LEANNA KICKED THE DAMP earth beneath her feet, sure her numbed toes were nearly purple, if not already black. It was one of many discomforts, but she thought it best to take everything in stride. Fear and hysteria never did anyone any good. And so she did not plead or beg as a big burly man in a vest too small bound her hands, where Leanna knew black and blue marks would ensue. She cringed, but did not resist or protest as he pulled more than escorted her out of the Big Top, and through the labyrinth of tents and wagons. She asked no questions when they reached a large, white tent, and he thrust her down onto a cushioned bench outside the curtain partings.

 "Sit here," he ordered brusquely, glaring down at Leanna. Under normal circumstances, Leanna doubted she would have been frightened of a man in a sequined vest and silvery balloon pants. Her reality now far from the bounds of ordinary, she found this bald man with a painted smile utterly terrifying. Obediently she sat. She could feel his eyes on her until the moment he walked to the fold at the curtained opening and turned out to the black night, manning the door. Leanna steeled her back and turned her head away crossly. She hoped to hide her fear,  wishing she wasn't so afraid.  But she was, and was frozen to where she sat.

From the corner of her eye, Leanna looked back to the strongman. She bit her lip to keep from demanding to be told why she was being made to wait. Was Finvarra making arrangements as to how to dispose of her body... of her heart? Worry began to bubble in her throat when suddenly she noticed the strongman incline his head respectfully.

Leanna trailed his gaze out into the night from whence the Raven and the Dove appeared and approached the tent. In their world of black and white, they wore matching expressions of blue melancholy. When they stepped before the strongman, his mood too dimmed, and he put a gentle hand on the Dove's shoulder. It was a quiet affection, but the sadness and finality it held reverberated deep in Leanna's chest.

The strongman lowered his hand solemnly and stepped aside. The Dove's shoulders dropped with a white exhale, and she entered first followed closely by the Raven.

Silence hung in the air for a moment, and Leanna noted the strongman stiffen. Then a flame was ignited within, illuminating the inside of the tent. Like a puppet show breathed to life, three shadows bloomed against the thin canvas. Two were huddled closest to the opening, while the third, the tallest of the silhouettes walked the length of the tent, its lean outline stretching away from them.

A feminine voice then spoke from within.  "Say something, Finvarra, please. I know it is sudden, and the last thing I want is to hurt you in any way. But you saw the snow. You know what it means. My performance has appeased the Elders and they have finally forgiven me. How can  I possibly shun their mercy, and reject their invitation for me to return home to Forever? You are my brother, Finvarra, and I love you more than I can stand. But with every girl that is slain, I can only watch you fall deeper into this darkness you've surrendered to, and it pains me not to be able to help you."

Leanna's hands stopped their agitated twisting on her lap as the words clamped down on her heart. After all the years she had defended Finvarra's name and scorned the vicious rumors, it couldn't be that they were true.  Finvarra couldn't have killed those girls. Leanna gripped her skirts tightly and listened as the girl inside went on.

"With every stop--with every performance, I fear Machina more and more. She is relentless, and I am tired of being scared that she will find us. That she will finally find a way to destroy this circus and destroy you. I'm tired of running. I love this circus, and I love you. But I also love Jin. He gave up his life in Forever, and has willingly shared in my punishment all of these years. It wasn't his burden to carry, but for me, he has remained here. I can't possibly say no. But, above all, I miss Forever so very much. My darling Finvarra, I just want to go home..." The Dove's last words trailed to a whisper. There was a small sound—a sob, as she began to weep.

A grim quiet swept in like a mist. Only the winds howled a low a melancholy cry, as if lamenting all the pain in the Dove's words. 

"There is nothing more to be said then, is there?" Finvarra's melodic tone seeped from inside, and the winds howled more painfully. There, in the patchy shadows, Leanna tilted her head to hear more of this voice, of Finvarra's voice. The low, elegant sound swayed in and out with the brisk partings of the curtains. It leashed itself onto the wind and echoed in Leanna's ears in a dizzying manner. If the silvery strands of moonlight that night were the strings of a harp, Leanna was certain Finvarra's voice would be their harmony.

The sound of him didn't only affect Leanna, however. Before her eyes, the night took on a different spirit, growing a little colder, a little darker. It beckoned a spellbound Leanna to close her eyes and surrender consciousness to his voice of song.

 "If you wish to leave this circus and follow the snows to Forever, the choice is yours. Nothing I say can stop you," Finvarra said with a touch of unconvincing indifference.

"Of course there is. You can tell us to stay," spoke the third shadow, the Raven. His outline drew closer to Finvarra, and then stopped abruptly. "You know it is your sovereign right to demand we go on performing until you have broken the curse. But I speak now, not as a subordinate, but as your friend when I say that we are all indebted to you, Finvarra—every performer and roustabout alike. When our people abandoned us and we had nowhere else to go, you gave us a home. Though Ellie is your sister by blood, I like to think that over the years we have all grown into something of a family. A family of freaks and rejects, but a family nonetheless, and families stay together."

