand once before turning for the doorway. “Goodnight, Jess. And don’t worry about getting up early in the morning. You deserve a break.”

I told her goodnight and thank you, feeling a little pang of fear as she shut the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

For a moment I only lay there, the lights still on, staring at the ceiling. If I shut my eyes I might see…her. Finally I got up and went to the nightstand. It was time to do some reading.

I thought I would never sleep. But in the morning, the light was slipping through the crack in the curtains, and I woke with a start as the book I’d been reading fell off the bed onto the floor with a clunk. I felt a surge of relief that I had actually fallen to sleep at all. That was good, no nightmares.

Groggy, I rolled over and drifted into blackness once more.

The woods are dark and green. The smell of pine and the crisp cool air surrounds me. Asher and I walk together, our footsteps soft on the blanket of pine needles that carpets the forest floor. Our fingers are twined, his arm presses along the length of mine and we move together without speaking. There’s no need to speak because we are linked.

His heart beats in time with mine. We breathe together.

Rain patters on the tree tops and a drop hits my cheek, then another. It starts to come down harder, and I realize…it’s warm. The rain is warm.

It’s like a tropical storm, and I start to laugh, turning to Asher.

But he’s gone.

I stand there as the rain drums against the ground, drenching me from head to foot. When I look down at my arms a thrill of horror shakes me. Red drops pepper my arms.

Not rain. Blood.

Sickness ripples through me, and I double over and heave the contents of my stomach all over my shoes.

When I look up, shaking and weak, Kloe is standing in the trees. Her face is white as paper and her eyes are black. She doesn’t move.

A gaping slash decorates her neck like a second smile.

She opens her mouth and gasps. “Help me.”

I woke up with a scream on my lips, thrashing, the bed sheets twisted around my legs. “Oh god!” I sat up, gasping, trying to catch my breath. It was just a dream. It wasn’t real.

Well…that particular situation wasn’t real.

Kloe was still very much dead, and it was still sort of because of me. I tried to get my shaking hands under control, but I couldn’t make the sick feeling in my stomach go away.

I wanted Asher.

“Crap,” I muttered. It wasn’t really fair of me to wake him up. He probably needed the sleep. I tried to wait, to shake off the creeping horror by myself, but it wasn’t working.

My feet hit the cold stones of the floor, and I padded over to the wardrobe, pulling a sweatshirt off one of the hangers. Maybe I would just go wander the castle, find someone to talk to.