My heart was still bashing against my ribcage when my lips met yours. I feared you'd pull away, mutter inexcusable excuses. You'd made a point of ignoring and avoiding me this past few weeks but you'd just admitted that you missed hanging out, indirectly telling me that you missed me and wanted me back so I took the chance of kissing you.

Righting the wrong.

That was all I was doing.

And when your lips moulded against mine, when you did not push away but simply sink into the comfort of the kiss, I knew I was right. It took only a second for the slow kiss to morph into something that held more fervency.

Your lips pushed and pulled against mine, the pressure causing shivers of pleasure to run down the length of my body. The hand that laid by your cheek slithered down your neck, slowing inching into the thin, blonde strands of your hair and eventually tugging it out of its bun. I grabbed into your hair, reeling you in for a hard kiss.

I wrapped myself around you, sliding into your lap with ease. I moved my hips against yours, the front of your jeans brushing down against mine. The little layers of clothes we had on now was itching to be removed but Bradley, I finally had you, and I was going to take my sweet time savouring this.

You pulled away, mumbling something incoherent but you were quick to silence when I slid my hand under your shirt, placed my bare hands on your bare skin and pushed myself towards you, claiming your lips yet again.

It was addicting, the feel of your lips against mine. The tingles that sparked through my body lit me up, causing some sort of wicked yet thrilling electricity to sharpen my senses.

Kissing you, having your body pressed flush against mine, had all my senses heightened.

This time when we pulled apart I didn't hear any mumbles of restraint so I breathed in deep, gathering myself as I closed my eyes and tried to calm my heart. But standing in your presence, or rather straddling you, it was hard to keep composure.

All I wanted to do-all I wanted you to do was to act on instinct, swing me in your arms and carry my to your bedroom. I wanted you to make sweet love to me, taking all the time you needed. We had forever, Bradley. We had forever, you and I, or so I thought.

I rested my forehead against yours and you blew out a big breath, tingling my face slightly with a welcoming warmth.

"What are we doing, Curry?" you asked, your voice rough and deep. I tried to ignore the regretful tone that underlined your voice. I was thinking too much. I just had to loosen up. You were enjoying yourself. So was I.

"Don't think about it," I said, tilting my head and grazing my lips across your cheek. "Just go with it. It feels amazing."

"But it's not right."

"It is," I said, my voice sultry but your words had managed to tick me off. As usual, with you, I quickly buried the emotion of annoyance under the mat.

"No, Curry," you said, your voice gaining a little more level as you began to slowly pull out of your haze, "It isn't right."

"It is, Brad," I reinforced, my voice aggressive this time as I placed my hands on your shoulder and shoved at them. You fell backwards, your back hitting the carpet in a matter of seconds. Before you could even think of getting in a word of restraint, I shifted my hips against yours and leant forward, placing my arms on either side of your head and meeting your lips with an anger that had been kindling inside of me all of those weeks. I kissed your hard. I took out my anger on you, the suffering I endured without you. I kissed you hard and fast, with an urgency like none before. I kissed you as if you were my air and I was dying. I needed you to survive.

I kissed you like you were my salvation, unbeknownst of me that you were my damnation from the very beginning.

Your hands came up to my elbow, putting force on them but I would not let you push me away. You needed convincing. That was what I was here for. So convince you I shall be doing, I thought as I pushed my lips even harder against yours, digging my hips in rhythmic motions against your hips. My hand flew downwards a second later, grazing the waistband of your jeans.

You screamed into my mouth but I bit down on your lip.

I needed this. Why couldn't you see that?

Must you take away everything?

That lone bitter thought resonated within my head as your hand came down to push my fumbling hand on your zipper away.

You pushed me away, your lips brushing against my cheek harshly in the process. You were quick to scramble away from me, staring at me wide eyed. I could see the shock, the disgust and the fear all swim around in those handsome features of yours. I was desperate to reinforce my point, my love, but with how you stared down at me, like I was a monster ready to attack, told me I shouldn't pursue this.

"What the fuck, Kareena?"

Tears stung at my eyes. I felt like I had betrayed both you and myself. I had gone against all my morals, acted out of desperate love and look where I stood. I was forcing you... I was about to... I didn't want to think about it.

I couldn't decide at that moment if I felt shocked at what I had just done or if I felt disappointed that I had, yet again, read the signs wrong and you didn't want me in the manner in which I wanted you, yearned for you.

"I-I thought," I stuttered but the words never really got out.

"Thought what?" you scoffed. My heart twisted when I glimpsed the expression of disgust and hurt on your handsome features, now twisting that handsome face into something ugly and slightly terrifying. "I told you to stop."

I couldn't meet your eyes. I was ashamed and I was sad. Why didn't you want me, Bradley? Was I that unlovable? I wasn't asking for much.

"Technically, you didn't tell me to stop," I said, muttering the words under my breath but the room was so quiet that you heard every single word with a ringing clarity.

You laughed but it was nowhere near humorous and the fear only began to spread. "You bitch," you said as you let out a noise, something that was in between a cry and a laugh. "You're such a bitch, Kareena. You have no idea... God, you have not a clue-"

This time I got angry. I lifted my head up and stared straight at you, my eyes zoning in and focusing with a great intensity that it didn't even feel like I was seeing you. "Then tell me! Why is it so hard with you all the time?"

You sighed heavily. Maybe you didn't have enough to drink after all. You certainly seemed sober enough to want to have this conversation than to fuck me.

You took a seat on the couch and it didn't pass my notice that your seating position put a considerable distance between us, like you were afraid to approach me. Maybe you thought I'd attack you. I couldn't really blame you if you thought so but just thinking that you might be thinking it made guilt, disappointment and a certain anguish I hadn't felt before writhe disgustingly inside of me.

"Listen Kareena." You stressed on my name like it meant something and it did-you were no longer referring to me as Curry. The inside joke between us lost all its appeal and while I'd normally be happy that you were now calling me by my actual name I was not. Your nickname for me was the one special thing that the two of us shared, the amusement we both got, what the two of us only were privy to, but now you were breaking that bond. The tether came undone.

"That night was a mistake," you began and I wanted to scoff at your words but they only made tears rise to my eyes. "What we did. We shouldn't have slept together. And I don't want a repeat, especially at a time like this. When we fucked I wasn't in a good place. I was hung up over Cheryl and you were there and...I didn't think. I should have but I didn't. That was my mistake."

I wanted to scream at you, slap you even, but all I could do was sit at my place on the Egyptian carpet and look up at you on the couch, biting back the tremble in my lips and forcing back the tears in my eyes.

"I just told you that I'm going to be a father. That I didn't really want to be one but if it's something I have to do, I will do it. I may be a shit father but at least I'm trying. And you, the sneaky little bitch you are, took advantage of that. I confided in you and all you wanted to do was have sex."

The utter disgust that was openly displayed on your face made the knife in my gut twist even harder.

"You didn't even ask who's mothering my child," you said, shaking your head.

Your eyes locked onto my fear stricken ones as you uttered the words that brought my entire world to a halt.

"It's Cheryl."

Just like that I forgot how to breathe.

My world closed in. My heart might have stopped for several seconds-I don't quite know. What happened in those few seconds was unknown to me.

I'd come crawling to you. I tried to seduce you. I almost forced you to have unconsented sex with me. I thought I hit an all time low that night.

If I thought that night was my breaking point I was wrong.

《 ▪ ▪ ▪ 》

a/n: there's about 5 chapters left in this novella and i'm excited to write them! i find it thrilling because of the dark themes.

don't forget to vote and drop your thoughts in the comment section! i'd love to hear your views on the characters.

until next time, xo.