There was a pause. Jin moved back by Ellie's side. He said, "If you need Ellie and I to stay, we will stay. All of us are willing to remain by your side, performing, until the skies part and your snow too falls. Once the elders forgive you, we can all go home as the family we are. Tell us now what you desire and it will be so, Ringmaster."

Finvarra's silhouette lowered and disappeared behind the outline of a chair. He chuckled darkly, and Leanna could no longer distinguish his sound from that of the winds that whipped around her. In her unease, Leanna clutched the crystal necklace. All at once, reality swayed in her mind like a dream. She'd often dreamt, but what she was seeing there while holding onto the crystal were not dreams, nor were they reality. They were an in-between where her spirit seemed to be locked inside a house of mirrors. There was so much despair, so much agony... guilt. Finvarra spoke again, and the necklace grew colder in Leanna's hands.

"I envy your devotion, Jin," he said. "You were all blamed and cursed to this world because of my foolishness--bound to the rings and the canvas, to the tightropes and the arenas because of my vanity and pride, yet you stand by me still..." Finvarra trailed off with a derisive chuckle that rippled as crackles of fire. "I feel dirty and unworthy to receive your loyalty. Sadly, I think I am still as selfish now as I was the day I was banished, and unlike you, if the elders granted me my forgiveness and I were finally free of this place, I would leave it all behind without a thought for anyone else."

"You don't mean that," Ellie moaned quietly, pained.

"Then maybe you know me better than I know myself, dear sister. But does it matter whether I mean it or not? The elders will never forgive me, and many snows will come and go, but never mine. Don't you see? Even in this realm so far away from home, the elders mock me. I can see their ethereal faces in the flickers of flames, hear their otherworldly laughter in the low howls of the wind. They find pleasure in knowing that they have cursed me, and relish in continuously conspiring against me, digging pits for the purpose of watching me fall."

"You musn't think that way!" Ellie cried. "You will be forgiven one day! But if you give up hope now, all else is lost."

At this, Finvarra just laughed. It was a dark amusement that flashed as explosions of colors before Leanna's eyes. A distant part in Leanna's mind whispered that she was going mad. Somewhere in the psychedelic swirls of color, Leanna wondered if this were true. The thoughts, however, were frail, and with each word Finvarra spoke, with each current of his laugh, the crystal grew colder, and Leanna's grasp on reality seemed to evaporate like magic.

The temperatures suddenly plummeted. The ground, thick with half withered dandelions, waltzed a slow dance of death as a thin sheet of ice spread above it and fractured the earth. Leanna cowered into her cloak and languidly lifted her feet from the ground, lest the ice creep its vines up her legs and freeze her all the same.

Finvarra started again within. "Hope? I'm afraid I lost hope a long time ago, in one of the many trenches the elders clawed out for me. Don't you see you that you stand in one with me this very moment, Ellie? Shall I explain to you how hopeless it all is? In the past month alone, the Elders have forgiven four of my acts. With more frequency, you are all being pardoned, and all I can do is stand and watch this circus vanish from around me. They are vultures-- vultures plucking away at my performers until only I am left alone to die. But even then, I always thought I'd have you, yet now they want to take you from me.

He sighed, and the winds wailed. "In this world, now blinded by science, I need true spectacular magic to turn skeptics into believers. You are that, Ellie. You are my main act! Once word gets out that my main attraction is gone, who will come? What circus is a circus without a main act--God, Ellie. Opening night is in four days. I can't ever replace you in that time. You're inimitable. And now you are asking me to leave..."

Silence swelled again. Ellie and Jin's shadows merged into one as they embraced in wait for Finvarra's answer. 

"Yet, if I demand you to stay, then I am the selfish monster the elders believe me to be," Finvarra started again softly, regrettably. "If I demand you stay and reject their forgiveness, then they will feel justified in having called me selfish and heartless, a madman with innocent blood on his hands."

Finvarra's outline rose slowly and stood utterly still. "And you two--my own sister and my only friend--will be forced to remain bound to this circus until the curse is broken. But sooner or later, you will realize that I will never give my heart away and I will never go back home. Eventually you will grow to hate me because I demanded you stay and selfishly kept you from Forever. Your scorn will only send me into a deeper pit of despair for I'll know that I have failed you, again."

Leanna shook her head as tears seeped freely from her closed eyes. Finvarra's despair clutched her soul, bringing it down further. Sweat beaded at her pores as she felt her heart physically shatter with these foreign emotions-- Finvarra's emotions. Only she couldn't let go of the crystal. Somehow, she knew if she let the crystal go, Finvarra would be lost in this hall of mirrors forever.

