Dressed to impress, I greeted you at your doorstep with a smile upon my lips and my heart upon my sleeve.

I could barely manage to smile with how rapidly my heart thrashed against my ribcage but I forced it onto my lips, plastering it there. Nervousness wrecked through me, almost like being run over by a car, and all I wanted to do was stand at your doorstep and not move.

But if I didn't move, if I didn't do anything, I would be letting go of the chance to have you. And I wanted to have you, Bradley. All of you. You just had to realise that you needed me in your life as much as I needed you. For all I knew, you had probably been a wreck this entire past month without our casual, almost daily, interactions.

You didn't look like I hoped you did. Instead of devastation or agitation sitting on your strikingly handsome features as you jerked open the door, there was a welcoming smile on your lips. That smile disappeared the instant your eyes met me, your upward turned lips moving in the opposite direction in just a blink of the eye.

"Kareena," you voiced. The shock was evident in your deep voice, vibrating through it as your hand tightened around your door handle, pushing the door slightly close and decreasing the gap as if that would show me how much I was not welcome here.

I had let that slide past. I ignored the momentary sting of your actions which I noticed with wide vigilance, Being in your presence itself made me feel as if I was on a high and having gone weeks without seeing your face made me feel even more dazed as I looked at you. Dazed but very much aware of everything about you.

Did that make me sound obsessive?

Perhaps it did but I was not obsessed with you.

My life did not revolve around you.

Or so I told myself.

"Er, what are you doing here?" you asked as you briefly glanced back through the narrow gap of the opened door. You looked back at me and for ten whole seconds my words got stuck in my throat. With those tantalising grey irises boring into mine with desperate inquisition, with those rough hands that I remembered so well sliding over the ruffles of your hair with agitation, I could not bring myself to answer instantly.

I hated that you held such power over me. You captivated me with just a mere glance. Words were not even needed for me to love you.

I blinked finally, ten seconds passing by in an agonisingly slow pace. The smile that found itself to my lips was forced. I felt rather flustered and I hated that your presence had such an impact on me. I hated it and I loved it.

I hated that I loved it.

You were ruining me and I didn't care.

"I wanted to see you," I replied truthfully, fidgeting with my fingers as I looked down at my plain brown shoes. I could not bring myself to look at you for I knew I'd never say anything if I had to have our gazes interlock, even it be for just a second.

"You didn't answer any of my calls or messages and... Well, I'm worried. I thought that maybe you felt awkward with how things were left between us but you haven't answered me at all in a whole month. So, here I am."

My ramble came to a halt as I gathered every ounce of courage which I had left and lifted my head. You were looking directly at me. With your eyes wide and your lips pressed together in a thin line, I couldn't tell whether my appearance on your doorstep was the good sort of surprising or the bad.

You didn't say anything. You simply stood there, leaning down on one foot as your hand gripped the handle backwards. Silence descended upon us and it crept up my skin, making me tingle with irritation. I was becoming even more flustered by the second, your silence making my anxiety double in its fold.

The silence became too much for me to bear and with my desperate need to crack the fragile ice we both seemed to tiptoeing on, I laughed, the giggle escaping my lips in a high pitched tone as I said, mustering an airy undertone to my high pitched voice in hopes that it would conceal all nervousness that rang through my body, "For all I knew, you could have died in the month that passed since...you know. Just checking to see if you're alive."

Your eyebrows raised and those enticing lips of yours lifted into an awkward smile. It made you look cute and my heart faltered for yet another second.

"I'm very alive as you can see," you replied, biting down on your lip.

I thought you were nervous. Why else would you be biting down on your lip and smiling like that? Perhaps this nervousness was a good thing. I quickly convinced myself that it was coming from a good place and that I didn't have to worry about your nervousness. In fact, it only added to your cuteness scale.

"Look Curry," you said, your lips dropping from the smile as one of your hands dug into the front pocket of your jeans which looked like they were thrown on in haste while the other hand reached the back of your head and rubbed it.

You eyes didn't meet mine.

The fact that you called me Curry lifted whatever weight I had been carrying around since I stepped foot into your property. I hated that nickname. It was ridiculous but if you were calling me Curry then surely we should be on a good basis, right? And why should I be bothered that you called me Curry when it only made me feel special in its own messed up way. Why should I be worked up over the fact that your eyes refused to meet mine when you had just called me Curry?

With a sudden burst of confidence I said, "Yeah?" as a smile hung off my lips. This time the grin was not forced at all, my lips reacted the way my heart wished it so.

"I'm sorry that I didn't reply to all your calls and messages. I didn't know how to face you at first and then I didn't know how to reply to your messages. I just... I'm sorry."

It stung, to know that you actually did reject my calls. Of course I thought you were ignoring me but to have this fact affirmed by you made my heart break a little.

"That's all right," I nodded as I took a step forward. "How about I come in and we can catch up?"

You closed the door the instant those words were out of my mouth and my eyes widened in alarm. Quickly coming to the defence of your action, you said, "Now's not a good time."

"Do you have someone over?" I tried to keep the betrayal out of my voice.

Maybe it was me overthinking the littlest of details but I thought you could sense how much this affected me from the way you gave me a firm nod, your answer a clipped "Yes."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

And just like that the awkward silence returned. Eager to rush it back to its cage, I forced on a smile despite how hard and fast my heart was beating roughly against my ribcage, and said, "Maybe I could give you a call later and we could set a time to meet up."

"Yeah," you nodded. It was only then that I realised your hand was back on the door handle. I tried to ignore my subconscious which screamed at me, told me that you didn't want to be having this conversation with me. I ignored all the voices which told me to turn away. "Don't call. I'll text you. The week's going to be really busy. We have this really big project to finalise."

"Oh okay," I said, nodding again like we had just made a business transaction. How had our friendship—if that was what it could be called—turned into this? "I'll, uh, keep an eye out for your message."

"Great."

You stood there still, a smile playing on your lips. At this point I couldn't tell if it was forced or genuine.

"Right then," I said, beaming. "I best be going."

"All right. See you soon."

I walked away and turned the bend around the corner, pressing my hands against the wall. I know I should have kept walking but the fact that your jeans looked like they were put on in haste and that you told me you had someone over made the green monster within me to roar loudly. 

I watched carefully as you waited outside a few more seconds after I had disappeared around the corner, your eyes sweeping around the neighbourhood like you expected me to pop back up in your face like I had done on your doorstep just minutes ago. You were making it certain that I'd left before you went back inside your house. 

Who was in your house and why were you so afraid to let me in, Bradley? 

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a/n: now that you're getting more glimpses of Kareena's character, do you have any predictions with which way this story will lead to? each layer comes out with each chapter and soon enough you'll get to see her character at the core. 

i'm not sure how many chapters this will be but i expect it to be 15-20 chapters. it'll be my nano project so hopefully i can write more and give you guys more frequent updates. for now, don't hesitate to drop your thoughts in the comment section and give this chapter a little vote if you're interested to see what happens next ;) 

until next time, xo.