Finvarra turned and Leanna followed his shadow as it stretched across the tent, across the frosted ground, until he reached the conjoined shadows of Ellie and Jin. It was here when the ice beneath Leanna's feet melted to pools that glistened under the half moon. All the flowers lay black now, dead.

"May the elders have their laugh," Finvarra said in a tone touched only by regret and sorrowful defeat. "May this circus fail a million falling stars over, but never your scorn, Ellie... never. If going home to Forever is what you wish, then you have my blessing. The snows last just until the sunrise, so you have time to say your goodbyes to the others..." Finvarra broke off to a whisper, and the tears he did not cry within the illuminated tent, Leanna cried for him outside in the dark.

"Goodbye, my dear sister," he said finally. "May the snows carry you safely into Forever.  And Jin, take care of my gilded little bird, will you?"

Pain tore Leanna in half, to where she could no longer breathe. The strongman glanced side-eyed, but never spoke a word, an emotion. Leanna surfaced for only a moment between labored gasps, enough time to release the necklace. As it fell back onto her chest, her house of mirrors shattered and her hands shot to her ears as the sound spliced her eardrums. Air rushed back into her lungs. It burned, and she jerked back, no longer able to stand the pain as it scorched its way through her chest.

Quiet words were spoken inside, and embraces exchanged in the shadows. A hand then parted the curtains. The strongman stepped aside. After a moment, the feathery edge of a white gown came into view. Barely recovered, a paled Leanna sat frozen and watched as Ellie walked out, then turned back to the inside of the tent.

She said, "Thank you, Finvarra, for everything.  You may have given up hope, but I am certain your snows will one day fall. I shall save a special dance just for you." Her voice was barely a whisper, and tears marked every word.

Nothing else was said. Ellie exited, her head lowered. Jin followed close behind her, their hands entwined. Ellie stopped short and pressed her free hand against her chest as violent sobs wracked her small frame. From the darkness where Leanna sat, she watched as with a finger, Jin tilted Ellie's downcast face to meet his eyes. They gazed at one another, Leanna a mere visitor to this world of devotion they shared in their stare.

Jin's eyes sparkled, half in the shadows, half in the light of the moon. No words were exchanged between them. No words were needed. His stare was so clear that Leanna heard the words of his heart clearly within hers.

"Do not be frightened, my Dove. I am your Raven, and I will protect you."

A hand flew to Leanna's heart that fluttered as if suddenly sprouting wings. Jin stepped away from Ellie and graciously bowed, his eyes fixed solely on hers. He extended a hand out between them and nodded encouragingly. Ellie's quiet cries rippled through the cold as she slid her dainty hand into his. Instantly, he twirled her into his arms. They vanished into the black between the tents. The distinct sound of flapping wings then faded into the night, and all was quiet. 

Leanna sat in the cold for a long time after, unaware that any time had passed at all. She stared unseeing to the dark where Jin and Ellie had vanished. The world had reverted back to cold air and a star-speckled sky. But something had shifted. 

Had it all been a waking dream? Leanna replayed the events of the night. Hazy recollections gathered in her mind--talk of realms and snows, of Elders and Machinas--whatever a Machina was. Yet, she could not place these thoughts. It was as if she truly had dreamt it all. Leanna shook her head. Surely it had been a dream, one brought on by fear, she chastised herself. Her father had been right. It was all an illusion. 

"The Ringmaster will see you now." The curt voice of the strongman jarred Leanna and ground her feet to the reality that she was about to meet Finvarra. The strongman held the curtain open with one hand, the other motioning for Leanna to go inside. Leanna stood up, but fear rattled down her spine and she hesitated. Against her best wishes to seem unafraid, she trembled violently. She didn't want to lose her heart. Sure it was broken and she could not trust it, but it was hers, and for better or worse, Leanna was quite fond of the years it'd given her.

When Leanna failed to move, the strongman walked to her and placed a firm hand at her lower back, guiding her forward into the tent.

Sheer silk curtains blew apart and gave way to a large space, much bigger than what it looked to be from outside. Awed, Leanna took a hesitant step when a tap beneath her feet rooted her. Hardwood floors stretched under her. She bit back a gasp and lifted her eyes, casting a fleeting glance about the room. There were countless shelves lined with books. A yellowed map of the entire circus hung at the wall behind a sprawling mahogany desk. Leanna clearly noticed the crystals from outside demarcated on the map, strange marks written around them. Spells, Leanna figured dreadfully, suddenly scared at what those spells might be, and whether one had been set upon her when she crossed the crystals. In all, the room appeared to be more of a study, much like her father's. Only they weren't in a manor, nor a cottage, but a tent.  An illusion indeed. 

Logs crackled a snapping song that drew Leanna's attention to the hearth at the far end of the tent. The golden hue of the flames chased out the darkness of the room; yet, this light did nothing to the darkest of beings that stood before it, bathed in its light.

Finvarra.

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